Westward Moon (16 page)

              Finally Tessa said, “Oh, Jack, I am so sorry.”  She embraced her son again.

              His laugh was coarse.  “What a dumbass I’ve been to actually think that she’s been as miserable as me these past years.”  He broke away from Tessa to resume pacing.  “I have wasted so much time pining for her, wanting her, loving her and praying for her to come back to me!  How could she do that to me?  She used me to get what she wanted.  I can’t believe it’s all been a sham.  How could I be so stupid?”

              Dean was more perplexed than he’d ever been in his life.  Nothing about this added up to him.  He’d seen the way that Sparrow had looked at Jack, had watched him.  Dean swore that what he’d seen in Sparrow’s eyes was intense love for their son.  That wasn’t something you could fake.  Dean knew that Sparrow hadn’t been aware of all the times he’d watched her with Jack.  He’d been so sure that she loved Jack.

              Tessa was distressed on her son’s behalf and her own.  She’d come to love Sparrow and was looking forward to having her as a daughter-in-law.  Often Tessa had envisioned the grandchildren Sparrow and Jack would give her and Dean.  Her dismay and grief were strong within her as she watched Jack walk around.

              “I dropped everything to go after her!  I saved her life and got hurt doin’ it.  She put everyone in jeopardy.  I thought it all was worth it, you know?  I thought because we loved each other, it made it all worth it,” Jack said.  “But it was all a lie.”

              Dean had no idea what to say to his son.  Nothing he said at this point was going to comfort Jack.  So he went to Jack, took his face in his hands and then hugged him.  “Stay here tonight, Jack, ok?”

              Jack nodded.  He didn’t want to be alone.  The problem was that he didn’t know where he was going to sleep.  Sparrow was everywhere; the sofa, the bunkhouse, Seth and Maddie’s spare room.  Even the tack room, where they’d spent so many hours having fun while they cleaned saddles and bridles, was filled with her presence.

              “I’m gonna sleep in Mike’s room on the floor,” Jack said.  “Everywhere else she’s…” Jack hung his head and shook it.

              Tessa took his arm and led him from the barn and over to their house.  Dean followed them.  Jack let her guide him upstairs.  She knocked on Mike’s door.

              “Come in,” Mike said in a sleepy voice.

              When he saw his mother escorting Jack into the room, he became alarmed.

              “What’s going on?” he asked.

              Tessa said, “Jack’s going to stay with you tonight.  He’s very upset and a little drunk.”

              Mike wrinkled his nose.  “Judging by the smell of him, I’d say he was a lot drunk.”

              Dean had brought a bedroll with him and put it and a pillow on the floor.  “Take your coat and boots off, Jack.”

              It reminded Dean of when Jack was little and needed this kind of guidance.  Jack silently did as he was told and then lay down on the bedroll.  Tessa covered him with another blanket and bent to kiss his cheek. 

              “I’ll take care of him,” Mike said.

              Dean smiled.  “Thanks, buddy.”

              “Sure thing,” Mike said.

              Tessa and Dean left them then.

              Mike reached out and squeezed his brother’s shoulder.  “I don’t know what happened, but if you want to talk, I’m here, Jack.”

              Jack rolled over onto his back and took Mike’s hand.  “Thanks.  I can’t talk about it right now, but I appreciate the offer.  You’re a good man, Mike.”

              Mike smiled at that.  “Get some sleep.  All I ask is that you don’t vomit on my floor.”

              Jack laughed a little.  Leave it to Mike to do that for him.  “Ok.  I won’t.  Goodnight, Mikey.”

              Mike smiled at the nickname and for once didn’t mind it being used.  “Goodnight, Jack.”

              The next morning, Dean went into town to the sheriff’s office. 

              “Hi, Dean,” Mitch said.  “How are you?”

              Dean shook his head.  “I’ve been better, Mitch.  Jack won’t be in today.”

              Mitch arched an eyebrow at Dean.  “Oh?  How come?”

              Dean sat down and told him what had happened.

              Mitch let out a low whistle.  “Damn, that’s awful, Dean.  I feel so bad for him.  So she just used him to get back here?”

              “That’s the thing, Mitch.  I saw them together, watched the way she looked at him.  There was love there, I know there was.  I can’t figure it out, but there’s something strange going on here,” Dean said.

              Mitch said, “Tell Jack to take whatever time he needs.  Rick and I will handle things.”

              “Thanks, Mitch.  I’ll tell him,” Dean said.

              After that day, Jack became determined to forget Sparrow.  He kept his word and didn’t go to camp.  He worked as many hours as he could as a deputy and when he wasn’t there, he worked like a demon around the ranch.  At night rather than go home to the house where he and Sparrow were supposed to start their life together, he would go to the Watering Hole.

              Sometimes he would fill in as a bouncer and began to understand why Sammi liked taking out her frustrations on those who didn’t toe the line.  Meting out physical pain on others seemed to soothe his own hurt just a tiny fraction.  When he was done at the bar, he would sleep in one of the cells at the sheriff’s office.

              His strategy to keep as busy as possible worked to some extent, but Sparrow was always on his mind and she was still in his heart.  He feared it would always be so.

              Sparrow had a little tipi on the other side of the camp, as far as possible from Black Fox’s family’s tipis.  This was a safeguard against her running into Jack just in case he did come to camp.  She also didn’t want to run into Marcus or Claire.  Her morning sickness wasn’t very severe, but she didn’t want anyone mentioning it to Marcus. 

              She made all sorts of garments for others in exchange for food and other necessities.  Though she knew she couldn’t hide her pregnancy forever, Sparrow was going to keep it secret for as long as she could.  She couldn’t help but love her baby despite who its father was.  It wasn’t the baby’s fault and she harbored no ill will against it.  She would love her baby and raise it the best she could.

              She didn’t sleep much because thoughts of Jack tortured her.  At night she dreamt that she was in his arms, feeling his lips on hers and hearing him telling her how much he loved her.  Then she awoke to find that it was just a dream and her heart would break all over again.  She now hated the moon and tried not to look at it when she had to be outside at night for any reason.  Sparrow didn’t torture herself by asking it if Jack was watching it, too.  No, those kinds of questions were better left alone if she wanted to keep her sanity.

              By the time spring arrived, Jack could function fairly normal.  He could laugh at jokes and kid around with his family and friends.  He could now live in his house again without spending every second thinking about her.  Jack forced himself to look at the moon and not ask those burning questions that used to plague him.  He played with Seth and Maddie’s new little girl, Kayla.  Seth had gotten his wish; a baby girl who looked like her mother.

              Marcus came frequently in the evenings to sit on the porch with Jack and whittle.  He tried to teach Jack how to do it, but Jack only succeeded in cutting his fingers, which they both found hilarious.  He and Mike went fishing often and Jack grew to know his little brother much better. 

Mike was thinking about asking permission from Jenny’s father to court her, but wasn’t sure if he should or not because they were young. 

“Do you love her?” Jack asked one day when they were trying to catch catfish.

“Yep.  I have since she moved here a couple of years ago,” Mike said.

Jack laughed.  “Boy, you sure are sure about this.  Does she like you?”

“I guess since she let me kiss her a couple of times, that means she does,” Mike said, which made Jack laugh even harder.

“Does she want you to court her?” Jack asked.

“She said she did, but she doesn’t know how her pa is going to feel about it,” Mike said.

Jack said, “Here’s my advice to you, Mike.  If you love each other, don’t waste time.  I’m not sayin’ to marry her tomorrow or anything.  You’re too young for that.  But courtin’ her for at least a couple of years would be good.  Really get to know her, you know?  And Mike, let her get to know you, too.”

Mike nodded.  “Thanks, Jack.  I appreciate the advice.”

“Anytime, little brother,” Jack said.

Sasha had come to love her hosts and dreaded leaving Dawson to go back to Nebraska.  However, it was time and she began to prepare for the trip back.  She had sent messages to the Lakota village with Raven asking Sparrow to meet her so they could talk, but Raven said Sparrow refused.

She didn’t feel comfortable enough to go to the camp, so there was nothing else to be done.  There were things she needed for the trip back, so she made a trip into town.  When she went into Bradbury’s General Store, the owner, Elliot was behind the counter. 

He smiled and said, “Hi, Sasha. How are you today?” His brown eyes were warm and friendly.

She sighed.  “I’m getting ready to go back home.”

Elliot cocked his head at her.  “You don’t sound very enthusiastic about that.”

“I’m really not, but it’s time.  I can’t keep staying with Dean and Tessa and I need to get back to make sure everything all right with my home,” Sasha said.

“Oh.  I see,” Elliot said.

“Pa! Pa!”

Elliot grinned and said, “Prepare yourself,” to Sasha.

Three-year-old Zachary Bradbury ran down an aisle and straight to his father.  Elliot lifted the little guy and said, “What’s with all the shouting, mister?”

“Pa, look what me finded,” Zach said and went to hand something to Elliot.

Elliot held his hand out and watched as an orange salamander dropped into it.  Elliot laughed and said, “Where’d you get that?”

“In the woods.  Under a rock.  Ma and me finded it,” Zach said.  He looked over at Sasha and said, “Hi, pretty lady.”  This was a familiar phrase that he had learned from Owl who called several different women that.  Elliot’s wife Abby was one of them. 

The child’s bright blue eyes and curly, sandy-brown hair were endearing and Sasha laughed.  “Hello, handsome little man,” she said.

“See my ‘mander?” he asked as he pointed to it.

“Yes.  It’s a very nice one,” Sasha said.

Elliot laughed.  “He’s fascinated with bugs and creepy-crawlies.  Any type of wildlife, actually.”

“Moose!  Moose!”

Elliot looked at Sasha and said, “Prepare yourself.  Again.  Up front, Mouse!”

Abby didn’t notice Sasha as she came running up to the register.  Her blue eyes danced as she said, “I have the most wonderful news!”

“Did you find a salamander, too?” Elliot teased.  “Because Zach’s is really nice, so finding one nicer would be hard."

“No!  No salamander.”

“A snake?”

“No!  Hush!”

Elliot grinned.  “Ok.  What’s your news?”

“I have to quit work again!” she said and clapped her hands together.

Sasha didn’t understand why this would be a cause for celebration, but Elliot let out a shout of laughter.  He put Zach down, sat the salamander on the counter, and picked up his wife.  They laughed together and kissed.  Seeing that this was a happy, private moment of some sort, Sasha quietly left the store.  She would go get something to eat at the Grady House a few streets over and then come back.

As she walked up the street to the restaurant, she was startled when a man passed her.  He nodded and smiled quickly at her.  “Ma’am,” he said in a friendly way and continued.

She’d only gotten a brief glimpse of him, but what she saw was extremely pleasing to the female eye.  He was tall and lithe.  Jet black hair and green eyes were a couple other standout features. 

Ben had noticed that the blonde woman he’d passed was attractive.  He glanced behind him and saw that she was going into the Grady House.  Instead of just going in, he waited by the door and opened it for her.

Sasha smiled and said, “Thank you, sir.”

“My pleasure, ma’am,” Ben said gallantly.

Their eyes met and they both froze as something passed between them.  Then Sasha blinked and the moment passed.  She went into the restaurant and took a table near the door.  Sasha was an avid people watcher and sitting there would let her glimpse whoever walked in.

Ben placed his usual order with Alice and then waited for it to come up so he could take it back to the clinic.  As he did, he glanced Sasha’s way and saw her looking at him.  Ben pretended to look around at the pictures on the walls, but using his peripheral vision was able to see that she watched him quite a bit.

Ben was a risk-taker and he figured the worst that could happen was that she would tell him to go jump in a lake.  He went over to her table and asked, “Is this seat taken, ma’am?”

Sasha heard the honeyed Georgia drawl and looked into his vivid green eyes and couldn’t speak.  She shook her head “no”.

“I see.  Well, I’m waiting for Alice to bring my lunch, and I wondered if I might sit with you for just a few moments while I wait,” Ben said.

Sasha cleared her throat.  “I suppose that would be all right.”

“Thank you.  You are very kind to grant me this small favor,” Ben said as he sat.  “Allow me to introduce myself so we are no longer strangers.  Dr. Ben Walker at your service.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Dr. Walker.  I’m Sasha McCall, a friend of Marcus’.  He speaks very highly of you,” Sasha said.  At once she was more comfortable in Ben’s presence since he was a friend and colleague of Marcus’. 

Ben grinned and Sasha was entranced.  “Well, Ms. McCall, that ole boy is holding out on me.  He’s mentioned you, but never said you were such a pretty woman.  Pardon me for being rather forward.”

Sasha smiled.  She couldn’t help but be amused by his slightly rakish grin and flattery.  It had been a long time since a man had flattered her and she enjoyed it.  “Well, he didn’t tell me what a handsome man his colleague was.”

Ben cocked his head at her.  “It seems as if we have both been inadequately informed, Ms. McCall.  I shall have to take Dr. Samuels to task for that.”

Sasha hadn’t flirted in years, but it was coming back to her fairly quickly.  Of course, Ben made it easy.

“Please don’t be too harsh with him.  He is a busy man, after all, who is desperately in love with his wife and no doubt just does not think of such things,” she said.

“You are a most forgiving sort, something I like in a woman,” Ben said with a smile.  Her smile was beautiful and her gray eyes were alight with amusement.  He made light of Marcus’ omission about Sasha, but he really did intend to mention it to Marcus.

“I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt.  After all, we all have flaws,” Sasha said.  She took in his jeans and blue western shirt.  “Forgive me for mentioning this, but you dress unusually for a doctor.”

Ben laughed and the slightly rough, warm sound pleased her ear.  “Well, as I’m sure you’ve noticed Dawson is a little rough around the edges and most people around here don’t really care what I wear as long as I can help them or their loved ones feel better.  Plus, if I need to go to the Lakota camp for something, it’s best not to go in a suit.  So, I usually prepare for anything.”

“Yes, that makes sense.”

“Take Marcus.  What you see him in when he goes out to the family ranch is what he comes to work in.  He sometimes forgets where he’s at and will ride into town in his Lakota clothing, which amuses all of the patients.  Be prepared for him to show up at the ranch in a loincloth during the summer.  He does it a lot if he’s coming right from the camp,” Ben said.

“Really?” Sasha said.  In Nebraska she had seen some Lakota men dressed this way, but hadn’t really thought about Marcus doing the same thing.

“Yes.  You’ll get used to it,” Ben said with a wink.

Sasha colored and laughed.

Alice came to give Ben his order.

“Ms. McCall, it has been a pleasure sitting with you.  I am grateful for your indulgence and hospitality,” he said as he rose from his seat.

Sasha noticed that there was a restrained power to his movements that she found slightly unsettling, but exciting.  “You are quite welcome, Dr. Walker.”

“Ya’ll have a nice day,” he said and left the restaurant.

Sasha watched him through the window and found herself growing a little warm as she did so.