When Our Worlds Collide (20 page)

“I got to you in time Kennedy and promise that no one will
ever hurt you like that again,” Graham’s eyes are pleading with me to grasp
what he was trying to say. He doesn’t need to say it out loud. I looked up to
him through my tear soaked eyelashes. He looks down at our hands breaking the
eye contact. Before he does I swear I see wetness in his eyes. 

“Can you take me home?” I whisper. He nods before jumping
out of the car.

Graham’s tentative to my unsteady state of mind as he helps
me to the front seat. The entire ride back to my house is spent watching Graham
holding onto my hand with a tenderness that surprises me. He guides my hand to
his mouth allowing his lips to linger on the back for several seconds. My mind
wants to focus on what Craig’s intentions were tonight when my heart wants to
fly with Graham’s sweet attention. Words can’t explain how thankful I am for
how sweet he’s being with me. Every moment he breaks the contact I can feel an
ache in my chest pulling me towards him causing me to let out an audible groan.
He’s making me feel safe when I know I should feel scared to death. 

We pull into the drive way. Graham turns to look at me.
“Kennedy, are you okay?” he asks softly.

“I will be. I’m not right now though,” I wipe a few tears
away as they fall. It’s hard to explain how I feel. I’m numb, but at the same
time being close to Graham makes me feel everything.

Graham quickly rushes over to my side of the car opening the
door. He bends down cradling me in his arms, although unnecessary---very sweet.
We reach the front door as he grabs my set of keys from my grasp that I dug out
of my purse on the ride here. The house is dark. I insist Graham put me down. I
flick on a few lights to give the rooms some life. I don’t want it to be dark
tonight.

In a trance I find my way down the hallway into my bedroom
as if my body’s on auto pilot---making deliberate moves in fear of breaking
down. I can feel Graham following close behind me. When I turn around he leans
his weight against the door frame of my room as I sit idle on the edge of my
bed.

Tonight isn’t supposed to be like this. Things like this
aren’t supposed to happen to girls like me. Things like this change people. I
can already feel a part of me dying as I sit here staring into an oblivion
unsure of what’s going on around me. A part of me is gone…that much I can feel
and I’m not sure if I will ever get her back again. I feel unsafe in my own
skin for the first time in my life. Knowing what to do next seems like too much
of a chore.

I can see Graham moving around my room in a blur. I feel his
arm reaching around my waist hoisting me up. I follow him into the bathroom as
he leads, bending down to turn the shower on. There’s no stopping him when he
starts to peel off my clothes. My shirt’s pulled up gently over my head and my
skirt and underwear fell to the ground into the pile. Graham eases his hands
around my back to undo my bra. There isn’t anything sexual about him undressing
me. He’s merely taking care of me in the only way he thinks will be helpful. He
somehow knows just what I need---to wash it all away.

I point out my cast cover and he helps slide it on before
guiding me into the shower. He follows behind me still wearing his jeans and
grey t-shirt. I lean my head against the hard tile letting the hot water lap
over my back. Graham hands stay strongly on my hips bearing most of my weight
as I sob uncontrollably.

I feel everything washing down the drain. Well, as much that
can be washed away. You always hear that girls who have been assaulted feel
dirty the only thing they want to do is shower. This isn’t any different.
Although Craig didn’t succeed, I still feel disgusting---dirty, used up. My
skin’s crawling remembering the way he touched me. I can smell him on my skin
still. The shower slowly covers that feeling until it disappears or at least
fades the best it can. It doesn’t drown out the sound of Craig’s zipper
lowering. Unfortunately, that keeps playing over in my head.

Chapter Thirty

-Graham-

Tonight makes having an abusive father seem like a walk in a
park. I’ll admit that treating girl’s right isn’t my strong suit, but what
Craig has done to Kennedy is unforgiveable. I know Craig…he’ll have an excuse
for what happened. That he drank too much or that she was into it but I saw the
look on Kennedy’s face when I stormed into that room.

She was lying on that bed curled into a ball looking smaller
than I have ever seen her trying to melt into the sheets. Kennedy was
attempting in the only way she knew possible to disappear. No one should ever
make someone feel how small she looked.

I feel my heart leave my chest and fall to the floor when I
see the tears running down her cheeks. She has ownership of everything. She has
my heart and I didn’t realize it until it is too late. Until I allowed her to
run off with Craig. I pushed her into his arms and now I’m trying to pick up
the pieces of my mistakes. I don’t know what to do, dammit. How do you fix
something like this? I’m too young for all of this. This isn’t supposed to be
happening.

Kennedy turns her body around to face me, but she doesn’t
look up. She silently looks down at her feet letting the water cascade around
her slim body. She’s silent for a while. I wasn’t expecting her to say
anything. She needs time. No amount of talking will make this night easier.
When she’s ready to talk I’ll be here I silently promise.

The look on her face is something I’ll never forget---a look
that will haunt me until my last breath. Her eyes are swollen from crying.
She’s broken and heavy, utterly broken. I want nothing more than to drive back
to Craig’s and finish what I had started. If I could take all of the pain and
anguish from her body and put it into mine, I would. I’d give anything to stop
any pain from getting to Kennedy. That will be the only way I can get the
pounding ache in my chest to leave.

I brush her long wet hair from her face pulling her chin up
towards me. “How about we get you to bed?” I whisper. She nods in agreement as
I reach behind her to turn the faucet off leaving her standing there naked in
front of me. I’d be lying if I didn’t appreciate her body. I’m only human,
okay. Every move I make is calculated to ensure she’s comfortable. Having her
feel nervous around me isn’t a burden I want her to bare. I want her to feel a
comfort around me. She doesn’t need some horny teenage boy (me) man handling
her after she was nearly…she was nearly…

I can’t even say it without wanting to throw up.

I grab a towel from the cabinet that’s next to the shower
wrapping her shivering body with the material. The jolts could be from being
wet and cold or from being in shock. She steps out of the shower with my
assistance allowing her eyes to scan down the length of my body. I look down to
see water dripping from my clothes onto the bathroom floor. I rip every last
piece of clothing as quickly as possible wrapping a matching towel around my
waist.

Kennedy’s eyes scan over my chest. Something changes beneath
the clear blue of her irises. Although she still looks dazed and disoriented
there’s a hint of the uninhibited girl I met in this bathroom just days before.
Her gaze is blazing into my chest as her breaths start to shallow. Unabashedly
running her eyes up and down my body, taking her time to appreciate and take in
every inch.

“Come on,” I reach a hand out to her trying not to crack a
smile knowing damn well what she was just thinking about. She holds on tightly
to my outreached hand. I pull back the covers on her bed helping her ease into
the soft mattress before turning around to head back into the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Kennedy’s whisper sounds urgent as if
being separated from me caused her irreversible pain. I’d be lying if I said I
wasn’t thrilled feeling needed by her.

“Baby, I’m just grabbing my cell phone out of the bathroom.
I’ll be right back. I promise,” I explain smiling softly at her.

Kennedy sits straight up in bed giving me a halfhearted
smile. “Please stay with me tonight.”

“Where else would I go?” I walk into the bathroom to grab my
phone. I leaned my hands against the vanity counter bending my head down before
looking up into the mirror. I take several deep breaths to try to get my shit
together before I head back out to Kennedy. I find Kennedy already asleep. She
deserves an easy slumber. I sit on the edge of the bed to brush the wet hair
out of her face spending a few minutes to admire every line and bend of her
angelic face. She has the daintiest nose I’ve ever seen. It fits perfectly on
her. There’s peacefulness to her as she sleeps. It’s the only way I ever want
to see her.

Kennedy shudders in her sleep as she starts muttering
something under her breath. I don’t know what she’s saying until I lean forward
and hear her whisper, “I don’t know why, but I think I might love you.” It’s
eerily quiet that I barely recognize the words.

Moving is becoming a chore. I don’t want to disturb her
sleep, but I don’t know what else to do. There’s something between her and I.
Maybe there always has been. Pinpointing it is the problem. Whenever she’s
around there’s this magnetic pull between us. It’s like when she walks into a
room, even if my back’s turned, I can feel her presence.

Perhaps what I’m feeling is love, but how can you be sure
that you love someone? Everything between us has happened so quickly. I’m
afraid that we aren’t ready. I don’t know if I’m ready, but when I look down at
this girl who has the biggest heart and the kindest soul I wonder if it’s
possible for me to love her. I’ve never been in love. Loving Kennedy would be
easy.

I ease my way over the top of Kennedy’s small frame tucking
myself into the bed next to her. She subconsciously moves herself into me until
she’s perfectly tucked into the crook of my body. Her body seems too far in
tuned with mine even as she sleeps. Her breaths fall into perfect harmony with
mine and that’s when I know.

Her warmth radiates through her body onto my skin causing my
voice to break as the words escape my mouth before my mind can try to protest.
“I think I just might love you back, Kennedy,” I whisper into her neck praying
that when we wake up everything will be a little less terrifying.

Chapter Thirty-One

-Kennedy-

I can smell the tiniest hint of his cologne as my body
slowly breaks from its slumber. Like always it’s that hypnotizing hint of
sandalwood with the undertones of what can only be described as Graham. I want
to remember this morning, the way he smells and his warm skin against mine,
until I get to experience it all over again.

Graham’s arms still have a comforting hold on my waist.
Making slow movements to insure I don’t wake him. He deserves a few more hours
of sleep after how well he took care of me last night. If it had been anyone
else besides Graham I would have minded the extra attention and the knowing
glances. With him, I feel different.

I have come to adore the boy who fights for me when I can’t
stand up on my own. When I feel my weakest he holds me up in his arms and
allows me to break down without a blink of an eye. There’s a security in his
arms as if he could stop any force that tries to cause me any harm. I love
Graham despite all of his vices, mistakes, and history because of the guy that
he is now. I’m not going to allow the guy he used to be impact the way I feel
in this moment with him.

Did I say I love Graham?

“I can feel you looking at me, Ken,” Graham says accusingly
still not opening his eyes to look at me. I’ve been caught and he knows it. I
brush the underside of my hand down his cheek keeping it still on his strong
jawline rubbing my lone thumb in a small circle without saying anything. “That
feels good.” His eyes pop open suddenly.

A small smile forms on my face quickly falling. It’s the
look in his eyes that give him away. Something’s wrong. I know what’s bothering
him by the way his hand squeezes my lower hip in frustration and forcefully
closing his eyes as if trying to erase a memory.

“I’m going to be okay, Graham,” I emphasize trying to
alleviate some of that pain that’s running through his perfect eyes. He can’t draw
his stare away from the bruises on my wrists that will be a constant reminder
of last night until they heal.

“I’m going to kill him,” his voice full of a hatred that
scares me. His anger radiates off of him in waves.

“No you’re not.” I close the gap in between his body and
mine so that we are practically intertwined even more. I mentally take a note
to remember to breath. My newfound confidence is making me feel more in
control. 

Every muscle in his chest and abdomen tighten against my
chest. The warmth of his skin against mine causes my breathing to labor. Last
night Graham had put me into bed with nothing but a towel wrapped around me.
The knowledge that only a thin piece of cotton separates me and Graham puts my
hormones into overdrive.

“And give me one good reason why I shouldn’t,” Graham raises
an eyebrow at me knowing that I don’t have a good enough answer to stop him
from burying Craig under the pitcher’s mound at the high school.

“Because if you kill him then you won’t be able to do this
anymore,” I grab the back of Graham’s neck pulling him closer to me until my
lips are colliding into his. It’s the type of kiss you tell your grandchildren
about in hopes that they will find that much joy in being connected with
another human being at least once in their lifetime. Our hands are all over
each other as the kiss deepens. His lips erase every poisoning touch Craig had
stamped down on my skin. He’s slowly helping me forget.

When Graham kisses me I feel my body going into some sort of
shock, but when he touches me it feels life altering as if my body will never
stop burning in need of just another simple brush of a finger. Graham latches
on to my hips swinging me up on top of him so that I’m straddling his waist. He
must have gone to bed in a towel too. I can feel the familiar cotton loop
material resting against my thighs as I hold up my own towel around my chest to
hide what is bare beneath.

Graham releases me from our kiss by putting his hand just
below my neck. His hands are gentle, far gentler that I knew they were capable
of. I sit up in response to his touch looking down at him with hooded eyes.
Without thinking I reach down to brush my fingers through his thick hair as if
this is second nature. His hair is soft under my grasp. I watch the way his eyes
almost glaze over in response to my touch. One side of his smile moves up
farther than the other in the most captivating smile.

This is the exact moment that I realize that I just don’t
think that I love Graham, but I know that I do. He looks up at me through his
eye lashes stealing every last part of my heart from me trusting him not to
break it. I know that there’s a possibility that he will.

Graham bites down lazily on his bottom lip before rubbing
both his hands up and down my ribcage, downward towards my hips then making a
return visit back using the same agonizing path.

“Do you trust me, Kennedy?” intensity burns in Graham’s eyes
as he speaks.

“Of course I do,” I smile down at him as he slowly moves his
hands towards the front of my towel. “What are you doing?” The fear evident in
my shaky voice.

“You’re going to have to trust me, okay?”

“Okay…” my voice trails off as I watch his eyes as if they
hold the secrets I’m looking for. My voice is full of apprehension. I don’t
dare break eye contact in fear of losing everything I want, but don’t know that
I need. I can feel his hands lingering on the front of my towel with deliberate
and gentle gestures.

Graham has one strong hand on my hip that’s holding me in
place. He’s thinking that I will shy away from his touch. He doesn’t understand
that I’m not capable of moving even if I wanted to. I feel physically drawn to
him. Breaking any contact will only be cruel self-inflicted torture. His
available hand falls just above my breasts where he allows his pinky to linger
low enough to rub in between the fabric of the towel that separates us.

To try to explain how it feels to have Graham looking up at
me the way he is in this moment isn’t possible. Stringing together enough words
to express how he makes me feel is hopeless. No one could understand the
exchange our eyes are having with each other. Reassurance from my end that I
accept anything that’s going to happen next and his is pure attentiveness.
Every simple and complex move he makes is to make sure I feel at ease in his
arms.

The Graham that I’m experiencing isn’t the one that anyone
knows or can even dream up. To most he’s harsh and too cocky for his own good.
The one that I get the honor to know is soft and genuine. He puts my needs
before his own and makes it a priority to ensure my complete comfort. I like
that not everyone knows this side of him as if it’s meant for only me.

I shut my eyes for a split second taking a much needed deep
breathe trying to calm my nerves. As I open them again with a new understanding
of what I want, I watch his hand move to where the towel’s tucked in holding it
in place. Just one finger is all it takes to unravel the towel from around me
leaving me exposed under his watchful eyes.

I don’t have any time to feel self-conscious before he looks
up at me in the way he had when he first woke up this morning. It’s not
possible to feel anything but beautiful when someone like Graham looks at you
with such wonder. Before I can move an inch, Graham flips me over onto my back
holding his body above me trying to keep as much weight off of me as possible.
His eyes lock on mine not allowing them to drop from mine. As if he was to look
away for a split second that I would disappear out from under him. He gently
pushes the stray hairs out of my face.

The soft kisses start in the spot just behind my ear causing
a shutter to roll through my body. It’s a physical jolt that doesn’t go
unnoticed by Graham by the way his smile grows as his lips trace a trail along
one collarbone onto the other not allowing himself to miss a single inch of
skin. I shut my eyes in satisfaction as he makes his way onto the same spot
that causes the uncontrollable shudders.

I can’t stop it before it happens as the feeling rolls
through my body again ending at the end of my toes.

“You’ll drive me crazy with that, baby,” Graham whispers
between laying kisses down my right arm placing one on each of my fingers. I
know I should feel embarrassed to be completely exposed to someone like Graham
who’s been with more girls than I like to imagine. I can never measure up to
what he’s already had.

“Graham…” I half-heartedly attempt to stop his trail when
his lips land on my hip. He looks up at me as I watch him possessively laying
his declaration on my bare skin.

“You deserve to be admired and protected. I let you down and
I’m going to take as much time as I need to prove to you that you are and will
always be worthy of claiming,” he pauses to plant a few kisses along my stomach
just below my belly button. Hauntingly close to the top of my panties. 

I can only nod my head at him, trying to speak is going to
be impossible. Graham’s words are honest and I know what he’s wanting and I’d
be lying if I don’t want the same thing. There doesn’t need to be candles and
rose petals scattered all over the floor and bed for it to be magical. As I
feel Graham’s lips reach the shallow dwelling between my breasts I know then
that the surroundings aren’t what will make this worthwhile for me. It’s the
person who’s taking his time to try to erase every unwanted touch that had
tried to be unrightfully claimed last night.

I know Graham’s actions aren’t solely based on Craig’s
attack last night. I know that it plays in the back of his mind none the less.
The way he looks at me last night and now this morning could move mountains if
it meant that the hurt and torment would be wiped away for me to never return.
The guy who’s above me is someone worth claiming just as much as he believes I
am.

Without caring what happens tomorrow or the next day or even
an hour from now I make a decision that I won’t be able to take back. It won’t
matter though. When I look back on this day I’ll know that I allowed myself to
feel something, something that is worth striving for until the end of time.