What to Expect the Toddler Years (122 page)

Practice at home.
Once in a while, play “church” (or synagogue, or mosque) at home. Let your toddler line up stuffed animal “congregants,” and make a fun, pressure-free game out of rehearsing a “quiet voice” (small children love to learn how to whisper, though they don’t always use what they learn appropriately) and practicing sitting still at services.

Consider the options.
If your place of worship provides child care or a children’s service, take advantage of it as
needed. If not, try organizing something for the youngest congregants yourself—possibly a cooperative effort in which parents alternate caring for the children and attending services. Or simply take turns with your spouse or another adult.

Be fair in your expectations.
Don’t threaten your toddler or scold him for acting his age. If he does speak too loudly, gently remind him to use his quiet voice. If he doesn’t comply, don’t rebuke him, but do remove him; it’s important for him to understand that a house of worship is a place where he must be respectfully quiet.

Play for the long run.
If religion is important to you, try to keep your toddler’s experiences at services pleasant, so that he won’t grow up with negative feelings toward religion.

“There are some days when my daughter finds fault with everything, from sunup to sundown.”

Everybody has bad days—even bad weeks. But most adults are able to keep much of their melancholy to themselves. Toddlers, however, tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves for all to share. If they’re happy, they’re all contagious smiles and giggles. If they’re proud, they strut like peacocks in full plumage. And if they’re grumpy—well, watch out.

Don’t join your toddler in the dumps when one of her cranky days dawn (though this may seem the path of least resistance). Instead, try to help her change her mood, with these suggestions:

Bring on the good humor. Crankiness doesn’t stand much of a chance when it’s bombarded by cheerfulness. Meet your cranky toddler’s frowns with smiles, her grumbling with giggles, her sour face with silliness, without making her feel you’re making fun of her.

If she baits, don’t bite. A cranky child will try to pick a fight over anything and everything—don’t give her the satisfaction of putting up your dukes. Respond to her crankiness with friendly detachment.

Simply remember her favorite things. Whether it’s a plate full of smiley-face pancakes and some finger painting or a cookie-baking session and a bubble bath, giving your toddler a few of her favorite things when she’s feeling grumpy can boost her spirits considerably. If the boost doesn’t last long, don’t give up hope—and plan some more favorite things for later on.

Take a look at your mood. Bad moods are contagious. If your toddler has caught hers from you, try doing something to improve your mood.

Give her some time and attention. Sometimes crankiness is really a cry for some of the tender, loving care only the uninterrupted time and undivided attention of a parent can provide.

Steer clear of her less favorite things. If possible, put off for a better day any activities that your toddler doesn’t enjoy under the best of circumstances—shopping for shoes, for instance, or dragging along while you do errands.

Consider a nap. Lack of sleep can often bring on an episode of crankiness. Being sure your toddler gets a good night’s sleep every night and adequate rest during the day may prevent the “crankies” from taking hold.

Children who are morose most of the time need special understanding and possibly a professional consultation. If your toddler’s crankiness seems associated with symptoms of illness, check with her doctor (see page 569).

“Our son gets completely wired whenever he’s in a stimulating setting or situation. How can we calm him down?”

Toddlers, still relatively new to (and unjaded by) the world around them, are often captivated by the sounds, sights, smells, and sensations that older children and adults might overlook or selectively tune out. In settings where these elements all demand their attention at once (the playground, a party, a department store, a museum), bombarding them with more stimuli than they can handle, their sensory circuits overload and, particularly if they are unusually sensitive to stimuli, they become “wired.”

Ideally, parents should try to anticipate and prevent high-wire acts. Make sure your toddler has napped and has snacked nutritiously before attending a potentially stimulating event. And try not to line up high-energy events back to back (play group followed by a birthday party, for instance).

If your toddler still becomes over-stimulated, don’t try to talk him down from his sensory high; the one stimulus that keyed-up toddlers often
won’t
tune in is the sound of a parent telling them to slow down. Instead:

Remove him from the madding crowd. Temporarily transfer your toddler from the situation that’s become overstimulating.

Once out of the excitement, try relaxation techniques. Different techniques work on different children at different times—try any or all of these to settle your toddler: a great big hug, a gentle hug, a back or neck rub, putting his head in your lap and stroking his hair, singing a quiet song (particularly one with hypnotically repetitive words), reading a favorite story, giving him a glass of milk and a high-protein snack (see page 173 for more ideas).