Wasted Words (27 page)

I sighed and walked back into the dressing room, looking over the mess I’d made. I’d tried on at least fifteen dresses, all of which were wrong for me in one way or another. I reached for a nude chiffon dress with an open, draped back. When I pulled it on, I looked like I was naked, and it was so tight, you could see everything. Like, I’m pretty sure I could see the hamburger I ate for lunch.

I opened the door, even less amused than the time before.
 

Rose laughed. “You look like those memes where people dress pugs in costumes.”

“I feel that level of shame. Right here.” I motioned to my heart. “And here.” I motioned to my butt.

Lily sighed. “That color just won’t work.”

“I look like I’m just wearing pantyhose over my entire body.”

Rose snorted, and Lily rolled her eyes again. “It’s not that bad.”

I turned around to look in the mirror. “I dunno, it’s pretty freaking bad, dude.”

“Ooooh,” Lily said and stepped in behind me. “The back of this is gorgeous. Look at this, Rose.”

She stepped in and nodded. “Really pretty. But she still looks like a flesh popsicle.”

“Or a meat tube.”

Rose wrinkled her nose and laughed. “Ew.”

“Next,” Lily said with a wave of her hand, and they left me alone with the cocktail dress nightmare I’d found myself in.

Every one of them had been wrong. Too poofy. Too naked. Too long, which happened a lot since I had the frame of a leprechaun. Some of the sleeveless ones were pretty, but with my luck and lack of girl skills, I was likely to lose a boob out of the top. Plus, if I took any selfies, I’d look naked. And if I was putting on mascara and eyeliner, I was taking a goddamn selfie.

It was one of the last dresses to try on, and I tried not to think about what would happen if I didn’t find one. Maybe I’d just back out. I could always claim my period. Or diarrhea. No one questions diarrhea, they just smile and look uncomfortable and tell you they hope you feel well soon before sending you on your way and washing their hands.

I stepped into the black dress with my expectations in the can, fully prepared for another epic failure, but when I slipped my arms in and looked in the mirror, I drew in a breath. It fit me almost perfectly — the neckline was high with cap sleeves, but from the neck to the sweetheart bodice, the fabric was sheer, gathered ever so slightly at the hem at the neck. The waist was fitted, but the skirt flowed away from hips without being too full or poofy.
 

I felt prettier than I’d maybe ever felt in my life. The dress transformed me, accentuated my small waist, the swing of the skirt hitting me mid-thigh, the angle from my bust down steep enough that I looked curvy.

“Cam? You okay?”

“I think this is it, guys,” I said as I opened the door.

Lily gasped, and Rose’s eyes were wide as they looked me up and down.
 

I stood there, waiting in the silence with sweaty palms with my eyes darting between them. “What? Is it bad?”

Rose shook her head. “No, Cam. This is very, very good.”

Lily motioned for me to come out to see in the big mirror. “God, look at your waist in this.”

I inspected my reflection. “Will you do me up in the back?”

Rose laughed and stepped behind me. “That’s what she said.” I felt her fingers against my back as she buttoned it up. “This is so pretty, Cam.”

“How the hell am I going to get in and out of it by myself?”

“You’re not,” Rose said. “But lucky for you, you have Tyler to do it for you. I’m sure he won’t mind,” she said with a smirk as she stepped back to look into the mirror. “Yeah, that’s it, all right.”

Buttoned up, it was even prettier. I laid my palm on my stomach, finding it a little hard to believe that the girl in the mirror was me. “This is insane. Why haven’t I ever done this before? I didn’t know I could look like …
this
.”

Lily laughed. “Just wait until you’ve got heels and makeup on.”

“It’s so dumb. I mean, it’s just an article of clothing, but I feel transformed,” I said in wonder. And then terror washed over me at the thought of fixing my own hair and walking in heels through a banquet hall with Tyler. I swallowed hard. “How am I going to do this? I don’t think I can do this.”

Rose cupped my shoulders. “You can do this. You’re a fantastic ladybeast, and you can do anything.”

Lily smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry. We’ll show you how to do your makeup super easy. You don’t need much. Your skin is amazing, your eyes are gigantic, and you have the thickest, longest lashes I’ve ever seen. It’s no wonder you don’t wear makeup. You don’t need it. But it’s nice when you’re dressed up, so you look together.”

“I very seriously doubt that I will ever look
together.
”

But she chuckled. “Trust me. You will. Now, get dressed and let’s hit the shoe department.”

I sighed. “Thank you for teaching me how to girl.”

“You already know how to girl. This is how you
lady
,” Rose said with a curtsy, and we laughed.

The rest of the evening was a whirl. First were shoes — black velvet pumps with a platform, which was supposed to help me walk easier, though I still thought I walked funny in them. Then we found a dainty gold bracelet and earrings that were two long slender bars connected by a chain, so one bar hung in front of my earlobe and the other in back. And then was the makeup counter.

I was told to keep it simple. The makeup I had was old enough that I couldn’t even remember when I got it, so I ended up with blush, mascara, liquid eyeliner, and a nude eyeshadow palette — which Lily gave me a quick rundown on and made it seem absolutely simple. The last thing was a red lip crayon called
Bloody Valentine, which Rose assured me was her absolute favorite, and her lips always looked amazing, so I took her word on merit alone.

I walked out of the store with a bag full of goodies and a much lighter wallet, with a little bit of hope and a whole lot of plans, taking the girls by the hand in search of whiskey.

Tyler

The subway was packed, and so were my thoughts as I made my way home, still trying to calm down.
 

My biggest mistake was that I should have walked away from Kyle a long time ago. I should have let him go, even after everything he’d done for me. I could take his bullshit if it were just on me. But he brought Cam into it, and that wasn’t something I could forgive.

If nothing else, I wished I’d waited to hang out with him until after the cocktail party, made some excuse to avoid him. Because I’d see him again in twenty-four hours. If I didn’t see him for a year, I would have been satisfied, however improbable that was, given the nature of our tight-knitindustry.

I only hoped he had the good sense to leave us alone, which was the equivalent of wishing on a star to win the lottery.

Part of me wanted tell Cam what happened, not just to vent and get it off my chest, but so she’d have an idea of what to expect from him tomorrow night. But I knew how hurt she’d be, how much it would feed into her anxiety about us. And that was the last thing I wanted.

By the time I walked through the door, my anger had ebbed to a dull hum in the back of my mind. It nearly dissipated when Cam walked out of her bedroom, smiling and fresh as a daisy.

I set my bag down by the door, and she bounded over and into my arms, laughing.

My heart filled so much, it hurt.
 

I picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around my waist, hanging on my neck.

“Hey,” she said breathlessly.

“Well, hello.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

She looked at my lips. “I got a really pretty dress today.”

I raised a brow. “You gonna show me?”

She smiled, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. “Mm-Mmm,” she answered, shaking her head.

I pouted. “Well, that sucks.”

“You’ll see it tomorrow night. I also got heels, so hopefully I don’t break my ankle.”

I laughed and kissed her sweetly. “I’m happy to have you hang on my arm all night.”

“Good, ‘cause I’m gonna need all the help I can get.”

She relaxed her legs, and I set her down, a little sad I hadn’t taken the opportunity to kiss her more.

“How’s Kyle?” she asked as she walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t expect you home so soon.”

I tried not to frown as I followed her, taking a seat at the table. “He’s, you know. Kyle.”

She chuckled. “Did you eat?”

“No, actually.”

“Well, lucky for you, I just made mac and cheese.” She smiled at me over her shoulder as she pulled on oven mitts.

I salivated at the thought. “Your mom’s recipe?”

She wet her lips. “Mmhmm. With maple bacon.”

I groaned, and she laughed before opening the oven. She was already in her pajamas — a tank top and tiny, tight black shorts — and I watched her with appreciation as she bent over to pull the casserole dish out.
 

She kicked the door closed with her foot and set the dish on a trivet on the table in front of me.
 

“Voilà,” she said before turning to the cabinets to retrieve bowls, then forks, then napkins.

I leaned on the table to get closer and drew in a breath through my nose. “That smells so good, Cam.”

“Thanks.” She set a bowl in front of me, smiling.

“How’d you ever get to be such a good cook?”

She pushed her glasses up her nose and shrugged, spooning out a portion into my bowl. “It’s not all that hard. You just have to follow the instructions.”

I snorted. “Yeah, that’s not all there is to it.”

“It really is. That and practice.” She sat down next to me and served herself.

I took a bite and moaned. “Well, feel free to practice on me any time you like.”

She laughed, and I noted the difference between Cam tonight and Cam that morning. She was relaxed, cheeks flushed with what seemed to be general happiness, when the last time I’d seen her, she’d been much more subdued.

“How’d it go today? Did you talk to Bayleigh?”

She nodded as she chewed, pulling one knee up. “Yeah, and Rose and Martin, too. It went well, or as well as it could have. Even Martin was gracious about it.”

“He was probably just happy to have your blessing. You
did
give them your blessing, didn’t you?”

“I did, and gladly.” She sighed. “So, yeah. All’s forgiven, and I’m really happy for Bayleigh and Martin. They’re sweet together. I guess he took her home last night.”

I nodded, smiling. “Well, all right, Martin.”

“And after work, I went shopping with Rose and her friend Lily.”

I squinted, trying to remember. “The tall blonde or the short one?”

“The tall one. Ballerina.”

“Right. How’d it go?”

“It was mostly a nightmare, but there was just that moment when I put on the dress and time stopped or something. I definitely get why people shop when they’re depressed.”

“And you got heels?”

She poked at her food and shook her head. “Yeah. I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared to death. They’re pretty high, but the heel isn’t a stiletto, and there’s a platform. I’m only partially sure what that means, but apparently it’s supposed to help me not fall down. Because not only would falling down be embarrassing, but my dress is short enough that the entire party would see my vag.”

“Okay, you’re definitely hanging onto me then. Nobody gets to see your vag except me.”

She smirked. “How about you? How Kyle was Kyle? Like, drunk twins Kyle or Kyle trying to read scary books that bite?”

“Worse than either.”

She frowned. “Wow. What’d he do?”

I almost admitted it to her without thinking, not used to keeping secrets from her, but I caught myself. “He was trying to be my wingman and mouthed off when I told him I wasn’t interested in browsing.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t read her face.

I took another bite, trying to make light of the whole thing. “I dunno, Cam. I don’t want to hang out with him anymore — I feel like I’ve let the whole thing go on long enough.”

“Well, you don’t have to hang out with him if you don’t want to. It’s the beauty of being a grown up. That and beer.”

“And no bedtime,” I added. “Or school.”

She laughed. “I love school. And learning.”

“Not me,” I said with the shake of my head. “The pressure was too much.”

She snorted. “Says the guy who played ball at Nebraska.”

I shrugged. “That was different, you know? Simpler. I knew what I was doing on the field. Everything else is … complicated.”

“Do you miss it?” she asked quietly.

“Every day,” I answered.

“What do you remember? Like, what do you think about?”

I swallowed, considering the question. “Everything. The smell of the turf, the sweat, the adrenaline. The sound of pads and helmets clashing, the feeling of the football in my hands. The feeling of taking somebody down by sheer will and strength. It was my life for so long. Part of me wonders if I’ll ever look back on that time of my life without longing.”

“Well,” she said gently, “I think it’s good to remember. It’s part of who you are. You lived those moments, and as long as you remember, then it’s not lost.”

I leaned over, heart aching as I pressed my lips to hers in thanks and adoration.
 

When we finished eating a little while later, I sat back in my chair, contemplating seconds. But that was another thing I missed — the calories burned playing ball. It didn’t take long to learn that I couldn’t eat hamburgers and fried chicken every night for dinner when I wasn’t burning two thousand calories a day.

I picked up our bowls, and she moved to stop me. “I’ll get that.”

“Nope.” I didn’t stop moving. “You cooked, I clean. That’s the deal.”

She smiled up at me. “Thanks.”

“Thanks for cooking something so epic.” I set the bowls in the sink and turned on the faucet. “What do you want to do tonight?”

She stretched in her seat. “I dunno. I’m off tomorrow, so I don’t need to get to sleep early. Probably just read.”

I smiled at my hands as they washed the cheese out of a bowl. “I’m in.”

“Oh?”

“I’ve got to find out what happens to Bilbo. He just met Golem.”