What the Duke Desires (23 page)

Simon nodded. That much he
knew
to be true. His father and the duchess had never been close. As a child, he had judged her for her coldness and respected his father for his kindness.

How much things changed when one understood them. Now he saw his father’s behavior as self-righteous posturing and her response as measured considering what she had been through.

“Thank you for telling me all you know, Your Grace,” he said softly. “I understand how difficult it must have been for you.”

She turned back and stared at him for a long moment.

“I suppose,” she said, her voice brittle and low, “that you shall now expel me from this and any other property under your control. You will wish to punish me for my part in this deception. I’m not your mother, after all. You owe me nothing.”

Simon stared at her in utter disbelief. It took him a few moments before he found his voice in response to her accusation.

“Madam, you think quite ill of me, I see. Reluctant or no, I would hope you realize you raised me far better than that.”

Surprise lit her face. And enough hope to break his heart. She truly had expected no kindness from him at all. He supposed he could thank his father for that; the last duke had shown her little of it.

“This is your home, Your Grace,” he said softly. “Your son lives on the grounds. Why in the world would I send you away from him? My brother needs you, that much is clear from speaking to him for less than a minute. He talked about you the entire time I spent with him. If you were gone permanently, he would be utterly lost.”

His mother nodded, her shoulders shaking with emotion. “You won’t force me away from him?”

He shook his head. “In fact, if you would like, I shall have a dowager house erected on the property closer to his cottage, so you won’t be forced to travel so far when you wish to see him. In time, perhaps you could even move him there so the two of you could be together always. Or we could expand his current cottage and make it more fit for you to join him if that is your wish. I think you two have been kept apart for far too long as it is.”

She said nothing for a full minute and then she utterly shocked him by crossing the room and awkwardly putting her arms around him. The embrace lasted only a few seconds, but in that time he felt more warmth, more motherly concern from her than he had in thirty years of the lie they had lived.

She pulled away and he let her go. This was all he could expect, he wouldn’t demand more.

“Thank you,” she said softly, and then she straightened up and her vulnerability was once again hidden. “Now if you will excuse me, it has been a very trying day. I think I shall take a tray here tonight and turn in early. I’ll leave you and your future bride to take care of our guests for the evening.”

Lillian understood the sendoff as much as he did, and she got to her feet and came to his side. She sent his mother a quick nod as they moved into the hallway, which the duchess did not acknowledge, only closed the door smartly behind them.

They stared at each other for a long time before Lillian gave him a half smile. “If your mother’s final dismissal of me is any indication, it seems all has returned to normal.”

Simon couldn’t help but grin, despite the upheaval of the day. “Yes. She still despises my choice in wife. I suppose that means she accepts
me
in some strange way.”

But as they walked up the hall together, Simon couldn’t help but look behind him. And wonder what the future would hold now that
all
the secrets were finally out.

Simon lifted his eyes from his plate, and Lillian could have kissed Gabby. It was the first time any attempt at conversation had roused him.

He nodded. “Yes. In fact, I received word from my solicitor an hour or so ago that the special license has come through. The moment we arrive in London, we shall be free to wed.”

Lillian nodded absently and caught Gabby looking at her. She avoided her friend’s stare, for she could see Gabby was wondering if she had yet told Simon the truth about why she had come here. The fact that she hadn’t hung over her heavily, but with so much turmoil, she hadn’t found the right time. After they were married, perhaps it would be clearer. Even though the thought of waiting made her stomach clench.

“I hope you’ll be very happy,” Gabby murmured as she smiled at Simon.

He returned her smile. “You shall stand up for us, I hope.”

“Of course,” Gabby said. “If that is Lillian’s wish, I’d be proud to stand up and witness your wedding.”

Lillian glared at her friend. “Who else in the world would I have at my side? Only you and perhaps Lucinda, except I doubt she would come, as she is still in mourning.”

Simon frowned. “Lucinda?”

“Lucinda Stoneworth,” Lillian explained. “Her husband died a year ago and she is still devastated.”

Simon nodded. “Yes, I recall. His brother holds the title now and there was some outrage about it initially.”

Lillian nodded.

For a moment the table was quiet and then Simon cleared his throat. “But it does make one think, doesn’t it?”

“About?” she asked.

“About the fleeting quality of life. An accident can change everything, a lie can alter a life, a secret uncovered can change the course of everything after. If we don’t seize the moment, it might be gone.”

Lillian stared at him, filled with empathy. It was clear to her that they were no longer talking about a friend’s tragedy, but Simon’s own. And no wonder he would think about it. After all, he was still digesting everything that had occurred. It would probably take years for him to determine his place in the world.

And she would be by his side to help, which was somewhat comforting to her in a strange way. If she couldn’t destroy his father, at least she could help undo some of the damage the man had done.

“Lillian, why don’t we leave for London tomorrow morning at first light?” Simon asked.

Lillian blinked. “Tomorrow? That is so soon.”

“Why wait?” he asked, taking her hands as if no one else was in the room but her. “Haven’t we seen what missing a moment can cause? With good roads, it is but a two-day journey. If luck was on our side, we could be married before Sunday luncheon. My mother may not choose to attend, but we’ll have Gabby to stand for us and I’m sure Rhys and Anne would come even though they are marrying less than a week later. What do you think?”

Lillian blinked. He was so earnest, so eager to start anew. And she understood why. When he married her, it would be a step toward a future. A future where there were no lies.

Or at least none he knew.

“Yes, Simon,” she said softly. “If you wish to leave tomorrow, I will happily go with you.”

He laughed and jumped to his feet. “I shall make the arrangements straightaway.”

He hurried from the room, and even before she looked at her, Lillian could feel Gabby’s eyes on her. She gave her friend a look before she downed a gulp of wine.

“What is happening?” Aunt Isabel asked, her tone too loud for the small room.

“We’re going home tomorrow,” Gabby said loudly. “His Grace is making arrangements.”

“Tomorrow?” Aunt Isabel shouted with a scowl. “I shall have to tell Maggie.”

She threw her napkin down and stomped from the room to find the servant. Once they were alone, Gabby’s attention focused back on Lillian.

“He loves you,” her friend said.

Lillian choked on her wine as she stared at Gabby.

“Love?” she repeated when she was able to breathe properly.

Gabby nodded. “I don’t know what happened between you these last few days, and I won’t ask because I doubt I want to be involved in it, but something has changed.”

Lillian frowned. There was no denying that. What they had seen, what they had said, what they had uncovered…it
had
bound them.

“Do you intend to tell him the truth?” her friend asked softly.

Lillian let her arms come up on the table and flopped her head down to rest on them.

“Yes,” she murmured, her voice muffled. “I must, I know. But I fear his response, Gabby. In truth, I fear losing him forever.”

Still, when the door closed behind them, a sense of shyness filled her. After all, the other times they had been together, there had been a sense of urgency, of passion taking over. Tonight, standing in the middle of his bedchamber with him watching her, she wasn’t sure how to start.

“What can I do for you, Simon?” she finally asked as she clasped her hands in front of her awkwardly. “Is there anything you need?”

He smiled slightly and moved forward. Her heart leapt as he did so, her body tightly wound in anticipation of his touch.

“Need,” he murmured as he stopped a few inches before her, though he made no move to touch her yet. “
Need
. There are a great many things I need at this moment and after this day, but I think one stands above all others.”

She tilted her head. “And that is?”

His fingers came up to gently trace the curve of her jaw and his smile softened. “You, Lillian. You to wash away the ugliness. To make me forget everything but your taste. I need
you
.”

She caught her breath, overtaken by the depth of meaning in his words. Wanting her was one thing, a man could
want
any woman if his animal desires were strong enough.

Need was something else entirely. Need implied a deeper connection, a dependence born of feeling. And she was honored to be the one he turned to in his trial.

And uncertain. But she was determined to give comfort the best she could, so she reached out and slowly unbuttoned his heavy jacket. He made no move to assist, just watched through hooded lids as she slipped her fingers beneath the woolen fabric and glided them along his warm shoulders to slide the jacket away.

It hit the floor behind him in a pile and she immediately went to work on his cravat. It was tied in a complicated knot, but she managed it somehow after a bit of work, then set about opening his shirt button by button. She tugged to get it free from his waistband and parted the fabric, letting it hang loosely as she stared at the expanse of chest she had exposed.

“You are…” she whispered.

He arched a brow as she trailed off. “I am…?” he teased.

She glanced up at him with a smile of her own. There was a lighter quality to him, as if he truly was able to forget his troubles in these moments. And if that was the gift she could give him, then she was happy for that.

“You are incorrigible.” She laughed. Then she leaned in and pressed a hot, wet kiss to the slope of his collarbone. As he sucked in a breath of pleasure, she added, “And magnificent.”

He let her kiss his chest, moving her lips across planes of muscle. She tasted his skin, teased at his nipples, let her fingernails rake across his muscled abdomen.

She felt it affect him. His body tensed as she touched him, his hands formed fists at his sides as he fought not to grab for her and take over. And when she stood up and leaned into him, she felt the hard, thick length of his erection pressing her thigh with insistent pressure.

Her body reacted to that weight, to the scent and taste of his skin, to the warmth of his body as she touched him. She felt hot, her skin too tight, her nipples hard and her sheath tingling and clenching against emptiness as it readied for the joining of their bodies.

She pushed his shirt away, rubbing her chest against his bare one as her touch became bolder, more certain.

“Now let me,” he whispered, lowering his lips to an exquisitely sensitive spot behind her ear.

As he nuzzled and kissed the side of her neck, his hands found the buttons along the back of her gown. With swift efficiency, the dress fell forward and he helped her ease it around her hips to a pile on the floor.

He stepped back and stared at her. Her chemise was summer weight, so it was thin and short, revealing her stocking-clad legs up to mid-thigh.

“And you said I was magnificent,” he mused as he put his hands on her sides.

He slid them up and down, pulling her closer, closer until their bodies were pressed together. Lillian almost couldn’t breathe as he leaned in to kiss her. She met his lips eagerly, parting her own to allow him in, reveling in his taste and the heat of his tongue as he invaded her mouth.

That overwhelming passion she had experienced before returned instantly as the kiss deepened. She felt herself slipping under the spell of it, surrendering to it, overpowered by the feelings and by his physical presence.

But just as that thought filled her mind, he pulled back. In the bright light of the chamber, he stared at her, his lips swollen from the kiss, his eyes glittering with sensual intent and sexual desire.

“I’m afraid once I start with you, I lose all sense of control,” he said, his voice rough as gravel. “But tonight I want restraint. I want to take my time.”

She shivered. Holding out a trembling hand, she slipped her fingers into the waistband of his trousers and tugged. He stumbled forward, his eyes widening with surprise at her aggressive tactic.

“Unless you are trying to steal control from me, Miss Mayhew,” he whispered, his hot breath stirring her hair as she stared up at him.

She smiled. “I rather like the sound of that. Do you think I could steal control from you?”

His pupils dilated and the jade green of his stare darkened. “Mmm, I’d like to see you try.”

Instead of responding, Lillian unfastened the top button of his waistband. She kept her stare firmly locked with his as she repeated the action on the others. Finally the pant waist parted. She looked down, staring at the thin line of hair that snaked down and met with the base of his hard erection. Mesmerized, she took him in hand and freed the thrust of muscle from his trousers. It sprang up at attention, warm and hard in her fingers.

“It seems you can steal control,” Simon said, his eyes squeezing shut as she stroked down over him once, then twice. “Great God, woman.”

She smiled, though she was taken aback by her own actions. The fear and uncertainty she had felt when they first entered the room was gone now, replaced by a wanton confidence inspired by how strongly he reacted to her touch.

She wanted more. She wanted to give
him
more. Her thoughts drifted to the first time they made love. Before he had taken her, he’d readied her with his fingers and then the hot wetness of his mouth. It had been a shocking pleasure when he tasted her so intimately.

Would he like such a thing, as well?

She felt wicked as she slithered down the length of his body, kissing his bare chest and stomach on the way. When she dropped to her knees, Simon stiffened.

“Lillian?” he asked, his voice low and harsh. “What are you doing?”

She looked up at him as she took him in hand again. “Stealing control.”

Before he could respond, she wrapped her lips around his length and slowly eased him into her mouth.

Simon bit back a cry as Lillian took more and more of him between her lips. He knew he should stop her, that she was still too innocent for such an illicit act, but somehow he couldn’t. Events of the day had brought him so much pain, but this intense pleasure took it all away and made his world revolve around Lillian’s mouth and slowly working tongue rather than anything else.

He let his head tip back, releasing a harsh groan as she swirled her tongue around and around his length. God it was good.
She
was so good. A natural at finding the most intensive parts of his pleasure. And she was his now. Forever. He could teach her more, and learn more from her. They could make love like this every day.

He couldn’t wait.

Lillian increased the pace of her mouth around him, and Simon tensed as waves of pleasure began to blur his vision and make his seed move. As much as he wanted powerful, pleasurable release, more than that he wanted to be with Lillian. Buried deep within her, feeling her pulse around him.

He pulled back, and she looked up at him with disappointment in her gaze.

“Was I wrong?” she asked.

He caught her arms and brought her to a standing position. Before he kissed her, he said, “God, no. Perfectly right. But any more of that and I won’t be able to do
this
.”

He swung his arms beneath her bare legs and lifted her. Pressing his mouth to hers, he carried her to his bed and laid her out across the soft coverlet. She settled back, looking up at him with utter trust and desire.

He shuddered with the power of that expression. He had never been with a woman who moved him so completely.

Pushing her legs apart, he moved up her body to cover her. He settled down against her, letting his pulsing cock rest against her entrance without breaching her body.

“We won’t be able to do this again until we are in London,” he murmured, nuzzling her lips with his. “The next time we do, you’ll be my wife.”

She shivered deliciously beneath him and he was completely unmanned. He moved forward and slid into her willing body easily. She responded by arching up and he found himself fully seated within her sheath.

“You see, you are
utterly
capable of stealing my control with just the slightest effort.” He chuckled, feeling lighter than he had in weeks as he stared down at her. “In fact, I surrender it willingly to you. Just as I surrender everything else.”

Her expression softened as the meaning of his words sank in. Then she reached up and curled her fingers around the back of his head. Gently she urged his lips to hers and he began to move within her.

Unlike the other times he’d had the pleasure of her body, tonight he did not allow himself to be utterly swept away. Passion was there, of course, but it was a quieter, gentler passion. He reveled in every slide of his body in hers. He cherished every moan and sigh she made as their bodies tangled in languid fluidity.

Slow and steady, he worked her toward completion. And she let him lead her there, lifting to match his pace, straining as her pleasure mounted. He watched her every reaction, relishing the ever-mounting urgency of her movements.

And finally she tensed beneath him and her tight sheath gripped him as she orgasmed. Her moans filled the air around them, her fingers gripped at his shoulders, her hips slammed up. It was all too much. He let himself go, increasing his thrusts, shutting his eyes as he allowed his own pleasure to wash over him.

And then he erupted, jerking out a few last thrusts as he filled her with his essence.

He collapsed down on her, holding his weight so as not to crush her. Her arms came around his back and she held him, whispering soft endearments in his ear as she smoothed his bare skin.

“I never thought I would have this,” she whispered after their breathing had returned to normal.

Simon rolled to his side and gathered her against his chest. He looked down at her, her dark blond locks sweaty and tousled, her ever-changing eyes the same amber color as the firelight.

“I cannot imagine why,” he said, smoothing hair away from her face.

She shrugged. “With my past, I’d all but given up on it. The best I could have hoped for was a marriage of convenience with someone who needed a nursemaid for his children.”

“Those other men were fools,” he said. “
I
was a fool for ever hesitating over a past you had no control over. It seems so silly now, especially considering what we have uncovered about my own life and the lies that brought me here.”

She was silent, and her gaze darted from his momentarily. He sighed as he settled back against the pillows and looked up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.

“Actually, I think I shall applaud the fools who had a chance to win you and let it slip away. If any of them had been able to see past your mother’s actions, they might have married you and you never would have come to me. Perhaps it was fate that kept them from you. The same fate that brought you here to me when I needed you.”

Lillian sat up, dragging the sheets up to cover herself. “Simon—”

“No.” He sat up, too, and leaned in closer. “Let me say this, Lillian.”

She opened her mouth as if to refuse, but then nodded, tears glistening in her eyes.

“When this house party began, I never thought I’d discover what I have about myself,” he said, trying not to dwell too much on the facts that still burned within him. “That my life is a lie perpetrated by the one man I respected and loved above all others.”

A tear rolled down Lillian’s cheek, and he caught it and swiped it away before he continued.

“And yet my heart isn’t heavy. After all, my future was found here, as well as the truth of my past.
You
are here, and you’ve been as supportive and caring toward me during this trial as anyone could ask for in a wife. You’ve never judged or flinched away from the truth that I am a bastard masquerading as a gentleman. In fact, without you, I don’t know if I could have faced my brother, my mother, even myself.”

“I’m glad I could help,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “You did far more than that, Lillian. You saved me in some way. And I—”