Where Does My Heart Belong? (17 page)

CHAPTER
42

The
next morning I help Sandy prepare a huge breakfast of waffles, sausage,
scrambled eggs, and fruit for everyone.  After we've eaten, she leaves for home
and I go into the kitchen to wash the dishes.  Tony and Luis are in the dining
room drinking coffee and talking in Spanish.  Angie comes running into the
kitchen and yells at me.

"Hey,
Libby, what's a mustang?"  The conversation in the dining room comes to a
halt.

"It's
a wild horse, sweetie."

"That's
what I thought.  Is there something bad about them?"

"No,
honey, they're just not tame, that's all, why?"

"When
we were in the motel the other night Daddy and Uncle Luis said that they wished
they could go to a mustang ranch in Reno, but they couldn't because I was with
them.  Why couldn’t I go?  I'd like to see the mustangs.  Will you take
me?"

"Did
you ask them why you couldn't go?"

"No,
they thought I was asleep, but I wasn't."

 
“Madre
de Dios,”
I hear Luis say.

Those
bozos, how dare they discuss going to a brothel in the presence of this precious
child.  I don’t care if she was supposed to be asleep or not.   I'm going to
fix their wagon.  They’re going to need the Mother of God when I’m done with
them.

“I'd
love to take you, sweetie, but you're going back to Grandma's today.  I
probably won't see you for a while.  Why don't you ask her to take you."

"That's
a good idea, Libby, Grandma likes horses too."

"Somos
hombres muertos,"
comes from the dining
room.  I want to laugh out loud so bad but if I do, they’ll know I’m toying
with them, so I concentrate on the dishes.  Yep, you’ve got that one right,
boys, you're going to be dead men.  I just wish I could be there when Isabel
ties into them.

After
I finish the dishes, I go into the dining room and ask them if they want any
more coffee.  Tony looks really somber and turns me down.  “We need to get on
the road.  I’ll see you back here this afternoon.”

“Aren’t
you going to stay and have dinner with your folks, liked you planned?”

“Nope,
change of plans.  We’ll drop Angie off and then I’ll head straight back here
after I take Luis home.”

“Your
mother’s going to be disappointed if you all don’t stay.  She’s looking forward
to it.”  You can run, but you can’t hide, I laugh to myself. 

“I
know, but I think there’s going to be an incident if Angie tells Mother what
Luis and I were talking about the other night.   I don’t want to be there for
it.”

“Why,
what were you talking about?”

“I
heard that conversation you had with Angie about the mustang ranch.  Are you
really so naive that you don’t know what it is?  It’s a brothel, Libby.   It’s
not a ranch with horses, that’s just the name of it, the Mustang Ranch.  When
Angie tells Mother and asks her to take her there, all hell’s going to break
loose.”

“You’ve
got that right,” Luis says.  I’d like to stay and have dinner with the folks
too, but I’m not going to risk it tonight.”

They’re
really sweating it and I’m almost starting to feel sorry for them.  Well not
really, but I guess I should cut them some slack.  “Well, for heaven’s sakes,
go get Angie and tell her that it’s not a horse ranch.  Tell her you’ll find
another ranch to take her to so she doesn’t have to ask Isabel to take her to
that one.”

“She’s
still going to want to know why I want to go there and why she couldn’t come. 
What am I going to tell her?”

“How
about the truth, that’s generally the best thing to do.  Tell her it’s a
gentlemen’s club and that children aren’t allowed.  She’s downstairs packing
her things, so go get her and we’ll talk to her together.  Just remember, Tony,
children are not always asleep when you think they are.”

“Yeah,
I guess I’ll have to be more careful.”   He heads downstairs, calling for
Angie.  After we talk to her, she seems satisfied with his explanation and says
she won’t ask Grandma to take her to the mustang ranch.

“Okay,
so now that that’s settled do you want to change your plans again and have
dinner with your folks?  You could even spend the night if you want to.  Sandy
is coming back later and we’re going to do some girly things.”

“I
don’t know, we’ll discuss it on the way.   I really want to be here with you.”

“That’s
fine, but your parents should come first, they won’t be around forever.  Take
every opportunity you can to spend time with them.  I wish I’d spent more time
with Grandma.”

“Okay,
let’s hit the road.  You and Sandy have fun.  Is she spending the night?”

“If
you don’t come home, she will.”

“Good,
then I won’t worry about you.  I’ll give you a call later.”  He gives me a hug
and then I go over, hug Luis, and thank him again for bringing my car back.

“
De
nada
, Libby, and if you ever need anything else, I’m here for you.”

After
they leave, I realize that I’m all alone.  I have several glorious hours all
alone before Sandy gets here.  I haven’t had this much time by myself since I
was in Eagle Valley before Grandma died.  Oh, what to do?  I decide to get a
book and go out to the pergola.  Reading used to be one of my favorite things
to do and I don’t get to do enough of it anymore.  I’m only a few pages into
the book before the sound of the ocean and the warm summer air puts me to
sleep.  When I wake up, I feel happy and refreshed.  I look at my watch and get
a start.  Geez, Sandy should be here by now.  I hurry back to the house just in
time to see her pull up to the gate.  Once she gets in the house, I can’t wait
to tell her about this morning’s goings on.

“You
left too soon this morning.   You missed a good one.”  And I tell her about
Angie and the mustang ranch.  She laughs and laughs.  “They were both shaking
in their boots with the thought of Isabel finding out about it.  They’re still
not out of the woods yet, though.  You never know when Angie’s going to say
something.”

“Good
on you, Libby, but you should have let them stew a little longer.”  

“I
know, but I was really starting to feel sorry for them, especially Tony.  He
was looking kind of sickly.”

“He
was probably embarrassed you found out that he wants to go there.  You don’t
hold that against him, do you?”

“No. 
I know men do that kind of thing.  I don’t have a problem with them going to a
reputable place.    It’s a lot better than picking up some streetwalker
downtown.  So, what do you want to do today?  I feel like going shopping and spending
an obscene amount of money. ”

“I’m
with you.  Let’s do it.  I’ll drive.”

CHAPTER 43

The
following Thursday, Tony takes me to my doctor's appointment.  I like the
doctor and the exam goes well.  He tells me that I’m fine and the baby is fine. 

“So,
what are you hoping for, a boy, or a girl?” he asks me.

“Neither,”
I tell him and then I break down and cry.  “I think I should put the baby up
for adoption.  I don't mind being single and pregnant but I don't think I can
raise a child all by myself.”  I tell him about Red, about how he left me, and
doesn't know that I'm pregnant.  “I think the child would be better off if it
had two parents.”

"Perhaps,
but this is a decision that you need make very carefully.  There's no turning
back once you sign the papers.  I suggest that you get some counseling.  I'll
have my nurse give you a list of the counselors I use and information about the
various adoption options.  You've got time on your side here, Libby, so don't
rush into anything too soon."

I
leave his office with a big file folder crammed full of pamphlets.  When Tony
sees me, he notices that I've been crying.  "What's wrong, honey, did it
go badly?"

"No,
everything is fine.  I'm about 12 weeks along.  It's just that, I guess reality
has finally set in and I don't know if I'm ready for this."

"Well,
ready or not, it's going to happen.”  Then he notices the folder I'm carrying. 
"What's all that stuff?"

"It’s
a bunch of reading material, probably a lot of do's and don’ts.  I told them I
didn't want it but they made me take it anyway."

When
we get home, I toss the folder on the little round table in the family room. 
I’ll look at it later, maybe.

For
the next week, I’m obsessed with thinking about the decision I‘m going to have
to make.  I start to spend more time in my room and less with Tony.  We have
breakfast and dinner together but after that, I go to my room, leaving him
alone.  I don’t know what he’d think about me giving up the baby, since he
comes from such a large loving family. 

One
night, after dinner, he says, “How would you like to watch those home movies of
me playing polo that you said you’d like to see?”

“Sure,
that would be great.  Should I pop some popcorn?

“You
bet.  You do that and I’ll get the projector set up.”  

We’re
watching the movies and munching on popcorn when it happens, a damn
earthquake.  Everything starts shaking.  Tony grabs me and pulls me under one
of the arched doorways.    I’ve been through lots of them, some here, and some
in Seattle, but even though I’m used to them, they’re always scary.  You never
know just how bad it’s going to be.

After
the shaking stops, we look around for damages.  The only thing I see is the
upturned popcorn bowl on the floor and the file folder of pamphlets that I got
from the doctor, scattered all over.

“I’ll
go get the vacuum cleaner,” I say to Tony.

“I’ll
pick up the pamphlets,” he replies.

I
didn’t know it at the time, but while I was gone, he looked at those pamphlets
I got from the doctor and saw the ones about adoption.

When
I come back with the vacuum, he helps me clean up the mess.  Afterwards we
spend the next couple of hours watching his movies.  Geez, he was so terrible
when he first started out.  He used to fall off his horse in the beginning and
every time he did, I laugh.  Then he starts improving and by the end of the
last movie, he’s playing on a championship team.

“Why
don’t you do this anymore?  You were great.  I can’t believe you gave it up.”

“Not
enough time, but if I become unemployed I may just decide to take it up again.”

“So,
how’s that going, that business with taking the company public?”

“Right
now it’s at a stand-still.  I talked with Luis and he’s on my side, but even
with him, we can still be outvoted.  He thinks that Manny will side with us but
right now Manny is going through his own personal problems.  His wife left him
because he’s having an affair.  She took off and left him with the kids.  He
doesn’t know if he’s coming or going, and according to Luis, he doesn’t give a
damn one way or another about the business.”

“Oh,
geez, that’s tough.  I just hate it when families split up.  I can’t imagine
anything more devastating.”

Just
then the phone rings and when I answer it I hear a woman crying on the other
end of the line.

“Is
Tony there, I need to talk with Tony, she sobs?”

“Isabel,
is that you?  Yes, Tony’s right here,” and I hand him the phone.

When
he gets off the phone, he says, “Yes, there is something more devastating. 
Papa has had a heart attack and he’s in the hospital.  I have to go to the
farm.”

“I’ll
come with you.  That is if you want me to.”

“Yeah,
I do.  Go pack an overnight bag, I’ll do the same.”

Once
we get on the road, I ask him, “What did your Mom say, how bad is it?”

“She
doesn’t know yet. They don’t have all the test results back.  Luis is with her
but everyone else is at the farm.  They want to be at the hospital but they
don’t know what to do with the kids.”

“I
can stay with the kids. How many are there?”

“Five.
Manny has three boys, Luis’s Carmen and Angie.  You might want to re-think that
though.   Manny’s boys are a bunch of foul mouthed punks.”

“What
about Ramon’s?”

“Ramon
and his family aren’t home, they’re on vacation.”

“How
old are Manny’s boys?”

“Mike
is 16, Ricky is 13, and Diego, who likes to be called D, is 8.  Mike and D are
the worst. Ricky’s pretty good actually, unless the other two can talk him into
something.”

“Well,
I’ll make up my mind after I’ve met them.  Why don’t they want to take them
along?”

“I
don’t know, probably because they don’t know how long we’ll be there and don’t
want to deal with the lot of them.  I’m telling you, they can be a handful.”

“Okay,
but if I can’t control them I don’t want to be blamed for any mischief they get
into.”

“That
won’t be a problem.  I’ll talk to Manny and I’ll tell the boys that their life
won’t be worth a plug nickel if they misbehave.”