Wasted Words (30 page)

I laughed again.
 

“But you made it easier.” He thumbed my cheek. “Thank you for coming with me, Cam.”

I gazed up at him, lovestruck. “You’re welcome.”
 

When we turned back to the table, Jack was telling a boisterous story, and by the pat on the leg and understanding smile Anne gave me, I had a suspicion he’d started telling it to distract everyone from what I’d decided to call the Jessica Lazarus Event. As I picked up my fork and knife, I reminded myself not to eat like a hog, and I cut a demure, dainty piece of meat off, slipping it into my mouth.

The rest of dinner was uneventful, past Jack’s stories, one after another, including one about Tyler’s dad from when he played for the Chiefs early in his career. I was happy and comfortable, feeling like I was amongst old friends, with no notice of my shoes or dress or the multitude of strangers around us. Just simple contentment of company. And when our plates were being cleared away, Tyler leaned over to me and whispered, “Dance with me.”

I hadn’t lied to Jessica. I couldn’t say no to Tyler.
 

“Of course,” I answered and slipped my hand into his.
 

People stood in clusters between tables, others dancing on the huge dance floor as the Billie Holiday song “Crazy He Calls Me” played, which seemed wildly appropriate, and he pulled me into the throng, bringing me into his chest as he took my hand.
 

With heels on, I was a much better height — the top of my head almost came to his chin — and I rested my cheek against his chest, rocking with him in time to the music.
 

With Tyler, I wasn’t afraid. I didn’t care who saw me or what they thought. I didn’t care if we looked silly together because of our height difference, or if they didn’t like my lipstick or dress. None of it mattered. The anxiety fell away, there in his arms. It was one of the safest places in the whole world.

He sped up, leading me around in circles with his hand against my back, holding me close, not just rocking but pulling me in rhythm with his feet, not fast enough to need to think to keep up, but enough that we were
dancing.
He smiled down at me, and I laughed, surprised.

“You can dance,” I said.

“I can,” he echoed and spun me around quickly enough to make me giggle.
 

“Well, color me surprised.”

He smirked and leaned to whisper in my ear, “I’ve got more in my bag of tricks.”

I lifted my lips to his ear. “Show me.”

“Just say the word.”

“The word.”

He laughed and spun me around again, dancing me around until the song ended.

I sighed, sad the song was over, but when “Bust A Move” came on, he straight up grinned, backing away from me. I didn’t even know what to expect, bouncing my shoulders and wiggling my hips, thinking we were just playing. But my jaw hit the floor when Tyler legit busted a move.

Tyler clapped his hands and shuffled like a breakdancer, rolling his shoulders before he paused and jerked his ankle like Michael Jackson. When he spun around and broke into the running man, a cackle burst out of me.
 

He broke out every 90s dance move I think he knew, the Roger Rabbit, the Side Kick, the Heel Toe, even the Carlton. He looked like he was straight off of In Living Color, which I’d watched reruns of at my friend’s house in elementary school, since we didn’t have cable. The people around us cheered him on, losing it during the breakdown when he did the Butterfly until he dropped his ass all the way to the ground.

I thought I might die of pride.

He was lit up so bright by the time the song ended, and everyone clapped as he made his way over to me, grabbing me around the waist to spin me around.

“You’re incredible,” I said, laughing as I hung onto his arms.

“No, you just make me want to dance.” He kissed my cheek.
 

It was then that I saw him, really saw him. I saw a future with him, maybe even a forever. I breathed deep, unafraid there in his arms, smiling at him like he was the only man that ever was or would be. It overwhelmed me in the best way. But I needed a minute alone to let it sink in.

I slipped my fingers under his lapel, feeling his solid chest under my hand. “I’m going to run to the restroom, okay? Want a drink?”

“I’ll get them,” he said with a smile, still holding me close.

“Nah, I’m going. Look, here comes Jack. You guys hang out and I’ll grab us drinks and pee, okay?”

He looked a little wounded, so I put on my take-no-shit face. And just when I thought I had him, he pulled out his wallet and handed me cash. “All right, but use this for the tip.”

I made a face, and he laughed before kissing me.
 

“Hurry back.”

I smiled at him as I turned. “I will. Don’t go anywhere.”

“I’ll be right here.”

I walked through the ballroom, my heart so light, it could have flown away. On my way to the bathroom, I made plans in my head to fix up my lipstick, briefly panicking as I wondered if it was all smudged and smeared. But I had faith that Tyler would have told me.

I had faith in Tyler.

The thought hit me deep in my chest. The way I felt made it undeniably clear that I’d given him my heart, my trust. And I wasn’t afraid to give it to him.
 

What I was afraid of was losing him.

I pushed the thought away, remembering how he smiled at me, how he touched me, taking comfort in the moments we had instead of what would come.

The bathroom was crowded with women, and after I peed, I sidled up at the mirror, digging through my clutch for my lipstick. I looked myself over, making sure I still had it together, and by some miracle, my reflection was very close to what it had been when I’d left the apartment hours before.
 

I popped the cap off the tube and got to work touching up my lipstick, concentrating really hard, so hard that I didn’t see that Adrienne had stepped up next to me, not until she spoke.

“Hey, Cam.”

I looked over, surprised to hear my name, though I smiled when I saw her. “Adrienne! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

She smiled back and washed her hands. “Yeah, it’s a pretty big industry event every year, so a lot of us come. Are you here with Tyler?” she asked, and uncertainty crept in, realizing I had no idea how she felt about the whole thing.

My smile fell. “Yeah, I am. Adrienne, I’m really sorry about what happened on your date. I had no idea how he felt.”

She shook her head, still smiling as she reached for a paper towel. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not gonna pretend like I’m not bummed, but I wasn’t attached, Cam. Not like the two of you are.”

I sighed and capped my lipstick. “Thank you for being so graceful.”

Her smile pulled up on one side. “Hey, it wouldn’t pay to piss off the chick who throws the best singles nights in New York, would it?”

I laughed. “So does that mean you’re coming to the next one?”

“Is that bartender in the Spiderman costume single? Because I would most definitely be interested in talking to him about the social injustices of arachnophobia.”

I snorted. “Greg is definitely single, and I’m sure he’d love to see Catwoman’s whip.”

“Then I wouldn’t miss singles night for the world.”

“Good,” I said with a smile. “I’ll see you then.”

“Have fun tonight. You look beautiful, by the way.”

I blushed and waved a hand. “Not nearly as gorgeous as you. I bet you wake up like that.”

She chuckled and headed toward the door. “Yeah, except with more drool.”

I fell in step with her. “Whatever. I bet even your drool is sparkly and tastes like champagne.”

That one elicited a full-blown laugh from her, which made me feel way better about everything, somehow.

We parted ways just outside the door, and I caught sight of Tyler on the dance floor with Jim, Anne, and a handful of other people. He looked over like he knew I was there and smiled at me, sending my heart into a flutter. I waved and pointed to the bar, making my way to get us drinks.

I was too busy looking his direction still, even though he’d already turned back to the dance floor, and as I walked around a table of hors d’oeuvres, the toe of my shoe caught on the linen. Everything moved in slow motion — the second my foot stopped, I knew what was going to happen. I pitched forward, noting the pattern on the carpet, thinking about whether or not I should drop my clutch or if I should tuck and roll. I also wondered how many people were about to see my underwear, and I spent a millisecond being glad I wore any at all.
 

What? I was going to a fancy dress-up dinner with Tyler Knight. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have considered going commando, too.

But just when I thought I was done for, I saw a pair of men’s shoes, and when a set of strong hands caught me, time started again.

I looked up, full of adrenaline and grateful thoughts, until I saw who grabbed me.

Kyle looked down at me, blond hair combed and shining and jaw like marble, smiling crooked as I leaned into his chest at the odd angle where he’d caught me.

“Whoa, you okay?

I immediately straightened up and took a step back. “I’m fine. Thanks for catching me.”

“Hey, no problem. You look incredible, Cam.”

I smiled tightly. “You too.” And he did. It wasn’t that he wasn’t handsome. It was that he was an asshole, which negated all hotness.

“I didn’t know you wore contacts,” he said.

I shrugged. “I usually don’t. Who did you bring tonight?”

“No one — I’m here stag. Where’s Tyler?”

“Over there with Jack. I was actually just about to get us some drinks, so—”

“Oh, good. I was heading there myself.”

I kept smiling like I was wearing a plastic mask. “Great.”
 

We stepped over to the bar and got in line. “How’s Tyler doing? We haven’t talked since he stormed out of the bar yesterday. Is he still pissed?”

I tried to keep my face together, though I was surprised. Not that they’d fought — I mean, I knew Kyle well enough to want to fight him every time I saw him — but that Tyler didn’t tell me.
 

“I don’t know. Have you asked him?”

He shrugged. “I texted him, but he didn’t answer. Did he mention it to you?”

I kept my eyes on the man’s back in front of me. “No.”

“It’s not all that weird, I guess. We were arguing about you.”

My head whipped around. “What?”

He was smiling, but it was a lie. “Yeah. I’m surprised he didn’t tell you. I thought you two were … close, or whatever.”

I didn’t respond, just waited on him.

“I’m just looking out for you, Cam. Tyler … he’s not like you. Sure, he hangs out in the bookstore, since there’s booze there, but that’s not his thing. He doesn’t like comics and the stuff you’re into. Look at him.”
 

He nodded toward the dance floor where Tyler stood among the beautiful people, football players and models, sportscasters. He looked in his element. He looked like he belonged.

“This is where he belongs,” Kyle said, as if he were reading my mind, his blue eyes ice-cold. “I’m not saying he’s not into you. I’m just trying to explain that at the end of the day, you’re not the kind of girl for him, and he’s not the kind of guy for you.”

“And what exactly is my type?”

We took a step closer to the bar. “I don’t know, Cam. But Tyler’s a hero. He wants to save the girl and be the good guy. You’re a project for him. Someone to rescue from loneliness, just like you fix up people in relationships. I heard about his date with Adrienne Christie. See, that makes sense. But look around you, Cam. I saw Jess come talk to you guys. That’s Tyler. Girls like her. You’re cute and all, don’t get me wrong. But it’s only a matter of time before Tyler breaks down and finds his way back to himself. I’ve known him for years, been with him through everything, all of it. And this isn’t him.”

“Maybe he’s changed.” I was trying to convince myself just as much as Kyle.

He chuckled and stepped up to the bar. “Maybe. But I doubt it.”

The bartender took his order as well as mine, and Kyle tipped as I stood there beside him, feeling like a fool for being there, a fool for listening to him, just a fool in a costume, pretending just as much as if I were dressed up as Rogue or Phoenix.

Kyle handed the drinks to me and gave me a look full of pity and maybe a little contempt. “Just think about it, Cam. You don’t want to get hurt.” He took a sip of his drink. “Good luck with him, and everything. And try to watch your step, all right?”

He smirked, and I squeezed the glasses, stopping myself from throwing one in his face. No whiskey deserved to be wasted on Kyle.

I walked away, heart banging, beelining for Tyler, ready to tell him everything. I was so angry at Kyle, stupid Kyle being a stupid, meddling jackass. A flush bloomed hot on my cheeks, realizing I’d been no better at times.
 

But then his words crept into my mind, and my anger twisted into shame and doubt. As much as I hated Kyle, he wasn’t wrong. I’d seen the girls Tyler dated, even met one tonight. Part of me wondered how he’d ever been with them — they were so different — and the other, louder part thought it was simple, that they were in a bracket of society that I didn’t belong to. My thoughts tripped and skipped, my eyes searching the crowd, lighting on woman after woman. So many of them were beautiful, movie star smiles and long, luscious hair. Long legs and designer dresses. And when you held me up to any of them, I fell short in more than just my height.

I was reminded of homecoming all those years ago, when my friends dragged me to the dance and I saw Will and Kenzie crowned. I felt just as alien and separate now as I did then, watching the boy I thought I loved, who I’d given myself to, the boy who threw me away the moment I did.

I shouldn’t have trusted Will. And as much as I wanted to trust Tyler, I realized that deep down, I doubted him still. He didn’t tell me about the fight with Kyle, maybe because part of him knew Kyle was right.

Maybe tonight was just an illusion, something I’d made up, reading too much into his actions, his words. Maybe he wasn’t that into me at all, and I’d imagined the whole thing, just like I had with Will. Because even now, I didn’t know if Will ever really felt anything, or if it was just the misunderstanding of a girl too young to know better.