What the Heart Knows (8 page)

Still silence sounded in her ears. “Please, honey, tell me where you are. I can come get you.”

“Mom—”

“Yes, Mark.”

A long pause, then the phone went dead.

“Mark!” Kathleen shouted into the receiver, wishing she could renew the connection.

The second she replaced the phone on its hook, she looked at the number on the caller ID box. A 918 area code? He wasn't in Crystal Springs. He wasn't even in the vicinity. She immediately snatched up the receiver and dialed the number Mark had called her from.

On the seventh ring someone picked it up and said, “Blue Moon Café,” in a deep, gruff voice.

“Who am I speaking with?”

“Lady, who do you want?”

“Is there a teenage boy with brown hair cut short there? He's five feet eight inches tall, probably wearing black jeans.”

“Nope. He just left and I don't have time to chat. My break's over.” The man hung up.

The dial tone droned in her ear. Shaking, she called the number again. It rang and rang. Finally
Kathleen put the receiver down in frustration and spun about.

“Mark called me from a Blue Moon Café with a 918 area code. Where is that?”

Laura flipped through the phone book until she found the map of the United States with the various area codes. “Eastern Oklahoma.”

“Not too far away,” Kathleen whispered, trying to think what to do next. She was so tired that her mind took longer to put her thoughts together.

“If he called, that means he's okay.” Laura closed the phone book with a thud.

“You keep calling this number until someone answers. Find out where the Blue Moon Café is. I'm packing.”

“Packing?”

“I'm going to bring my son home.”

“Let the police—”

“I can't sit here doing nothing but waiting. I must look for Mark and now I have a place to start.”

“If he stays put long enough for you to find him.”

Kathleen left the kitchen as her sister punched in some numbers. She ran up the stairs and threw some clothes into a bag. Ten minutes later she came back down the stairs, ready to go as soon as Laura pinpointed where the restaurant was located.

When she entered the kitchen, Laura put the phone down. “Someone answered on my fifth try. The phone is a pay phone at a café near the downtown area of Tulsa.”

“Then that's where I'll be.” Kathleen searched for her car keys, found them and grabbed her purse.

Laura stopped her by blocking her path to the garage. “You can't run off by yourself and look for Mark in a strange city. Let the private detective investigate.”

“Yes, I can, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I can't sit any longer and wait to hear news of my son.”

“Then I'm coming with you. If you just wait a while, I'll get what I need—”

Kathleen sidestepped her sister and jerked open the door to the garage. After pressing the garage-door opener, she walked to her car to stow her overnight bag. “I'm not waiting. I can't afford to lose any more time. You've got a family to take care of. I could be gone a while. I'll be fine.”

Jared pulled up behind her and parked, blocking her exit more effectively than Laura had a few minutes ago. Short of ramming his sedan with hers she wasn't going any place until he moved his car.

Anger welled in her. The seconds ticked away, precious moments she couldn't afford to lose. If Mark wasn't in Tulsa when she arrived, she didn't know what she would be able to do, and it was important she be involved in finding her son.

“Please move. I'm leaving,” she said as Jared approached her.

“Where are you going?”

“To find Mark in Tulsa. He called from a café fifteen minutes ago.”

“Yes, Laura told me. Your sister and I don't want you to go alone.”

“Well, I've got news for both of you. I'm going to Tulsa to find Mark. Period. End of discussion.”

“Okay, but I'm coming with you.”

“I appreciate the offer, but—”

He held up his hand to stop her protest. “I'm coming because you don't know what kind of state you'll find Mark in. If he's having a mental breakdown, you'll need help.”

“I can't ask you to do that. I don't know how long I'll be gone.” Frustration churned her stomach, time slipping further and further away.

He straightened, determination in his expression. “I'm coming. I told you I would do what I could to help Mark. My partner is covering for me for a few days and Laura will take care of Hannah and Terry.”

“You arranged all that? When did Laura call you?”

“Fifteen minutes ago.”

Kathleen glanced back at her sister who had emerged from the house. “She must have called you first.”

“All we have to do is swing by my house and let me pick up a few things in case we're gone for a while.”

She started to protest, saw the unyielding line of his jaw and the diamond-hard glint in his eyes, and knew his coming was for the best. What if Mark needed a doctor? Tulsa was a strange city to her. Her sister and Jared would never let her go alone, and if she stopped and thought about it long enough, she would agree with their wisdom. “Fine, but you'd better be able to pack fast.”

“Ten minutes. No more.” Jared headed back toward his large, metallic blue car. “I'll drive and I want no arguments there. I don't think you're up to driving two hours to Tulsa.”

“You weren't gonna get an argument from me on that. I'm so tired I'd probably have us in Little Rock instead of Tulsa.”

He opened the door for her on the passenger's side. “How much sleep have you been getting?”

“Sleep. What's that?”

“That's what I thought. Then I expect you to sleep on the drive to Tulsa.”

When Jared rounded the front of the car and slid behind the steering wheel, she said, “I don't think I can sleep. All I dream about when I manage to doze off is Mark and what he must be going through.”

He reached across the seat and brushed his forefinger under one eye. “I can give you something to help you sleep, Kathleen. You need your rest. When we get Mark back—and we will—he'll need you.” He grazed the skin under her other eye. “You've got dark circles and your face is pallid.”

“Gee, thanks, Doc. A gal loves to hear how pretty she is,” she attempted a smile that vanished almost instantly.

“My point,” he started the engine, “is that I'm coming along not just for Mark but for you, too. I'm worried about you.”

His concern swelled the constant ache in her heart. She missed having a man care about what happened to her. John had always been so good about that. “I'll be fine,” she said in a hoarse voice, clearing
her throat and adding, “Mark is the only one you need to be concerned with.”

After Mark was found, she would have to learn to go it alone. Finding Mark was too important for her to dismiss any kind of help she could get. She would never go back to depending so much on another. It hurt too much when he was taken away.

 

Kathleen checked the city map that Jared had picked up at a gas station. “This is it. The café should be down this street on the left.”

She glanced around at the north side's rundown buildings and the seedy landscape with tall weeds growing in vacant lots and trash littering the ground. Mark was out there somewhere—alone, sick. Thinking of all the things that could happen to him, she shuddered.

Jared pulled into a gravel lot at the side of the café and parked toward the front of the redbrick building, not far from the pay phone Mark must have used.

“It would have been so nice to find Mark standing next to the phone,” Kathleen murmured, shoving open the car door even before Jared had turned off the engine.

Jared quickly left the sedan. “Slow down. Where are you going?”

“To check the number on the phone,” she tossed over her shoulder. She examined the black box and saw that the number had been scratched off. She dug into her purse for some coins as Jared came up to her. “I'll call Laura and see what number pops up on the caller ID box.”

When her sister answered the phone, Kathleen said, “We're here in Tulsa. What number am I calling from?”

Laura rattled off the same numbers that Mark had called from.

“I'll let you know our progress, and if we stay overnight, where I'll be. If Mark calls back, please let me know immediately on my cell phone. We might be able to get there before he disappears.”

“Now that you've arranged things with the phone company, all your calls are being forwarded to my house. Take care, Kathleen. You're in good hands with Jared, and his children are enjoying themselves.”

“When I return, we have a few things to discuss.” Kathleen was acutely aware of Jared standing behind her. His distinctive scent filled her nostrils, reminding her she wasn't alone in this.

“I'm glad I called Jared before anyone else today. No amount of discussing will change that, little sis. See you soon.”

Kathleen carefully replaced the receiver on its hook, thinking that only a few hours before Mark had held the same phone. What had prompted him to call home? Was he in trouble? Was he frightened?

“Let's go inside and see what they say about Mark.” Jared touched the small of her back.

His fingertips sent a jolt through her. Again she was vividly aware of this man's presence in her life. In a few short weeks she had come to depend on him and that scared her. Nothing was normal in her life
and certainly any relationship that evolved during this time would be shaky.

She walked quickly toward the front of the café. A bell rang when she opened the door and stepped inside to air laced with the scents of coffee and grease. The dingy decor of red-and-black vinyl and the near-empty diner, even though it was close to dinner time, spoke of a restaurant barely making ends meet. Kathleen headed straight for the counter next to the cash register. A man stood behind it with a dirty white apron on and a toothpick stuck between his lips.

Kathleen removed Mark's picture and shoved it toward the man behind the counter. “Have you seen this person?”

“Nope.”

“Is there anyone else who works here?”

“Just me and Danny. We own this place.”

“May I speak with Danny please?”

“Are you gonna order something?”

Kathleen started to say, “No,” when she saw the stubborn look in the man's eyes. Instead she said, “Yes, a glass of iced tea please. Now, may I speak with Danny?”

The man peered from her to Jared, grumbled something under his breath and scuffled toward the back. He returned a minute later with a glass of iced tea and an older man with bushy gray hair following him. The first man set the glass in front of Kathleen along with the bill.

The gray-headed man asked, “You need to speak to me?”

“Yes. Have you seen this person around here? He made a call from the pay phone outside the door about three hours ago.” Kathleen laid the picture on the counter.

“Yep. What did he do?”

“Ran away from home. Do you know where he went?”

The man shook his head slowly as though he were thinking. “He ran off like someone was after him. We get a lot of transients in these parts. Here one day. Gone the next.”

“Where might someone like him go in Tulsa?”

The man scratched his head, his mouth twisted in a grimace. “Maybe downtown. There are a couple of shelters around. Course, this is summer, so not much need for shelter like in winter. But it can get awfully hot. Some of them hang out at the public library, places like that.”

Without touching her tea, Kathleen removed some money from her purse and paid for the drink. “Thank you. If he comes back, will you call this number and let me know?”

The old man grabbed up the twenty dollars she left for the tea. “Sure, lady.”

Jared escorted her out of the café. She felt the two owners' gazes on her back the whole way to the door. Outside she took a deep breath of the hot, summer air and felt much better.

“You know you'll never hear from them.”

“Probably not, but just maybe I will if Mark returns. At least we have a few places we can search.”

“First let's find a hotel and get some dinner. Then we can start looking.”

“But—”

He placed his fingers on her mouth. “Shh, Kathleen. You have to eat and we'll both need some sleep tonight unless we get lucky and find Mark right away.”

Her lips tingled from his touch. She sighed, knowing he was right, then nodded. “Let's get a hotel downtown so we can walk the streets tonight.”

“Thank goodness I came with you. You know how dangerous it would be for you to walk the streets at night by yourself.”

“But I have you.”

He gave her an intense look. “Yes, you have me.”

“W
e should be out looking for Mark,” Kathleen said the second the waitress left their table at the restaurant.

“And we will be just as soon as I get some food in you. Otherwise, I'm not sure you'd be going too far.”

She smiled, a fleeting upturn of her mouth. “Is that your roundabout way of saying I don't look too good?”

Jared took in her ashen features, dark circles under her large brown eyes and the tight set to her shoulders. Exhaustion clung to her like a second skin, and yet she wanted to walk the streets of downtown Tulsa searching for her son, just as she had done when she had thought Mark was in Crystal Springs. His admiration grew for her every time he was around her.

“I look that bad?”

Kathleen's question pulled him from his musings.
He shook his head. “Under the circumstances I think you're doing terrific. We won't be long. The waitress said she'd put a rush on our order.”

“I shouldn't feel guilty taking the time to eat, but I do.”

“Guilt is a mighty strong motivator.”

Kathleen cocked her head, her expressive eyes turning darker. “Are you speaking from experience?”

Her question took him by surprise. “This isn't about me.”

“The few things you've said in the past have left me with the impression you feel responsible for your wife's problems.”

He ran his finger along the rim of his water glass. “Not her problems so much as I feel I should have been able to help her.”

“Weren't you the one who said we can't control others, only ourselves?”

“I'm a doctor. I couldn't heal her.”

“Did she want to get well?”

He shrugged. “Sometimes I thought she did, but then she'd start drinking again.”

“And things were taken out of your hands?”

“Yes, exactly.”

The waitress placed their bowls of spaghetti in front of them along with a basket of piping hot, freshly made bread.

Jared waited until the woman had left before continuing. “I thought I was doing all the right things, but in the end I guess I wasn't.”

Kathleen covered his hand with hers. “Hey, just
because you were doing what you were supposed to be doing doesn't mean the other person was. I have some experience in that. I couldn't control what happened to my husband, and I'm quickly finding I'm also not able to control what's happening to Mark.”

“Listen, let's make a deal. For the duration of this meal, let's concentrate only on happy thoughts. Our problems can wait until we're finished eating. A deal?”

“I wish it were that easy.”

“Sure it is. All you have to do is agree.” He grasped her hand to shake.

“A deal, then,” she said with a laugh.

The sound of her laughter reached into his heart and touched a place he'd thought frozen. His experience with Alice had robbed him of any desire for a relationship with another woman, and yet— He shoved the thought from his mind. Too much was occurring right now to let that thought grow.

“When I called Hannah this evening, she was on the line with a boy. I guess I should be lucky she even answered the phone. I got the distinct impression she wanted me to call back later. It doesn't take long for a father to become second in his daughter's life.” He exaggerated a sigh while twirling his spaghetti using a fork and spoon.

“You'll always have a special place in your daughter's heart.”

“Talking from experience?”

“Yes, my father is wonderful. He's always there when I need him.”

“Do you need him as much as you did when you were a little girl?”

“Well, no, but the fact I know he's there gives me strength.”

“Family is important.”

“I agree. I wanted more children, but we didn't have any more.”

“I come from a small family. When Alice and I married, we talked about having four children.” He paused, remembering those early days when he didn't know about his wife's drinking problem. Even then he'd felt something wasn't quite right. “Under the circumstances, I'm glad we didn't, but I'd still like more children.” He lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I guess that's why I took on the youth group—instant family.”

“Have you thought about moving back to where you grew up to be with your family?”

Jared added some more Parmesan cheese to his spaghetti. “No, I think of Crystal Springs as my home now. Besides, my parents moved to Florida. My oldest brother still lives in my hometown. My youngest died when I was a teenager. He was the reason I wanted to become a doctor.”

“I'm sorry about your brother. How did he die?”

“He drowned while we were swimming at the lake. I tried to help. I couldn't.”

“Oh, Jared,” Kathleen murmured, her voice husky, thick.

“It was a long time ago,” he said, trying to dismiss the subject before memories overwhelmed him.
For a brief flash he remembered the desperation, the vow—

Silence stretched between them. Jared locked his past away, determined not to go there. He couldn't change it.

“We don't have a large family, either, but they all live in or around Crystal Springs.” Kathleen glanced off in the distance. “Without them I don't know how I'd have gotten—” Her voice faded into silence. She swallowed hard and shook her head. “Summer is sure setting in fast. One day it's cool and the next it's blistering hot.” She took a bite of her spaghetti and meatballs.

Jared chuckled. “So we've come to this. Discussing the weather.” Breaking off a piece of a hard roll, he buttered it and popped it into his mouth.

“I thought weather would be a safe enough topic.”

“We could always talk about politics or religion.”

“Oh, no. I'm not going there. You drove. You're my ticket home.”

“I doubt we differ too much on either subject.”

Kathleen arched a brow.

“We go to the same church. How different can we be?”

She dropped her gaze to her half-empty bowl and moved the spaghetti around in circles. “I have a confession to make. I'm only attending church because my family expects it. If I still lived in Shreveport, I probably wouldn't be attending.” She lifted her eyes to look deeply into Jared's. “I'm going through what you would call a crisis of faith and what Mark is
going through only confirms my present feelings. I don't understand God. I didn't when John died. Mark has already been through enough. He lost his father last year, and now something is terribly wrong with him. How can God do this to my son?”

“I can't begin to tell you I know everything God has planned for us. I don't even always know the reasons behind what happens. But I do know God is always with us and that His love is a powerful healing tool if you let it into your life. On Earth God never promised us a paradise. This isn't a perfect world, but His strength helps us get through the trials and tribulations thrown at us.”

Kathleen drank some of her water. “It's one thing for me to go through trials and tribulations, but to have to watch my son deal with something like a brain tumor or depression or whatever is wrong with him is too much. It should have been me, not Mark. If I could trade places, I would.”

Jared signaled to the waitress for the bill. “I think all parents feel that way when something happens to their child. When we find Mark, he'll need you more than ever. You'll need to draw your strength from somewhere or you'll end up depleted. Let God be there for you.”

The waitress left the bill on the table. Jared took some money from his wallet and paid it, then rose, holding out his hand for Kathleen.

“Let's go look for Mark while it's still light outside.”

Kathleen glanced at her watch. “We have about an hour of daylight left.”

“Tomorrow we can get a list of shelters and make the rounds there, but I have a feeling he hasn't gone to one. He looks too young for them not to question him.”

“He took some money with him, but he'll run out soon. How's he going to eat?”

Jared guided Kathleen from the restaurant, which was two blocks from the heart of downtown Tulsa. “We'll find him before that.”

With Jared walking beside her, Kathleen felt hope. He took the photograph from her purse and began showing it to anyone they passed on the street. They had covered a good part of the downtown area by the time darkness settled over the city. And not one single person had recognized her son's picture. Doubt gnawed at her hope.

Jared turned back toward the hotel. “This is only the first night. It's late. We'll get up early tomorrow and start asking around right after breakfast.”

“You're going to make me eat breakfast?”

“Yep. And you better get a good night's sleep, too. Doctor's orders.”

“Yes, sir.” She saluted him before pushing open the glass door into the lobby.

“If I didn't know better, I'd think you were mocking me,” he said, following her into the hotel.

She turned and walked a few steps backward. “Oh, no. Never.”

“Now I know you're mocking me.”

She stopped in the middle of the large lobby. “Okay, maybe just a tiny little bit.” She held her thumb and forefinger up to indicate an inch.

He closed the space between them, capturing her hand within his. “Just for that you'll have to eat an extra big breakfast tomorrow.”

“Oh, no, not that.” Laughter tinged her voice.

His fingers still held hers, warm and strong. Suddenly in the middle of the lobby Kathleen felt as if they were the only two people in the whole twenty-floor hotel. Voices faded. He filled her vision, his aftershave the only thing she could smell. With his blue eyes sparkling with amusement, his dimples appeared in his cheeks.

“I love your laughter,” he said, his voice husky.

I love your eyes, your kindness, she wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. All she could do was stare into those fathomless depths and count herself lucky she had found a friend like Jared.

His expression sobered. “All kidding aside, you do need to get a good night's rest and we will be eating a big breakfast tomorrow.”

“You can be very demanding, can't you?”

“Doctors learn that the first year of med school.” He released her hand and slipped his arm about her shoulder. “Come on. I'll walk you up to your room, then I'm hitting the fitness room.”

She twisted about and looked up into his face. “Now you
are
kidding.”

“Nope. I'm not nearly ready for bed.”

“I've always heard that doctors are the worst patients. What about your advice to me? Shouldn't that be good for you, too?”

“Probably. But I can function on a lot less sleep than you.”

“Who says?” Kathleen punched the up button at the elevator.

He cupped her face and searched her features. “Your eyes, your expression, the tired lines about your mouth. Should I go on?”

“No, I get the point.”

The elevator swished open and she stepped into it. When the doors closed, she was alone with Jared and very aware of the man beside her. She still felt the warmth of his touch on her face. She could come to care for this man very much if she wasn't careful. All she had to do to squelch that was to remember the painful months since her husband's death.

At her floor, Jared walked with her toward her room. Even though it was only ten o'clock, the silence in the hall reinforced the feeling that she and Jared were the only two people in the hotel.

At her door she turned. “I'd like to start early. I'll meet you downstairs for breakfast at seven.”

He grinned, the lines on his own face indicating he wasn't immune to exhaustion. “I'll be there with my walking shoes on.”

“I want to find a printer who can make up some flyers of Mark. We can hand them out when we are searching. Maybe someone will recognize his picture even later on and call. I'll put my cell number on the flyer just in case.”

“We'll work something up over breakfast so you won't feel like you're wasting your time by eating. Good night, Kathleen.” Jared started back toward the elevator, glanced over his shoulder and added, “Get some sleep.”

She unlocked her door and slipped inside her room. Kicking off her shoes, she collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the white ceiling. Jared's last comments about guilt came to mind. He knew it was a powerful motivator—because of his own past with Alice.

 

Dropping her large purse by her feet, Kathleen sat on the bench by the Arkansas River running through Tulsa. The sun sank below the trees that lined the river park. She removed her tennis shoes and kneaded first one foot then the other.

“Thank goodness I ate a big breakfast and lunch. I didn't know I could walk so much in one day,” she said, scooting over so Jared could sit down next to her when he approached her. “Any luck that way—” she gestured toward the south “—because I didn't have any.” She heard the edge of defeat creeping into her voice and wanted to push it away. But she couldn't, not after spending hours walking and talking to everyone she saw. She felt as though she had met every person who lived in Tulsa.

“What if Mark is no longer in Tulsa?” Kathleen asked, the question she had suppressed all day surfacing.

“Since he called you yesterday from here, this is the best place to start. We checked the bus station. He hasn't left by bus and there is no train service.” Jared shifted on the bench. “We'd better be heading back. We've covered a lot of ground today.”

“Yeah, we have a long walk back.”

He watched her massaging her feet. “We can always see if we can find a taxi.”

“No. Let's take a rest and then walk back. We might see someone who knows where Mark is.” Even as Kathleen said the last sentence, she felt the defeat grow stronger. Searching for her son was like searching for a needle in a haystack—a large haystack when she glimpsed the tall buildings jutting up toward the sky. She estimated they were a good six or seven miles away.