What if I Fly? (4 page)

So instead of running, she smiled and nervously tucked a curl behind her ear.

“How about some ice cream?” she asked. “Maybe a cone of strawberry or a hot fudge sundae?”

A corner of his mouth turned up, his eyes amused.

“How old are you?” he asked, a smile in his voice.

“Not old enough! I’ll be twenty in September. How old are you?”

“I turned twenty-two in January.” He gazed at her for another second then nodded his head, “Okay…Ice cream it is.”

It was a warm summer evening. The sun set not long before, an invisible artist painting colorful strokes in the night sky. Hints of red, purple, and orange lingered, casting a glow over the town. They wandered through the streets of downtown, neither of them in a hurry.

This section of Bristol is a maze of historical homes, varied architecture, and stunning water views. Julia took this beauty for granted until she moved away to college, but not anymore. She was lucky to grow up in such a picturesque town. Compared to the squalid conditions she witnessed people living in back in New York, Bristol is paradise.

As they made their way to the harbor, Julia shared tidbits of town trivia, more out of nervousness than a desire to give a history lesson. Her hometown has a rich, sometimes troubling history stretching back to pre-colonial days. While the seaports of Providence and Boston became prosperous through the China trade, Bristol gained its wealth from the slave trade and privateering.

“This used to be a holding area for slaves,” she pointed to a yellow clapboard house on the corner of State Street. Will stopped and stared at the building, his eyes squinting as he peered into the windows.

“See the bars still on the basement windows?” she continued. “The slave traders would drop anchor in the harbor down there,” she indicated the nearby water, “and the slaves that were to be sold to local families were brought here and cleaned up before they were delivered to their owners.”

Will turned toward her, his eyes bright with curiosity.

“How do you know all of this?”

“Bristol 101 is a mandatory class,” she shrugged, her face serious. “You can’t live here without taking it.” Will smiled and she continued, “I’m also a history major at NYU, so it goes with the territory.”

“I went to Portsmouth Abbey. They didn’t offer that class.”

The Abbey?
He must live across the harbor on Poppasquash, which would explain why she’s never seen him before.
What is he doing in a local theater production?
People on Poppasquash hardly ever made their way into town.

Will slowly made his way around the house, looking at it from different angles. She studied him as he investigated, and he seemed genuinely interested.

“Downtown was my classroom. When I was a student at Colt School my teacher used to take us on walking tours of town and give us local history lessons. I think she’s the reason I love studying the past. Everything has a story.”

What’s his story?
she wondered.

“How about I buy your ice cream and you tell me more? You have me curious,” Will said, extending his hand. Surprised, she nodded and they shook hands to seal the deal.

It wasn’t long before they approached the dock where the homemade ice cream shop had opened the previous summer, in her estimation, the best addition to downtown in years. To their right, a large stone warehouse was in the process of being converted into restaurants and shops.

“This building was owned by the DeWolfs, one of the most powerful families in Rhode Island back in the day. They were slave traders. See these stones? They’re from Africa, used as ballast on the ships.”

She ran her hand along the smooth stone exterior of the building and explained that during the height of the ‘Triangular Trade’ rum was made in this warehouse from the sugar brought from the West Indies and exchanged for the slaves.

“The shackles used to hold the ships ‘cargo’ are still attached to the basement walls,” she shivered. “It gives me the creeps.”

“I had no idea,” his voice trailed off as he inspected the building. Will walked in a slow circle, “I’ve lived here my whole life…” he paused and turned to her, “It’s like I’m seeing it for the first time.”

“History is everywhere, Will,” Julia laughed. “I’m happy to be your guide!”

They walked along Thames Street eating their ice cream, and Will guided her into Rockwell Park, a tiny square on the harbor with a few swings, a slide and a couple of stone benches. It’s also home to a dock with several boat slips, all residents anchored for the evening.

The sky was clear and the stars shone bright, a light breeze blowing in from Narragansett Bay. She heard the faint sound of music from the eighties cover band playing at Gulliver’s, the local watering hole.

It was a perfect summer night.

Will licked the ice cream dripping down the side of his cone while they sat on the boat launch at the end of the dock. Julia slipped off her sandals, dangled her feet in the water and shivered.

It was early June and the water was still cold, and she wished she’d grabbed her jean jacket out of the car before they walked downtown. She was wearing a sleeveless white cotton sundress, with a thin brown suede belt and the beaded necklace she made the previous year.

Tucking her long hair behind her ears in a futile attempt to tame her unruly curls, she leaned back on her elbows and sighed, looking at the night sky.

Julia glanced sideways at Will. In his khaki shorts, white polo shirt and flip-flops, with his hair blowing in the breeze, he looked like he’d just stepped off a yacht…or the pages of an LL Bean catalogue. Stifling a laugh, she laid back on the dock, her hands behind her head, feet still submerged.
What an odd pair we make
, she thought,
the hippie and the preppie.

It dawned on her they hadn’t said a word to each other since they sat down on the boat launch.
How long has that been? Five? Ten minutes?
Strangely, she didn’t feel awkward at all. They’re just two people hanging out, looking at the water and the stars. Will finished his cone and laid down beside her, another few minutes elapsing in silence.

“See there?” he pointed up toward the sky. “That’s Perseus.”

Her eyes followed the direction of his finger. Julia saw a whole lot of stars, but no distinct pattern.

“Where?”

He scooted over so his body was close to hers.

“I’ll show you,” Will tilted his head toward her. “Give me your hand. See that cluster of stars?”

He held her hand to the sky, pointing out the outline of the constellation, his touch sending shivers down her spine.

“No,” she shook her head.

“See?” He traced her finger along its path a second time.

“Oh, wow! I see it!” she nodded, her eyes lit up. “Out of chaos, there is order!”

Will smiled and placed her hand back down by her side, but kept his hand over hers.

“Perseus was one of the original Twelve Olympians in Greek mythology,” his voice was just above a whisper. “He saved Andromeda from the sea monster and they married. See her next to him, right over there?”

Again, Will held her hand and traced the path of the constellation. The light dusting of freckles and blond hair on his hand mesmerized her.

“Yes,” she said, softly. “I see it,” she turned toward him. “How is it you know so much about astronomy?”

“My father taught us to navigate by the stars, me, my brother and sister. He has a sailboat and we spend a lot of time on it during the summer. It’s moored right over there.”

Will pointed across the harbor to the yacht club on Poppasquash. Julia placed her free hand over her mouth to suppress a giggle.
Our families are so different.

“My grandfather had a boat too,” she paused. “He used to dock it over there,” she pointed to the fishing trawlers parked along the seawall near Thames Street Landing. Will slowly turned his face toward her, the corner of his mouth twitching.

“It smelled so bad on that boat. No one ever wanted to go near it.” She scrunched her nose at the memory and they looked at one another, bursting into laughter.

A little while later, Julia glanced at her watch and was surprised to find it was already after midnight. They’d been walking and talking for almost three hours and the time had flown by. She’d never felt such a strong attraction to anyone before, and found these feelings unsettling and confusing.

The setting was perfect for seduction and the night could have easily gone in that direction, but something stopped her. It took her a moment to pinpoint what was different about their interaction.

Energy.

She could feel it running between them, and in that moment she knew she could fall for him. Her throat constricted at the thought and abruptly, she sat up, clearing her throat.

“I’d better get going, it’s getting late,” she whispered, her voice cracking.

Will rose and pulled Julia to her feet, then touched her arm.

“You okay?” he asked, his eyes narrowing while she straightened her dress and slid her feet into her sandals. She looked away, stretching her arms toward the sky.

“Race you!” she shouted and ran down the dock toward the street, an animal fleeing from danger.

From that first night, Julia was drawn to Will, and she knew the feeling was mutual. They quickly became friends, and she thought that’s what they would remain,
should remain
. However, the more time they spent together, the closer they got, and Will made it clear he wanted Julia,
the whole package
, not just sex.

But she doesn’t do relationships! And the mere thought of opening herself up to him gave her fits of anxiety. Before Will, she was easily able to stay removed and keep things casual. That night on the dock, Julia knew Will could break through her shield, and it scared the shit out of her…but she couldn’t stay away from him.

Now, as she curls up underneath her blanket, she wishes she had.

Chapter Four

Driving away from Julia’s house in a daze, Will couldn’t possibly feel worse.
I’m such an asshole
… He didn’t want to go home so he drove to Rockwell Park and sat on the dock staring across the harbor at his parents’ house.

Last night should have been about Julia, but he fell so easily into old routines around his friends. And where did that get him? Hung-over and alone. He closes his eyes, missing her already.
Will she ever forgive me?

When she shut the door a little while ago, he got the sense she was closing the door on them.
Permanently.
He lays back, pulling his coat around him for warmth and watches the clouds overhead, thinking about the circumstances that brought them together. Not in a million years did he ever think he’d be in a play.

Late last spring, he was home from school, visiting his parents for the weekend and Ellie asked him to grab a cup of coffee with her in town. He spotted a sign near the cash register at the café. The local theater company was looking for volunteers to help build sets for their summer production of
West Side Story
.

Up until then, the only local activities he’d been involved in were sailing related, but he loves to build things and this looked interesting. He lingered in front of the sign and Ellie suggested he call and get involved. “It would be good for you,” she said.

He probably wouldn’t have done it if not for Ellie’s encouragement, and if he hadn’t made that call, he never would have met Julia. Now he can’t imagine his life without her in it, though after last night, he may have to…

West Side Story
finished it’s run in early August and they had two weeks before they returned to their respective schools. Will had one more semester at the University of Rhode Island before he was finally done with college.

He took Julia sailing on his dad’s boat a few times, and taught her basic techniques, how to tack and trim the jib. She picked it up pretty quickly, though she said her favorite part about sailing was dropping anchor. Then they’d sit on the bow soaking up the sun, and talk for hours.

Will went to school with the same group of kids from his neighborhood until he went to college, but Julia knows more about him than anyone. He can relax and be himself around her and feels like he’s known her forever.

He always sensed something was missing in his life, but could never pinpoint exactly what it was. Now he knows.

Spontaneity.

Before he met Julia, every day was virtually the same as the last, the same people, the same places, the same parties, the same…everything. He was bored, and didn’t realize it. His life was black and white with a few shades of grey mixed in.

Then Julia came along, a whirlwind of energy, imagination and warmth. When she’s around, he sees life in vivid color.

In the weeks before Julia went back to school in New York, she planned a few adventures for them. She turned a walk through the woods into a scavenger hunt, a trip to Newport into a journey through the Gilded Age.

The day they spent on Block Island was one of the best days of his life. They rode their bikes around the island all day, ate a picnic lunch on the bluffs, and swam in the ocean for hours. It was heaven.

She’d never say where they were going until they were on their way, only what he’d need for the trip. On the first couple of outings, he wanted Julia to tell him where they were going before they left, but she refused, telling him to ‘just relax and go with the flow.’

He always thought of himself as laid back, someone who went with the flow. But before he met Julia, he always knew the direction of the flow, and what to expect when he arrived there. Not so anymore. After his initial discomfort, he realized not knowing made life so much more interesting.

By the end of summer, Will didn’t know what to make of their relationship. She’d become his best friend and although he didn’t want to risk that friendship, he wanted her. He’d never wanted anyone like this before.

He first attempted to kiss her a few nights into rehearsals. He’d walked Julia to her car after they had grabbed a Del’s Lemonade in town, and when he leaned into her… the look on her face! Her eyes opened wide and her cheeks turned pink. Julia turned her head and kissed his cheek, laughing nervously, and virtually jumped into her car, waving goodbye. He was mystified as she drove away, had never had that effect on a woman before.

He thought maybe she was still a virgin. She was barely twenty years old when they met and that would’ve explained her hesitance, but she made a comment alluding to the loss of her virginity.

So what stops her?
He was frustrated but also intrigued. There’s a part of Julia that’s a complete mystery to him.

When she told him she was coming home from New York for Columbus Day weekend, he made a plan.

Will invited Julia to his beach house in Narragansett that Saturday night in October. The first part of his seduction plan involved a romantic dinner. He’s not a chef, his repertoire very limited.

He wanted to do something special for Julia so he made the simplest thing he could, fairly confident he couldn’t screw up boiling water for spaghetti and heating up a jar of sauce. For good measure he made some garlic bread and a salad. It was by far the nicest meal to ever grace that table.

He heard the wheels of her car crunching loudly on the seashell path as Julia pulled into his driveway, and watched her through the kitchen window, his face breaking into a smile. She parked her blue Chevette and stepped out wearing faded jeans, frayed at the knee, a white shirt, brown ankle boots and her favorite beaded necklace.

She scanned his neighborhood, her hands on her hips, taking deep breaths of salty ocean air, and looking incredibly sexy.

Julia’s a beautiful woman. Will doesn’t think she has any idea how pretty she is. As far as he can tell, she doesn’t have a self-conscious bone in her body, but she doesn’t know how to take a compliment. If he makes any reference to her looks, she laughs or blushes and turns away.

A moment later he opened the door and leaned against the doorframe, a big grin on his face.

“Well hello stranger!” she shouted, meeting him on the walkway.

Will lifted Julia off the ground in a warm embrace.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” he said, firmly planting a kiss on her soft, smiling lips.

They walked into the kitchen, Julia’s arm through his.

“What do we have here?” her eyes widened in surprise. “I thought we were going to order pizza!”

“I’ve got skills,” he laughed, and wiped down the counter, a little embarrassed by the mess. He hadn’t had a chance to clean the kitchen and the sink was piled high with pots and pans, the stove splattered with tomato sauce.

Will had set the table with mismatched dishes and paper napkins, a wine glass accompanying each setting. In the center of the table sat a jar filled with flowers he’d picked from his neighbor’s yard.

“Mr. Kennedy, are you trying to seduce me?”

He turned around, his eyes wide.
Am I that obvious?

“It’s from
The Graduate
, Will,” she chuckled. His brow furrowed, confused. “The movie? Dustin Hoffman, Anne Bancroft?” He shook his head, had never heard of the movie. “Will! You are missing out! Do you have a VCR here? We need to rent it tonight! Where’s the video store?”

“Not far from here. We can go after dinner and pick it up.”

“Perfect!” Julia wandered around the house as he finished cooking. “Three guys live here? Did you clean up for me?”

“A little,” he nodded and smiled. “You would’ve turned around and drove home if you saw it before I cleaned.”

“Where are your roommates? I was expecting to see one of them sprawled on a couch playing video games,” she said.

“Gone. They went home for the weekend.” He could tell by the startled look on her face she was taken off guard.

“Oh, I was hoping to meet them,” she said, picking up a few darts from the bookcase and throwing them into the board hanging on the wall.

“I’m afraid you’re stuck with me tonight,” he shook his head, mystified, and rinsed the pasta in the sink. He hoped she’d be happy they were alone.

“This neighborhood is incredible!” Julia stood in front of the picture window in the living room. It was dark outside but the moon was full and the moonlight was reflecting on the ocean directly in front of his house. “You didn’t tell me you live on the beach.”

They quickly fell back into their comfortable friend zone and although he was enjoying himself, Will decided to put the next part of his plan into action after dinner.

The actual seduction.
He figured, if she pushed him away at least he’d know where he stood.

They discussed the upcoming presidential election while he washed dishes and Julia sat on the counter beside him, drying. She’s a die-hard liberal, he’s a bit more conservative though neither of them liked the Bush administration.

“The president is a stiff and so deeply entrenched in Washington bullshit. We need someone who’s totally removed from the DC political scene. I hope Bill Clinton crushes him next month!”

“Yeah, me too. I think my father would have a stroke if he knew I was voting Democrat in this election.”

“It’s so strange to me… Your family bears the name of the most powerful dynasty of Democrats in America this century… and you’re all friggin’ Republicans.”

“No,” he held up his hand, “I’m an Independent. I vote my conscience. And we are in no way related to those Kennedys!”

He finished washing the last of the dishes, and drying his hands, turned toward Julia. She smiled and handed him the last dish to put away and when he reached behind her to stack it in the cabinet, his chest pressed against hers and the energy between them shifted.

Will positioned his body between Julia’s legs, placing his hands on her thighs, a jolt of electricity shooting through him.

She brushed her hair away from her eyes and focused her gaze on something behind him.

“Do you think this a good idea?” she whispered.

Will tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and nodded.

“Yes,” he said, a smile spreading across his face.

Her eyes met his, and he ran his fingertip over her bottom lip, then leaned in and brushed his lips against hers until he felt her gently returning his kiss, her arms winding around his back, pulling him closer to her. He savored the sensation of her arms and legs wrapped around him, pressing their bodies together, every point of contact between them a nerve exposed.

Who knows what would have happened that night if a ghost from his past hadn’t interrupted their kiss… 

RING! RING!

The house phone cut short their exploration. Startled, Will jumped back, his eyes flying wide open. He was disoriented, the light in the kitchen blinding.

RING! RING!

Julia covered her ears and he winced, the shrill ringing echoing in his head. He sighed and smiled self-consciously, reaching for the phone.

“Hello?” he answered, and paused. “Hello?...” his voice trailed off. He could faintly hear the sound of someone breathing. “Who is this?” he asked, but no one answered.

He glanced at Julia and shrugged and was about to hang up the phone when he heard a familiar voice.

“Hi Will…it’s me.”

Inhaling sharply, he slammed the phone onto the receiver, his hand covering his mouth and stared at the handset, the color draining from his face.

“Will, are you okay?” Julia jumped off the counter. “Who was that?”

He was silent, his body tense. He could feel a vein throbbing in his temple.
Could it be?
He leaned back against the counter, his hands covering his eyes.

“Sorry,” he reached for Julia, hugging her to him, his heart hammering against his chest.

“Will, you’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry Jules. I’m… that was....” he stuttered. He didn’t want to say it out loud because he didn’t want it to be real. “I think that was Avery.”

“Avery?” Julia asked, visibly confused.

“Someone I knew a long time ago.” He knew she was waiting for him to give her an explanation but he remained silent.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“No. No. I’m fine,” he whispered into her hair.

He wanted to be fine.
How the hell did she get my number? And why did she have to call me tonight, of all nights?
He held Julia closer to him, all plans of seduction evaporating the moment he heard Avery’s voice.

They ended up watching
The Graduate
snuggled up under a blanket on his couch, but he wasn’t himself, quiet and distracted, preoccupied with the troubling events of his past. He kept one arm around Julia, the other holding onto her hand for dear life.