What About Charlie? (24 page)

She shook her head.

He tilted his head to the side. “One of your lovely smiles. They always brighten my day.”

Charlie couldn’t help but smile at his kind words. But she had to remember they were words of a friend, not from someone who loved her. Words to make her feel better, words that weren’t necessarily true. She had to remember that.

“Thank you, Evan.”

Glancing away from her face, her bare shoulders caught his eye. “Uh, Charlie,” he said uncomfortably, “would you like me to get you a shirt?”

Charlie’s cheeks turned red as if just realizing only her arm covered her breasts.

“I can put on this shirt.” She picked up a yellow t-shirt lying beside her on the bed.

Without waiting for her to ask, Evan obligingly stood and turned around. It was crazy, he thought. He’s had sex with her he would be marrying her in only a few days and he was turning around to allow her to dress. Asinine.

He sat down beside her. “This is something that’s important to both of us, Charlie. Something that will bind us together before God and man and to each other. She wants to give us something nice, give us some nice memories. Mother can get a lot accomplished in a few day’s time. It’s up to you.”

“What do you think?” Charlie asked uncertainly.

“Let her do it.” But, seeing the pensive look on her face he added, “We don’t have to change any of our plans, if you’re satisfied with how they are. This is your day. The decision is entirely yours.”

Evan searched her eyes, wondering if he should have ever brought up the subject. Perhaps he should have told his mother no in the first place.

His eyes slipped down to her lips, a sudden longing surging through him to taste them. It had been so long since he’d done so. He felt his body tightening, his mouth becoming dry.

“Charlie,” he whispered, his eyes once again searching hers. “I need to kiss you.”

Without waiting for her reply, he lightly touched her warm lips with his. Charlie stiffened, then relaxed as Evan’s lips expertly moved across hers, gently tasting her sweetness and feeling the warmth of her mouth.

Charlie brought up her hand and rested it on his shoulder, reveling in his warmth, his strength, the clean, bold smell of his aftershave.

Evan felt as if he were teetering on the edge. Oh how he wanted her! How he needed her in the most physical of ways! As the kiss progressed, he felt his control slip millimeter by millimeter. They were going down a path that, before too long, they wouldn’t be able to turn back. He had to stop. It was too soon.

Regretfully, he lifted his lips from hers and moved away from her, standing to put some much needed distanced between them.

Charlie’s passion glazed eyes filled with confusion. “What…? Why…?”

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean for it to go so far,” he apologized, disgusted with himself. He ran his hand through his hair. Why did he even kiss her? He knew full well she wouldn’t be able to have sex for at least another six weeks. The desires that he’d thought he’d put on ice had now come roaring back hitting him like a freight train.

Seeing the look of disgust cross his face, she looked away from him and called herself a fool. She felt cheap and dirty. She once again felt beneath him.

“Please go, Evan.”

****

Now Charlie stood beside Evan, her shaking hand resting in the crook of his arm. Apprehension, doubt, fear raced through her mind. Was she doing the right thing? Would they be happy? Did they have a chance?

Glancing to her left, Amy stood, a tentative smile on her lips. To her right Evan stood stiff as a board, his face as serious as she’d ever seen it. Just beyond him, his brother Michael stood fidgeting with his hand in his left pocket. Probably fingering the ring.

Sitting behind them were Evan’s parents and Alan and his wife.

Initially, Charlie had been reluctant to let Evan’s mother take over the wedding preparations, but now seeing all her hard work come to fruition, she was very glad she had. Mrs. Collier certainly had a flare for simple elegance and style.

Mrs. Collier had reserved a bed and breakfast in Alton, a short distance from St. Louis. There they would have the wedding and reception. Evan, who had planned on wearing a shirt, tie, sport jacket, and Dockers was now in a black tux with tails, looking elegant and handsome.

And Charlie’s planned pantsuit had been replaced by the loveliest dress she’d ever seen. It was a white dress with a handkerchief hem, hanging down to her ankles. The dress had short cap sleeves and beautiful beadwork that accented the v-neck collar as well as the bodice and skirt. The dress was simple yet so very elegant. With it she wore a pair of low heeled sandals and a band of small white and peach colored flowers fastened in her upswept hair. She carried a bouquet of white lilies and peach colored roses. Charlie felt like a princess.

She couldn’t have asked for anything nicer. Every detail had been taken care of – from the fresh flowers (white lilies and peach colored roses) to the harpist playing in the background.

Everything was perfect or would have been except for one very large detail: They weren’t in love.

To be more precise, Evan didn’t love her.

Standing before the Reverend, Charlie felt as if she were in a vacuum. She still held onto his arm, fearing if she let go she would fall without his support. The Reverend’s voice seemed so very far away. She felt Evan shift on one foot, then the other. His arm moved ever so slightly. Was it a nervous tremble?

Then she heard his deep voice, a voice that would always melt her heart no matter what, repeat his wedding vows. Then after a few moments of Michael digging in his pocket for the ring, Evan placed it on her left index finger, a platinum band with diamonds sunk in it. Evan had called it a channel setting. Whatever it was called, it was exquisite. All too soon it was her turn, and, within a matter of moments, they were husband and wife.

She couldn’t help note that with bitter irony. Her dream of marrying the man she loved had come true but the part of him loving her was sadly missing.

Turning around to face his parents, she planted a smile on her face, feeling like a fake, an imposter. They believed she and Evan were marrying for love. But in reality they were marrying so she would have his money and his care. It sounded mercenary, crude, and Charlie cringed at the thought. But nonetheless it was the truth however ugly it sounded.

Charlie turned her head and looked at Evan. His eyes met hers and he broke into a smile, a warm smile that reached his eyes, a smile that reached all the way to her heart. It seemed genuine as if he were truly happy. Her heart lifted. Perhaps things would be ok after all.

But things were not ok Charlie thought glumly a mere three hours and lobster dinner later. All their wedding guests were gone and they were alone at last in the honeymoon suite. Of course, they hadn’t planned on staying in the honeymoon suite, but Evan’s parent’s had had other ideas. Before they left, they presented Evan with a key to the room, hugging them both before they left. What could Evan do but graciously accept their gift?

Now they stood staring at each other, the crystal in the chandelier above them reflecting the orange and red flames flickering in the gas fireplace. The room was all shadows, the only light coming from the fireplace. However, in spite of the shadows, Charlie could see Evan’s face. He looked as uncomfortable as she felt.

“This is a lovely room,” Charlie said trying to fill the silence. To avoid Evan’s eyes, she looked around, taking in the hardwood floors, the oriental rugs, and the king size feather bed. Slowly walking with the assistance of her cane into the bathroom she reddened at the sight of the heart shaped whirlpool and the glass enclosed shower stall. She really wished Evan’s parents hadn’t put them in this situation, but, undoubtedly, they believed them to be in love. Surely they would have known that she wasn’t allowed to have sex for several more weeks. Of course, there were many ways a man and woman could make love. They would know that as well.

Her leg beginning to ache, Charlie sat on the edge of the bed. “When we arrived and your mother ushered me up here to get dressed, I thought we were fortunate to have an empty room to dress. But I started getting an uneasy feeling about things when I was in the bathroom doing my hair and, through the reflection in the mirror, saw them sneaking the suitcases in here.”

“Charlie,” he said suddenly, with a trace of urgency in his voice, “was this wedding my mother planned to your liking? I know you had different plans and she came in and took over.”

“Evan, the wedding couldn’t have been lovelier. To be honest, I had mixed feelings about it at first. But after arriving here and seeing how beautifully everything was decorated and orchestrated, I was glad she had taken over.”

Evan smiled in relief. “I wanted you to have the wedding you always envisioned, Charlie. I’m glad my mother’s organizing was to your pleasing. She’s always loved to plan parties and gatherings, and she’s always lamented that she didn’t have a daughter for whom to plan a wedding. It was sort of like an unattainable dream for her.”

“I like your mother, and I’m glad she gave us such a beautiful wedding. We’ll always have good memories of this day no matter what happens.”

“What do you mean by ‘no matter what happens’?”

“You know as well as I do that we didn’t marry for love. Marriage is hard enough for people who do love each other. It will be doubly challenging for us.”

Evan clenched his jaw, perturbed that she had such a cynical view of their marriage. Of course, she was right it was going to be challenging. Any marriage was, but to hear her talk about it so unfeelingly like it was a mere contract, made him feel hollow.

“We’ll just have to work doubly hard on it, won’t we?” he asked with a discernable edge in his voice.

Charlie’s eyes widened, surprised that she’d angered him, but she chose to say nothing. It wouldn’t do to start their marriage off on a sour note.

Again they slipped into silence, but this time there was a certain heaviness in the air. The atmosphere around them seemed to crackle and pop with tension.

Charlie shifted uneasily, suddenly wishing this day to be over. Things were not going good between them and now her leg and hip were beginning to throb from the day’s activities.

Evan turned his eyes toward her. “Is your leg hurting? Do you have your pain medication with you? I’ll get it for you if you tell me where it is.”

“I’ll be ok, Evan. I don’t like taking those pills. They make me feel so groggy.”

“Well you need to lay down. I should have made sure you didn’t stand so long.”

“Laying down sounds wonderful.” She then thought of her dress, of it’s long zipper in the back. There was no way she could twist and turn to unzip her dress. “Evan, if you don’t mind, could you get this zipper unzipped on my dress? I can’t reach it…”

Charlie stood, and Evan came up behind her. He stood unmoving for a moment taking in her faint flowery perfume, her graceful neck. He gently tugged on the zipper, slowly pulling it down her back. He could feel his body tightening, his heart beating faster as the zipper inched lower and lower. His knuckle brushed her warm, creamy skin. It was like a shock going through him. His mouth suddenly went dry. The need to touch her skin with his lips overwhelmed him. Without thinking, he dipped his head and gently kissed her neck, tracing a line of kisses down her neck to her bare shoulder.

Charlie stiffened in alarm, but the pure pleasure of his touch, the sensation of his warm moist lips against her skin caused her to ignore the alarm sounding off in her mind. She hadn’t realized it, but she’d needed this for so long.

She leaned back, pressing her back against his chest, the tingling sensation of his lips against her skin making her weak at the knees. Oh how she loved him!