Where Does My Heart Belong? (11 page)

CHAPTER
29

Sunday morning I wake up
early.  I dress in my usual riding clothes, jeans, t-shirt and roper boots and
head out the door bringing Zip and his crate along with me.  I don’t even
bother to see if Red came home.

My sweet white Arab is
waiting for me at Chris and Barb’s ranch.  I hug his neck and breathe in his
horsey smell.  Animals are the best thing for what ails you.  All of my
therapists whinny, bark, bleat, and meow.  After grooming and tacking up, I put
Zip in his crate under a shady tree and then Danny and I take off for the
hills.  We spend over an hour trotting and cantering through the wild beautiful
countryside.

When we get back, I see a
strange car in the parking area and then I see Red.  Oh, god, what is he doing
here?  He watches me dismount and then comes over and puts his hands on my
shoulders. “I’m sorry about last night,” he says.  “I’ll make it up to you.”   I
nod but I don’t say anything.

I un-tack Danny and wash
him down while Red goes over to talk with Chris and some other guys.  They’re
all laughing and joking around.  One of them is holding up a pair of breeding
hobbles.  I hear him say to Red, “Here you can use these on Libby.”  I quit
working with Danny and walk over to them.  “Nah, those won’t work, Red likes
his women wild, kicking and screaming.”  I hope I’ve embarrassed him. With
shocked looks on their faces, they all stare at me in disbelief and then
everyone bursts out laughing.

Chris asks me to come
back later that night for a barbeque but I don’t want to.   I don’t really want
to be around Red.  I finish my grooming with Danny and kiss my sweet white Arab
good-by.  After loading up Zip, we head home leaving Red there still horsing
around with the guys.

When I get home, I call
Mary to see how things are.  She said Bob got down on his knees and apologized. 
He’s taking her out to dinner tonight.  I ask her if they want to come over
tomorrow and eat the chicken.  She said she’d get back to me, as Bob may not
want to because Red is really pissed at him.  After they went home yesterday, Red
came over and reamed him out.  He told him that if he ever dis-respected me
again, he would knock his block off.  Wow, I guess chivalry really is still alive
and well.  There’s a knock on the front door.  It’s the florist with a
beautiful long stemmed yellow rose, my favorite.  The card reads “
For the
most beautiful girl in the world.  I’m sorry. 143.”
  How sweet.

143, the universal code
for I Love You.  “I love you too,” I whisper.  “But you’ve got to stay away
from me.”  I just can’t let him back in my life and risk getting hurt again.

I put the rose in my
living room, then get some chicken, cole slaw and a glass of wine, and settle
in on the couch.  I eat my food and drink my wine.  Barbra Streisand’s
The
Second Album
is on the stereo and before I know it, I’m asleep.

I wake up to someone
pounding on my door.  It’s Red and he’s been drinking. 

“I could use a friend,”
he says.

I let him in, thank him
for the rose, and give him a hug.  He holds me so tight I’m afraid he’s going
to break my ribs.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing really, I’m just
having a bad moment and I don’t want to be alone.  Can I stay here for a
while?”

“Okay, do you want some
food?  There’s still all that KFC stuff left.”

“Sure, that would be
good.”  So we go into the kitchen and I fix him a plate.  After he’s finished
eating, he wants to go back to my living room and talk.

“There’s so much I want
to tell you and I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s tearing me up
inside.  Please say you’ll think about it, when you know the whole story I
think you’ll understand.  I know it will make all the difference in the world.”

“Okay, I’ll think about
it.”  He puts his arm around me and pulls me against him and we fall asleep
that way.  The next thing I know he is shaking me awake. 

“Come on, let’s go to
bed.  Let me stay with you tonight.  No funny stuff.  I just want to be with
you and hold you.”

“That’s not part of the
deal.” 

“I know, but just this
once, please.” 

He looks so sad that I don’t refuse him.  “Okay,
but just this once.”

I show him into my
bedroom and he starts taking off his clothes and gets into bed naked.  I go out
and make sure the house is secure, turn off all the lights, then put on my
sleeping shirt and crawl in bed with him.  I turn my back to him and he wraps
his arms around me and spoons against my back just like we used to do.  He
kisses the back of my neck and tells me that he still loves me.  He’s asleep in
minutes but I’m awake for a long time, wondering what kind of fool I am.  I
can’t even live up to my own rules.

CHAPTER
30

Monday morning I wake up
alone.  It’s early, 6:00 a.m.  What’s that smell?  The wonderful aroma of
coffee and bacon cooking is filling the air.  I grab my bathrobe and go out to
the kitchen.  He‘s there cooking breakfast.  Bacon, French toast, scrambled
eggs, and hot coffee are ready and waiting.  I didn’t know he knew how to
cook.  There’s probably a lot I don’t know about him anymore.

“Good morning, beautiful,”
he says.  “Are you ready for some breakfast?”

“What is this?  You’ve
made breakfast.  I didn’t know you could cook.”

“I can do breakfast and
steaks on the grill, but that’s it.  I’ve got an early sales meeting this
morning that I can’t miss. They told me I have to get my act together and stop
coming in all hung-over.”

The food that he’s cooked
is delicious.  I love French toast and he’s made it with vanilla and cinnamon
just the way I like it.  After we eat, he goes to his side of the house to get
ready for work and I clean up the kitchen.  When he comes back out, he’s
dressed to kill as always.  He’s always had great taste in clothes; he should
have been a stylist.  He leans over, kisses my cheek good-by, and says he’ll
see me tonight. 

I go to work at my real
estate job and manage to secure two new listings.  The girls in the office keep
looking at me funny, especially Victoria, the wife of Red’s cousin Ron. 
Finally out it comes.  They ask me if I’m living with him.  I tell them no,
that I am renting out one half of my house to him but we’re not living
‘together’.  I ask them where they heard this and Victoria said he was drunk in
the bar one night and was telling everyone he was living with me.  You just
can’t trust a drunk to tell the complete truth about anything.  I guess I’ll
need to have a chat with him about this tonight.

He gets home at 6:30 and
changes into casual clothes, jeans, Led Zeppelin T-shirt, beaded necklace and
an earring.  He looks like a hippie, and is dressed the same way he was the
night we went to Mountain View Lodge back in 1968 when he almost got us killed.

“Are you going out? 
There’s something I’d like to talk to you about,” I say.

“Yeah, I have a date. 
Can it wait until I get back?  I won’t be gone long.”

I
get an instant sick feeling in my stomach.  The guy who slept next to me naked
last night has a date.  And it isn’t with me.  Okay, so nothing happened
between us and it’s not as if he’s my boyfriend anymore.  So why do I feel like
someone just stuck a knife in my heart?

“Yeah,
no problem.  Have a good time.”

“I’ll
see you later.  Wait up for me, you won’t be sorry,” he grins.

‘You
stupid, stupid bitch,’ I say to myself.  ‘You’ve really set yourself up for it
again.  If you get hurt, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.’ 

I’m
sitting at the kitchen table when he comes back at 9:00 o’clock.  I hear him
come in through his door and then he says to someone, “Go on in, it’s okay.” 
Oh, God, he’s brought someone home with him.  He said he had a date so it’s
probably a woman.  I don’t want to meet any of his women.  I don’t think I can
stand to live here with him anymore.   Maybe I should just let him have the
whole place and I’ll move back into a trailer at Chris and Barb’s.  He walks
into the kitchen and stands there with a big grin on his face.  “There’s
someone here that I want you to meet.”  He walks over to me and following
behind him is the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen, a small miniature goat.

‘“Where
in the world did you get that?”

“I
guy I know from hippieville raises them.  It’s the last one he has.  He’s
moving back to California and can’t take it with him so he said I could have
it.  It’s your housewarming present.”

I
get down on the floor and the little goat trots over to me.  I pet him and pet
him, and kiss his little face.  He is just so adorable.  How did Red know I’ve
always wanted one?

“Well,
what do you think?  Do you like him?  You’re going to have to think up a name
for him.”

“I
love him.  I’ve always wanted a miniature goat.  How did you know that I’ve
always wanted one? Right now, I don’t know what to name him.  Most people name
their male goats, Billy, but I want something more original, so I’ll have to
think about it.  He’s the best gift you’ve ever given me.  Thank you so much, I
can’t wait for Earl and Clara to meet him.”

“Oh,
man, I didn’t think about those two.  That should be a real 3-ring circus.  
Let me know when you’re going to introduce them, I can’t wait to be here for
that.   Come on, let’s go out to the barn and I’ll help you fix up a place for
him tonight.”

I
never do come up with an original name for the little goat.  I just call him
Billy G.

CHAPTER
31

I think Red’s drinking is
getting more and more out of control.  He’s not going out to the bars much
anymore but he’s drinking heavily here at home.    The garbage bin is full of
empty beer cans and whiskey bottles.  I told him I was not going to put up with
any drunkenness so he stays out of my way.

One Friday night he comes
home and tells me he’s invited Chris and Barb to go out to dinner with us. 
He’s asked them before he’s asked me.  Good one, Red, you know I would have
said no; but since they’re my best friends I can’t very well turn you down now,
can I?  We arrange to pick them up at 6:00 and then head for our favorite steak
house.

When we get to the
restaurant, he is in rare form.  He ogles the waitress, asks her for a date and
tells her not to pay any attention to me; I’m not his girlfriend, just some old
broad he lives with.  He’s acting so crazy I think he might be on something
other than booze. I know he smokes a little pot occasionally and that he keeps
a stash in the glove box of his car, but pot doesn’t make him act like this. 
He behaves himself during our dinner, which was lovely, but afterwards he
starts table-hopping.  He seems to know most of the people who are here.  He’s
boisterous, laughing, telling dirty jokes, and making a complete ass of
himself.  Chris and Barb think he’s a hoot.  I think he’s an embarrassment.  I
tell Chris we need to get him out of here before we’re all 86’d.  Chris finally
manages to corral him, tells him it’s time to leave, and then gets him out to
the parking lot and into the car.

“Let’s go to Canada,” he
yells.   “My treat, we can stay all week-end, get drunk, get stoned, get laid. 
I know a strip joint where the girls dance with those porn poles and shoot ping
pong balls from their who-ha’s.”

“We’re not going to
Canada,” I tell him.  “You have to work tomorrow and besides your pot stash is
in the glove box; we can’t cross an international border with a stash.”

“We’ll smoke it now,” he
screams and reaches to open the glove box.  “Who all’s up for a good fatty?”

“Put that back, we’re not
smoking it now.  If I should get pulled over by the cops we’ll all get hauled
in for possession.”

Barb and Chris are
cracking up in the backseat.  “I’d like to have one,” Barb says.

“That’s my girl,” he
cries.  “I like a woman who knows how to have a good time, not like little Miss
Stodgy here,” and he reaches for the glove box again.

“No way.  Wait until we
get home, we’ll smoke it then and afterwards I’ll screw your brains out.”

He stares at me.  “Well,
well, well, I didn’t think you had it in you.  I may just have to take you up
on that one.”  He leans over, puts his arm around me, lays his head on my
shoulder, and passes out.

“Thank God.  I hope he
stays that way until we get home.  I’m sorry, you guys, he’s never acted like
this before.”

“Don’t worry about it,”
Chris laughs.  “We haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”

When we get home, Chris
helps me get him out of the car and into my bedroom where he collapses on my
bed.  I don’t know the combination to his door locks so it looks like I’m stuck
with him for the night.  I drive Barb and Chris home and wonder what he’ll be
like for the rest of the night.  Thank goodness, he’s still passed out when I
get back home so I put on my sleeping shirt and get in bed, leaving him fully
dressed on top of the covers.

The next morning he wakes
up wondering why he’s in my bedroom.  “Don’t you remember what I told you we’d
do when we got home last night?  Oh, baby, you’ve gotten better with age, just
like a fine wine.  Last night was really something,” I tell him.

“I remember what you
said, but I don’t remember doing any of that.  Why do I still have all my
clothes on?”

“You put them back on to
discourage me.  You told me I was too much for you, you couldn’t take it
anymore.”   I can barely keep a straight face.

“Bullshit, you’re putting
me on now, aren’t you?”

“That’s because you blew
it, cowboy, you missed your chance.  You passed out, and now you’ll never know
just how much fun little Miss Stodgy can be.” 

“Oh, to hell with it, I’m
going to work.”

Later that day I get a
damn traffic ticket and he gets drunk again. 

I was just getting ready
to take Billy G and Zip to the vet when his boss called and asked if I could
come and get him.  He’d gone out to lunch with some guy he sold a car to and
they got to drinking.  His boss won’t let him come back to work or drive home. 
He’s wasted.  Earl and Clara were spending the day so I had to take them with
me.  I put Earl in his little car seat, set him on one side of the backseat,
put Zip on the other side, and fastened his harness to the seat belt.  Little
Billy G stood between them with Clara perched on his back.

We collected Red, who
could barely walk or talk, and I started out for the vets.  We’d only gone a
few blocks when I saw the flashing lights in my rear view mirror. 

“Oh, shit, I’m getting
pulled over.”

Clara looks out the
window and watches the cop come up to the car.  “Here come the cops, here come
the cops,” she squawks.

“Shut up Clara.”  She
flies up to my headrest, sticks her head out the window, and peers at the cop. 

The cop does a double
take, and then stares at the menagerie in the back and at Red who is slumped
against the passenger side door.

Zip is growling and
snarling, lunging against his restraint wanting to get loose and attack the
cop.

“I need to see your
license, registration, and insurance, please.”

I dig them out and hand
them over.  “What’s the problem, Officer?”

“You were doing 45 in a
35.  Where are you going?”

“I’m taking these animals
to the vet.”

“Then I’m gonna get shome
more dreers to bink,” Red slurs. 

Earl scrambles out of his
car seat, climbs up the back of Red’s seat, and sits on his shoulder, his tail
curling around Red’s neck.

“Shut up, Red.  Get down
Earl.”

The cop writes out the
ticket, has me sign it, tears off my copy, and tries to give it to me but Clara
rips it out of his hand with her beak.  “Give it here, Clara.  Good lord, it’s
for a hundred dollars.”

“A hundred dollars, a
hundred dollars,” she screams and flies out the window, landing on the patrol
car.  Earl gives the cop the finger.  Zip is still snarling and trying to get
loose.  Billy G bleats and poops on the backseat.  I’m afraid the cop may want
to pull his gun.

“Now lisshen, Ossifer,
that’s a little shteep doncha think, maybe we can work shomething out here.” 
Red reaches for his back pocket to get his wallet.

I slap his hand away. 
“Thank you, Officer, can we go now?”

“Yes, but there’s more
going on here than just a traffic infraction.  It’s not safe to drive around
with all these loose animals.  Get them restrained.  I’m going to be watching
and the next time I see you they had better be under control.”

Earl flips him the bird.

“I’d shure like her
under
control and under me,” Red tells him.

I start the car and yell
for Clara to come but she ignores me.  I take off and the last thing that cop
sees is a green parrot flying alongside my car, then darting through the open
window.

He’s going to have one
hell of a story to tell his buddies when he gets back to the station.