What the Duke Desires (10 page)

Now that he had spent the last half hour sorting through the items, he was ready to scream with frustration and boredom. The papers contained mundane rubbish including price listings for equipment that were at least two decades old, contact lists of local farmers who had worked for his grandfather, and references for servants who had
died
while Simon was still a boy.

Honestly, he would never understand how his father had been at once so disorganized and yet so capable. He made a mental note to create a pile for items to destroy. There was no reason to keep what he did not need or what did not track the history of his family’s legacy.

The door to the library opened and Simon looked up. Instantly he forgot his frustration with his father. Lillian hovered in the doorway, as if she was not certain if she intended to come inside or not.

Setting the papers aside, he got to his feet.

“Hello, Lillian. I am glad you’re here.”

Actually he was shocked. Given her response that morning, he had been certain she wouldn’t come. If he was a betting man, he would have wagered it would take a few more coaxing conversations to bring her to him.

Not that he was complaining when she stepped into the room and fidgeted her hands in front of her. She was remarkably lovely. Her plain yet pretty gown was a warm green, something that reminded him of the season. And it made her hazel eyes dance with green flecks. Her dark blond hair looked like spun honey in its plaited and curled style, and a few strands swung delicately around her cheeks. He couldn’t help but recall that when he kissed her, her hair had smelled like lemons.

“I don’t really know why I did,” Lillian responded with a blush. When she glanced up, her gaze found the paperwork on the small table beside him. To his dismay she moved backward, raising her hands. “I can see I have intruded upon you.”

He moved forward in a few long strides. “No. I asked you to come. Please, join me.”

There was another long moment of hesitation before Lillian nodded her head and stepped into the room. She crossed the room in halting steps, as if with every movement toward him she questioned the prudence of coming here.

Simon frowned. “You hesitate. Is it because of the kiss?”

She stopped a few feet away and stared at him, apparently shocked he would be so bold. In truth, so was he. It was not his nature, but Lillian seemed to bring out the most powerful urges in him.

“We both wanted it, Lillian,” he said when she didn’t reply. “There is no shame in that.”

She opened her mouth as if to refute his claim, but then she shut it again. He smiled. So she had no argument.

“Please sit.”

Instead she stared at the chair beside him with wariness.

“I have no intention of ravishing you,” he said. Then he winked. “Unless that is your desire.”

Instead of laughing or feigning shock, Lillian flinched, and his smile immediately fell.

“I apologize. That was a bad joke.”

She shook her head slowly and took the seat he offered beside him. “No, Your Grace. This is simply uncharted territory for me. Although I have been out in Society for a goodly long time, I do not think I have ever had a man pursue me so strenuously.”

“Hmmm. And this troubles you?”

She shrugged one shoulder. “The fact that we kissed after so short an acquaintance…that I-I
liked
kissing you…yes, that troubles me.”

He tilted his head. Normally a woman would be more coy, but Lillian’s honesty was refreshing and arousing in equal measure. How he would love to kiss her again. But that was not the right course to take with her still so hesitant.

“We are two grown people who kissed because we both wished to do so,” he said softly. “No laws were broken. Trust me. I am in Parliament, I would certainly be aware of them.”

To his delight, Lillian looked at him, and this time it was with a smile. He realized it was the first time she had ever smiled at him beyond politeness, and his breath caught. The intelligence in her expression gave her eyes a twinkle, as if everything between them was a charming private joke.

“Perhaps you are correct that no laws were broken,” she said, and her shoulders seemed to relax. “And I’ll even go so far as to admit you may be correct that we both equally wanted the kiss. But I am left with a question.”

He inclined his head slightly as silent permission to ask.

“What are we to do now, Simon?”

Again, her directness surprised him. And intrigued him all the more. Young debutantes with nothing in their heads but fashion and marriage rarely said anything but what they believed would garner them their prize. Lillian’s candor was like a fresh spring breeze in the midst of cloying perfume.

“I have made it no secret that I find you interesting,” he said, leaning across the arm of his chair to be closer. “And obviously desirable, as well.”

Her pretty blush was his ultimate reward.

“I have no idea where that will lead, however I would like a chance to get to know each other a bit better. If this attraction grows, if you come to find me even remotely interesting, then perhaps there is a future for us.”

His mind flashed once more to an image of her across his bed, but he pushed it away instantly.

Lillian shifted, the track of their conversation obviously making her uncomfortable. “Are you certain you wish to pursue even a friendship with me? It is evident there will be much disapproval of such a relationship, most especially from your mother, because of my family’s past.”

Simon frowned. By the pain that echoed faintly in her expression, she was thinking of her mother’s death. Yet it was not yet time to broach the delicate subject of her mother’s suicide. Lillian had little trust in him, and he feared he would chase her away by asking her for details of such a personal grief.

But he could open the door, even the tiniest bit, by trusting her with a little of his own life.

“My mother and I are not close, Lillian. Her disapproval has been my constant companion for so long, I fear I would not know what to do if she gifted me with approval.”

Lillian’s expression softened as she stared at him. If she was surprised by his confession, it did not reflect on her face. Only empathy existed there. Not pity, but a sense of understanding.

“I see,” she whispered. “That must be difficult for you since it is clear you cherish both your bond with your sister and the one you shared with your late father.”

He shrugged, dismissing with pretended ease a lifetime of confusion and pain. “Once it was. Now her feelings toward me simply…
are
.”

There was a long silence, but it was not uncomfortable. Still, when Lillian spoke again, it was not on the subject of his mother, and for that Simon was pleased.

“So what are these papers, my lord?”

Simon smiled. “Does this mean you will forget my mother’s approval or disapproval and take me up on my offer to spend a little more time together?”

Lillian hesitated before she finally jerked out a nod.

Simon grinned, then gathered up the items on the table beside him and held them out. As Lillian took them, he said, “These, I am afraid, are not particularly interesting. They are just some of my father’s records.”

To his surprise, Lillian let out a small gasp, and the items fluttered to the floor at her feet. They both dropped down to retrieve them.

“I do apologize,” she said, but her voice shook as she handed him sheet after sheet. He noticed she looked at each one. “So you are organizing his estate?”

He nodded as he set the papers aside and helped her back into her chair. “Trying, at the very least. He was quite disordered. The state of his office is a bit embarrassing.”

She swallowed hard. “I see. And what have you discovered about him so far?”

Simon frowned. That was a strange way to pose a question. He doubted he would
discover
anything of import about his father that he did not already know. The duke had been very much an open book, living his life in the public eye. It was why he garnered so much respect.

“So far I only know he decided not to keep sheep in the north fields and that he interviewed fourteen candidates for a role as butler in one of his favorite homes in London,” he responded with a sigh.

Lillian leaned away, her brow wrinkling with confusion. “I beg your pardon?”

He smiled apologetically. “My father kept records on everything from the important to the mind-numbingly mundane.”

She hesitated, and he thought he saw her throat work as she swallowed.
“Everything?”

“Yes. It is quite a task to sort through it all.”

Her gaze flashed to him and held there briefly before it flitted away. “If you ever need any assistance…”

He tilted his head to look more closely at her. His stomach clenched as she tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. The slope of her neck was practically poetry, and he felt a powerful urge to explore it with his lips for a few hours.

Instead he reached out and ran a fingertip along her cheek. She jolted at the contact and snapped her gaze to him, but she didn’t pull away as he traced the line of her jaw and finally trailed the digit along the throbbing pulse at her throat.

“Trust me, Lillian, if I ask you for anything, it won’t be your services as my secretary,” he whispered.

Her lips parted ever so slightly as the full meaning of his statement impacted her. She blinked a few times before she whispered, “Simon…”

He shut his eyes with pleasure. He did love the sound of his given name coming from her full lips.

“Say it again,” he murmured as he slipped his fingers into her hair and tilted her face. Leaning across the space between them, he let his mouth come close to hers.

“What?” she asked, but she was so breathless that the word caught.

“My name,” he murmured. “Say it, please.”

“Simon,” she indulged him after a moment had passed, but her voice cracked.

He let out a sigh of contentment and then pressed his mouth to hers. Just as she had on the terrace, Lillian melted against him. Her lips opened, inviting him deeper. He shifted out of the chair and without breaking the contact of the kiss, rose up on his knees before her.

He was slightly lower than she now, but she adjusted, changing the angle of her head so that he could continue his exploration of every part of her mouth. When he wrapped his arms around her and molded her body to his, she sighed. And when he gently sucked her tongue, she slithered to her own knees, her embrace tightening as she let out a soft, plaintive sound of desire and surrender.

Pleasure coiled within him. But although need thundered in his head like a thousand horses’ hooves, Simon still had enough sense to know that this encounter, this kiss was rapidly spiraling out of control. The door to the library remained open, and unlike on the terrace, if someone caught them like this, it could spell utter disaster. Lillian was a lady and they would be forced to marry, which would take any other choice away from both of them. He did not desire that.

With difficulty, he pulled back. Lillian blinked as she looked up at him.

“God knows, I could do this all day,” he said as he pushed a lock of hair away from her cheek. “But we’re courting danger.”

He rose to his feet and helped her up. She blushed as she smoothed her skirts mindlessly.

“I—This is not like me,” she finally murmured.

“Nor is it like me,” he said softly. “And that is part of why my reaction to you fascinates me. But for now, I don’t think I can bear to be alone with you any longer.”

She nodded as she backed away. “I should go anyway. The ladies expect me to join them on a jaunt to the village.”

He smiled at her as reassurance. “Good afternoon, Lillian.”

“Good afternoon, Your Grace…
Simon
,” she whispered before she turned from the room and hurried away.

Simon stared after her. As he suspected, he was not alone in his desire for Lillian. It was a thrilling realization, but also a frustrating one. She denied him at every turn, and he wanted her so desperately that it was beginning to border on obsession. And the only way he would have her was if he offered a marriage she claimed she did not want, or if he took Rhys’s advice and became her protector.

It was a very confusing situation. One that left him hard, aching, and utterly enchanted.

She was standing in the middle of a fabric shop in the village of Billingham with a dozen or so of the other women who were attending the country party. Inwardly she cursed herself for woolgathering and thinking of the passionate and unexpected kiss she had allowed Simon in the library that morning.

“Th-thank you, Lady Evelyn,” she choked out as she tried to banish the memories once again. “It has been a lovely day.”

“Still,” her companion said, picking up an extravagant bonnet and setting it on the crown of her brown hair as she preened in the mirror before her. “It must be so very awkward for you.”

“Awkward?” Lillian repeated as she stifled a yawn.

“Yes.”

The girl stole a side glance, and Lillian instantly recognized the malicious tilt to her companion’s lips. She sighed, steeling herself for whatever the other woman was about to say.

“After all, I have heard much talk about how you have no money since your father’s passing. How difficult it must be for you to spend any time in a shop with women of good company who do not share your…
limitations
.”

When Lillian didn’t respond, the woman continued with a sweet smile that was apparently meant to disguise the malice of her words. “I know it would be most cruel for
me
if I could not buy all the little things that make life worthwhile. And you can hardly afford a hat pin!”

Lillian pursed her lips as Lady Evelyn blinked at her innocently. “Indeed,” she said softly. “Do excuse me.”

She turned and made for the front door of the shop. Suddenly her surroundings were stifling. How she longed to breathe fresh air and be away from the jealous harpies who hated that their quarry, the exalted Duke of Billingham, had showered any attention on a woman they felt unworthy.

Lillian pushed the door open and stepped outside, letting it fall shut behind her. When she didn’t hear the bell signaling that it had done so, she turned. A young woman stood in the doorway. Lillian stiffened as she recognized her as Lady Anne, the fiancée of Simon’s disapproving friend, the Duke of Waverly.

Lillian could only guess at the sniping Lady Anne would make, but she still made an attempt at a smile. Unexpectedly, the one she got in return was wide and genuinely friendly. The lady stepped outside and let the door close behind her.

“Do ignore Evelyn,” Anne said with a delicate roll of her eyes. “She has always been a shrew and she has
always
been interested in poor Simon, despite his best efforts to put her off kindly.”

Lillian’s eyes went wide as she stared at the other woman. Such frank talk was rarely displayed by a woman of such stature.

“I-I did not realize you were listening to our exchange, my lady,” she finally stammered.

Anne shrugged. “I have been trying to find a moment alone with you since my arrival, but circumstances were forever preventing it. Today I merely saw my chance, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.”

Lillian found herself stepping forward. “I did not mean to imply—”

Anne waved off the remainder of her statement. “Of course you didn’t, my dear. Now, will you walk back with me?”

Lillian cast a glance at the shop door. “But the others…”

“My chaperone is within and I told her the two of us were going to depart early. She’ll make sure they do not wait or wonder about us.”

There seemed to be no other argument, so Lillian nodded. “Very well.”

To her surprise, Lady Anne linked her arm through Lillian’s as they steered their way onto the cobblestone street and headed back toward the Billingham estate, which was a mile away.

“Had you ever visited Billingham before this gathering?” Lady Anne asked.

“No,” Lillian said with a shake of her head. Truth be told, she had rarely been out of London at all, but she wasn’t about to say that. It would only be a reminder of her place, and she found she didn’t want Anne to think less of her.

“I think it is one of the prettiest shires in all the country,” Anne said with a deep sigh of pleasure. Then she laughed as she shot Lillian a side glance. “But do not tell Waverly I said that. He would take issue since he believes his shire must be the best in all things.”

Lillian found herself laughing along with the other woman. “I promise it will be our secret, my lady.”

“Very good,” the other woman said with a smile. “But I insist you call me Anne.”

Lillian flushed, but it was out of pleasure. “Are you certain? I would not want to show any disrespect.”

“I think addressing me more formally would show more disrespect since we are destined to be friends,” Anne said with another light laugh. “After all, I’m marrying Waverly in no time at all. He is Simon’s best friend, you know, and has been since they were boys in school. It is likely you and I will spend a great deal of time in each other’s company in the future.”

Lillian wrinkled her brow, uncertain as to what the other woman meant. And then understanding dawned. She drew up short, and since their arms were linked, it forced Anne to do the same.

“My lady…
Anne
…I think you misunderstand. His Grace has made no offer for me and I have accepted none.”

Her cheeks burned as she thought of the infinitely passionate encounter she and Simon had shared in the library just a few hours ago, but she shoved that thought aside. “I wouldn’t have you think that there was more between us than there is.”

“I’m certain that is true,” Anne said. “But Simon is actively searching for a bride now that he has taken the title of duke.”

“I assure you, that has nothing to do with me!” Lillian insisted, her heart throbbing now.

Anne smiled, the expression indulgent. “Perhaps. But Waverly and I have been betrothed since we were children, so I’ve known Simon for many years. And I have never seen him take such a keen interest in a woman before.”

Lillian blinked. Here she had all but convinced herself that she was just another conquest to Simon. “Certainly that cannot be true. And there are far better potential matches for him at this party and back in London.”

Anne shrugged and began to walk again, this time forcing Lillian to move. “Unlike my fiancé, I think there are many qualities that make up a good match. Certainly there are those who can make a marriage for money or title alone work. But I believe the unions that seem happiest among our rank are those where the couple shares a common purpose, a similar sense of the world, and a parallel humor and intelligence. From all outward appearances, it seems you and Simon are well-matched in those things. At least the humor and intelligence part.”

Against her will, Lillian’s thoughts turned to Simon again. And not just his kiss. She thought of how often she wanted to laugh when she was with him. Or delve deeper into his thoughts. Was that what Lady Anne meant? That strange connection that went deeper than mere physical desire.

A shiver racked her as they crested a hill and came into sight of the manor house, rising like a beacon on the horizon. She kept her eyes on the home as they moved closer and it loomed bigger and bigger.

“Well, I’ve only known the man for a few days,” Lillian finally whispered. “So I don’t really know if we have much in common.”

“Fair enough,” Anne said, patting her hand. “Although I have always teased Simon that when he found his mate, it would be like lightning for him. A sudden burst that would make all others fade in his estimation. I’ll be very interested to see if my prediction comes true.”

Lillian shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t know about that, but I hope you and I will be friends regardless.”

Anne smiled as the butler opened the door for them and they stepped into the sunny foyer together.

“Of course, Lillian! I would be very pleased to call you a friend no matter what circumstances come in the future. Now why don’t we go onto the back terrace and share some tea before the others return? I would dearly love to gossip shamelessly about that gown Lady Penelope was wearing last night. Have you ever seen such a terrible shade of green? I heard she was trying to match Simon’s eyes, but if that is true, she failed miserably!”

Lillian laughed as she followed Anne to the back terrace. Even though she liked this woman a great deal, her words troubled Lillian. With every moment that passed, with every encounter, it seemed this situation was growing more and more complicated. And she feared in the end, no one would be happy with the outcome.

Especially her.