What Love Has Lost (4 page)

"Look, I'm sorry, Inn. I don't know what got into me." Rhiannon apologizes and Grady agrees. It may be the wine because wine does contain a median percentage of alcohol, or it may be the setting because we were all happy and lose.

"Let's clean this up and get ready for bed." I advise. Rhi and Grady nods as an agreement.

"Rhiannon can wash the dishes, and I'll dry them and place them into our dishwasher." Grady insists. "You can just clear this up, and then check on Nathan and see how he's doing."

I nod, but I'm not ready to confront to Nathan.

♠♣♥♦

After I finish clearing the table, I slothfully drag my feet towards my room. My room is across the hall from Rhiannon and Grady's bedroom. Yes, they share the bedroom to themselves, as I sleep alone. We have three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The extra room is a storage room, filled with Grady's junk, or as he calls them - his possessions.

I love my room. It's very spacious, and I have a private bathroom, linking to my bedroom. As I walk into my room, I see a light that is flickered on and the water running. Hmm, I wonder who's inside the bathroom.

Turning around, I face my dresser and pull out my pajamas. Pulling my shirt out of my bare body, I hear the door crack open. Shockingly, I turn around and see Nathan standing there before me, with a towel wrap around his lower region as tiny droplets of water is leaving his wet, soggy hair.

"Oh my god, you startled me." I gasp, while I am holding my shirt in front of me, covering my upper bare body. Nathan starts shaking his head as he lets out a slight laugh.

"Now, you're embarrassed to let me see you half-naked, after everything we've been through?"

I cock an eyebrow. "Excuse me, but you were the one who ended our relationship." I remind him. Nathan suddenly changes his facial expression. Frowning, he looks down at his feet.

"Look, Inn..." Nathan pauses as we connect eye contact. "I have not meant to hurt you. After I saw you with that depressed look upon your face, I could barely see myself as the man who you should be with in the end."

Coming from Nathan's mouth, I replay the emotion in his tone inside my head. No matter how badly I miss him, he'll always feel remorse. I want to tell him that I still want to love him, even though we haven't gotten a full chance. I want to tell him that I miss everything about him: his smell, his touch, his compassion, et cetera.

To my own dismay, I conclude our conversation. "Well, whatever happened in the past, it stays in the past." I inhale quickly before tears come across my face. "This shall be our closure, and we can start fresh, by being friends."

Nathan nods. "Of course, let's start with a clean slate."

I smile as we precede finish dressing up. Of course, Nathan changes in the bathroom as I change in my bedroom. As we finish dressing up, Nathan and I walk to the living room and see Grady and Rhiannon playing a game.

♠♣♥♦

"Hey, there you guys are." Grady grins.

"Yeah, you just missed a wonderful game. I kicked Grady's ass, plenty of times." Rhiannon stresses. We all laugh, and Rhiannon checks the time. "Oh, we better hit the hay. I've got work tomorrow, early in the morning." She explains as she prances to her bedroom.

Before all of us went to bed, Nathan announces something. "Um, is it okay if I crash here for tonight?" Rhiannon and Grady stops their tracks. I stare at Nathan with eyes bulging out of the sockets.

"Sure, you can sleep in Inna's bedroom!" Rhiannon squeals. Why does he have to sleep in my room?

"We have an extra room, Rhi." Grady comforts Rhiannon. She rolls her eyes before proceeding.

"Well, the extra room has all your personal junk. I'm sure that Nathan would be more comfortable sleeping in Inna's room." Rhiannon lectures.

Grady huffs, "They're not personal junk! They are prize possessions!"

"C'mon, let the guy sleep in Inna's room. I'm sure she'll be fine with it. Besides, they slept together. It's not the first time, you know?" she winks, nudging me on my side. Ugh, why won't she drop it? It occurred years ago, so let it go!

Rolling my eyes, I falter and storm into my bedroom, while I grab Nathan's hand and pull him towards me. Nathan starts complaining by commanding me to let go because I'm grabbing his hand, forcefully. Sheesh, bulk up and be a man, for once.

"Ouch, you didn't have to wound me!" Nate complains, showing me the marks I left onto his wrist. "See, you left a boo-boo, right here!" Nate pouts, and I roll my eyes. Such a big baby, he is!

"Awe, you'll survive! It's just a small scar. It's no big deal." I clarify, folding my arms around my chest. "Besides, do you want to sleep here or not? I can kick you out the door and let you sleep outside with a pack of wolves!"

Nathan speculates, "Nah, I'll sleep here. Besides, you need someone manly enough to protect you from wilderness beasts." Nathan winks at me. I glare at him.

"You do know that we live in a safe environment. We also have an alarm system, to secure the house." I explain. Nathan does not seem to falter.

"You don't know what's out there, Inn." He scoots closer to me as our bodies almost touched. I can feel that same heat, building stronger between us. Whatever he is doing, he needs to stop before anything goes further. I cannot develop those feelings for him. I'll end up getting hurt.

Stiffly, I watch Nate's arm motion towards me as his hand touches my face, delicately. I can feel my heart beating faster and pumping louder, although I am praying that Nate won't hear it. To my defense, he backs away from me and jumps onto the bed.

"You're sleeping on the floor!" I exclaim, throwing a pillow at him. Nathan laughs, foolishly.

Chapter Four

I Really Want to Shout

In the mornings, it is very peaceful and quiet. I know it's tough having two friends, who are very loud, but it's nice while they are away. Yes, they both have jobs; I don't. See, I work around the house when Rhiannon and Grady are not at home. Of course, I go to college, but it's the start of Winter break.

I cannot believe that Christmas is coming soon. I'm always eager about the holidays! Unfortunately, I'm not a huge fan of the cold weather. I can get cold easily because of my sensitive skin. I also hate it when the weather decides it to be cold and wet. Cold and wet is a terrible combination.

At a younger age, I believe that there's a Santa Claus. I always write him a letter and place it in my small stocking, hanging onto the wall in my room. I will always let my mother bake the cookies and set them onto a small Christmas plate with a glass of milk. I also write him a thank you card for him, aside of the cookies and milk. Then, my mother will always tuck me into bed and tell me that I should stay asleep and be good for Santa.

I never ask anything in return. I'm generous when it comes to others. I'm not snobbish or plastic.

Correction: In middle school, I become plastic. I think it's acceptable or 'cool'. I lie to everyone, especially the teachers. I backstab, as well. I'm not the prettiest girl in my class. I have those ugly, crooked teeth; and the fluffy, messy hair (not in a cute way). I am also chubby. I'm never satisfied with my figure.

Of course, as I got older, I become taller, prettier, and curvier. Not only my appearance changes, but also my personality definitely changes.

People say that beauty comes from within.

Coming back to the main topic, I am on my Winter break. I'm so excited for all of us to enjoy the holidays together. It's hard to believe that I'll be spending Christmas with Rhiannon and Grady.

It's the holidays, I know, and everybody spends the holidays with their family. However, this Christmas, my parents wants to visit the Virgin Islands. They are also cruising to the Virgin Islands. It's the beach! Who vacations in the beach during the winter?

As for Ivy, she says that she will be going to Aspen with her husband, Michael.

My family is the last thing on my mind to worry. I'm a more worried about if Nathan will tag along with us during the holidays. I'm not trying to be a pessimist. However, I don't want to remain stuck in the past. Moving forward and seeing new possibilities is a new change for me!

♠♣♥♦

To everyone, I know it's very strange, but I love to wear short shorts during every season of the year. I don't care if it's cold outside; I still choose to wear shorts, or boxer shorts. Of course, I can't find a warm jacket for my upper body, so I decide to steal a jacket from Nathan.

Sure, his jacket is a bit huge on me, but it's the only thing I saw available. I'm positive he won't mind. Besides, it smells like him - his vanilla soap mixed with his peppermint cologne.

It's not like he would notice! He's not even in the house! He's probably gone to who-knows-where! Yet, why did he leave his stuff here? Hmm, I'm guessing he will come back and get it when he found a new place to stay.

Yeah, Inna, that's correct.

I smile to myself as I quickly rush into my room, grab my mp3 player and my iPod Touch, and place it into the living room. Again, I'm the only person inside the apartment, so I don't mind to jam with the music while cleaning.

Rhiannon and I negotiate about her and Grady working on their jobs, as I stay at the apartment, cleaning. I'm a very organized person. I somehow adore cleaning. Sometimes, I clean when I'm anxious or angry, but that's hardly happening in my life.

Yes, we have to pay for the bills. My parents already paid the first quarter. I still cannot believe that they agreed with me staying with my best friends. I know how strict they are, but they went lenient because I'm an adult. As an adult, I stand up to make the decisions.

♠♣♥♦

As I turn on the satellite radio from an app on my iPod, the song Shout 2000 by Disturbed plays. I crank up the volume as high, but not very loud, so I can disrupt the neighbors. Rhiannon has done it before. I remember Rhiannon was yelling at Grady about some pointless reason. It is crazy, living with those two under the same roof.

They aren't your perfect, adorable couple. There are times when they get all 'lovey-dovey' and everything is centered. There are times when they get rowdy and act like crazy loons. There are other times when they get into an argument, such as married couples, or divorced couples; however, they forgive each other in the end.

As the song continues, I take the remote and use it as a microphone while I start dusting the furniture. "I really love to shout! Shout! Let it all out! These are the things I can do without, come on. I'm talking to you, so come on! Shout! Shout! Let it all out!" I sing as I raise my fist in the air, while I continue to move with the beat.

"In violent times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul! In black and white, they really, really ought to know..." I continue on singing while I start dancing to the beat. Yes, I used to love to dance, but right now, dancing is my least favorite.

In my ninth grade year, I have depression. I won't go into further detail, because my depression is very serious. My scary looking psychiatrist tells me that if I continue with my depression, I will end up in confinement. Thankfully, I don't go into confinement and everything is suddenly fine.

"If I could change your mind, I'd really love to break your heart! I really love to (shout) break your heart (shout)!" I sing along. Suddenly, someone stops the song, and I quickly turn around as I shockingly see Nathan stand before me. How did he get inside? He doesn't have the key! I know that Rhiannon always locks the door before leaving.

"I really like the jacket, Inn." Nathan creates his stupid smirk across his cocky face. My insides start to churn, wanting to yell or punch him. My fist quarrels.

I inhale, deeply. "How did you get inside?"

Nathan takes out the spare key and shows it to me. "Spare key is always hidden on the doormat in every home." Nathan forms a smile and waves the key at my face. My face turns beef red with rage.

Shit, now, I'm gonna have to find a new hiding spot for the spare key...

"Well, what are you doing here? I thought you left." I ask in a serious tone. Although Nathan knows that he loves to irritate me, he's doing a fucking fantastic job. No, it's not in a good way.

Nathan cocks his eyebrows. "Nah, I've decided to stay until school starts. However, the university that I go to doesn't want anyone to live on campus during the holidays. Oh, what is the name of the university that I'm enrolled? Um, is it Alabama State University?" Nathan taps onto his chin, while he contemplates. My eyes start twitching.

"Don't you go to that school, Inn?" Nate asks, acting delighted to see me. He's probably doing this on purpose! He wants to be around me because he likes to torture me while he is in my presence! Why do all good things have to end?

"Oh that's right; you do attend to that school!" Nathan exclaims, pointing his index finger up in the air. "We'll be seeing a lot from each other." Nathan concludes with a wink.

I place the remote down. I forgot that I was holding that thing in my hand! "Look, what is your problem? You show up in this apartment, four years later after you broke up with me for a stupid reason. Yet, you want to attend at the same university as I go, just because you want to see me? Nathan, I'm your ex-girlfriend! You don't love me anymore. You don't care about me anymore!" I spat as our faces are finally inches apart. However, I hadn't realize that he started walking towards me.

All of a sudden, that same heat starts intensifying. Whatever he's doing, he needs to quit!

Nathan shakes as he continues to click his teeth together. "You promised me last night that we start on a clean slate. Why all of a sudden do you hate me?"

Do I hate him? I'm not so sure.

"Do you hate me, Inn?" he continues taunting me. He gradually motions his arm towards my face, as he gently places it there. Please, let there be a distraction so Nathan can stop taunting me!

Of course, I hate you! That's what I should've said...

To my success, a distraction comes to my full attention because someone knocks on the door, rapidly. I snap myself back into reality and swiftly gallop towards the front door. The heat diminishes as I continue to walk further away from him. Carefully, I open the door and find Grady with Italian food on one hand, and a bakery box on the other.