When No Doesn't Cut It (16 page)

“That’s why you got drunk that night at Cloverleah, after you killed Isaac,” Scott said understanding at last.  Damien stroked Scott’s hair and yes, nuzzled into him again.

“I was so wrong to ignore you that night,” he said.  “I know you deserved so much better than to sit there and watch your mate get drunk, when I should have been getting to know you.  But I was so tired of it all.  Not tired of you,” Damien hastened to add, “But of the responsibilities and the things I have to do sometimes to meet the needs of others.”

“You’ve been on your own for a long time,” Scott said quietly.  “So how do you think I can help being Alpha Mate and all that?”

Damien looked at Scott.  He was so very lucky to have found his mate at all, and to find one that was strong, and caring, all in one package, not to mention sexy as hell, was just amazing to him.

“I’m not sure yet,” he said honestly.  “But I do know that today I wanted you with me when I was in meetings.  I want you be more accessible to the pack members and my club members.  You have a unique way of looking at things, and besides,” he said with a bit of a laugh, “some people might be happier talking to you than they would to me.  I think I might come across as a bit intimidating sometimes.”

Scott laughed at the look on Damien’s face.  Of course the man was intimidating.  Being an Alpha for over 100 years did tend to make you a bit that way.

“What about taking more time off,” Scott
asked.

“It’s not something I have ever done,” Damien was striving for honesty here. “I am not a hundred percent sure how to actually go about it.  I think I proved that this morning,” he said as he dropped a kiss on Scott’s head.

“I was upset this morning,” Scott said choosing his words carefully, “because you’re going to work when you didn’t have to, showed me that you didn’t want to be with me.  It was like you were telling me that your work was more important than I was.  It really hurt me,” he admitted quietly.

Wrapping his arms around his mate again and tugging him onto his lap, Damien sighed into Scott’s hair.

“It wasn’t something I meant to do,” he tried to explain.  “I mean, I have waited for you my whole life - a very long and lonely life.  But I guess in all of that time I never actually thought about the logistics of having a mate.”

“I don’t suppose I did either,” Scott said
. “Although in fairness, I have only genuinely believed that gay men could have mates since Kane met Shawn.  Before that I used to hope, but as I came from an anti-gay pack originally, I mean it is one of the first things the homophobe shifters try to threaten you with in their bid to make you stop being gay - you won’t find your mate, you will never have your mate, or” he said with a bit of a grin, “my personal favorite, you won’t find your mate unless you go out and have sex with females.”

“You went through all of that?”  Damien asked.

“No, not me.  It was Troy who got caught with a human male and he was kicked out of the pack when he wouldn’t be converted to the hetero side of things.   Troy convinced me to stay quiet about my own feelings while he left to find a new pack for us.  As soon as he joined up with Kane, Griff and Dean, I moved to be with him.  Kane gave me a job and accepted me into the pack straight away.  I was lucky.”

“But what, none of you at Cloverleah thought you could find mates because you were gay?”  Damien asked.

“I think we all hoped we would,” Scott said. “I mean, there were rumors of true mated pairs in Claude’s pack, but me and the rest of the Cloverleah pack only met up with the men that frequented the club and it was unlikely any of them would be true mates.”

“Is that why you had this ‘thing’ with Claude?”  Damien asked with a growl.

Scott twisted his head around so he could look at Damien square in the face.

“I had a ‘thing’ with Claude as you call it, because I liked the man.  He was funny and more importantly
, he really liked me.  Okay, he wanted me to be a sub, and I’ve already told you there were times when I did scenes with him as demonstrations in the club.  But in the bedroom we were equals and that was one of the reasons I stayed with him as long as I did.”

Damien thought about what Scott had said.  If the two men were equals in the bedroom did that mean that Scott had actually topped an Alpha already?

“It was the only way he could convince me to let him use the flogger on me,” Scott said with a grin, tapping his head to remind Damien that Scott knew what he was thinking.  “Claude thought that if he could prove to me that I could get aroused by being flogged in public, then I was actually a sub.  The plan backfired on him terribly, but he didn’t seem to mind.”

“You didn’t get aroused by it at all?”

Scott shook his head.  “Nope.  I don’t mind being tied up and stuff like that.  As I said, I haven’t got a problem with a bit of kink. And I can take the pain.  Don’t get me wrong there either.  But as for it being an arousing experience, no. Floggers, canes and whips just don’t do it for me.”

Damien shrugged.  He didn’t really mind either way.  He had hit men before - his subs.  Spanked them.  Whipped them.  But it really didn’t do a lot for him.  It was more something that his subs needed
, rather than an act he needed to get off.  He wasn’t a sadist.  He knew that.  But the thought of having Scott tied down to his bed, so the delicious man couldn’t move, was impacting his ability to fit his pants again and from where Scott was sitting, now on his lap, he knew that his mate could tell.

“Tell me about Shawn,” Scott said even as he pressed his
tight little ass into Damien’s growing erection.

“What do you want to know,” Damien countered.  He wasn’t sure just how much Scott knew about his infatuation with the other man and he didn’t want to put his foot in it by saying too much if it wasn’t necessary.

“I know you had a thing for him,” Scott replied.  “Enough of a ‘thing,’ to use your word, that you tried to prevent Shawn from joining Kane in the Alpha Mating Ritual.  I also know that Shawn was a Master here at your club for a while and that you were really upset when he left.  Did you love him?”

“Did you love Claude?” Damien responded. 

Scott’s eyes glared at him for a minute, but then he replied honestly.  “No, I didn’t love Claude.  If I had then I might have mated with him even though we weren’t true mates.  But we were friends and I liked him enough to have sex with him more than once, which is saying something.”

Even as Damien growled to show his displeasure that Scott could mention the word sex and another man in the same speech, he realized that his mate deserved
an honest answer to his question.  At the time Shawn had been at Damien’s club, Damien did think he loved the man as much as he was capable of loving anyone, which wasn’t much.  Shawn was powerful, even though he didn’t fully appreciate his powers then, and he had no idea of his true nature.  He was also really good looking.  But it was his quiet nature that Damien appreciated.  Well that, and the fact that the man kept saying ‘no’ to Damien every time Damien had persisted.

“I’m not sure love is the right word,” Damien tried to sound his way out carefully.  “I liked him.  He d
idn’t take my bull shit.  As a Master, he took over my demonstrations for me so I didn’t have to do them anymore.  I think I wanted to love him because he was the first person in a very, very long time who said no to my advances.”

“Why did you try and stop Kane and Shawn’
s Alpha Mating Ritual, if you weren’t in love with him?”

Damien had the grace to look embarrassed. It was almost unheard of that any wolf would try and come between a mated pair
, and Shawn had made it plain to Damien that he wasn’t interested in mating with him.

“I heard about the hunters
, okay.  And the Alpha challenge that Shawn was going to go through. I just felt I had more resources than Kane could offer him.  I wanted him to be safe,” Damien finished quietly.

“So it was a pissing contest with Kane then, more than actually wanting Shawn back.”

“I didn’t know Kane,” Damien said simply, “and I thought I could protect Shawn better than he could.  Than anyone could.”

“It must have been hard for you seeing him with Kane,” Scott observed.

“I thought it was when I first got to the pack house and started feeling edgy, and horny, and angry all at the same time.”  Damien grinned at Scott.  “Turns out those feelings had nothing to do with Shawn.  I had scented my mate and it was him that was causing me all that angst, even though he wasn’t there at the time.  It was Shawn actually that first told me about you.”

Scott leaned back in Damien’s arms
, appreciating the strength and the comfort, and thought about what Damien had said.  At first glance it would be fair for anyone to say that Shawn would have been better suited as Damien’s mate than Scott was.  He was a powerful Shifter Guardian.  He was an Alpha wolf and he understood the BDSM lifestyle even if it wasn’t something he did anymore.  But then the Fates had put Damien and Scott together for a reason and Scott tried to hang onto that fact.  For some reason Damien needed him in his life.  Not a powerful Shifter Guardian or a Master Dom, or even a pretty little twink.  For some reason Scott was perfect for him.  And Scott had to trust that.

But for Damien to be perfect for Scott, Damien would have to eventually love him.  Any time Scott thought about a mate
, love was a big component of that dream.  And no matter what else Scott might think, he didn’t think that the Fates would be that cruel as to send him a mate that was incapable of love.

“Have you ever been in love?” He suddenly felt compelled to ask.

Damien shifted uneasily in his seat and just then his stomach growled.  Scott realized that neither of them had eaten in hours and food suddenly seemed really appealing.  At least, more appealing than waiting for Damien to answer, what should have been a straightforward question.

“Yes,” Damien said suddenly, “and yes it is a story I will share with you,” he added as Scott fixed him with that compelling gaze of his again.  “How about I order us some food from the kitchen first?  We will eat and then I will tell you the story of the only time I have been in love and why I had so much trouble accepting your condition about our mating.”

Chapter Nineteen

Damien was nervous all throughout dinner.  Now that he had pledged to tell his mate about his disastrous first and only love affair, he realized that the confession could make him appear very weak in front of the man he was committed to now.  And if there was one thing that Damien couldn’t stand, it was appearing weak in front of other people.   As he ate his meal, which he was sure was delicious even though he could barely taste it, he brooded over what he could say and what he could safely leave out. 

Laughing to himself
, Damien remembered that he and Scott shared a mating bond and a mind link.  Scott would know if Damien tried to deceive him in any way and lying by omission was as bad as a bald faced untruth. No, Damien simply had to tell the truth and let Scott think what he may.  Lying would just make the tenuous peace the two men were currently enjoying, disappear faster than the food on Scott’s plate.

Damien had also been giving a lot of thought to the things Shawn had told him earlier on the phone.  From what he had gathered
, Scott was looking for a love match and until today this wasn’t something Damien had ever considered.  Yes, he had wanted a mate - all shifters did.  But Damien was starting to see that he had only been looking for a concept up until this point, and he actually had no idea what a true mating would involve. 

Could he love again?  Damien figured that if anyone had asked him before he had met Scott
, he would have answered a resounding “no”.  He had put his heart on the line just once in his long life and he vowed never to do it again.  But then Damien also had to admit he had never felt
things
the way he felt with Scott.  He had never felt the sadness of knowing that he had upset his mate.  He had never felt the loneliness, to the degree he had the week before he had gone to get Scott, or the loneliness he felt today, when Scott had been angry with him.

Damien realized that he had led a very self-centered life
, despite his responsibilities and commitments to his pack and his club members.  He never did anything he didn’t want to do and before he had met Scott he didn’t really think he was missing anything.   But Scott was showing him, in less than twenty four hours of being in Texas, that there was a lot of things missing in Damien’s life - love, support, companionship, friendship, and the ability to have fun.  

Sure Damien had a huge pack of mostly loyal fellow wolves.  Yes, he owned the biggest BDSM club in the state, possibly the United States.  But at the end of
every day Damien had gone to bed alone.  When the chips were down Damien had to rely on himself to get through it.  After the Alpha challenges there was no one there to make sure that Damien was okay.  Damien could get his need for food and sex taken care of with just one phone call, or brusque order, to anyone around him.  But there was no one around him to give him a hug when he needed it. 

Fuck, Damien couldn’t even admit he might ever want a hug to anyone in his pack because wasn’t that a weakness in itself
?  And there was no one there to offer him unwavering support when he felt tired.  No one to hold him at night, and be there when he woke up, because anyone who had been with Damien sexually, had done so simply because he was the Master of the club or Alpha of the pack.  No one had ever been interested in Damien himself except Shawn - and Shawn didn’t want him in that way and never had.

Scott had already shown he could be all that
Damien needed and so much more.  So was it too much of a hardship, to at least consider loving the man who would be with him for the rest of his life?  As Damien watched Scott finish off the last of his meal, Damien didn’t know the answer, but the man in front of him deserved that Damien at least try.  That he open himself up.  That he spend time with his mate and get to know him, and more importantly allow Scott to get to know him.

Shifters were quick to fall in love
with their true mates and they stayed in love for the rest of their lives.  Damien had always hardened his heart and refused to ever consider the idea of loving someone.  Loving someone gave that person the power to hurt and Damien was nothing if not a survivor.  Even with his aborted courtship of Shawn, Damien never committed himself; never gave more of himself than he had given anyone else close to him. His first love hadn’t been his true mate and looking back at that situation, more than a century later, Damien had to accept the fact that his first love had been nothing more than a crush.  A humiliating, hurtful, crush.

And then there was Shawn - the closest Damien had come to loving another person. 
When he looked at that in the cold light of day, Damien realized that he saw Shawn as a challenge, and an acquisition worth having.  Even though, at the time, no one knew that the man was a Shifter Guardian - hell, even Shawn didn’t know until after he had met Kane - Damien was aware that Shawn was really powerful as a wolf in his own right.  Another Alpha.  But thinking about it now, Damien came to understand that he’d had a lucky escape with Shawn.  Firstly, Shawn wasn’t his mate and sooner or later the two men would have parted.  But secondly, Shawn was an Alpha and it would have been in his nature to have challenged Damien eventually.  Even if he hadn’t, Shawn couldn’t have given Damien the type of love that Scott was capable of.

In all honesty Scott was perfect for him - Damien knew that already.  The man was smart, sexy
, and not afraid to be angry at his mate.  Being a beta wolf meant that Scott was a powerful fighter, but he also had the caring gene, for both his mate and his pack.  Scott could be all that Damien couldn’t be - warm, loving, and approachable for his pack members. He would never challenge Damien for his position, but instead would be the positive support that Damien hadn’t even realized he needed until today.

“Damien,” Damien looked up to see Scott was looking at him, a compassionate look on his face.

“Damien, hon, we don’t have to talk about this today,” Scott said.  “I can see things are bothering you and no,” Scott said misinterpreting Damien’s look of concern, “I haven’t been delving into your mind to find out what it is.  I just think that you will share your story with me when you are ready, and maybe that time isn’t now.”

“No, Scott
. I do need to tell you,” Damien said firmly, his mind made up.  “It’s just, I don’t want you to think any less of me, after I have explained what happened.”  He looked deep into Scott’s eyes and saw no judgment or harshness of any kind.  The man stared back, his blue eyes full of understanding and acceptance.

“I would never do that,” Scott assured him.  “Your past life is exactly that - in your past.  The only reason I want to know is because y
our feelings about your past had threatened to derail our mating before it had a chance to work, but if you don’t want to tell me today, then I’m not going to push you.”

“I think I need to tell you,” Damien said quietly.  “I need to…”

Whatever else he was going to say was cut off as his phone started ringing and there was a loud pounding at the door.  Cursing up a blue streak, Damien jumped up and went to answer his apartment door that he had purposely locked.  He had made it clear that he didn’t want to be interrupted and by Gods, this had better be important or heads would roll.  Growling he flung open the door to be greeted by a very disheveled and upset looking Malacai.

“What the fuck?”  Damien growled.

“Sorry, Alpha, so sorry,” the man managed to get out.  “There’s a fire at the compound.  It’s real bad Alpha.  It’s already taken out two houses and is threatening a couple more.  We need…”

“We need to be there,” Scott said firmly coming up behind Damien
, pulling on his shirt.  He handed Damien his own shirt and boots, and then waited while Damien hurriedly got dressed.  The two men followed Malacai down the stairs, through the club and out to the entrance where a fleet of black SUVs were double parked in the street.  Without thinking Damien went to the one in the middle and hopped into the back seat pulling Scott with him.  As soon as the two men were seated the convey pulled out and headed out of town. 

Damien could feel the quiet strength of his mate as he sat and worried about what they were walking into.  A fire at the compound was almost unheard of and already Damien was starting to wonder how it had started, was anybody hurt, how
many people needed to be re-housed, had the fire department been called?  If two houses were already burning then this was a big fire, as all of the houses in the compound, which was the main living area for pack families, were at least twenty or more meters apart.  Fuck and there would be women and children involved as well.  Damien tried to curb his impatience as his driver, Malacai he noticed, wove in and out of traffic with practiced ease.  The pack lands and compound were twenty minutes from the club and every minute weighed heavily on Damien as he fretted about what he would find.

/~/~/~/~/

Scott didn’t know what to expect from Damien’s pack lands.  Damien had only mentioned them briefly, in that apparently he had a house there, but Scott had no idea how many people lived onsite or how many houses there were or even how much land Damien owned.  He imagined, given the size of the pack that there would be a fair bit of land involved, but as to who actually lived on pack lands, Scott had no idea.  So instead of worrying about what he didn’t know, Scott pulled Damien’s hand into his lap and held it quietly while the bigger man worried enough for both of them.

Roughly twenty minutes later the convoy pulled into large iron gates that were already open ready for their arrival.  The gates had to have been 12 foot tall and were encased in a solid brick wall fence that seemed to stretch for miles on both sides of the gates. It was clear Damien’s pack valued their privacy and Scott wondered if all of the pack lands were fenced or if this was just a way of stopping nosy intruders from coming onto the land from the road. There did not appear to be any neighboring houses on the other side of the road.  Instead the road butted against what appeared to be a huge forest area.

The cars drove for about another five minutes more through thick trees that eventually opened out to a huge grassy area dotted with a number of houses.  The convoy pulled up in front of the largest house and Damien jumped out of the SUV, not looking to see if Scott was following him.  Scott followed a little more slowly, taking in his surroundings and trying to get his bearings.  Looking over to the furthest house away, Scott could see huge plumes of smoke rising from two of the buildings, and dozens of people running around between the two houses with hoses, trying to get the fires under control.  Damien had already started running towards the damage and Scott quickly caught up with him and his entourage.

“What the hell happened here?” Damien roared as he got closer, his tall frame making it possible for him to see everything that was happening.  Another huge man, who was supervising the hoses, came running over to report
, along with another half a dozen wolves.  Scott recognized the faces as being some of the wolves at the pack meeting the day before, but he didn’t know anything else about the men currently gathered around Damien, all trying to tell their own version of events. Scott moved back to let the others have their say and looked around to see if there was any practical way he could help.

He was just thinking about going over to help with the hoses
, when he caught sight of a small figure staggering from a house that was burnt down, but not out.  Without thinking he ran towards what was obviously a small boy.  Just as he got to him, the soot covered little urchin fell at his feet.  Scott knelt down and turned the boy’s face up to the sun.

“Hey little man, where did you come from?”  He asked quietly, worried when he saw the look of fear on the boy’s face.

“Who…who are you?” the boy managed to rasp out.

“The Alpha Mate, are you okay?” Scott said just as quietly, scanning the small body
, looking for signs of injuries.

The boy looked back at the house he had come from and then back at Scott. 

“There are others,” he whispered.  “They’re in cages.  I can’t get them out.”

Horrified, Scott looked to where the boy was pointing to the house.  Most of the upper levels had burnt down
, and while most of the flames were under control, timbers were falling and there wasn’t much of the structure left.

“Where are they?” he said urgently.  “Can you show me?”

“In the basement, round the side.  There’s a window.”  The boy said, before he slipped into unconsciousness. 

Scott looked around and saw a woman hovering on the edges of the crowd, watching him with the boy.  He waved at her urgently, angrily dismissing her signs of submission as she came over.  It was like she was terrified of him.

“Yes, Alpha Mate.”

“Look after him,” Scott said shortly.  “Don’t let anyone harm him.  Let anyone know that he is under my protection.  Do you understand?”

The woman looked surprised, but covered it quickly.  “Yes, Alpha Mate.  Thank you, Alpha Mate.  I’ll take him to my home - the yellow house,” she added when Scott looked up.

Scott nodded and ran towards the
burning house.  Seconds later he could hear Damien yelling in his head.

“What the fuck are you doing?  That house is empty.”

“No, it’s not,”
Scott answered as he hurried around the side of the house and out of view of the others.  There, just as the boy described, was a small, dirty, basement window.  Scott couldn’t see anything inside, but he could hear the sounds of someone coughing.  Scott levered the window open and was met with a huge cloud of smoke.  Pulling off his shirt, he wrapped it around his nose and mouth and climbed inside.  The small frame barely allowed his broad shoulders to fit, but Scott persisted, finally landing on his butt on the floor.