What if I Fly? (9 page)

“Will, please, you’re from Rhode Island! Have you no state pride? Don’t tell me your fancy private school never took you to Gilbert Stuart’s homestead? I’m starting to think you didn’t get your moneys worth!”

“No, they did, in maybe the third grade! And I remember seeing the signs for his birthplace on the way to URI.”

“How about Slater Mill in Pawtucket? Did they take you there? The birthplace of the Industrial Revolution in America?” she asks, hands on hips, eyebrow raised.

“Okay, Miss Grasso. You’re head’s getting too big to fit in here.”

Will grabs Julia’s hand, pulling her out of the house, onto the veranda where ‘George and Martha Washington’ are greeting guests, answering questions about ‘their’ lives.

“We need to find an outhouse or a barn,” he says, eyeing the outbuildings and fields.

“What for? They have bathrooms in the visitor’s center.”

“I think you need a good spanking,” he says, wrapping his arms around her.

“Really?” Julia laughs, “And who’s gonna give it to me?”

“Not George Washington.” He leans in and whispers in her ear, “I want you right now.”

“You’re serious?” Julia blushes, her eyes wide, questioning.

He nods his head, tightening his hold on her so she can feel just how serious he is. Julia begins to laugh, then takes his hand, leading him off the porch.

“Thank god I’m wearing a skirt.”

They walk through the rolling fields of Mount Vernon in search of privacy and find a spot behind one of the barns. After waiting a few minutes to see if anyone passes, Will presses Julia against the exterior wall of the building, his hands reaching beneath her skirt, pulling down her panties.

Julia unzips his pants and he lifts her, his mouth against hers and thrusts himself inside her, over and over again. Her nails bite into his flesh, and she wraps her legs around him tightly. He can tell she’s about to climax, and he can’t control himself anymore. Julia throws her head back, biting her lip to keep from crying out, and he feels her body pulsing around him as he comes.

They collapse on a pile of hay, kissing and catching their breath before hastily adjusting their clothes. That was definitely the most reckless thing he’s ever done, sex in a public place, in broad daylight! But he had to have her just then… 

Will zips his pants, and his heart stops. He leans back against the barn wall, and feels the blood draining from his face.

“Julia.”

“Will, what wrong?”

“We didn’t use anything.”

“Oh, fuck!” She slaps her hand over her mouth.

Jesus Christ, what did I do?
He holds his head in his hands for a moment, then takes a deep breath in and turns to Julia. She looks petrified. The last thing he should do is panic.

“Hey, look at me,” he says, and she turns warily toward him. He runs his finger over her lips, smiling. “No matter what. I love you.”

“You’d love me fat and pregnant?” Julia raises an eyebrow.

“Yes,” he says, taking her hand in his.

“Will, I’m twenty-one, you’re not even twenty-four…” she frowns, her voice trailing off. “Well…I doubt I’m pregnant, I’m due in a day or two.” Julia shrugs, “I don’t want to think about that now. Let’s go visit with George and Martha on the veranda.”

As the sun sets over Mount Vernon, Will and Julia relax on a blanket listening to a live blues band playing near the mansion. The tickets to the festival included a bottle of wine, and cheese and crackers. Julia’s lying across the blanket, her head in his lap, both of them enjoying the music and the moment.

“Will? Do you think a person’s heart can burst from being too happy?”

“I don’t think so.” He leans over and kisses her softly. He’s wondered the same thing himself.

“I hope not, because mine feels like it could.” She eats a couple of crackers. “Will?”

“Yes, Jules?” He smiles, twirling one of her long curls around his finger.

“Does it seem odd to you that a blues band is playing at George and Martha’s house? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure blues music wasn’t around in the 1700’s.”

Upon their return from Mount Vernon, they head straight upstairs to Will’s bedroom, and he sits on his bed and watches, mesmerized, as Julia washes her face, takes off her earrings and pulls her hair back into a ponytail.
I love her so much
…his life was empty without her in it.

Those three months after the wedding, when she wouldn’t talk to him were terrible, he felt so ashamed and lonely.
What if she’d never come back to me?
The thought physically pains him. She gave him a second chance when her grandmother died. He did nothing to deserve that chance, but he won’t squander it.

“Jules, what are you planning to do after you graduate? Are you thinking of staying in New York? Or would you consider moving…I don’t know… maybe here?”

“Well…I’ve been thinking DC would be a natural fit for me.”

“Really?” he sighs with relief. If she said no, he’d seriously consider relocating wherever she plans to live.

“Uh huh,” Julia nods and walks toward him, removing her shirt. “Yes, there are so many possibilities down here.” She pushes him back on his bed, reaching for his belt, “I could find a job at one of the museums, I’ve always wanted to work at the Smithsonian…”

Julia takes off her skirt, and removes his pants.

“I am so relieved to hear you say that!” He slides her underwear to the floor, “The next eight months are going to be tough…” he kisses her soft neck, her breasts, “…with all the commuting back and forth.”

Julia nods her head, inhaling sharply as he slides a finger inside her, “But knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel makes it bearable,” he whispers.

“Yes, bearable…” she says, pulling off his boxers, and climbs onto the bed.

“I have this big place.” Will positions her above him.

“Yes…” Julia slides her hips down, slowly taking him in, an inch at a time.

“So, I was thinking…” he grabs her hips, his breathing labored, “Maybe, you could live with me?”

“What?” Julia freezes.

“I want you to live with me.” He sits up and wraps his arms around her waist, looking into her eyes.

“Give me five minutes, then we’ll talk.”

Julia pushes him back against the bed, tightens her hold on him and closes her eyes, her back arching, as he cries out her name.

Breathless, Julia collapses beside him, and remains silent for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling. He turns on his side and watches as the conflicting emotions flash across her face, and holds his breath, praying he didn’t scare her away.

“Jules, I know this is a huge step and we haven’t been together very long…” he rolls on top of her, kissing her gently. Julia’s brow furrows, and he runs his finger over the creases on her forehead, “Actually, we have…just not in the biblical sense.”

She giggles and turns to him, “The biblical sense?” she laughs again. “Will, my instinct is to say yes. But let me think about it while I’m in New York. I need a clear head to make that kind of decision and my head is definitely not clear when I’m around you!”

“Fair enough.”  

Chapter Eight

A woman cannot survive on sex alone
, her grumbling stomach reminds her. She’s not complaining, but honestly can’t remember the last time she ate a real meal. They’ve been subsisting on whatever food they can scavenge from his nearly empty cupboards.

This morning she combed through his kitchen and managed to find what she needs to make pancakes while Will’s out for a run.
Flour, sugar, milk, butter, eggs
….she pours each ingredient into the bowl, her head in the clouds.

She’s never been happier in her life. Love is a magical feeling.
Will’s magical.
She can’t believe she denied herself this pleasure all this time.
What was I thinking?
She knows what stopped her, but fear has gotten in the way of her happiness for too long, she has to have a little faith.

The thought of going back to New York later this afternoon is making her nauseous. She doesn’t want to leave him, but she doesn’t have a choice. In three months she’ll be on winter break, and her internship begins in late-January. Will said he’ll come to New York every possible weekend and she’ll come down to DC when she can.

It won’t be that bad. She closes her eyes, taking slow breaths, in and out.
Who am I kidding? It’ll be hell.
She wants this year to be over so they can be together.

UB40’s reggae version of
Can’t Help Falling in Love with You
comes on the radio and she turns up the volume, dancing around the kitchen while she mixes the batter. Using the wooden spoon as a microphone, she twirls around, then screams.

“Oh my god, you scared me!” she cries, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She didn’t hear Will come in through the front door.

He’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, his t-shirt soaked with sweat, wearing a Red Sox cap and a huge grin.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“Never. You’re adorable.” Will gives her a sweaty hug and kiss.

“Go clean up, breakfast is almost ready.”

“Why don’t you come upstairs and join me?” Will asks as he runs up the stairs, stripping out of his sweaty clothes as he climbs.

Tempting, very tempting.
Her stomach begins to burn with a different kind of hunger, so she turns off the stove and follows him upstairs.
What’s another twenty minutes?

Running back downstairs to finish making breakfast, the doorbell rings, startling her. Will’s still in the shower and she’s wearing one of his t-shirts, her wet hair pulled back into a ponytail.

Should I answer it?

She hesitates, making sure the shirt covers all necessary body parts, then opens the door to find a woman standing on the stoop. She has long blond hair, blue eyes and very sharp features, and is dressed conservatively in black pants, a pink cardigan set, carrying a Chanel purse.

Is she a wealthy Jehovah’s Witness?

“Can I help you?” Julia asks, politely.

“I’m looking for William Kennedy?”

The woman checks the number on the house again, and Julia feels a knot growing in her stomach.
Who is this woman?

“He’s indisposed. Is he expecting you?” She pulls the t-shirt down, praying her underwear isn’t showing. This woman’s giving her the creeps, the way she’s inspecting her.

“Are you Julia?”

She knows my name?

“I’m sorry, have we met?”

“No. I’m Avery Smith. An old friend of Wills.”

Avery? Ex-girlfriend Avery?
Julia raises her hand to her mouth.

“Babe, can you bring breakfast up here?” Will shouts from the top of the stairs, “We have a few more hours of celebrating before you go!”

She cringes, turning toward the sound of his voice and willing him to stop talking. Julia holds her breath, her cheeks hot with embarrassment, and Avery’s eyes have narrowed into slits, her mouth pinched into a tight, straight line.              

“Julia!” Will shouts again, descending the stairs in a towel, his hair dripping wet. “Are you okay? Who is it?” he asks, pulling his towel around him tightly.

“You have a visitor,” she says, eyebrows raised.

Will shakes his head, confused, then takes a few more steps down and freezes, his mouth dropping open.

“William! So good to see you!”

“Avery?” he whispers. “What are you doing here?”

“That’s how you greet an old friend?” Avery pouts.

“Sorry….no…of course not.” He shakes his head and stutters, “Uh…you caught me off guard. I’ll…I’ll be right back, let me put on some clothes.”

Facing off with this polished, elegant woman, Julia feels exposed. She may as well be standing in the doorway naked as a jaybird.

“Please, come in, Avery,” she says with as much dignity as she can muster, “Have a seat in here.” She waves her arm to the right, indicating the dining room. “Excuse me,” she mutters and runs upstairs to the bedroom.

“Will, what the hell is she doing here!?”

He’s thrown on a pair of shorts and a polo shirt, and wraps his arms around her, trembling.

“I don’t know Jules. I don’t know how she even found me.”

“What’re you going to do?” She grabs clothes from her duffle bag, and pulls on leggings and a sweater.

“I have no idea. Come with me.”

Avery holds her arms out for a hug as they enter the dining room and Will walks zombie-like into her embrace.

“It’s been too long Will. Five? Six years?”

“Something like that.” Will nods slowly, “Avery, this is my girlfriend, Julia.”

“So you’re Julia. I’ve heard so much about you!” Avery rests her icy blue eyes on her, planting a fake smile across her face.

“Really? From whom?” Julia’s stomach’s in knots, but she puts on a brave face and looks Avery in the eye.

“Oh, here and there!” Avery throws her head back and laughs, “Rhode Island is such a small place.”

Julia knows exactly who told Avery about her. It had to be those horrible women from the wedding.

“Avery, how did you find me?” Will grabs Julia’s hand, his fingers clasping hers tightly.

“Were you hiding, Will?” she laughs, “I bumped into Joe Butler from your old neighborhood. He told me you were living down here and gave me your address.”

“Joe Butler gave you my address?” Will asks, skeptically, “I haven’t spoken to Joe since we went skiing after Christmas last year.”

“Well, when he told me you were living here I asked him to get it from your parents.”

Something is not right with this woman,
Julia thinks, studying Avery, brow furrowed. She squeezes Wills hand, trying to transmit some chutzpah his way, but he’s crumbling before her eyes.
Come on Will, get it together!
She wants Avery out of the house, her mere presence is sucking the oxygen from the room.

“Why don’t you two go out back. Avery, would you like some water or tea?”

“No. Thank you,” Avery answers without a glance her way, and slides her arm through Will’s as they walk toward the patio.

Julia spies on them from the kitchen window. Will seems desperately uncomfortable, sitting in a wrought iron chair, his back rigid, and staring straight through Avery.
What on earth is she doing here?
Her body language is delivering a pretty clear message. She touches Will’s arm and thigh repeatedly as she talks, leaning toward him the entire time. Her behavior is blatantly flirtatious.

If Avery leans in to kiss him, I’ll have no problem throwing the first punch.

Her stomach sinking, she walks into the pantry and slides to the floor. There’s nothing coincidental about this. Call it woman’s intuition, but she feels it in her bones. Moving to Washington was a calculated move on Avery’s part. That woman’s trying to worm her way back into Will’s life.
Why now?

Julia rests her head in her hands and sighs, remembering what Will shared with her last Christmas. An innocent game of Truth or Dare turned into a confessional and he finally revealed to her what happened with the mysterious Avery.

After Christmas dinner with Will’s family, they went sledding at Burr’s Hill Park, navigating the hills for over an hour, and getting soaked in the process. They headed to her house and changed out of their wet clothes, then arranged the blankets and pillows in front of the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate, then vodka.

“Want to play Truth or Dare?” Julia asked on a whim. She had no idea she was taking the lid off of Pandora’s box.

“How old are you again?” Will shook his head and laughed, “Twelve?”

“So you don’t accept the challenge?” She raised an eyebrow and waited.

“Really, Jules? Fine, I’m game. I’ve never played it before.”

“You’ve never played truth or dare? Okay then, me first. What’ll it be?”

“Truth,” Will said after a moment.

Good.
Julia wanted to get to the bottom of the Avery situation.

“Let’s see. I’ll start with a standard question, to ease you into the spirit of the game,” she paused.
Oh, to hell with it! May as well get straight to the point!
“Who’s Avery?”

“That’s a standard question?” he sputtered, then stared into the fire for a moment before answering. “Someone I dated in high school. We broke up before I left for college,”

Julia sensed there was much more to the story, but didn’t push him. Yet.

“My turn, Jules,” he cleared his throat, clasping his hands together. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” She didn’t want him poking around in her head!

“I should’ve known,” Will chuckled, “Are there any guidelines or restrictions I should know about?”

“Hmm…” she tapped her finger against her temple, in faux thought, “Well, the last time I played this in middle school there weren’t.”

“Excellent,” Will smiled, “I dare you to climb the tree in your backyard. Naked.” She choked on his last word, then coughed, holding her hand in the air.

“Okay. I just made a rule. No nudity.”

“Julia…” Will’s shoulders sagged, “You just took all the fun out of this for me.”

They went back and forth a few rounds, and she took it easy on him, laid off the Avery topic for a little bit. But she was determined to get to the bottom of that situation! So, after a particularly ridiculous dare, she decided to dive back in.

“You’re not getting off easy after that one!” she laughed, “Get ready, Will.”

“I’m ready,” he smiled, taking a deep breath in. “I pick dare.”

“I dare you to tell me the real reason you and Avery broke up.”

His eyes grew wide, then he took a sip of vodka, paused and sighed.

“Do you really want to hear this?” he asked, turning to her.

“I really do,” she nodded, “Take another sip, it’ll loosen your tongue.”

“We dated for about a year,” he sat up and stared into the flames. “She was the first girl I ever slept with.” Another swig of vodka. “It was high school, Julia. She was pretty and we had the same group of friends, but…I don’t know…something was missing. We didn’t have a lot to talk about when we were alone. I did break up with her before I went to college, that’s the truth. It wasn’t a complicated split.”

She remained silent, waiting for him to continue. She could see the pain in his eyes.
What happened between those two?

“You can tell me, Will,” she whispered. “I won’t judge.”

“I came back from school over Thanksgiving and saw her at a party. We were both drunk and ended up having sex.” Will turned to her, his eyes clouded with tears. “It was just sex. I didn’t want to get back together with her. A month later, I came home for winter break and she called me, crying. She said she was pregnant and the baby was mine.”

Oh. My. God.

“I didn’t know what to do.” Will laid back against the pillows. “She was a senior in high school. I’d just started college. My parents would’ve killed me. I thought about asking her to marry me. That’s what people do, right?”

“Not necessarily, Will... this isn’t 1955!” She brushed the hair away from his face, and noticed a tear seep from the corner of his eye. “So, what happened?”

“She had an abortion,” he said, his face crumpling, “I’m Catholic, Julia. Abortion is wrong and I did nothing to stop her.”

Wow.
She could see how that’d mess with the head of a good Catholic boy.

She was raised Catholic too, but fundamentally disagrees with key church policies, that one included. But, it didn’t feel like the time to make an argument for a woman’s right to choose. She lay down beside him, and held his hand.

“Did your parents find out?”

“No. I’ve never told anyone. Not even Ellie.”

“So, that was five years ago? Have you seen Avery since then?”