What About Charlie? (21 page)

“I doubt she’d listen to me.”

“Evan, despite and because of what has happened between you two, you are about the closest person on earth to her. She can speak freely to you and vice versa. She needs to talk. And I really believe you can help her work through this.”

****

Charlie was in a dark mood when Evan walked into her room, but it immediately brightened when she saw him. She had missed him so much since she’d seen him last; she needed to see a familiar face.

She gave a small smile, searching his serious eyes. “Hi, Evan.”

“How have you been doing today, Charlie?” His voice was clipped, seemed to have an edge to it.

She gave a careless shrug, having the distinct feeling that this was no social call. He had an explicit purpose for coming to see her. “I’ve been doing ok.” She looked down at her hands, then back up at him, feeling like a scolded child.

“Charlie, you haven’t been participating in your therapy sessions.”

So, this was what his visit was about.

She stared defiantly at him, refusing to be cowed. He wasn’t her keeper and she certainly wasn’t answerable to him. “I haven’t felt like it.”

Evan sighed. “Charlie, this is not a matter of whether you feel like it or not. This is about healing, about walking again, about getting back to a normal life. Don’t you want that?”

“You know what I want, Evan?” she asked angrily. “I want all of this to go away. I want this to never have happened. I want you and Alan and that perky therapist that’s sent in here everyday to stop acting as if everything is all right. Because everything is not all right. I’m lying here in the hospital with a fractured hip, with one leg shorter than the other; I’ve been told I will be out of commission for months, that I’ll need assistance living, doing everyday activities. I can’t work. I won’t be able to pay my bills. I certainly won’t be able to pay for all this since I don’t have any insurance. I’ve got enough to worry about already. So, don’t come in here lecturing me about my therapy and pretend everything is ok.”

Evan’s eyes turned thunderous. “Do you think we’re jumping up and down with joy that this has happened to you? Do you think we’re deriving great pleasure at seeing you in pain? Well, think again, Charlie. Alan and I care about you, not only as physicians, but as friends. I may not be experiencing the actual physical pain as you are, but I am in pain nonetheless. You’re my first thought when I wake up in the morning and my last thought before I go to sleep at night. I’m worried about you, Charlie. We all are. You’re lying here in this bed wallowing in self-pity, not doing one thing to help yourself. It’s okay to be angry, but get up and do something about it. You’ve had a bad accident, Charlie, but you can recover. And the whole recovery process is up to you. No one else. We will help you anyway we can. But we will not pity you. You’re doing enough of that for all of us.”

Charlie looked away from him, feeling small and selfish and extremely ashamed. “Evan I…”

He stared stonily at her, the muscle in his jaw flexing. “No, Charlie. Don’t say any more. Enough has been said already. Just think about what I said.”

Evan turned on his heel and strode out of the room. Charlie called his name, but he did not answer. Either he had not heard her or he had chosen not to acknowledge her. Charlie had the sinking feeling it was the latter. Suddenly, she felt sickened to her stomach. Tears that she had kept bottled up since her accident streamed down her cheeks. She did nothing to stop them.

All afternoon she waited for Evan to come back. Every time the door opened she swung her eyes anxiously towards it hoping that it was him. Her wish failed to materialize.

As each minute ticked by and each hour faded into another, Charlie felt even more dreadful, more ashamed of her behavior. Evan, Alan, even the therapist were trying to help her but in return she’d been hateful and unappreciative of their concern.

Finally resigned that she wouldn’t be seeing Evan, she turned her gaze to the window to watch the sun set over Forest Park. Perhaps, she thought as she watched shades of red and pink cross the gradually darkening sky, she could make amends tomorrow.

***

He touched her arm. “Evan knows you’re going through a difficult time. He has had patients just like you that have gone through the same thing. Usually he takes the barbs and caustic remarks with ease. But it’s a little different with you, Charlie.”

“It’s not. What’s between you two will always be there,” he said looking at her chart. “You know, Charlie, you have been healing very well. You have no infection in your incision. If you start doing your therapy like you should, you could be out of here in a matter of days.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I want you to walk more. Learn how to use a walker. That is going to be essential in regaining your mobility. It’s imperative. You’re not leaving until you do.”

After Alan left, Charlie felt a surge of hope, the first since she’d had her accident, that maybe things would be just fine. Alan seemed optimistic about her recovery, so why shouldn’t she?

That afternoon Charlie had a slough of visitors. Amy stopped by bringing her the latest news about Rich. Apparently he’d gotten into a fender bender, had no auto insurance on the car he was driving, and was arrested. Amy had to go post bond and bail him out. After Amy left, a couple of Charlie’s co-workers stopped by and visited. By the time they’d left, Charlie was feeling very tired and laid her head back on her pillow, closing her eyes.

Charlie nodded. “It will take time. This is not something I will be able to get over in a week. The recovery is literally months. Months were I can’t work nor live alone.”

She smiled. “Adam most of your work comes from phone calls in the middle of the night asking you to be at a location the next few days.”

“That may be so, but we could find someone to look after you. I don’t have any doubts about that.”

“Thank you, Adam. I’m so fortunate to have a dear friend like you.”

After Adam left, promising to visit her again, Charlie thought she really was lucky. She had dear friends, people who would inconvenience their own lives to help her. No, she thought, life wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

****

When Charlie woke the next morning, her optimism had diminished. Her sleeplessness returned last night and she had spent hours lying in her bed thinking – thinking about her future, what would happen to her when she was released from the hospital. She knew full well she was going to need help doing everyday things.

All this worry weighed heavily on her heart. She wished Evan would come today. She needed to make apologies, to get some of the weight lifted off her shoulders. Perhaps she could think more clearly when that was done. She had to start planning for her future.

She worked hard that day, cooperating with the therapist, pushing herself. She learned to use the walker and even did it without her help. She practiced getting in and out of bed by herself.

Alan came in that afternoon and praised her efforts.

“Two more days and you’ll be ready to leave. You’ve made a lot of progress today. You just need a little more practice with the walker and you need to learn how to ascend and descend steps. That’s it.”

Charlie whipped her head around at Evan’s voice. Her eyes feasted on him. Only after several seconds did she notice that he was pushing a wheelchair.

She shook her head. “I hate to ask anyone to help me. Not being able to do even the most basic things has been very difficult to accept and it’s humiliating having to ask someone to help.”

Evan sat on the edge of Charlie’s bed, taking her hand into his.

Watching him, she thought he was going to lecture her. Instead he said, “I know this has been very difficult. You’ve had a lot of rapid changes in your life.”

“Evan, I’m sorry for the way I acted the other day. I was being mean and selfish and thoughtless. What you said was right.”

“Perhaps I was a little too harsh…”

She shook her head vehemently. “No. That’s what I needed. I needed someone to get in my face and tell me a thing or two. Which you did.”

Evan smiled. “Enough of this, Charlie. We need to get you dressed for our date.” Opening the closet door, he pulled out two hangers, one holding a light blue pair of sweats, the other a pink pair. “Which one would you like to wear?”

Her eyes moved from the pants to his. “You’re going to help me dress?”

“If you don’t mind.”

She smiled, feeling slightly shy and embarrassed. But she was so glad he was here with her and for her at this moment in time. This was her Evan, the man she’d come to know in the past five years; the one she’d grown to love. A twinge of sadness enveloped her.

Who was the real Evan Collier? The man here before her who was going to dress her and take her out to eat in a wheelchair or the man who denied her very existence to his own family? The question perplexed her, and admittedly she’d be lying if she said the answer didn’t worry her.

The evening proved to be one of the most satisfying and enjoyable in Charlie’s recent memory. Evan doted on her, catering to her every whim. She had been initially concerned about going out in public for the first time in a wheelchair. But Evan was with her the whole time, telling silly jokes, making her laugh, making her feel like being in a wheelchair was just as natural as breathing. She felt beautiful and cherished. While they ate pizza, they talked about the weather, his family, some mutual friends.

There were two subjects, however, they both avoided for fear even the mere mention would ruin their evening. First was Charlie’s injury; second was Evan not telling his family about her. Neither seemed inclined to broach those subjects and both carefully tiptoed around them.

When Evan pushed her back to her room a few hours later, she said excitedly, “Oh, Evan. Look! It’s snowing. Turn off the light and come over here to the window. Let’s watch the snow fall.”

Together, in the darkness, they watched the delicate white flakes float through the air to the ground. By now, the sun had set and lights from the adjacent park and city lit up the sky. The moment seemed magical somehow.