What to Expect the First Year (72 page)

So keep on swinging, but with restrictions. First, limit swinging sessions to no longer than 30 minutes at a time, twice a day. Second, place the swing in the room you'll be in and keep interacting with your baby even as she swings—play peekaboo behind a dish towel while you're making dinner, sing songs while you're checking your Facebook page, swoop down for an occasional cuddle while you're talking on the cell. If she tends to fall asleep in the swing (who can blame her?), try to complete the transfer to the crib before she nods off—not only so that her head doesn't droop, but so that she'll learn to
fall asleep without motion. And, third, keep these safety tips in mind whenever she swings:

• Always strap baby in to prevent falls.

• Never leave your baby unattended while she's in the swing.

• Keep the swing at least arm's length away from objects that your baby can grab on to (such as curtains, floor lamps, drapery cords), and away from dangerous items a baby can reach for (such as outlets, the oven or stove, or sharp kitchen utensils). Also keep the swing away from walls, cabinets, or any surface your baby might be able to use to push off from with her feet.

• Once your baby reaches the manufacturer's weight limit recommendation, usually 15 to 20 pounds, pack up the swing.

“We received a jumping device, which hangs in the doorway, as a gift for our baby. He seems to enjoy it, but we're not sure if it's safe.”

Jumpers come in the doorway variety (it attaches to the upper doorway frames and allows for swinging and jumping) and the stand-alone combined activity jumper (it looks like a stationary activity center but has springs and an open bottom to allow for jumping). Most babies are ready and eager for a workout long before they're independently mobile—which is why many enjoy the acrobatics they can perform in a baby jumper. So allow your bouncing baby to jump for joy, but be aware that some pediatric orthopedic specialists warn that too much jumper use might cause certain kinds of injuries to bones and joints. What's more, baby's exhilaration with the freedom of movement a jumper affords can quickly turn to frustration as he discovers that no matter how—or how much—he moves his arms and legs, he's destined to stay put in the doorway or in his jumper station.

If you do opt to use the doorway jumper, make sure your doorways are wide enough. And no matter which type of jumper you use, remember, as with any baby-busying device (a stationary walker or a swing, for example), that its purpose is to meet your baby's needs, not yours. If he's unhappy in it, take him out immediately. Even if your baby seems to love it, limit jumper use to no more than 30 minutes, twice a day. And never leave your baby unattended in the jumper—even for a moment.

“Our baby is adorable, but she seems to cry so easily. Everything seems to bother her—noise, bright light, being even a tiny bit wet. Is it something we're doing wrong? We're going crazy trying to cope.”

Pregnant daydreams are pink-and-blue collages of a contented infant who coos, smiles, sleeps peacefully, cries only when she's hungry, and grows into a sweet-tempered, cooperative child. Challenging children—those inconsolable babies and kicking, screaming toddlers—clearly don't make the daydream. If they do, they belong to another parent—one who did it all wrong and is paying the price.

And then, for so many parents like you, reality does a number on that particular fantasy. Suddenly, it's your baby whose behavior is challenging—who's crying all the time, who won't sleep, or who seems perpetually unhappy and dissatisfied no matter what you do …
long after she should have outgrown colic or other newborn fussiness. Which makes you wonder, “What did we do wrong?”

The reassuring answer is: absolutely nothing, except maybe pass on some contributing genes, since a challenging temperament appears to have much more to do with nature than nurture. What's more (and even more reassuring): You're far from alone in the challenge of having a challenging baby—more than 25 percent of parents do. Knowing that you have company can help immeasurably—as can commiserating, venting, and swapping tips and insights with parents who feel your frustration. (Look for parents who can relate on the message boards at
WhatToExpect.com
.)

Something else that can help a lot: knowing how to adapt your little one's environment so that it's a better (and more soothing) fit for her challenging temperament. First, you'll need to figure out exactly where the challenge lies with your baby. Here are some types of challenging temperaments (keep in mind, there may be overlap between categories for your baby), as well as some techniques for coping with them:

The low-sensory-threshold baby.
A wet diaper, a tight t-shirt, a high neckline, a bright light, a scratchy sweater, a cold crib—any or all of these may stress out a baby who seems to be extra sensitive to sensory stimulation. In some little ones, all five senses (hearing, vision, taste, touch, and smell) are very easily overloaded—in others, just one or two. Helping a low-sensory-threshold baby means trying to keep the general level of unnecessary sensory stimulation down, as well as avoiding those specific things that bother her, such as:

• Sound sensitivity. As much as is practical (remember, you still have to live in the house, too) lower the sound level in your home. Keep the TV and all other sound systems low, adjust all telephone rings to low or vibrate, and install carpets and curtains, where possible, to absorb sound. Speak or sing to your baby softly, experimenting with pitch to see which are most appealing to her sensitive ears, and watch for her reaction to musical or other sound-producing toys, too. If outside noises seem to be a problem, try a white-noise machine or app or an air cleaner in baby's room to block them out.

• Light or visual sensitivity. Use room-darkening shades or curtains where baby sleeps so the light won't disturb her, filter out bright sunlight in her stroller with a cover, and avoid turning on bright lights wherever she is. Try not to expose her to too much visual stimulation at once—give her just one toy to play with at a time, and keep it simple. Select toys that are soft and subtle in color and design rather than bright and busy.

• Taste sensitivity. If your baby is breastfed and has a bad day after you've eaten garlic or onions, consider that she's not keen on the flavor your milk has picked up. If she's bottle-fed and seems cranky a lot, try switching to a formula with a different taste (ask the doctor for a recommendation). When you introduce solids, let her sensitive palate be your guide—respect that she may reject strong flavors entirely (though don't always assume it).

• Touch sensitivity. With this princess-and-the-pea-like syndrome, your baby might lose her cool as soon as she wets her diaper, become frantic when she's dressed in anything but the softest fabric, scream when she's dunked in the tub or put down on a too-chilly mattress, struggle when you tie her shoes
over wrinkled socks. So dress her for comfort (cotton knits with smooth seams and buttons, snaps, labels, and collars that won't irritate because of size, shape, or location are ideal), adjust bathwater and room temperatures to levels that keep her happy, and change diapers frequently (or change the diapers you're using to ones that are softer and more absorbent).

A small percentage of babies are so oversensitive to touch that they fuss in a sleep sack, try to break free of a kangaroo hold, and even resist cuddling, especially skin-to-skin. If that sounds like your little one, do a lot of your caressing and interacting with words and eye contact rather than actual physical touching. When you do hold your baby, learn which way seems least annoying (tight or loose, for example). Observe closely to see what feels good and what doesn't. And most of all, don't take her preferences personally—remember, this is nature talking, not nurture.

• Smell sensitivity. Unusual odors aren't likely to bother a very young infant, but some babies begin to show a negative reaction to certain scents before the end of the first year. The aroma of frying eggs, the smell of a diaper rash cream, the fragrance in a fabric softener or a lotion, can all make a smell-sensitive baby restless and unhappy. If your baby seems sensitive to smells, limit her exposure to strong odors when you can, and go fragrance-free as much as possible.

• Stimulation sensitivity. Too much stimulation of any kind seems to trigger trouble for some infants. These babies need to be handled gently and slowly. Loud talk, hurried movements, too many toys (particularly very stimulating ones), too many people around, too much activity in a day can all be stressful. By watching your baby's reactions carefully, you'll be able to ease her sensory load before she hits overload. To help your stimulation-sensitive baby sleep better, avoid active play just before bedtime, substituting a soothing, warm bath followed by quiet storytelling or lullabies. Soft music may help her settle down, too.

The active baby.
Babies often send the first clue that they're going to be more active than most right from the womb—suspicions are confirmed soon after birth, when swaddles are kicked off, diapering and dressing sessions become wrestling matches, and baby always ends up at the opposite end of the crib after a nap. Active babies are a constant challenge (they sleep less than most, become restless when feeding, can be extremely frustrated until they're able to be independently mobile, and are always at risk of hurting themselves), but they can also be a joy (they're usually very alert, interested and interesting, and quick to master milestones). While you don't want to curb your active baby's enthusiasm and adventurous nature, you'll definitely want to take steps to keep her safe as she takes on her environment, as well as learn ways to calm her for eating and sleeping:

• Be especially careful never to leave your active baby on a bed, changing table, or any other elevated spot even for a second—she may figure out how to turn over very early, and sometimes just when you least expect it. A restraining strap on the changing table is essential, of course, but don't rely on it if you're more than a step away from your extra wriggly wee one.

• Adjust the crib mattress to its lowest level as soon as your baby starts to sit alone for even a few seconds—the
next step may be pulling up and over the sides of the crib.

• Don't place your active baby's infant seat anywhere except on the floor—she may be capable of overturning the seat. And of course, baby should always be strapped in.

• Learn what slows down your active baby—massage, soft music, a warm bath. Build such quieting activities into your baby's schedule before feeding and sleeping times.

The irregular baby.
At about 6 to 12 weeks, just when other babies seem to be settling into a schedule and becoming more predictable, an irregular baby seems to become more erratic. Not only doesn't she fall into a schedule on her own, she's not interested in any you may have to offer.

Sound like your baby? Instead of following her chaotic lead or trying to impose a very rigid schedule that goes against her erratic nature, try to find a comfortable middle ground. To put a modicum of order in her life and yours, try as much as possible to build a schedule around any natural tendencies she might have (as hard to spot as they might be). Keep a diary to uncover any hints of a recurring time frame in your little one's days, such as hunger around 11 a.m. every morning or fussiness after 7 p.m. every evening.

Try to counter any unpredictability with predictability. That means trying, as much as possible, to do things at the same times and in the same ways every day. Nurse in the same chair when possible, give baths at the same time each day, always soothe by the same method (rocking or singing or whatever works best). Try scheduling feedings at roughly the same times each day, even if your baby doesn't seem hungry, and try to stick to the schedule even if she is hungry between meals, offering a small snack if necessary. Ease rather than force your baby into more of a structured day. And don't expect true regularity, just a little less chaos.

Nights with an irregular baby can be the toughest challenge of all, mostly because she may not differentiate them from days. You can try the tips for dealing with night-day differentiation problems (
click here
), but it's very possible they won't work for your baby, who may want to stay up throughout the night, at least initially. To survive, you may need to alternate night duty or share split shifts with your parenting partner (if you have one) until things get a bit more predictable, which they eventually will with some calm persistence.

The poor-adaptability or initial-withdrawal baby
(aka the “slow-to-warm-up” baby). These babies consistently reject the unfamiliar—new objects, people, foods. Some are upset by change of any kind, even familiar change such as going from the house to the car. If this sounds like your baby, try setting up a daily schedule with few surprises. Feedings, baths, and naps should take place at the same times and in the same places, with as few departures from baby's routine as possible. Introduce new toys and people (and foods, when baby is ready for them) very gradually. For example, hang a new mobile over the crib for just a minute or two. Remove it and bring it out again the next day, leaving it up for a few minutes longer. Continue increasing the time of exposure until baby seems ready to accept and enjoy the mobile. Introduce other new toys and objects in the same way. Have new people spend a lot of time just being in the same room with your baby, then talking at a distance, then communicating close up, before they make an attempt at physical contact. Later, when you introduce solids, add new foods very gradually, starting with tiny amounts and increasing portion size over the span of a week or two. Don't add another food until the last is well accepted. Try to avoid unnecessary changes when making purchases—a new bottle with a different shape or color, a new gadget on the stroller, a new style of pacifier.