Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (19 page)

―Yeah… sure. And we even managed to—um, yeah, to get things ready

for the machine shop.‖ Briskly, he asked, ―How long do ya think it‘ll

take to get things rebuilt and re-bored?‖

―It‘ll take ‘em a few weeks at least to get ever‘thing done.‖

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―So, does that mean there‘s nothin‘ to do next Sunday?‖

―No,‖ Logan rushed to assure him, certain he had detected some

disappointment in his companion. ―We‘ll start getting some back

before then. I‘ll ask ‘em to stage it.‖

―Okay, see ya next week.‖ Nick gave him that forced smile again

and then turned towards the Jeep. The smile seemed more genuine

when he looked back to wave, adding, ―And Thursday. See you then.‖

It hadn‘t escaped Logan‘s notice that the wave had replaced their

usual handshake. He was left to wonder if the lack of contact was due

to residual resentment or because Nick didn‘t trust that they could share

a simple handshake without losing control. Either way, it seemed Nick

was determined to keep up his end of the bargain. Logan was glad…

and he kept reminding himself of that fact all the way home.

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Chapter 9:

Start It Like a Car

They say love conquers all, You can’t start it like a car

You can’t stop it with a gun.

—Warren Zevon (―Searching For A Heart‖)

WEDNESDAY evening, Logan walked into the small waiting room

adjoining Trudy‘s downtown office, feeling calmer than he had last

Friday, though not as relieved as he would have expected. Still

bothered by restless nights, awakened several times each night by

dreams he couldn‘t quite remember, Logan had almost been tempted to

skip the session. However, the hope that Trudy would have news about

his enhanced visitation rights kept him from canceling.

His effort was rewarded when Trudy started the hour by saying,

―I did get the affidavit to the mediator‘s office on Monday; you should

be hearing from him soon. I would guess you can start overnight visits

with your daughters as early as next weekend.‖

Some of the knots in his neck and shoulders loosened as Logan

answered, ―Good. That‘s real good news.‖

―We haven‘t had a chance to talk about the discussion you had

with them. How did you feel about it?‖

―I felt… I guess it was good.‖

―You don‘t sound so sure.‖

―Yeah, I think I went in expectin‘ too much.‖

―How so?‖

―I was thinkin‘ that I would do that and it would….‖ Logan

shrugged and wished for his cigarettes before finally finishing,

―…would be the end of it.‖ He rubbed his fingers across his bottom lip.

―But it was more like the start, it seems.‖

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Trudy raised her eyebrows and smiled encouragingly, asking,

―The start of what?‖

―Of them really… dealin‘ with it.‖

―Is that true for you, too?‖

―Me?‖ Logan glared at her across the desk. ―I‘ve been dealin‘

with it all along.‖

―Have you?‖

Cursing his counselor‘s evasive, infuriating ways, Logan rubbed

the back of his neck, retorting, ―Yes. But I guess you‘re tellin‘ me you

don‘t think so.‖

―No, I‘m not telling you anything. I‘m looking for a more

thoughtful answer from you. Now, what was it that clued you in about

Krista and Meghan?‖

―It wasn‘t anythin‘ in particular…‖ Logan broke contact with

Trudy‘s intent gaze and shifted his line of sight to the window. ―I could

see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices. This has been weighin‘ heavy

on them. And it ain‘t gonna be fixed by me sayin‘ I‘m sorry or even by

me gettin‘ back with their mom.‖

He looked back to Trudy to find her nodding in agreement.

―You‘re right; I‘m really glad you realize that. What do you think
will

fix it?‖

―Aren‘t you s‘posed to tell me that?‖

―No, I‘m not. But maybe I can help you—and Linda—find the

answer for your family.‖

At the mention of his wife‘s name, Logan offered, ―Talked to her

on Saturday.‖

―Linda?‖ Trudy asked.

―Yeah.‖

―That‘s the first direct contact since your court appearance,

wasn‘t it?‖ When Logan nodded, she asked, ―What did you talk

about?‖

―She said she wanted me to know….‖ Logan tilted his head up

slightly, trying to recall the particulars. ―Oh, a bunch of stuff. That she

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doesn‘t wanna move back to Elco, that she wants somethin‘

different—‖

―A different kind of relationship?‖

―Yeah, somethin‘ like that.‖

―And what‘s your response to that?‖

―I told her okay ‘cause—‖

―No, Logan. I‘m not asking what you told her, but, right now,

what‘s your feeling about that?‖

Logan expelled a puff of exasperation, feeling like Trudy was

backing him into a corner. ―Guess it‘ll have to be different, won‘t it?‖

―Why?‖

―‘Cause of all that‘s passed between us, right?‖ He let his

irritation seep out from under that last word.

―But do you want things to be different? Or would you prefer

going back to the life you had before you moved to North Braddock?‖

Involuntarily, Logan blurted, ―No.‖

―Yet, you told me once that you and Linda were ‗happy enough‘

back in Elco.‖ When Logan had no response, Trudy exhorted, ―Come

on! Talk to me. Tell me what you want from your marriage. What

you‘re going to need in this new relationship.‖ Trudy made air quotes

with her fingers as she said those last two words. ―It seems like Linda

has learned to state her needs. That‘s good, that‘s healthy. I want the

same for you. It‘s a simple enough question: what do you want?‖

His treacherous mind started up an endless litany—one syllable

repeated over and over:
Nick… Nick… Nick…
. In a desperate effort to

shut that voice down, Logan interjected, ―Why can‘t you let up on

this?‖

―Because if we don‘t answer this question before you and Linda

get back together, then you‘re eventually going to end up right back

here—only things will be even worse. Because you‘ll be a repeat

offender.‖ Trudy leaned forward, saying, ―There are two things you‘re

going to have to do in joint counseling with Linda. You‘re going to

have to deal with the past and the future; admit the wrong you did, yes,

but also ask for what you need going forward. You‘re getting closer on

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the first item—I see a lot of movement there. But you won‘t budge on

the second. Why?‖

As he had expected, Trudy had cornered him again. Weary and

anxious, Logan fell back on a safe answer. He stared at his old friend

the carpet and sighed, ―I don‘t know.‖

Trudy eased back into her chair before saying, ―I bet you don‘t let

your girls get away with that answer, do you?‖ When Logan simply

rolled his eyes in response, the counselor seemed to change the subject.

―What was your parents‘ marriage like?‖

Caught completely off guard, Logan hunched forward, lost in

reflection. After some thought, he answered, ―It was… good ‘nough, I

guess. They didn‘t fight a lot or anything, not as I remember. Though

my dad sure had a temper on him.‖

A rueful smile streaked across Trudy‘s face as she said, ―Runs in

the family, eh?‖

Logan couldn‘t help but grin back. ―Seems to. Me and Jim both

take after my dad in that.‖

―Did you have a good relationship with him?‖

―My dad?‖ At Trudy‘s nod, Logan continued, ―Yeah, I did. I was

hanging around the garage with him soon‘s I could walk. Taught me

everything I know.‖

―Jim, too?‖

―Nah, he never took any interest in learning about fixin‘ cars.

Or—‖ Out of longstanding reticence about family matters, Logan

stopped short.

―Or?‖

After a second, Logan rationalized that anyone in Elco could tell

Trudy the rest, so he answered, ―Or anything much besides raising

hell.‖

―You two didn‘t get along?‖

―I didn‘t say that.‖ Logan shook his head, searching for the words

to describe something as complex as his feelings about Jim. ―Most of

the time he treated me okay… ‘specially after our parents died.‖

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117

―But before that?‖

―He kinda… resented how close me and my dad was.‖ Logan

snorted before adding, ―Though it was his own choice to never set foot

in my dad‘s shop. Too much like work, I guess.‖

―You were, what? Fourteen, when your parents died?‖

―Not quite fourteen.‖

―How old were your siblings?‖

―Daisy was twenty-one, and Jim had just turned seventeen.‖

―That was a lot for Daisy to take on, raising you two.‖

―Yeah, family‘s real important to her. She always says family

sticks together no matter what.‖

―You haven‘t talked much about her. She‘s not standing by you

through this?‖

To avoid discussing the longstanding distance that separated him

from Daisy, Logan evaded, ―I didn‘t wanta bother her with any of this.

She gets ‘nough grief from Jim.‖

―In what way?‖

Logan hesitated, but, figuring the taboo was already breached, he

explained, ―Ten years ago, he took off for Florida—workin‘ on some

real estate scam he got mixed up in. Now we hardly ever hear from

him, unless he needs money. I told him no, real firm, the first time he

ever asked me, but Daisy—he‘d bleed her dry if it weren‘t for her

husband. She still sneaks him as much money as she can, then Jim‘ll

take off again soon‘s he‘s got it.‖ Despite the problems between them,

Logan still sympathized with his sister‘s perpetual disappointment in

their brother. Pensively, he added, ―She never learns.‖

―Is that something else that runs in the Crane family?‖

Logan had no immediate answer, though he couldn‘t help but

wonder if it was true.

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NICK was trying to navigate heavy I-279 traffic while keeping his cell

phone to his ear as he drove to class on Thursday afternoon. Polly was

on the line, giving him an update on his mom, though the conversation

so far had focused on Polly‘s complaints about Agnes‘s doctor. ―Yeah,

doctors do get backed up these days. I‘m sure everybody had to wait

that long—‖

―Oh, no they didn‘t,‖ contradicted Polly. ―I saw some pretty

young thing just sashay in ahead of us—she hardly waited at all. They

see two little old ladies and think we got nothin‘ better to do with our

time except sit around and wait and wait.‖

Forbearing to ask what other pressing appointments Polly and

Agnes
did
have, Nick tried again. ―So what did the doctor have to say

after
you got in to see him?‖

―Rude little snip—asked why it‘d taken so long to get your mom

in. I had half a mind to tell him it wouldn‘t ‘ve been so bad if we hadn‘t

been waiting for an hour and—‖

―What wouldn‘t be so bad? What was the diagnosis?‖

―Pneumonia, he said. Though seems to me if that were true, your

mom would have a more productive cough. I remember learning that

back in nursing school. In fact I‘m pretty sure—‖

Nick lost the rest of Polly‘s diatribe, first in the blare of a horn

and then in dealing with the owner of said horn: a speeding tractor

trailer. When he refocused on Polly, she was finally saying, ―…so

we‘re at Allegheny Suburban right now.‖

―What? She‘s getting admitted to the hospital? Is it that bad?‖

―Oh, I don‘t think so, hon. They‘re mainly worried about the fact

that she‘s not eating much. Just lookin‘ to make some money off your

poor mom, if you ask me.‖

Already looking for the next exit, Nick said, ―I‘ll be there as soon

as I can.‖

―Don‘t worry about rushing; they‘re still trying to find a room for

Agnes. Looks like it could take three or four more hours.‖

―Okay, I‘ll be there by…,‖ Nick did some mental calculations

before saying, ―By five at the latest.‖

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119

―Like I said, don‘t rush. These hospitals have no more respect for

your time than those damn doctors do. And nobody tells you what‘s

goin‘ on or—‖

―Yeah, I know, I hate that, too,‖ Nick interjected, and before

Polly could re-launch her complaints, he said, ―Bye, see you in a bit,‖

and hit the off button.

Nick was on autopilot the rest of the drive to Acken‘s shop and

arrived on Arlington Avenue with no memory of the ride after his talk

with Polly. Still torn between guilt and worry about his mom, he

fervently hoped he hadn‘t run any red lights or knocked down any

pedestrians on the way to South Side. He‘d already decided to spend