Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (15 page)

any of the money in her marriage. Maybe the Career Module too, if I

can convince Irene to go slow.‖

Without looking up from the notes she was jotting, Trudy asked,

―Speaking of Irene, any word on Tish and The Carlton?‖

A soft sigh of disappointment escaped from Nick‘s lips before he

answered, ―The word was ‗no‘—she didn‘t get it. But Irene already has

her set up with another interview—at Dish.‖

Trudy looked up, her dark eyes alight with curiosity. ―Where‘s

that?‖

―It‘s on the South Side. Seventeenth Street. You‘ve never been?

It‘s this kind of… uber-hip Italian pub.‖

―No, I‘ve never been.‖ Trudy patted her neat hairdo, adding,

―
Uber-hipness
not really being my style.
Anymore
.‖

Nick grinned freely at her quip. ―Not exactly mine either—never

was. But the pasta is great. Ask Larry about it, I bet he knows the place.

I can see Tish fitting in there much better than at The Carlton.‖

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87

Readily accepting Nick‘s assessment on both points, Trudy asked,

―And Norah? Is she still interested in that Medical Assistant Program?‖

―We talked about it briefly last session, but she still hasn‘t even

applied for the grant. Maybe she needs another push.‖

―You mean besides your finding the MA program, tracking down

the grant, and getting her all of the forms?‖

―Yeah. I know.‖ Nick‘s sigh this time was sadder and more

pensive. ―I wish she was as interested in finding a better job as she is in

finding a new guy.‖

―That order of priorities isn‘t too surprising, when you think

about it. Underneath all the pain and heartache, she‘s still just a twenty-

two-year-old girl who hasn‘t had much fun in her life. How‘s she doing

in the automotive module? In fact, how are they all doing?‖

With minimal effort, Nick was able to broach the subject with the

appearance of unruffled approval. ―It‘s going really well. Just one more

week after this Thursday, and then the crew is ready for graduation.‖

Resolutely shelving his private concerns about the instructor, Nick

added cheerfully and firmly, ―They‘ve
all
come a long way.‖

―Super.‖ Trudy‘s sunniest teasing smile appeared as she asked,

―Does that mean you‘re willing to say I was right about our volunteer?‖

After only a second of hesitation, Nick was able to answer

honestly, ―Logan is…. He‘s not the man I thought he was when you

first told me about him, that‘s for sure.‖

―You don‘t know how glad I am to hear you say that. The

progress with him has been painfully slow, but I have high hopes for

healing that family. If all goes according to plan, I‘m going to start

couples counseling with them very soon.‖

Doubts of all kind—professional, ethical, and yes, personal—

churned in Nick‘s mind. ―Are you sure….‖

―What? That Logan is ready? No, but I think he‘s very close.‖

―That‘s not what I was going to say. Are you absolutely sure that

Logan getting back with his wife is… is right…,‖ Nick hesitated, then

finished in a rush, ―for everyone concerned?‖

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―Nick, what did I tell you about your prejudice? Not every abuser

is your father; some men can grow beyond their mistakes—‖

Cutting off her lecture, Nick interrupted, ―Don‘t they need to get

at
the mistake before they can get
beyond
it?‖

―Of course.‖ Trudy raised a speculative eyebrow at Nick. ―Are

you intending to give me a recap of the course I taught you in graduate

school?‖

―Nooo,‖ Nick drawled, eyes on the doodle he was scribbling on

his pad as he frantically searched for a way to ask without asking.

―Don‘t worry; I‘ve been making real progress with Logan of late.

His wife was encouraged about my last report… and frankly, so was I.‖

Nick glanced up to find Trudy wagging a finger at him. ―I really hope

some day you‘ll know the thrill of putting a ‗Humpty Dumpty‘ family

back together. It can be immensely satisfying.‖

―Okay.‖ With two short syllables, Nick threw all of his faith

behind Trudy‘s superior experience and judgment.
She’ll figure it out

sooner or later. She’s too smart not to see the truth, and then she’ll

deal with the… the issue.

There was no way Nick was going to label Logan being gay as a

problem; the only problem was what he was going to do with the

knowledge until the eventual revelation. Having already resolved to

delay any decision until he talked to the man at the heart of his

dilemma, Nick felt that the few days between Monday and Thursday

suddenly stretched to eternity.

LOGAN hit the off button on his cell phone with a much steadier hand

than he‘d started the call; Tuesday morning was starting off much

better than had Monday.
Good—went easier than I could’a hoped. And

now… and now… Nick.
He diligently punched in the number from the

card Nick had given him at their first meeting.

After two short rings, a familiar voice said, ―Nick Zales.‖

―Yeah, hey, Nick.‖

―Logan?‖

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89

―Yeah, it‘s me.‖

―Why‘re you…. What‘s up?‖

―I wanted to talk to you. First off—thanks for not sayin‘ anythin‘

to Trudy.‖

―How‘d you know? You talked to her?‖

―Yeah… right before I called you.‖

―You‘re not stopping therapy, are you? You don‘t have to—‖

―No, I ain‘t stoppin‘ anything except….‖ Logan took a deep

breath and started over. ―You know I gotta keep up with that so I can

get my daughters back. That‘s all that really matters to me.‖

―Okay.‖

It seemed like Nick wasn‘t going to make this easy for him.

Logan swallowed in an attempt to moisten his parched mouth and said,

―That thing… what happened on Sunday? I‘m real sorry about it. I

don‘t know why I did that.‖

―You don‘t? ‘Cause I‘ve got a pretty damn good idea why.‖

―Weren‘t you listenin‘ to me? Whatever that was, it doesn‘t

matter. I gotta concentrate on doin‘ what I need to do to get my girls

back.‖

―What if dealing with that kiss is…. It could be a big part of what

you have to do.‖

―No, it ain‘t. It‘d just get in the way of…. See, Trudy‘s gonna

arrange for me to talk to Krista and Meghan at her office. I‘m gonna do

it, Nick.
Really
talk to them about… about what I did to their mom.‖

Nick‘s surprise was evident even through the tiny receiver. ―You

mean it? Wow, that‘s great.‖

―Yeah, I mean it. Me and Trudy just decided. I was tellin‘ her

about what Cheryl told us and how I don‘t want…. I don‘t ever want

my girls ending up like her. And… I‘ve been thinkin‘ that you‘re

right.‖

―That they wanta know?‖

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―Yeah. I‘ve been tryin‘ not to see that for a long time, but….‖

Logan paused to take a sip of bitter black coffee, trying to wash down

other recollections with it. ―Anyway, the best part is, Trudy says after I

do this, she‘ll sign the affidavit and I can get my daughters every week,

just me and them. And they can stay overnight, even.‖ Logan glanced

around at the small apartment, mentally arranging things for the

anticipated visits.

―But Logan, none of that means—‖

―Yes, it does! It ain‘t right for us to…. I‘m not that way—not

really
, and I‘m never gonna be more than a friend to you. If that ain‘t

okay with you, then we should end things right here and now.‖ Logan

felt his own words slice into his very gut; he took a deep breath and

dragged the blade up to finish the job. ―After all, you got that… that

Adam fella… and I got Linda.‖

―Okay, I get it.‖ Nick‘s tone was clipped, though it seemed to

Logan there was as much sarcasm as frustration in it. ―I think I can

keep my hands off you—if you‘ll return the favor.‖

Ignoring both the implications in that statement and the leap in his

heart at the chance to keep seeing Nick, Logan plowed ahead. ―I sure

was sorry leavin‘ you in such a mess with the car.‖

―So you still wanta keep at it?‖

Thinking that he detected suspicion, or perhaps merely surprise,

in Nick‘s question, Logan confirmed, ―Yeah. Don‘t you?‖

―Sure, I don‘t think I can see that baby through alone. I guess that

means I‘ll see ya Sunday morning?‖

―Yeah, I‘ll be there, same as always. But what about Thursday?

Ain‘t you comin‘ to the class?‖

There was a pause on the line as if Nick was considering the

matter. ―Nah, I‘m kinda jammed up at work, and I don‘t think you guys

need a babysitter anymore. I was gonna come to talk to you, but… but

we just did that, right?‖ Logan was silent as he tried unsuccessfully to

warp his disappointment into relief, causing Nick to ask, ―You still

there?‖

―Yeah, sorry, I was thinkin‘ that I better get started trackin‘ down

those parts for the T-bird. That sounds fine. See ya Sunday.‖

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91

―Sure thing. Good luck with your daughters, Logan. You‘re doin‘

the right thing; you won‘t regret it.‖

Logan hoped Nick was right. He hoped they both were.

AFTER speaking to Linda and the visitation mediator, Trudy had

delayed Logan‘s usual session until late Friday afternoon, when she

could get Krista and Meghan to her office. Logan walked into the

waiting room to the unusual sight of Dr. Gerard sitting on the small

couch; she motioned for him to join her. When he did, Trudy started

speaking in an undertone, saying, ―I‘m going to leave you alone with

your daughters, Logan, but if you need me for anything, I‘ll be right out

here.‖

Logan stared at his knees while he wiped his damp palms on

them. He let out a shaky breath and looked up at Trudy to ask, ―Do they

know why they‘re here?‖

―I told them on the way that you wanted to talk to them—alone—

about the incident with their mother.‖

―How‘d they take it?‖

―Hard for me to say, but if I had to put a name to it, I guess I‘d

say they‘re in a ‗wait and see‘ mode.‖

That sure sounded like his girls to Logan. He glanced at the

closed door that loomed so large right then, feeling as if his entire

future hinged on what happened once he walked through it. ―Any idea

how I should do this?‖

―Let them ask the questions. Answer them fully, but don‘t give

them more than they want. Understand?‖ Logan nodded and she patted

his arm, asking, ―Ready?‖

Though he wondered how the hell he could ever really be ready

for this moment, Logan announced, ―Yeah, sure.‖ Without further

comment, he walked into Trudy‘s cramped office.

Each girl was sitting in one of the guest chairs, looking nervous

and smaller than usual. Logan leaned down to hug first Krista and then

Meghan and accept their subdued greetings; he then tried to decide

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where he was going to sit. It didn‘t seem appropriate to sit behind

Trudy‘s desk, but there was no other chair in the room. He quickly

pulled the chair out and wheeled it near them. ―Why don‘t you scoot

over here so we can all see one another.‖ As they quickly complied, he

said, ―That‘s it.‖

Logan had hoped that Meghan, at least, would have some

questions to ask about Trudy or the office, but his daughters were

resolutely silent, and he realized there was nothing to do but plunge in.

―I know Dr. Gerard told you what you‘re doin‘ here… right?‖

A soft ―yes‖ barely escaped from both mouths.

Talking to his own flesh and blood suddenly seemed harder than

anything he‘d ever done before—including burying his parents. Luckily

Logan remembered Trudy‘s advice and started, ―I know you girls

probably‘ve had a lotta questions you been wantin‘ to ask about why…

why I hurt your mom like I did. And I‘m finally gonna let you ask

‘em—but first I got somethin‘ I need to say.‖

He looked into each set of bright eyes, searching for the courage

to do this, but the push finally came from the memory of Cheryl saying,

“I grew up thinkin’… thinkin’ that’s just the way it is.”

His voice was stronger than he would have expected when he

said, ―What I need you to understand is, I had no right to do that, and it

was nobody‘s fault but my own. Your mom didn‘t cause it and neither

did… anyone else. What I mean is, it sure wasn‘t anything you girls

ever did.‖ He tried to ignore the tears that were welling in both girls‘

eyes, but Logan choked up slightly as he continued, ―You gotta know, I

didn‘t mean to hurt her, and I‘m awful sorry about it, but… but that