We Shouldn't and Yet... (13 page)

“No, we’re not good if we don’t talk about what happened. Do you really want to fight again? Because I can assure you that not talking will let things fester and next time we’re not going to have such an easy fight.’’

“Aideen…’’ he sighs, his mouth now downturned.

“I’m serious. You went off without any warning and I…’’ I sigh with defeat. “I need to understand.’’

He looks away, his mouth set in a harsh line. There’s something he’s not telling me, and I hate it. “What do you want me to say, huh?’’

“For a start, what’s on your mind right now.’’

He runs a hand along his smooth and perfectly shaved cheek, and it’s like seeing a smoother, clean cut shadow of Jensen. It’s almost eerie because they don’t look that similar, but they do share some mannerisms. And it makes my insides twist.

“You don’t want to talk about Yann and what you’re feeling when you think about him, so give me the same leeway and let me keep some of my mystery. After all, mysteries are what girls dig in men, aren’t they?’’

“You’re into clichés now?’’ I laugh and punch his chest playfully, easing back into the easy going relationship we’ve always shared. For now. “I’d rather go back home and relax.’’

“Oh come on!’’ He opens his arms wide as if to emphasize his indignation. He’s better now if he’s back to his exuberant ways. “It’s Friday night, Aideen. And you have to tell me how this first week went. Even my father asked how’ve you been.’’

“He did?’’ I ask before thinking. I’m weak in the knees suddenly, my breathing a tiny bit faster. The most shocking reaction comes from my body. My nipples push against my bra and my skin pebbles, just in a matter of seconds. Just by hearing the mention of Jensen.

Hal watches me as if I’ve grown another head. At least that means he has no clue whatsoever of what went down with his own father and me. Good, that’s actually really good.

“Yes, of course. He knows you’re on your own here and you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to see that we’ve been avoiding each other. I live with the man, you know.’’ He tilts my face up and back to him, a finger under my chin. “You have to meet new people, make new friends. Have a drink with us and then you’re good to go back to your place and be boring.’’

I push his hand away. “I’ll have you know that I’m currently reading a steamy book that’s anything but boring. In fact, they’re having sex every few chapters.’’ I arch an eyebrow at him and outright laugh when he starts blushing.

He chuckles at himself. “Keep that before bed, sex kitten. Now, if you don’t bring your sexy butt to the house I’m going to bring them all to your place.’’

“Alright, alright.’’ I fake being annoyed and climb in my car, ready to follow him back to Jensen’s. I’m not ready to face him, but I guess this is as good a time as any. It’s not like I have much time to psych myself before facing my first and only one-nighter, the father of my best friend and my still very vivid and current fantasy man. And I’d be lying if I said that I’m not a bit curious to see Jensen again even if anxiety is predominant.

In a matter of seconds my palms are clammy and I’m ready to drive at breakneck speed in the other direction, but I don’t. I’m bound to cross his path at some point, it’s best to have people playing the role of buffer. At least, that’s what I tell myself in reassurance.

***

JENSEN

“I saw Cassie at the bar, last night,’’ Q says offhandedly, but I know where he’s going with this. I know him too well to get surprised and I’m still too sober not to predict where this is going.

I lean back against the kitchen counter, a glass of whiskey in one hand and my best friend next to me while we stand here looking at the young men and women sitting on the couch and armchairs. My son left half an hour ago to get Aideen and I’m pretty sure he’s going to make her come back to the house, even if she doesn’t want to. He’s stubborn like that.

“The answer is yes, Q.’’

“I didn’t ask anything.’’

I take a generous sip of whiskey and barely feel the burn of the liquid. “I know you and your nosy ways. And your wife is as into other people’s business as you are. By the way, where is she?’’

“She’s at her parents’ for the weekend, I told you two days ago, but you were already barely coherent at that point. I’m not surprised you forgot.’’ He takes a sip of his microbrew beer, something he’s pissy about if he doesn’t have. “And you don’t know what I was about to ask.’’

“Wanna bet?’’ I tense up when I hear car doors outside. I run a hand in my unkept beard and lock my jaw. “You wanted to ask if I really ended my fucking arrangement with Cassie and the answer is yes.’’

The front door opens with Hal and on his heels is the woman I keep dreaming about, jerking off to everyday, the woman I can’t stop thinking about, Aideen. She’s more gorgeous than in my memory. Her hair is swept up in a high ponytail swishing at her every step. She’s not wearing much makeup, only some on her eyes to make them more vibrant than usual. Her clothes, a simple suit with a skirt hugs her figure to perfection, making me hard in a heartbeat. She scans the room and when she spots me, I’m at full mast, ready to fuck her, claim her as mine again. And the best is when I see her step falter, her breathing staggering and her mouth parting. Then, I know she’s still affected by me and I feel like a fucking king.

“I guess I don’t need to ask you why you discarded your easy lay. Do you know what you’re doing, fucker?’’

“I’m not doing anything.’’ I gulp the rest of my whiskey and pour myself another, ready to toss it back too. I need something to calm down, but it’s useless. I already know alcohol doesn’t soften my dick when she’s around, it only makes me more reckless than usual.

“The fuck you’re not. That look on both your faces? It’s obvious there’s something and it’s going to catch up to you, J.’’

I look Q in the eye and nod. “I know, but I can’t fucking stop that train wreck.’’

“And Hal?’’

I shake my head and glance back at her. She’s sitting on the arm of the chair while Hal is in it, his arm slung studiously nonchalantly behind her. He keeps her in his view while helping her get acquainted with his small group of friends. But she’s still staring at me and it’s a direct shot to my balls.

I toss back my glass. “He’s going to hate me.’’

“J, is it even worth it? She’s just a girl. You can have any woman you want and without any of the complication.’’

“She’s…Q, it’s not something I can control. I control nothing when I’m around her and I’m obsessed. Is it worth the consequences with Hal? I don’t know and the worse is that I don’t care right now. I just want her even if it’s a really bad idea.’’

“You shagged her?’’ he hisses out the words in disbelief.

I nod and glance back at her, but this time she’s engrossed with one of the guys, talking and laughing softly. A fire ignites inside me. I’ve never felt that shit, but I know what it is; jealousy. My knuckles turn white around the tumbler. “And she tossed me out right after.’’

Q’s laughter brings my attention back to him. I know I’m scowling something fierce, but I don’t care. There’s only him to find my situation funny. After all, he’s not the one out in the cold with blue balls. He’s got a nice pregnant wife at home and sex whenever he wants.

“I think I can see why you’re into that girl.’’

“What, her looks didn’t clue you in already?’’

He shrugs and polishes off his fancy beer. “I’ve never seen you with a bad looking girl. This is nothing new. Now, a woman who tosses your ass out after sex… Maybe that’s why you’re so into this girl; because she treats you differently than your usual women.’’

“Hey, Jensen!’’ Hal calls out, his voice booming in the small lower level of the house. “Are you two finished gossiping in the kitchen like old ladies?’’

***

AIDEEN

I try and ignore Jensen and his best friend as much as possible when they walk through the room toward us with their drinks in hand. I keep my attention to the man on the couch in front of me. His name is Wesley and he’s quite good looking with his chocolate skin, his deep black eyes and bright smile. Also, he’s well-built, but Hal told me that Wesley used to play football in college and he graduated only three years ago. Now, he’s back here to teach at the high school and coach the football team.

“Hal told us that you used to play tennis.’’

I nod and push back the memories I have linked to that sport. Yann and I used to play together. I think it’s the only time when he was able to push away everything else and just be and have fun with me, until it wasn’t enough anymore. “I stopped playing a few years ago. In middle school I even dreamed of becoming the next Wimbledon champion.’’ I snort at myself and pull my hair out of the tight ponytail. I almost groan out loud when my scalp is finally free from the torture. I run a hand through it and quickly risk a glance at Jensen.

His eyes are already on me, burning, intense. Dark. Lustful. I quickly turn back to Wesley.

“Just like me when I dreamed of winning the Super Bowl.’’ His smile temporarily catches me off guard and the tension in my body eases some. “Want another beer?’’

I nod and gratefully take the beer he’s extending me. Our fingers briefly brush and while he’s nice and very good-looking, nothing stirs inside of me, when one look from Jensen has me burning up.

I take a mouthful of beer and swallow slowly, hoping that the cold liquid will refresh me enough to last another half hour before I feign exhaustion and get out of here.

“I know we’ve only just met so I hope I’m not coming on too strong, but would you like to have a drink or a coffee sometime?’’

I choke on my beer and discreetly dry my lips, my eyes slanting to Jensen. I don’t know if he’s heard Wesley, but he looks ready to pounce and this time around it’s not to fulfill his lust, but to pound someone’s head. His eyes go from me to Wesley, bringing his freshly poured whiskey to his lips.

“Uh…I—I guess so. That’d be nice,’’ I say, stuttering and weakly smiling. I steady my hand holding the beer bottle on my thigh, the cold steamy glass freezing my thigh through the thin cream fabric of my skirt.

Wesley’s smile gets bigger and I have to say he’s really nice to look at. Maybe agreeing to go out with him isn’t such a bad idea after all. I do need to forget Jensen and while I’m not ready to date anyone, even though I still regret and feel guilty after what happened with Jensen, going for a drink with a man doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a date. I think.

“It’s a date, then,’’ he says, bursting my weak delusion and giving me a sexy wink.

I nod slowly, my neck stiff.

“A date?’’ Hal butts in, his voice flat as he straightens up next to me, his shoulder pushing against my elbow. “You two are going out on a date?’’

Silence falls around all of us as Jensen tosses back another glass of whiskey. Quentin’s frown falls on Jensen and then goes to me and I feel myself blush. He must know what happened, then. Hal’s eyes are hard on me, but his face is devoid of any expression. The others, Tracy, Paul, and Marco lean back on the couch as if getting ready to watch a movie.

Wesley, suddenly more hesitant, shrugs. “Well, yes.’’

Jensen puts his empty glass on the coffee table with force and I cringe, afraid the glass might actually shatter in his palm and hurt him. He stands up on stiff legs and walks to the small bench next to the front door. He grabs his helmet and Quentin quickly follows him, snatching the other one next to Jensen’s. “We’re out. We’ll be back late, Hal.’’ Jensen sounds distant, but his son doesn’t seem to hear him. He’s still watching me closely while I’m keeping a close eye on the older men walking out.

When their bikes roar to life outside, I get my wits back and shrug. “Stop acting like my big brother, Hal. I’m fine, honest.’’

He shakes his head and slowly goes back to talking with the others, but his shoulders are still tense and he doesn’t look back at me once. I’m left talking with his friends and Wesley while my mind is with a certain bike and its owner.

I fake a yawn after another thirty minutes of idle chit-chat and take my leave with a wave to the others, my number in Wesley’s phone and a half hearted hug from Hal who doesn’t meet my eyes.

And now, all I’m thinking about is where Jensen is. No, to be honest all I’m thinking is with whom he is with and the possible answer is too painful. But it shouldn’t be.

Where Jensen is concerned there’s a lot of things that shouldn’t be, but are.

***

JENSEN

I look around the packed bar. Behind the bar, Q’s employee, Yury, a young guy who grew up in the city but moved here a couple of years ago is tending the bar on his own while two waitresses run the room to tend to the Friday night crowd.

Q peels off the label of his beer, his eyes not watching his employees for once. I’m the lucky bastard who has all his attention. He’s still fuming after I’ve taken my bike with too much alcohol in my blood for it to be safe, but now that his rant is over I don’t care. It’s not like I’m going to go back home on the damn thing. I’ll call a cab.

“Ease off, Q. The booze is only starting to hit me now.’’ I toss back the last of my whiskey and lean back, knowing full well that he’s going to cut me off if I ask for a beer.