Want & Need (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Tea was awkward. Tim and Ash dominated conversation whilst I sat quietly, mulling over my own thoughts. Ben joined in their man talk now and then. He kept giving me sympathetic looks from across the table, smiling at my obvious discomfort.

“How are you feeling, Kyra? Tired?” Tim asked.

“Yes,” I said, glaring at his glee-ridden face. “Still a little tired.”

“I hope you like the room.”

I nodded.

“The beds are the best money can buy. Should give you an excellent night’s sleep.”

I nodded again, faking a smile.

A sharp kick in the ankle followed by a glare from Ash only worsened my mood. I sighed, grinding my teeth together before announcing I was heading to bed.

Tim turned behind him and lifted up a crystal decanter. “Nightcap? Before I take you all back?”

“Just what I was thinking,” said Ash.

I grumbled under my breath, taking mental notes of what to shout at Ash for later. A couple of minutes later, the sharp tang of aged whiskey flooded my mouth. An awkward few-minute car ride later and I was back in the safety of my room.

I peeled my clothes from my body, collapsing into the soft duvet before falling into a deep sleep.

Paul visited my dreams once more.

He glued his lips to mine with a tender yet urgent kiss before trailing down my chin and showering my neck in kisses. He roamed over my naked body with his hands, each gliding stroke only heightening my burning need for him.

I reached for him, wandering my way across his fine body, savouring every millimetre of his perfect form. I wandered south then, wanting that part of him that satiated me so. He brushed my hands away, whispering for me to just enjoy myself. He grazed his fingers over my chest, sharp tingles shooting straight between my legs. A moan escaped me as he kept repeating his motion, each time increasing the potency of my excitement.

His mouth replaced his hands, coursing throbs of heaven through my veins. The things he could do with that tongue, oh my. I couldn’t help but whisper his name as my joy began to climb towards its peak. He crept his fingers down between my thighs, slipping inside. I groaned, silently begging him to give me my end already. Drawing his fingers out, he slid them up along my folds before starting a lazy rhythm over my aching sweet spot. My pulse echoed through my ears, drowning me in the familiar wave of delight reaching its heights.

He moved his free hand back to my chest, skimming his way over me, sending me into a fast spiral towards my edge. And then his tongue replaced his fingers over my needy area. Flicking it back and forth, and round and round over the tightening bud, he pushed me well over my edge within seconds.

I gyrated against him, and his lips smiled against me as he continued to lap at me with an almost unbearable slow rhythm…

I jolted awake, panting. I sat up in bed, letting out a shaky breath as I calmed myself down. I’d never had a dream quite that intense. I was a little flustered, and embarrassed to admit to myself I had now had my first sexual dream with a happy ending. But, boy, was it worth it.

I debated texting Paul to tell him about my saucy dream but decided I would keep it to myself, to enjoy whenever I wanted. Running myself a hot bubble bath, I relished in my newfound dreams, hoping they would continue to return.

Chapter Forty

Tim picked us up for breakfast at nine. I sat in the back of his truck, grinning and blushing as I relived my delicious dream. Ben and Ash made senseless chit chat with him through breakfast whilst I smirked to myself in the corner.

As I finished my second pancake, I pushed my plate away as I’d had my fill.

“Did you sleep well?” Tim asked.

I nodded.

“Good. I like to take care of my guests.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, which served me with another kick in the shin from Ash. He narrowed his eyes, giving me a steely warning. I flashed him a sweet smile before deciding to get down to the nitty gritty.

“So, Tim.” I paused as I caught Ash’s hardened stare and smiled at my charming brother. “What exactly happened with Mum?”

His jaw clenched as he glared at me. “We had a thunderstorm. Your mum heard one of the horses getting upset so she went to check on them. It was Nelson, my big black stallion. He can be rather sensitive and temperamental at the best of times. I don’t know what happened but something made her go in his stable. Something spooked him and he lashed out and caught your mum on the side of her head. I didn’t find her for nearly half an hour. It wasn’t until she’d been gone that long that I realised something was wrong.”

He broke down in tears and started sobbing.

I rolled my eyes at his crocodile tears. Something niggled at me that there was more to it than that.

Ash threw his arm over Tim’s shoulder and comforted him for a few minutes.

Unable to help myself, I questioned his actions. “Why didn’t you go out to them?”

Ash gave me a definitive
if looks could kill
look but I ignored him.

“What?” Tim asked.

“Why didn’t you go out to the horses? It was the middle of the night and pouring with rain, so why did Mum go?”

He faltered for a moment, wiping at his tearstained face. “She was already dressed as she hadn’t come to bed yet. She grabbed her hat and coat and off she went.”

“Why didn’t you follow her? Why would you leave your older wife to deal with spooked horses on her own in the middle of the night? Especially when there are stallions in there?”

I wasn’t going to leave it alone. It didn’t make sense to me. Unless he was just a coward of a man.

Ash kicked me once again. “
Kyra…
”

“Stop kicking me, Ash. I’m entitled to ask questions.”

A sheepish look crossed Tim’s face before he whispered, “I’m scared of thunderstorms.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his pathetic admission and poor excuse. I wasn’t sure which side of it was funnier.

Ash comforted him whilst my growing anger itched for me to leave. “I’m going out for some air.”

“I’ll come with you,” Ben said.

Surprised but grateful, I stepped outside into the cool November air. We meandered our way around the yard in silence. Finding ourselves a fair distance from the house, we leaned over the post and rail fencing, gazing out across the rolling hills at the grazing horses.

“I don’t like that guy,” Ben said.

I turned to him, trying to read his confused emotions in his dark eyes. “Can I ask why?”

He shrugged his big shoulders. “I don’t know. Just something a little—”

“Off?”

He nodded, smiling. “I can tell there’s tension between you both.”

“I presume Ash told you what had happened?”

He nodded again. “To be honest, I think I’m more inclined to believe you than him. I know why Ash thinks you did it, freaking out about your dad and all, but I don’t know, there’s just something not right with him.”

I grinned. “I know exactly what you mean.”

***

The rest of the day was spent listening to Tim’s sorrowful howls combined with lame excuses and his stories about my mum. We were due to go to the funeral parlour on Monday and pay our last respects. In all honesty, I didn’t want to go. It had been difficult for me to see Dad laid out in his coffin. The nauseating smell of the embalming fluid hanging in the air was something I would never forget. It was definitely not something I wished to repeat. Not only that, I wanted Mum buried at home next to Dad but she was being cremated and having a memorial stone here. I was not impressed.

After tea, Tim drove us back to the cabins and said he would leave the truck there for us to use ourselves in the morning. Ash offered to drive him back to his house but he refused, saying the walk would help clear his head.

Ash disappeared back inside his cabin with Ben. I was well aware he’d barely spoken to me since we’d arrived but I didn’t care. I knew he had to deal with this in his own way, and if that included him snapping at me about Tim, then fair enough. I knew the truth even if he refused to accept it.

I stripped off and jumped in bed, leaving the TV on to blare out to itself. At least some noise was a distraction from the empty loneliness in here. I checked my phone, disappointed to see I had no communication from Paul. I shrugged it off as I lay back against the pillows and daringly allowed myself to think of that brilliant dream from last night.

Imagine my delight when Paul returned to my dreams once more.

He trailed his fingers up and down my legs, goosebumps chasing his touch. He kissed my shoulder and nibbled at my skin here and there, gently waking my body for him. When he skated his fingers across the side of my breasts, I gasped at the powerful throbs shooting straight between my legs.

I groaned and rolled over onto my back, giving him access to whatever he wanted. He coated me in a sweet oblivion with those sumptuous lips of his, laying kisses on every inch of me. As he worked his way down my midriff, I groaned in anticipation of where he was heading. He grazed his lips along my inner thighs, my hips bucking of their own accord as I begged for him to delight me with his tongue.

He obliged, moving his hands to my chest at the same time. The soft strokes from his hands combined with the jagged, rough patterns he drew on me with his tongue had me in a vortex of pure bliss. He moved one hand, skimming it down my body before teasing his way inside me with two fingers.

He matched the rhythm of his tongue to that of his skilful fingers, and within minutes, I was wriggling around on the end of his hand as I succumbed to a brilliantly sharp orgasm. My hands gripped the bed sheets as I lay back panting, every inch of me quivering in delight.

He walked his way up my body with his mouth, drowning me in more pleasures before whispering,

“Isn’t it good when you let me take care of you?”

Those strange words knocked on my subconscious, telling me it was time to wake up. Still reeling in my hazy dream, I didn’t want to wake up but something yanked my consciousness to the forefront, peeling my eyes open.

I blinked myself awake, the room spinning around me. Still suffering with a foggy mind, it took me a good few seconds to register what greeted me.

Looming over me, naked and ready, was Tim.

Chapter Forty-One

Before I could muster my vocal chords to scream, Tim’s clammy hand closed over my mouth. The devilish glint in his haunting green eyes etched into my brain, threatening to never leave.

“Who’s Paul?” he asked. “Fella from back home?”

My eyes must have given out the answer as he chuckled at me.

“You must have really wanted it to be him.”

A whimper escaped me as I struggled not to sob. Hot tears streamed down my face as I realised the predicament I was in. Violated was not even close to how I felt right now.

“You taste delicious,” he said, licking his lips. “Close your eyes and pretend it’s still him. I promise it’ll be good—no doubt even better than the real Paul.”

Some sort of inner female instinct took over and I lifted my knee up, catching him from behind straight in his crown jewels. He howled in pain and rolled over me onto the bed. I grabbed my clothes from the floor and scuttled into the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and locked it behind me. Just for good measure, I sat with my back up against it in case he tried to break the door down.

Fear stricken tears flooded me, strolling down my cheeks in long trails. I managed to swallow the huge, racking sobs trying to consume me so he couldn’t hear how much he’d affected me. After a couple of minutes, he started banging on the door.

“Unlock the door now.”

I ignored him.

“Unlock the door, Kyra.”

I still ignored him. My heart pounded against my rib cage as if it were a caged animal trying to escape its captivity.

“Don’t ignore me. We will finish this. No one gets away from me.”

I gasped at his words, wondering what on earth he was talking about. What did he mean? What would he have done if I hadn’t woken up? Was this the first time he’d done this or not?

I sat there silently crying and pulled my knees up to my chest. Clasping my hands over my ears, I gratefully blocked him out. I sat there for so long, my bum went numb. When I saw dawn breaking outside, I attempted to move only to discover my joints had all locked together from either the cold or fright. I coaxed my body into moving, biting my lip to stifle my hisses of pain.

With a shaking hand, I dared to open the door, letting out a big sigh when I saw he’d left. I ran to the front door and locked it, wondering how the hell he’d gotten in in the first place.

And then I collapsed back on the bed and sobbed my heart out for all I was worth.

***

A persistent banging on the door woke me from my peaceful slumber. It took another two sets of bangs on the wooden door for me to remember the nightmare which had unfolded only hours ago.

“Kyra.” Ash was shouting me from outside. “Open this door now.”

I stumbled out of bed and opened the door, squinting my eyes at the bright daylight streaming in behind him.

He barged in past me and turned to look at me. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Have you been crying?”

I nodded as I clutched at my head and walked over to one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace.

Ben appeared in the doorway, shortly followed by Tim. I couldn’t help but completely freak out. In a desperate bid for safety, I toppled furniture over to scramble into the bathroom—anywhere away from him.

I screamed through the door as I slammed it shut behind me. “Get him away from me!”

“Kyra, what’s going on?” Ash asked, knocking on the door.

The reality of how close I’d come to being raped hit me like a ton of bricks. I could do nothing to stop the violent trembles taking over my body. Guilt also wracked me with questions as to how I didn’t know it wasn’t Paul, and how I didn’t know it wasn’t a dream. I began to wonder about my dream the first night, and if that had been him as well. My own body had betrayed me, allowing Tim to give me orgasms. I felt dirty and ashamed. I wanted to scrub myself red raw from his leering touch and his perverted, sadistic ideas.

Ash repeated his question a couple more times before he told me Tim had left. Slowly, I opened the door and peered out, thankful to see just Ash and Ben there.

“He…he tried…he tried to rape me.”

Ash’s face clouded over with rage. He stepped towards me, forcing the door open. “Are you being serious? Give it a rest for God’s sake. I would have thought you might have learned your lesson when you wrecked your relationship with Mum. Whatever issues you have with that bloke, let them go now.”

His balled fists and red face told me he wasn’t just mad, he was seething. I couldn’t actually think of a time I’d seen him this mad. Despite that, the fact that he refused to believe me drove a dagger so deep into my soul, it hurt more than what Tim had attempted.

Ben laid a hand on Ash’s shoulder, concern floating through his dark eyes. “Ash—”

“Shut up” he said, glaring at him. He turned back to me, hatred rolling off him in waves. “I’m going to get some breakfast. I suggest if you are going to carry on this charade that you stay well clear of all of us today. Do you understand me?”

I nodded as I glanced down at the floor. A small puddle of my tears had started to form on the smooth wooden surface. This amount of tears and my own brother still thought I was lying? How could he?

Without a further word, he stalked out of the door, dragging Ben with him. Ben gave me a sympathetic smile before Ash slammed the door shut behind them.

I walked to the window and watched all three of them climb in the truck. Heading off to their breakfasts, they left me nothing short of alone, shattered, ashamed, and broken.

***

I spent the entire day on my own. Sitting on the little wooden jetty served as the perfect peace. With my legs dangling over the edge, millimetres from the surface of the still water, the isolation was obvious but welcomed. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take them to discover me if I decided to drown myself. How exactly was I supposed to process something like this? What was I supposed to do? If my own brother didn’t believe me, then who else would?

Upon seeing the truck lights bouncing down the grassy track, I rushed into my cabin, making sure I locked the door behind me. It was six o’ clock but nearly dark already. I expected Ash’s impatient knock at my door but it never came.

I sat up in my bed, hugging my knees to me as I refused sleep to claim me. I couldn’t afford to give in to my body’s needs right now. I wouldn’t allow my body to betray me with him again, allow him to molest me in the night, or allow myself to dream of Paul only to have them smashed into a million pieces.

All night I sat there, fighting my tired, sore eyes as they tried to lull me into dark quiet every few minutes. I fixated my stare on the door handle, waiting for the heart stopping moment when it would turn and my nightmare would start all over again.

Thankfully, it didn’t happen.

As the birds started their early morning song, Ash’s voice floated through the door as he knocked. “Are you joining us today?”

I hesitated before I opened the door to him. I shook my head, earning myself a scornful snort. “You know the only person you’re hurting with these lies is yourself.”

“I’m not lying, Ash.”

He searched my face for a second or two before he shook his head and stormed off back to his cabin.

I locked the door behind him, resigning myself to more tears as I waited to hear the truck pull off. My stomach growled at me but I couldn’t eat, I was far too upset. I couldn’t deal with all of this.

In just a week I’d found my best friend and my boyfriend having sex, I’d discovered my mum had died in a freak accident, and then her husband had tried to rape me. I walked out to the little jetty in the chilly morning air, needing some more respite. I ignored the black truck driving away from me, leaving me alone and in despair once again.

***

I somehow managed to fall asleep on the jetty. My eyes fluttered open, weighed down with sleep and exhaustion. I realised I was on my side before I became aware of a gentle voice slowly repeating,

“Kyra, Kyra, wake up.”

A hand settled on my cheek and I jumped up, fright controlling me. Screaming for all I was worth, I threw myself into the water. The cold water took the breath from my body but I didn’t care—it held a fluid safety that would keep me away from his horrific hands and repulsive thoughts.

I was now fully awake, the sudden jolt to my consciousness sending me slightly dizzy and light headed.

“
Kyra!
”

The voice shouting my name seemed familiar but I couldn’t quite process it. The icy waters had robbed me of my ability to think quickly. I turned myself around in the water and burst into tears. Paul stood staring at me, his handsome face lined with panic. I was so relieved to see him, I nearly drowned right there.

He jumped in without a flicker of hesitation, gliding through the water to me. And then his arms were around me, keeping me together and safe inside his embrace.