What to Expect the Toddler Years (120 page)

carry on a conversation of 2 or 3 sentences

. . . may even be able to:

balance on each foot for 1 second

put on a T-shirt

identify a friend by naming

“As if the accidental spills werent bad enough, lately my son has decided its great fun to spill his drinks intentionally—on the floor, the table, himself. I dont know whether to laugh or to cry.”

Dont do either. It’s not a good idea to cry—or laugh—over spilled milk (or juice, or water), unless you want your toddler to continue spilling in order to elicit a reaction. Instead, try to swallow your frustration, stifle the giggles, and keep your composure.

As you’ve noticed, there are two types of spillage perpetrated by toddlers: accidental and intentional. Accidental spills are a result of a child’s level of development. Handling a cup without knocking it over or sloshing some liquid out of it may seem a simple task to someone who’s been doing it for thirty years or so. But it’s a complex task for a relative beginner, whose concentration and fine motor skills still need quite a bit of refining. It generally takes plenty of trials (and just as many errors) before a toddler even begins to get it right.

The intentional spill is generally motivated more by curiosity (“What will happen when I turn this cup over? Hey, look at the milk dripping all over the place. This is great!”) than by mischievousness. To adults, it may seem that once a child has discovered the effect of an action, he should no longer need to repeat the experiment. But toddlers are tirelessly enthusiastic and they like to replicate their experiments over and over again. So you can expect to be sponging up spills, at least occasionally, for many months to come.

To end accidental spilling will take practice and effort on your toddler’s part; to end just-for-fun spilling will take his willing cooperation. Either way, on your part, it will take patience, a sense of humor, a good supply of sponges, and these tips:

Prevent accidents that don’t have to happen. Some spills can be averted with the right choice of cups. Choose cups that are weighted at the bottom and are small enough for a toddler’s hands to grasp comfortably. If your toddler doesn’t object, use a cup with a spout and lid. Pour just a small amount into your toddler’s cup at a time, and refill as necessary. (If your toddler demands a full cup every time, use a very small cup to avoid very large spills.) Also, try to place the cup out of your toddler’s elbow room between sips, so that he will be less likely to knock it over while he’s eating. And watch out for other “danger” zones (on the edge of his placemat, near the edge of the table, and so on). Don’t permit drinking in areas of your home where spills could do major damage—such as on carpets or upholstered furniture. Confining eating to the kitchen, breakfast area, dining room, and family room may not eliminate spills, but will eliminate their most serious consequences.

The new “spill-proof” cups can end spilling completely (turned on end, they don’t even leak), but will teach your toddler nothing about handling an ordinary cup or glass. So use it primarily when spilling would be a major problem (in the car, when visiting, when using your best tablecloth) or when you can’t face another spill.

Don’t blame your toddler for acting his age. Spilling accidents should be treated as just that—accidents—even when they occur repeatedly during one meal. Eating and drinking can be a struggle when you’re two, and your toddler’s self-esteem can suffer if his efforts, no
matter how awkward, are deprecated. When you’re tempted to lose your cool at an accidental spill, remember the times when you—or a guest—accidentally upended a drink.

Give your toddler a sponge instead of a scolding. Enlisting your toddler’s help in cleaning up what he’s intentionally spilled is a much more positive approach than yelling at him or muttering under your breath and may help to discourage such spilling. Another plus: Having to face the consequences of his actions will help your toddler develop responsibility. (Of course, if he decides he
likes
wiping up so much that he spills intentionally, this isn’t the best tactic. Instead, let him play at spilling and wiping up at a play table or in the tub; when he spills where he shouldn’t, wipe it up yourself.)

Provide another drink and a gentle reminder. Don’t deny your toddler a refill if he spills accidentally. Give him what he’s thirsting for, along with a challenge (“Let’s see if you can try to be more careful this time”) rather than a warning (“If you spill again . . .”).

When your toddler spills on purpose, take a stand. Make it clear, without making a big fuss (which will only reinforce the negative behavior) that intentional spills are not acceptable. If he continues to spill intentionally, tell him you will take charge of his cup and give it to him only when he wants to take a sip. If he spills the moment he gets his hands on the cup, take the drink away entirely, with minimal fuss. But make sure he gets plenty of chances to practice filling and pouring in the tub or at a water table.

When you do cry (or scream) over spilled milk, explain why. Seeing milk splatter over a newly mopped floor or grape juice seep into the holiday tablecloth can launch the most even-tempered parent into an uncharacteristic overreaction. Instead of punishing yourself with guilt, explain to your toddler why you got angry (“That’s my new tablecloth, and seeing milk spill all over it made me feel mad.”), and of course, add an apology (“I’m sorry that I yelled at you. I know it was an accident”).