Wash (10 page)

When I looked
away, he pushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m so, so
sorry for what I did to you, to us.”

“
Did you break up with me because the romance was gone or the
sparks weren’t there?”

“
Are you kidding? We had huge chemistry.”

“
Then was there somebody else?”

“
No.”

“
Did you want someone prettier? Was I horrible in bed?” I
asked. “I’m sorry, Jake, but I just have to know. These questions
have been bouncing around in my head for years.”

“
Ashly, you are still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid
eyes on, and our sex life was…well, amazing. We shared a connection
I’ve never felt with anyone, and we were so in love. I just
panicked. I-I just wasn’t ready for marriage back then
and—”

“
Why did you come back to New York City? Was it about seeing
friends and family, or were you trying to stalk me?”

A breeze swept
through his dark, messy hair. “I can’t imagine living without
you.”

“
Nadia said you were at my mother’s funeral. Why didn’t you say
anything to me?”

“
I
didn’t want to make your day worse. Look at the way you reacted
when you saw me in your lawyer’s office. I didn’t want to cause a
scene like that at your mother’s funeral.”

“
No, I suppose not.”

“
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother.”

“
She was my best friend,” I whispered, my voice quivering. “If
you don’t mind, I don’t want to talk about her death. I can’t
handle it.”

“
I
know how hard it is.”

We didn’t say
much after that, and I enjoyed the silence as I stared at the sky.
A while later, Jake went back inside and brought out a couple sodas
for us, a sweet gesture; he’d stocked our mini-fridge with Pepsi
from the vending machine.

I paused when
he softly pointed upward.

“
Look! It’s a shooting star.”

I watched as
the bright beam traveled across the dark sky.

“
It’s gotta be a sign,” he said.

“
A
sign?”

“
Maybe fate threw us together again so we could become friends
and work out our differences.”

“
Yes, it’s a great and glorious sign from the cosmos that we’re
meant to be together,” I said with a sarcastic ring. He smiled and
I continued. “I’m kidding.”

“
I’m not.”

My jaw set
into a stern grimace. “It’s science, Jake—just a shooting star and
nothing more.”

“
Wow. You used to be such a romantic.”

I sucked in a deep gulp of
air.
“A lot about
me died that day.”

He sighed.
“One way or another, I’m gonna melt that ice covering your
heart.”

I peered at him
intently.
“Instead
of melting ice, how about answering another question?”

“
Anything.”

“
Where have you been all these years?” I asked.

“
I
got a job as a firefighter in Texas.”

“
Yeah, Nadia told me that much,” I said. “She said you were
transferred back home. That’s what you’ve always wanted to do,
right? You went out there and followed your dream. I’m really happy
for you for that, even if you had to ditch me to do it.”

“
I’ve been working hard out there, but I missed everyone
horribly—especially you.”

“
This isn’t some cheesy romance novel with Fabio on the cover,”
I said. “You can’t just walk into my life and think I’m gonna run
back into your arms like nothing ever happened. How dare
you?”

“
The past is the past. Why can’t we concentrate on the present?
Didn’t we both agree to come on this trip as friends?”

“
The only thing I agreed to was to be cordial, and I’m doing
the best I can with that.”

“
I
realized the fatal mistake on our wedding night, but it was too
late by then. The damage had already been done. I knew you’d never
forgive me after I didn’t show up at that wedding.”

“
I
might have, if you’d just have come to me that night. Sure, I was
mad, but I wasn’t ready to lose you. If you had come to me and told
me you wanted to wait, I would have been happy to do that for you,
but you didn’t even include me in your decision. You just took off
and disappeared for months, for years.”

“
You’re rich,” he said. “If you had really wanted to find me,
you could’ve easily hired a private detective.”

“
Yeah, I guess I could have, but I’m not a stalker.” I ran a
hand through my hair in thought. “I wished our breakup had been
different so we could’ve remained friends, because losing you…well,
you were my best friend, my soulmate, my intimate partner, and the
closest person to me. We talked about our future so much,
even
what we would name our kids, where
we’d live, and what our life together would be like. Jake, I was
sure you were the one I’d spend the rest of my life with, but you
destroyed our fairytale romance.
I was all fastened into my wedding gown, happier than
I’d ever been in my life, and then you were just gone. It felt like
you just died, like you’d been ripped right out of my life. It was
like losing a limb, and it hurt like a bitch. After that, every day
was a struggle, and the pain just wouldn’t go away.”

“
I’m hurting just as bad. The scene and our last phone call
just plays over and over again in my mind. I’ve been haunted by it,
and I’ve regretted it every day of my life.”

“
Then why didn’t you pick up the damn phone, email me, or
Facebook me? Hell, you could’ve texted me.”

“
My
head and heart fought about that for a long time, but the truth is,
I couldn’t bear to face you again. I was so ashamed. Losing you was
the worst heartbreak ever, and I knew I had brought it upon
myself.”

“
I
think we’re both dysfunctional right now, and I can’t really deal
with it yet. Let’s just stay focused on what we came here for and
cash in on this inheritance.”

He nodded and
touched my hand. “I made a bed on the couch.”

“
Good. We’d better get some sleep, because we’ve got a long day
ahead of us. It takes about five hours to get down to the bottom of
the canyon by mule.”

We’d be staying at the popular and historic Phantom Ranch, in
a cabin equipped only with bunk beds,
bedding, a toilet, a sink, some soap, and a few towels.
Fortunately, there were showers not too far away. It was the only
place to stay below the rim of the Grand Canyon, and the isolated
accommodations could only be reached by hiking, rafting, or mules.
We’d take the Bright Angel Trail down, eat lunch at Indian Garden,
then ride along the cliffs of the Inner Gorge until we crossed the
Colorado River via suspension bridge and rode up Bright Angel
Canyon to the ranch. If I hadn’t been traveling with someone I
loathed, it would have sounded like some grand adventure right off
the pages of a Hemingway novel.

“
Goodnight,” I said.

“
Goodnight,” he echoed, then went to make himself comfortable
on the couch.

I stayed
outside for another hour, just enjoying all the moonlight and stars
and doing a lot of pondering. I wasn’t sure what I felt about Jake
anymore. Part of me would always love him, but there was a part of
me that still hated him for what he’d done to me. Part of me wanted
to throw myself into his arms and feel his sweet kisses again, but
the other part, which seemed to be speaking the loudest in my head,
wanted to slap him across the face.

Chapter 7

I woke up
early, showered, and got ready for the day. I slipped into a pair
of blue jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. I finished my ensemble off
with some stylish hiking boots Nadia had bought me prior to one of
our fall hikes. Since I’d worn them a few times to break them in, I
knew they’d be comfortable. I put on minimal makeup and pulled my
hair back into a long ponytail. I was sure it’d be chilly, since it
was only April, so I grabbed my favorite denim jacket with a
vintage wash and bronze buttons. I also made sure to slip my
sunglasses into my front pocket.

Suddenly, something caught my eye on the table: a bouquet of a
dozen white roses. My curiosity piqued, I slipped the card out of
the small envelope and read it under my breath:
“
A life with love will have some thorns,
but a life without love will have no roses. I love you so much.
Please forgive me.”
I bit my lip and thought about those words. Jake couldn’t move
on with his life knowing how hurt I was. Maybe he needed to hear me
say I’d forgiven him, but I couldn’t lie to him like
that.

Jake was on the patio when I walked out to see the sunrise on
the rim, one of the most glorious natural displays I’d ever seen.
Horizontal layers of pink and orange streaked across the gorgeous
morning sky as the sun peeked through. He was dressed casually in
dark-washed jeans, a long-sleeved button-down shirt, and
brown hiking boots with thick soles for
traction.
His shirt
showed off the solid wall of muscle underneath. He looked like he
was ready to go on a desert mission, and I somewhat missed his
tropical, wind-blown look. Jake stared at the beautiful sight. “A
show like this gives the start of a day a whole new meaning,” he
said, holding a cup of coffee.

“
Without a doubt.”

He gazed up at
me and smiled. “You look stunning, as usual. I gotta admit, I’m
kinda jealous of those jeans, squeezing you in all the right
places.”

“
Um, thanks,” I said, a bit taken aback by his bluntness, “and
thank you for the flowers.”

“
It
was nothing really. I have a lot of making up to do.”

I stared at
him, confused. “It’s too late to fix things. You can’t put a
Band-Aid on open-heart surgery.”

He set his
coffee down on the patio table. “I’m not one to give up on things,
Ashly. You, of all people, should know that.”

“
Really? Because you gave up on us.”

He cleared his
throat, shook his head, and took another sip of coffee.

I couldn’t
meet his gaze and stared at the patio table. “I guess you were
never one to quit before, now that I think about it,” I said,
throwing the poor guy a bone. “The roses and that card were,
uh…thoughtful. But let’s not turn this experience into something it
isn’t. Let’s just get through this as painlessly as possible for
both of us.”

He motioned me
forward. “C’mere and look!” he said, pointing.

I glanced down
from the balcony and watched deer grazing on dew-laden grass, a
sweet scene like one in a painting or on a greeting card. “How
cute,” I said.

Jake came from behind and
wrapped his
hands around my waist, pulling me close.
“Do you see the babies?” he said, his
hot breath hitting the skin on my neck, sending shivers down
my spine.

I tried to pretend like his
touch didn’t faze me, but it was hard to tune out the gorgeous hunk
wrapped around me.
“Yeah, I see them,” I said, turning around to face him. Once I
was free of his grasp, I slowly stepped back.

“
I
love this place. All this nature and quiet makes you slow down and
think about the important things in life,” he said, staring into my
eyes.

This time, it
was my turn to clear my throat and shake my head. “So, anyway…are
you, uh, all packed for our overnighter at Phantom
Ranch?”

“
Ready as I’ll ever be.”

He smiled as
if he was sure I was smitten with him all over again, but I most
definitely wasn’t. I had gotten over him a long time ago, and I
refused to let his charm and handsome swallow me up again. I knew
Jake would have no trouble with the ladies wherever he went. Even
the receptionist at the lodge had shamelessly checked him out and
flirted with him with me standing right next to him, checking in to
the same suite. He hadn’t flirted back, but I was sure that was
just because he was trying to impress me. For the time being, I
only had to tolerate him, and it would be quite easy to ignore one
jackass while I was bouncing atop another on my way down into the
Grand Canyon.

Jake reached
under his bed and grabbed a plastic bag. “I bought something for us
at the gift shop,” he said. He then pulled a brown cowboy hat out
of the bag and put it on, leaving some of his bed-head hair out to
sweep his broad shoulders. He looked hot and I wondered if he ever
wore a cowboy hat in Texas.

I really
didn’t want to accept a gift from him, and I thought it best to
tell him so. He’d already gone overboard with the roses. “Um,
that’s nice and all, but I don’t really need a hat. Thanks
anyway.”

Ignoring me,
he slipped the hat on my head. “Yes you do. The sun will be beating
down on us all the way down. It’s a five-hour ride on donkeys. This
will keep the sun off your face.”

I looked in
the mirror. “It doesn’t look too bad.”

“
It’s cute…and it matches your outfit.”