West of Nowhere (22 page)

Lynne reached into her briefcase and extracted a stack of papers. “Ms. Shepard wants Madison to have a permanent home and stable family. In accordance with her rights as legal guardian, she’ll be filing for adoption immediately. If you wish to contest that, you’ll need to be present for court hearings.”

“You goddamn bitch!” Syd was shaking with fury. “This isn’t even about Madison at all. It’s about you getting back at me for leaving because you can’t accept the fact that I’m not like you.”

“This has nothing to do with your prior…lesbian…relationship,” Lynne said, her halting cadence suggesting deliberate antagonism. “It’s about what’s best for a nine-year-old girl.”

“And what’s best is putting her needs in front of yours for a change,” Joy added.

“How dare you!” Syd seethed. “I love Madison and you damn well know it. I’m the one who took care of her when she was barely out of diapers and you were out to sea half the time. If you cared as much as I did, you would have left the navy for her instead of waiting for your mother to get sick.”

The accusation stung, but Joy had grown up in a navy family and knew it was possible to be both a parent and a sailor. Besides, she didn’t have those obligations anymore. “Madison always knew where I was and why. What are you going to tell her about why she can’t come to Italy? Some lie about how you’re going over there first to get settled? She’s not stupid. Sign the papers and let’s make her feel good about this.”

Syd was clearly struggling with the immediacy of Joy’s demands, just as Lynne had predicted she would. Missing out on the glamour of moving to Italy was a steep price indeed. With her lower lip quivering, she looked over the release form. “If I sign this, will I still get to see her? I want holidays and vacations like you have now.”

“It’s not a joint custody agreement,” Lynne clarified. “It’s a release.”

“I want her to be my daughter, Syd…my family. I won’t do anything to discourage her visiting you if that’s what she wants, but she deserves to belong somewhere. You had your chance to adopt her and you didn’t follow through. You should ask yourself why.”

Lynne tugged on Joy’s sleeve. “I told you it was a long shot. We need to get back to my office and finish the paperwork to contest guardianship before you have to catch your plane. I want to file first thing in the morning.”

Those were the magic words and Syd angrily scratched her signature across the bottom of the form. “You’re despicable, Joy Shepard. I hope you rot in hell.”

There was no way to feel good about what she’d just done. Nonetheless, it was all Joy could do not to smile.

* * *

As the events of the past few days filled her thoughts, Joy couldn’t muster an ounce of regret for the heavy-handed way she’d handled Syd. For four years, she’d tiptoed around her ex’s bad moods and petty grievances, thinking she had no power to assert her guardian rights. It didn’t bother her one bit to see the shoe on the other foot now, and for real this time. It was a long, complicated process to finalize the adoption, but at least the path was clear.

The moment Syd signed the papers, Joy’s suspicions about her ambivalence toward Madison were confirmed. Syd loved her, but not enough to sacrifice her own dreams for a glamorous life as the wife of a navy officer. If she and Mitch got married, which was probably more likely now, Madison might drop off her radar altogether, especially if they had children of their own.

“What time is it?” Madison mumbled as she raised her head from Joy’s lap.

“Eight twenty-seven Pacific Time.” Joy had been tracking their descent for the last twenty minutes and estimated they were only minutes from final approach into Oakland International Airport.

Madison had duly cried when they left the home she’d known for the last six years, but her tears stopped before they ever made it out of the neighborhood. Since then she’d been giddy with excitement about getting back to Oakland and her Grandpa Shep. Without any prompting at all, she’d vowed to make the honor roll and keep her room clean, causing Joy to wonder if Syd had threatened before to send her away.

None of that mattered now. Madison was never going to feel unwanted again.

“Sit up a minute. I want to talk to you about something.” The cabin lights were dim but she could see that Madison was listening. “You okay about what happened today?”

She nodded. “I guess.”

The story she and Syd had agreed to share was that her real mother had intended for both of them to be her guardians. Now that Mitch was going overseas, Joy had insisted it was her turn to care for Madison, and Syd had reluctantly agreed. That way Madison felt loved by both, and she was clearly ecstatic to move to California.

“Remember when I told you about Amber, the woman who’s taking care of Grandpa Shep? You said I should get her to be my girlfriend, so guess what?”

“But you don’t need a girlfriend now. I want you to be with me.”

“I will be, and so will she. She’s excited about meeting you. I’ve told her all about your kooky songs and games. She’s as silly as you sometimes.”

By the crease on her forehead, Madison was far from enthusiastic about the news. If anything, she was distressed, and Joy thought she knew why.

“Sweetie, I know Syd spent a lot of time with Mitch and sometimes you felt left out. That’s normal for adults and I know it’s hard to understand. But it isn’t going to happen with Amber and me. You’re number one, kiddo, and we all want to spend time with you.”

“I want to sleep in the camper with you.”

“No, I have to get up too early. If I wake you up, you’ll fall asleep during your math class.”

“I fall asleep then anyway,” she said with a grin.

Joy tousled her hair and guided her head back into her lap as the landing gear dropped. She had some mild concerns about their unconventional household, but not about her ability to be a good parent.

Amber had proven her knack for adapting to just about anything, so Joy was confident she would work out her relationship with Madison. They might even bond over having to do homework together in the afternoons, and they’d certainly join forces to tease her father. Once Madison moved into the bedroom, Joy would have Amber to herself all night, every night. Not a bad arrangement, though it was time to consider building on an extra bedroom—a big one with a private bath and walk-in closets.

Though it all seemed to be falling into place, she didn’t want to get ahead of herself. Bringing a nine-year-old into the home wasn’t the ideal way to start a romantic relationship that she hoped would last, but Joy had faith they could work it out.

“We’re going to land soon, but I have a couple more things to tell you. You listening?”

Madison squeezed her hand without looking up.

“I’d like to adopt you. That means Grandpa Shep would be your real grandpa, and I’d be your real mom. You’d never have to wonder about who your family was, or who loved you no matter what. Would you be okay with that?”

“I thought I already was adopted.”

“Yeah, so did I. But it turns out that’s harder in Virginia than it is in California.” Another lie she and Syd had concocted to soften the blow of separation. “That’s why it’s better for you to be with me.”

“Does that mean I’d call you Mom instead of Joy?”

“I’d like it if you did, but it might be hard to get used to. I’d sure like to tell everyone you were my daughter instead of my goddaughter.”

“That would be really cool.”

The wheels touched down on the runway, but Joy’s heart soared to hear that Madison liked the idea. “And there’s something else you might be interested in…Amber has a dog, and he just loves your grandpa.”

Madison sat up suddenly, clearly excited more by this tidbit than with just about anything that had happened today. “What kind of dog?”

It was another damp morning, the kind that chilled Amber to the bone. How Joy worked outside in weather like this all day was a mystery to her. She could barely stand the half-mile walk to the elementary school and back, and it wasn’t even November yet.

“Wait up, Madison,” Amber called as she tugged gently on Skippy’s leash.

The girl looked very cute in the dark pink skinny jeans Joy had bought her as a welcome-to-California present. Though she’d arrived with plenty of clothes, many of them were too short or too tight—not a fashion statement, but a sign that Madison was hitting a growth spurt. Even the purple sneakers Shep had bought for her birthday only three months ago now cramped her toes.

“I know the way by myself,” she sang without looking back.

Amber cursed under her breath. Madison had known her all of four days and already had figured out just how to get under her skin.

It was Thursday, their third day walking to school together, a task Amber had volunteered for as an opportunity to bond with Madison. Too bad the bonding wasn’t going well. Joy had warned that Madison might be distrustful at first because of her experience with Mitch. There was little doubt she was jealous, even though Amber had been extra careful about not showing affection for Joy whenever Madison was around…which happened to be practically all the time, since they both went to bed at eight thirty. At least she had Joy to herself while they slept, along with a few moments of groggy cuddling when Joy woke up at four a.m. The weekend couldn’t come fast enough.

“I know you can get there all by yourself, but Skippy and I like walking with you.”

“How do you know what Skippy likes?”

Why was this child always so antagonistic? She refused to drink anything if Amber had already poured it in a glass, even if she ultimately poured a second glass for herself. Without fail, she went back to her room to change clothes if Amber dared to compliment what she was wearing. Then there was her challenging reply to virtually every question or statement. How the hell was anyone supposed to make conversation?

“Because he always wags his tail and holds his ears flat when you’re close by. He doesn’t do that unless he likes somebody.”

“I bet he puts his ears down when he’s scared.”

“Maybe, but he doesn’t wag his tail.”

Skippy chose that moment to live up to his name, skipping happily at the end of his leash to a clump of grass that clearly looked to him like the perfect dog toilet. He twirled around a few times before finding just the right spot as Amber fished in her pocket for a plastic bag to clean up after him.

Madison continued down the sidewalk.

“Hold up a second!” Amber’s shout was to no avail. If anything, her plea caused the child to walk even faster. “Hurry up, Skip.”

By the time she’d scooped up the mess, her youthful charge had rounded the corner out of sight. Amber hustled to catch up, only to realize that Madison was now running and almost a full block ahead of her. Skippy’s short legs couldn’t possibly keep up so she tucked him under her arm and began jogging desperately. There was a busy street at the end of the next block—too busy for an obstinate nine-year-old to cross by herself.

Panting from exertion, Amber stopped when she reached the crosswalk and frantically scanned the area. How had Madison disappeared so quickly?

Skippy’s sudden barking and squirming alerted her to a presence over her shoulder.

The giggling child stepped from behind a parked car, filling Amber with both relief and fury. “That was not funny.”

“You can’t run very fast because you smoke,” the girl taunted.

Amber wanted to smoke Madison’s behind with a switch but she managed to keep her temper in check, since an angry reaction would only give Madison more encouragement to push her buttons. “That was dangerous. What if a big dog had started chasing you? I wouldn’t have been able to help.” There were lots more serious consequences than that but she couldn’t bear to think of them, and didn’t want to fill the child’s head with such frightening thoughts.

“I’m not afraid of dogs. If I stopped to pet him, he wouldn’t bite me.”

“But something even worse could have happened. Joy and your Grandpa Shep asked me to walk you to school, and they aren’t going to be happy to hear you ran away from me.”

“Aw, don’t be a tattletale. I was just playing. I won’t do it again,” she pleaded. It was the only time she’d shown any inclination to behave herself.

Except tattletale threats made lousy leverage, Amber grudgingly acknowledged. They might make her more compliant in the short run, but the resulting animosity would cancel out any good effects. This brat was the center of the Shepard universe, and Amber needed to get along with her, even if it meant being the butt of her pranks.

“Okay, kiddo. You’ve got a deal. I won’t tell on you and you won’t run off while I’m busy doing Doggie Duty.”

“Poopy Duty.”

“Doggie Doody Duty.”

Whatever it took, Amber would find a way to connect with Madison. Only last week, she had begun to feel like part of the family with Joy and Shep. Now she was the odd one out.

* * *

“I’m proud of you for finishing your math homework,” Joy said. “I know it’s hard, but you’re really smart and you’re going to catch on soon.”

She pulled the blanket up to Madison’s chin and smoothed her unruly hair against the pillow. Left unsaid was her disappointment that Madison had told her the homework was finished only to confess when Joy asked to look it over that she’d done only half. They’d had a brief talk about honesty and the importance of working hard in school, followed by a focused effort on Madison’s part to slog through the math problems until she finally grasped the concept of rounding remainders to the nearest whole number.

It would take patience to get her past this fibbing stage, and Joy couldn’t help faulting Syd for letting it get this bad. Once Madison settled into her new routine and felt secure that all the grownups in her life cared about her, she’d stop acting out for attention.

“Maybe you can work with Amber tomorrow. She usually has math homework too.”

“I like it when you help me. Besides, Amber isn’t as smart as you are.”

Joy had already picked up on a tinge of jealousy regarding Amber and blamed it on leftover anxiety about Syd and Mitch shutting her out. To allay Madison’s fears, she’d made a special effort to spend lots of time with her each night until they both went to bed.