Wash (12 page)

He nodded.

I continued, “I haven’t dated much
over the last couple of years. I guess I was too busy being
heartbroken and working and taking care of my dying mom.”
 

“
How’d you ever convince
her to let you go to fashion school?” he asked, having known my
mother well.

“
I told her if she didn’t
let me live my life dream, I was moving out. Then my dad threatened
to move out too. He was really fed up with her. She was so upset
about the possibility of losing both of us that she consented and
paid for me to go. I swear, that was the only time she ever let me
do what I wanted. She knew I was going to go, with or without her
consent, and then she would’ve lost total control of
me.”

“
Well, whatever the reason,
I’m glad she let you pursue your dream.”

“
I haven’t dated much at
all. My love life has been pretty much nonexistent. But
I did date this guy named
Robert Matary once. He owned a successful chain of stores. We
lasted about two years. His company suddenly went bankrupt, and I
stood by him faithfully when they took the unexpected hit. Then one
day, out of the blue, he just dumped me without even giving me an
explanation.” I glanced down as tears glimmered in my eyes. “It
hurt like hell. All the other men in my life were sporadic, nothing
serious.”

Dumped
. I’d
always hated that word, and I didn’t know how I’d ever overcome all
the rejection I’d been through. Because of it, my love life had
reached the point where it was virtually nonexistent. My
relationships never worked, no matter how hard I tried, so I’d just
been throwing myself into my work, trying to keep myself too busy
to feel the pain. I was pretty happy being a workaholic, and my
career flourished. I’d won awards and titles, and with the money
I’d earn by traveling with Jake, I would be able to keep my
boutique and eventually start my own fashion line. Nadia was always
trying to set me up with men, but I wanted to take a break from
relationships and pour all my time, energy, and focus into my
business. That was the only reason I was sitting at the bottom of
the Grand Canyon with Jake, because I needed the money for my
passion.

“
Isn’t it funny that after all these years, neither one of us
have ever found our soulmate?” Jake asked.

I took a long
drink of my beer. “I doubt I’ll ever find mine. When it comes to
the game of love, I’m not exactly an MVP. Heck, I’m lucky if I get
to sit on the bench.”

“
Hmm. Well, I’m not gonna give up on love that easily,” he
said.

“
Wow, Jake. A true romantic, aren’t ya?”

He shrugged,
blushed a little, then took another sip from his second
bottle.

“
I
hope you find the girl who’ll make all your dreams come
true.”

“
Maybe I’m sitting right next to her.”

I chuckled.
“How many beers have you had?”

“
I
miss this, our long talks. You’ve always been so easy to talk
to.”

“
Yeah,” I said, recalling those times when he was so
willing to listen to me ramble on and on for hours
and hours about everything under the sun. Even when I bored him
with talk of fabric and color schemes, he never told me to be
quiet. Jake had always hung on every word that came out of my
mouth, as if truly intrigued

“
I
really miss that, Ashly. I miss…us.”

“
It
was a long time ago,” I said, my words almost as cold as the beer I
was finishing. “You shouldn’t dwell on the past.” With that, I
stood and started to walk away.

Jake suddenly
pulled me into his arms. “Ashly…” he said.

My heart
pounded. “What?”

He
softly touched my face.
“I don’t want to
dwell on the past. I want to focus on the future.”

There was something about
him that I found captivating. It wasn’t just his looks; he had a
magnetic personality, and he always made me smile, whether I wanted
to or not. No one had ever knocked me so off balance before, and I
was completely discombobulated. I wanted to blame it on the beer,
but I hadn’t had enough for that to be the case. I touched his
face, cupping it ever so softly with my hand.
“I care about you deeply, but nothing
will ever happen between us again. You need to accept
that.”

“
If
you’d just let down those thick gates you’ve built up around your
heart, Ashly, there could be hope for us.”

“
I
met my best friend and soulmate once, but then he deserted me. It
took a long time to get over him because I’ve never loved someone
so deeply. But I moved on, and I vowed to never look back. I’m
finally happy, as happy as I can be. I wouldn’t be able to handle
my world being torn apart a second time, and I’m not willing to
risk that for you or anyone else.”

“
I’m a grown man now, Ashly, and I know what I want. I swear I
would never abandon you again. This time, forever would be for
real.”

Dwelling on
the subject was daunting and overwhelming all at once, and I had to
get away from him. “I’m gonna take a walk and check out the
scenery.”

“
Can I go with you?”

“
If
you don’t mind, I’d just like to be alone with my
thoughts.”

He stared at
me for a minute. Finally he said, “I understand,” and then he
gently brushed my arm as he walked past me.

I
opened my mouth to tell him not to leave, but the words would not
come out. I felt hundreds of butterflies dancing around in my
stomach. Part of me wanted to be held in his big, strong arms, to
feel his hot breath on my skin, his lips brushing across my
earlobe. I wanted him to pull me to his open, waiting mouth, but I
cursed myself under my breath for feeling that way.
How could Jake have this
effect on me? I’m not some silly, naïve schoolgirl. I’m a grown
woman, with an impressive résumé and prestigious job—much too grown
for the likes of a despicable runaway groom.
For a minute, I was frozen, held
captive by the words he’d spoken and by the look of sincerity and
hopefulness in his eyes when he’d spoken them. But in spite of the
beer and his undeniable charm, I soon came back to my senses and
knew I was doing the right thing by walking away.

I
took my shoes off and waded in the creek for a while, then made my
way to
Boat Beach, which wasn’t far at all,
located right along the banks of the Colorado River. Shrubs, small,
brushy trees, grass, and several types of cactus dotted the
shore. The little crooks in the red walls of the canyon were
filled with young cottonwoods. Truly, it was a breathtaking
experience to set foot in such a place, and I couldn’t stop staring
at the spectacular rusty, crimson, and marigold hues splashed
across the canyon walls, all that color blending into a perfect
mix, and the towering sandstone rock formations. The view was
incredible, and the sound and power of the water mesmerized me.
There’s no feeling on Earth like standing beside the Colorado River
with the dark, rough walls towering above you.

As the sun began to pain the sky in a
pinkish lavender, I reflected on many things. I still missed my mom
terribly, and I reminisced about all the wonderful times we’d
shared before her life had been cut short.

Whenever I had problems as a child,
I’d build secret forts or go to private corners of the woods.
Hiding and distraction had always been my way of dealing with
problems. I watched ants carry their leaves, picked up insects, and
stared at spiders spinning their intricate webs. I’d make little
boats out of leaves and gently set them in the woodland stream,
then watch them take their gentle voyage with the current. Life had
been so simple, so carefree back then, and I missed that
feeling.

Since my breakup with Jake,
I’d grown stronger every day, somehow finding the strength to carry
me through each passing sunrise and sunset. Nobody understood why
it took me so long to get over Jake, not even Nadia.
Is it wrong to love someone so
passionately?
I still wondered.
Nevertheless, what had happened between us was in the past, and I
knew I’d never allow myself to get involved with Jake again, for
he’d only bring me more heartache, and I would not put myself
through that. I would never forget the pain of my bleeding
heart.

I’d always enjoyed finding a special
retreat, a place where I could be alone with my thoughts. That was
something else Nadia had never quite understood, as she was the
kind of person who had to have someone with her wherever she went.
When we were kids, she wouldn’t even walk up the street to the
corner store without dragging me along. I, on the other hand, could
be quite a loner at times. I used to go in the woods, find a
boulder fit to be used as furniture, then sit there for hours, and
watch and listen as fish swam and gurgled, frogs jumped and
croaked, and birds flew and chirped. It was the only thing I could
do to get my mind off my parents’ fighting, which they did all the
time. When they separated for a couple of years, I felt like it was
my fault.

Sure, I had grown into an adult, but I
knew I was still doing the same damn thing I’d done as a kid, still
looking for that special spot, someplace to escape to. There I was
again, running away from my problems, hiding from Jake and looking
for a distraction at the bottom of a canyon.

Time passed, and before I knew it, the
sun was bathing the whole place in dazzling rays, turning the
canyon red, pink, and fuchsia. I knew I had to head back before
darkness enveloped the canyon floor. I saw the cutest gray fox,
some birds, and a bunch of mule deer as I ambled back to the
cabin.

When I got back,
we sat at the picnic
table.
Jake eagerly listened to my story,
then told me all about his little adventure. The weather was
wonderful, giving us a perfect view of the stars and moon in the
clear night skies.

“
I hiked up the Clear Creek
Trail to Phantom Overlook. It was awesome,” Jake said. “I also hit
the North Kaibab trail to Ribbon Falls, and I took tons of
pictures. Then me and some other hikers headed to the cantina,
where we had dinner and played cards.”

“
It sounds
lovely.”

After a long,
exciting day and lulled to sleep by the sounds of nature and the
lingering buzz of a little alcohol, my eyes closed in no
time.

* *
*

When morning
came, I awoke to the sound of Jake stirring around. It was only
five a.m., and silvery moonlight was still gushing in through the
window, giving everything a haunted house glow.

Slowly, Jake
climbed out of bed and quickly slipped on a pair of
underwear.

I couldn’t
help but stare at his dazzling looks, his tight six-pack abs, that
muscular chest, and those hard biceps. He was adorable in his
tightie-whities. “Mornin’,” I said as he slipped into his jeans and
walked to my bed, still shirtless.

“
Good morning,” he said.

I stared at
his messy, jet-black hair. “Sleep good?”

He flashed me
a brilliant white smile. “Like a baby.”

“
Breakfast is in an hour,” I said. “We should go take showers
and get ready. I’m starving and don’t wanna be late.”

He gathered
some cleaner clothes than the ones he was already wearing and
headed outside to go take a shower.

After I
showered, I put on a pair of jeans that fit me like a second skin,
and I slipped into a matching denim shirt. I pulled my hair into a
long French braid and used very little makeup, since I was sure I’d
sweat it off anyway.

When Jake came
back from his shower, I couldn’t help sweeping my gaze over his
well-fitting jeans and white T-shirt, a classic look I’d always
found sexy. The T-shirt clung to his broad shoulders, chest, and
bulging biceps. His jeans fit him perfectly and emphasized his
narrow waist. I knew if I didn’t stop drooling, he was going to
notice.

He touched the
brim of his cowboy hat and tipped it toward me. “Ya ready to go git
some vittles, pretty lady?” he asked in his best John Wayne, which
was humorous at best.

“
I’m starving,” I said, smiling. “Let’s go.”

The scrambled
eggs, bacon, and coffee was delicious and helped to wake us
up.

After the
scrumptious meal, I mounted my mule, and we took off on our journey
out of the canyon, back to the top. The mules rested a few times as
we went uphill, making for the perfect photo opportunities,
allowing me to snap some fantastic pictures, memories I’d treasure
forever. Again I had to be thankful for the cowboy hat, because the
sun was beating down hard.

Finally, Earl
had gotten me back to the top, and I couldn’t have been more
thankful. We hung out for a while, walked some trails, and observed
the canyon from that perspective before we headed back to the
hotel.

* *
*

Once we
returned to our far less rustic accommodations, I unpacked, took
another shower, and put on clean clothes to lounge around in. I
called Nadia, only to discover that she’d been going crazy trying
to run the boutique all by herself.