Who Moved My Blackberry? (13 page)

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Bettina Schmidt

Hi Bettina

I understand you're returning from maternity leave next week, joining us in marketing. I'm sure you'll notice the buzz after Germany!

I believe you have requested Fridays off, but unfortunately I shall be starting a regular weekly team briefing, which it would be a shame to miss.

My bestest

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Bettina Schmidt

Bettina—As anyone on my team will tell you, I'm a passionate believer in work/life balance, but at the end of the day your child minder's schedule isn't my business. Can I give you some advice? If you want to thrive here in the marketing department, you must leave family problems behind you. The winners on my team always give 110 percent, minimum.

Bestest, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Graham—Do you ever wish you were a woman?

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

I didn't mean that, you pervert!!!

I meant we men are a disadvantaged species. On one hand I have Bettina expecting me to arrange team meetings for her child minder's convenience. On the other, there is my ladywife forming a women's networking club to give themselves even more unfair advantages … Drink later? M

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Hi Martin

I can see that “creovation” is the product of head AND heart. I'm impressed! You are starting to build that bridge between the left and right chambers but I think you can develop your right side more. You are still intellectualizing everything. Lead more with your heart, Martin!

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

Small point. I've actually trademarked creovation™, so would you mind putting the ™ sign on it after you've used it? As you say, I've got to look after yours truly first!

22.5 percent better than my bestest

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Sensational dress! You look so much like a flower that someone might pick you!! Can you call a cab downstairs for 6:30??

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Darling—what time did you leave the house this morning? You were already gone when I woke up. Sorry I was a bit late back—I had to go for a nightcap with Tim and his team afterwards. You didn't miss much—usual crowd, usual gardens, though there was one I liked that was all brushed steel and water. It was very attractive in an elegant, urban way. Food for thought for when we relandscape ours. Love you

Martin x

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri, thanks for an amazing evening, and I hope you're not feeling as rough as I am this morning!! Hope also you didn't think I was a bit forward in the cab on the way back from Anabel's, or that I make a habit of that sort of thing.

It's a long time since I let my hair down and bopped like that—you're a great mover!

Martin x (if allowed!)

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
TimZadek@BoogieGargleFink

Hi Tim

Many thanks for a great bash last night … Good crowd of people … sorry we had to slip off a bit early … Let's do lunch soon.

Bestest, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

What was that sideways look meant to mean this morning?? Can I buy you lunch?

From:
Keith Buxton

To:
All Staff

Hallo everyone!

It is with great pride that I am today unveiling our key behaviors matrix. I would like to offer sincere thanks to coworkers from all over the globe who participated in the inclusive process that has created a matrix that will make a-b glöbâl unbeatable. The six behaviors that define our essence going forward are INTEGRITY, LOVE, DELIGHT, DETERMINATION, CREOVATION AND DARING.

To introduce these behaviors I am asking colleagues to choose one that they feel passionate about, and explain how we can use it to sort out our A, B and C players. Barry will kick off, then Martin Lukes will explain his creovation concept, but after that the field is wide open!

All my very bestest,

Keith

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Staff

Hi co-colleagues

A big thank-you to Keith for inviting me to describe creovation™. Can I first say that I do not think of the idea as “mine.” This sort of not-invented-here headset is the enemy of creovation™. Ideas are everywhere. They are free. Creovation™ is about grabbing them, harnessing them. Living them.

Question: What is creovation™? A players won't need to ask this. Deep inside they have always known what it is and recognize it in themselves. Creovation™ takes the best blue sky element out of creativity. It takes the bolt-on, results-driven part of innovation. It's a perfect partnership, if you will.

People often ask me: Is creovation™ something learned, or something you are born with? The answer is both. A players are born creovative™. B players have worked hard to acquire the skill. Some C players can innovate, and some can even create, but they struggle to walk the extra mile to creovate™.

All my very bestest

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri—

How about doing something tonight?? Jens has got her book club—they are discussing something called Reading Lolita in Baghdad—which promises to be such a stimulating read they'll be nattering away half the night. She won't be back til late, so we could make an evening of it … M xx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Dearest Keri—It's 3 am and I've just got back. I don't even know if you check e-mails at home, but I just wanted to say what a GREAT LOVELY FANTASTIC time I had tonight.

Jens is fast asleep, so I didn't have to explain why I only had one sock on and was smelling of your perfume. What is it by the way? Can I buy you some? I'm going to bed now, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to sleep. Good night to you, you sexy thing!

M xxxxxxx (I wish I could give them to you in person)

Text message to Keri. Sent 09:30

Oh God … Just got a message to call Jens—urgent. Nightmare … she can't have found out already?? M xxx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri—catastrophe averted! She wanted to tell me Max has just got a scholarship to Eton!! Don't know if that means anything to a Kiwi, but it's the best school in the country, ergo in the world! Can you come into my office for a second now … xxx

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Darling—Of course I'm pleased!! The reason I seemed a tad distracted earlier on is that I've got a lot on my plate. This is the most fantastic news—Max is a total star! How much money do we get off the fees?? M xxx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

God that was dangerous—but I couldn't resist. You really are the sexiest thing I've ever ever seen. Next time we better stick something over the peephole in my door … or find somewhere safer. M xx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Max Lukes

WELL DONE MAX!!!!!!! You're a chip off the old block! … I knew you could make it!! You've learned a really important lesson that I didn't learn till much later in life. You know how to be your own greatest fan and how to be better than your best. If I had worked that stuff out when I was twelve, I'd be running the country by now!!! I've bought you a present—Eminem's CD Encore. I've taken advice from someone in the office who is a bit closer to your age … and it's the hottest CD of the moment. See u later.

Dad

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Max Lukes

For Godssakes Max, Eminem is supposed to be hyper cool …

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri—you might be the perfect being, but I'm afraid you bombed with Eminem. I've just had a lecture from a 13-year-old on how this sort of music shows no respect for women! Can I respect you a bit more later on?

Martin xx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Hi Graham—Max won a scholarship to Eton!! Obviously I'm really pleased for him, as he'll be a round peg in a round hole. But personally I don't really hold with all the elitist nonsense … tailcoats and royalty and all that malarkey. And God knows what they get up to in those houses—probably all rogering each other(!) Still, it's a great place for super bright super sporty kids. Did Fergus pass common entrance?

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Oh dear … is that a local school? I'm a great believer in horses for courses … I'm sure he'll be v happy. Can't have celebratory drink as am off home for monster celebrations.

M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Faith Preston

Faith—I strongly object to the tone of your message. You imply that I am discriminating against Bettina as a mother. The facts are: 1. I have been highly supportive about her baby to date. 2. I offered her advice on how to be more successful, and told her she needed to make work number one priority. I did this in my capacity as coach and mentor.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Keri—let's meet at the fire escape in half an hour. I've checked it out—leave through the fire doors on the fourth floor … I'll go first—leave it a minute or two then you come.

M xx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Wow! That was amazing … Do I look a bit sweaty??

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Bettina Schmidt

Bettina—I am sorry to hear from Faith that you have some issues surrounding your return from maternity leave.

As I told you last week, work/life balance is very close to my heart. Can I tell you a highly personal story? You may not know that I am married to Jenny Withers who works here in PR and has a career in her own right. Issues on the domestic front crop up from time to time, and we take it in turn to solve them. If I need to go home, or go to one of the boys' schools, then I do that. I quite understand that home life matters. Work hard, play hard—that's my watchword. If Fridays are a problem for you—then let's set up a video conferencing link so that you can participate from home.

Bestest, Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

My lovely sexy Keri

Jens has just popped her head around the door and asked me what I'm doing. I've said I'm writing a message to BSM.

I have been thinking about you all evening. I love the way you flick your hair around your ears. I love the butterfly you have tattooed on your left buttock. I want to kiss it right now. I love the way you feel. I love the way you taste. Corporal Cock and Private Pussy are made for each other.

When I'm with you, I feel I can do anything or be anything. These last two weeks have been so fantastic for me, and I wanted you to know that.

Love xxx

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Hi Martin

I'm just checking up on you—I haven't heard from you for a couple of weeks but I get this sense that you are following two key messages—Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching.

Please share with me your wins—month five is nearly at an end, and we need to measure how you've done …

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

Has someone said something to you??? I thought the deal with coaching was that it was totally confidential?

Martin

From:
Pandora@CoachworX!

To:
Martin Lukes

Hi Martin!

I'm puzzled … Yes, confidentiality is the cornerstone of the Executive Bronze Program. I was simply asking if you were growing your heart, and doing the exercises I gave you regularly. Is there something else happening in your life you would like to share?

Strive and thrive!

Pandora

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Pandora@CoachworX!

Hi Pandora

Sorry—total misunderstanding! Yes, I have been doing the red and white roses test a couple of times, and I am very impressed at the power of the right side of the brain as a work tool!