Walk Beside Me (Walk Series) (4 page)

“Go back up to that one with a blonde haired woman.”

“Okay.” I wait as she scrolls up and hope it’s not what I thought I just saw. “This one?”

My heart quits beating when Tommie points it out. It’s Kara alright flashing a big diamond ring to the camera. A man is holding her from the back, but the picture is edited to have a blurry background. I can only decipher a red flannel shirt, brown shaggy hair, and a killer smile. All of Finn’s signature looks. My eyes finally focus in on the caption, “I said YES. #finnandkara #weddingbells #soontobe #mrsevans.”

I don’t get a chance to react as Will busts in the room sweeping Tommie off her feet and escorting her to the kitchen.

“I’m all man, Tess, but I can’t carry you both.” Tommie is cradled in his arms peering over his shoulder with a worried expression covering her entire face.

Slapping on the fakest of all fake smiles, I quickly reply back, “It’s okay, Will, I know you’re a McWeeny. I’ll follow right behind. I’m kind of obsessed with food these days.”

A long time ago in a chilly dorm room, Scarlett used to tell me that I had to fake it until I made it. That life motto has never rang truer than in my situation right this moment. I may never have the amazing pictures and memories of being pregnant like Tommie does, but that doesn’t mean I can give up.
Push forward, Tess, just push forward.
I chant to myself as I follow Will down the long, narrow hallway to the kitchen.

Tommie hasn’t broken eye contact, and I know she wants to talk. She goes to open her mouth, and I cut her off before she has the chance to speak a single sound.

“So, what did you make us, Chef Boyardee?”

Will rambles on about some chicken pasta with a garlic tomato topping and something about a Caesar salad. I watch as Tommie tries to interrupt her husband to question me about what we just saw. I send her slashing signal across my throat hoping she’ll get the fucking hint. Watching how incredibly happy Will is and the glow of Tommie’s pregnancy, I have to keep all my baggage contained and focus on them. It’s only fair and to be honest I want to be an active part of their pregnancy and the birth of their first child. It’s something that I’d never miss for anything.

“Sounds yummy, Will. Hope you made lots I’ve been known to put away the food lately.” I joke.

Will wasn’t joking when he was describing his food and for that matter I wasn’t shitting anyone about putting away the food. Tommie picked at hers and I could tell it was from her nerves and worrying about me. However, she tried to convince me that it’s because her stomach is so squished by the baby. I know when that girl is lying, so I fight like hell to keep the conversation light and encourage Will to tell all kinds of stories.

The mood definitely lightens when Will tells the story of him passing out in birthing class. You’d think since he was a doctor and all that he could handle this shit.

“I know I’m a doctor, but when stuffed in a crowded room with several other couples and then the image of a baby coming out of a stranger while holding your wife in your arms was just too much.” Will’s face turns a light hue of green as he recounts the tale. “Then throw in some blood and mucous and the thoughts of your own wife’s vagina going through that trauma, well doctor or not, I don’t see how anyone could handle that.”

Will leaves us girls howling in hysterics, and I’m not sure if it’s from the actual story, his pale green complexion, or the disgust covering his face.

“If you think that’s funny have Mrs. Pukey Pants tell you about the time she barfed in her purse.”

“Shut up, asshole.”  Tommie covers her mouth in horror and squeaks out a little gagging noise. “It was horrible. I haven’t eaten a salad since and just passing by it at the grocery store makes me physically ill.”

We all continue to roll in laughter. Tommie goes on telling story after story about events that I’ve missed out on. Some are funny while others are emotional. The happiness I feel for them grows with every story.

“Tess, tell us about where you were. I mean I know you and Tommie talked frequently, but tell us what you’ve been up to.”

His question causes me to squirm uncomfortably in my chair and all the food I just consumed immediately feels like a ton brick in my stomach. Instantly I feel embarrassed to have to share my life with them.    

“Um, not much to share.” I begin to fidget with my napkin nervously. “I just worked at a small diner to keep a good cash flow and not use all of my inheritance from Mom and Dad.”

I know this explanation won’t be good enough for Will.

“What doctor did you visit for prenatal care? Do you have plans for you and the baby?” Will doesn’t even take a breath or bat an eyelash between his rapid fire questioning. “Are you going to stay here? Do you know the sex of your baby?”

Tommie sends a throttling punch to Will’s ribs. He expels a loud grunt of pain, and it’s very clear she wants him to shut up. Hell, I want him to shut too but understand they deserve to know what I’ve been up to the last six months.

“Don’t freak out on me, Will, but with no insurance I’ve only done the bare minimum with my pregnancy.” Will slams both fists on the top of the table. “I take vitamins, had the original appointment with a vaginal ultrasound and have been checked monthly. However, I’ve opted out of extra testing and ultrasounds.”

Tommie surprises me when she stands to her feet. “Are you fucking kidding me, Tessa?”

Tommie’s insulting accusation of me not caring enough for my unborn child sets me off. I’ve tried extremely hard to keep all my emotions in check and focus only her and their baby, but Will brought up this topic.

“Don’t you dare fucking accuse me of anything, Tommie. My doctor isn’t an idiot and I could’ve lied to you.” Pushing back from the dinner table I rise to my feet. “I’m going to bed now.”

Neither of them try to stop me at this point. All three of us are on emotional overload for one day with my appearance back in town and the news of me being six months pregnant. Then Granddaddy’s death added on the pile along with the expected birth of Tommie’s baby, which can happen any day. My nerves and emotions are shot, and I guarantee theirs are too.

I’ve beat myself up enough for not being able to have everything as I carry this baby, but it just wasn’t realistic. Passing on genetic testing, the gender ultrasound, and the latest 4D ultrasound wasn’t a walk in the park. It ate at me every time I had a doctor appointment and would hear other couples’ cooing over all their results and they’re little soon to be boy or girl. It almost made me not want to go the appointments at all. I discussed safety and the bare minimum with my OB/GYN at the first appointment and set my mind to it.

I’d need to save up for everything else when the baby arrived. The way I left town, I never expected or assumed Finn would be a part of his baby’s life and not by his choice. Dr. Evans was very clear on his instructions to me and even though Tommie reassured phone call after phone call, Dr. Evans made sure to send me nasty little reminders. I’m not sure how he tracked me down, but he made sure that I’d never forget his threats to my family.

Yes, my nerves are completely shot, and the only thing I need I can’t have and that’s Finn. I lock the door to my bedroom and draw a nice hot bath. I’m sure Will would go wild about me sitting in hot water as it’s not recommended for pregnant women. When I asked my doctor he just chuckled and told me every woman asks him this question, and unless I plan on frying my skin, I’d be okay.

I’d even settle for a hot shower at this point, but my foot is beyond swollen and too painful to stand on. Dipping into the hot water has never felt so completely relaxing. I allow all my worries and cares to evaporate in the water as I lay my head back and relax for the first time today. Reaching for my phone I turn on my mix of Sam Smith songs and notice it’s past seven P.M. I knew the evening was quickly approaching but had no idea it was this late.

As pissed off as I am at Will and Tommie for being so judgmental, I’m very thankful they fed me. I’ve been so distracted I might have forgotten to eat. A half-used bottle of PINK body wash from Victoria’s Secrets catches my attention. It’s still sitting on the corner of the tub with its lid wide open. Finn bought it for me last summer. He claimed the scent on me drove him wild. The memory of him washing me in this tub as I sat on his lap makes me smile. I pop open the bottle and place it under my nose remembering each of his caring caresses as he washed me that night.

“I love you, Finn,” escapes my lips as I pour a handful of the creamy, pearl soap into my palm. The combination of the comforting soap, warm water, and soothing music I drift in and out sleep for several hours before the temperature of the water becomes too chilly to bear. My foot stings and tingles with sharp pains as they hit the tile and I see it is still very swollen. Carefully, I dry off and slip on a large t-shirt. When I look at my reflection in the mirror, I have to giggle at how tight it is over my swollen belly. I’m beginning to think even a double XL would be tight on me at this point. I braid my hair to the side and call it good for the night.

Climbing under my paisley comforter I make sure I’m facing the pictures of Finn and find myself wondering if it’s worth the fight.
Do Finn and I even stand a chance at co-parenting a child?
I know I’d want more from him. It’s impossible for me not too. He owns my heart and soul and always will.

Once again, before I drift off to sleep, I send out a hopeful whisper for Finn’s ears only, “I love you, Finn. Come back to me.”

This time dreams escape me leaving me to a very peaceful and relaxing sleep. The comfort of my once home and safe haven swept me away without worry. Just like clockwork, my little teacup does some gymnastic tricks on my bladder forcing me to pry myself from my slumber.

Sitting up in the dark room, I peer down at my foot, which is lit up by the moonlight shining through my bedroom window. At first, I’m elated the swelling has gone down, but then an odd feeling strikes me. I know I closed those blinds before bed. It’s one of my phobias when sleeping. I shrug it off to pregnancy brain while making my way to the bathroom. My clearly too tight of t-shirt made it’s way up around my belly and is resting under my also swollen boobs. God, I make pregnancy look like a freakin’ train wreck.

I toss off the t-shirt before entering the bathroom and decided to sleep naked since my favorite nightie is packed in my overnight bag, which is still out in the living room. Relieving your bladder when you’re pregnant has to be simply the best feeling ever. I find myself rapidly dozing off on the toilet and force myself to clean up and get back to bed before I fully fall asleep. I’ve been known to do stranger things while being pregnant.

I splash some cool, fresh water on my face to help me focus long enough to get back under my blankets. Being naked feels odd, but then I remind myself that I’m alone and the door is locked but the blind is open. Will and Tommie have no neighbors in sight seeing distance. Peeking Toms are not a myth though and have been caught all over the United States of America.
Shut the hell up, Tessa.
I giggle at my reflection in the mirror because this nightly freak yourself the fuck out is normal for me.

Out of habit, I place both hands on my belly cradling it as I walk back to my bed. A loud yell escapes me as I round the corner and see a man sitting on my bed.

“Tess, it’s me, Finn.”

My hands fly over my mouth while the screams still escape and my heart pounds out of control. The dark shadow stands up and moves towards me. The moonlight hits his face, and it is Finn. He steps even closer walking towards me where we both still remain bathed in moonlight.

“I’m sorry, Tessa.” Finn’s arms reach for me pulling me in to him. “I didn’t want to scare you, but I had to see you.”

His words are comforting, and the tone of his voice is even more soothing. It’s my old Finn. The faint smell of beer lingers on him, his shaggy hair brushes the top of my shoulders as he leans down smelling my scent.

“What.” My hands still remain frozen at my side. “I mean how did you get in here, Finn?”

Instead of answering he backs us up to the bed until the backs of his legs hit the bed. I feel every single movement as he sits down and awkwardly positions me on top of him with my legs straddling over him. Once we are both seated I feel as he reaches down and removes my prosthetic. I don’t fight him on any of his movements and a deep part of me is pissed off that I allow him to control me.

“Through that window.” Finn uses his chin to nod to the exposed window. “I had to see you, Tess. I’ve been watching you sleep and it’s taken everything I have not to crawl in bed with you.”

“You were watching me sleep?”

“I’m sorry.” Finn’s hands undo my hair and begin to loosen my braid.

I try to speak but have no clue what to begin to say to this man. I don’t want to be in any other place but right here in his arms. Him watching me sleep is a very creepy thought and the faint smell of alcohol on him frightens me even a bit more, and then I remember the picture that Kara posted on Instagram. He’s marrying her. We’re over. He’s made his decision, and it wasn’t me or my baby.

“What are you doing here?” Finally escapes me.

“I need you, Tessa, I love you. I’m sorry for my horrible words at the church. You just shocked me.”

My hands latch onto his stubbled jaw. “But you’re with Ka…”

Before I have the chance to finish saying her name, Finn’s mouth is covering mine and every single one of my words are lost. His lips are full of need and hunger as he kisses me hard. His lips are brutal on mine as he grips onto both of my shoulders. The pain is almost too much until I realize Finn is here with me and attacking me with his lips. His tongue dives into my mouth, and that’s when I lose all self-control and kiss him back with just as much force. I grip on to his hair urging his head back, dragging my kisses all the way down his chin and neck line. Lapping up all the Finn I can get.

The desire and want I’ve held for this man over the last six months bursts through me at a ravishing rate. My mouth moves back up to his, and I begin kissing him again. It’s almost like this is the last time that I’ll ever be with Finn again, and I want to give him my everything. Finn pulls back almost as if he’s reading my mind, and I begin to beg and protest, but before I know it I’m on my back with Finn hovering above.

“I love you, Finn, I love you so fucking much. Stay with me. Forever.” My hands grab his hair pulling him down to me so I can get another taste of his sweet mouth. I begin my act of devouring him and giving it all when he pulls up again.

“No,” I whimper.

“Tess, I don’t want to hurt you.” His beautiful eyes dart down my protruding belly between us. And I realize for the first time that Finn isn’t putting any weight on me as I have his face held down to mine.

“Be with me,” is all reply back.

I run my hands down his back coaxing him to relax. After a few moments, I feel Finn begin to melt into me as his knees dip into the bed and he plants each of elbows on the bed. My hand shoots down between us desperate to feel him and take off his clothes. I’m not quite nimble enough to get to him, so I settle for the hem of his white t-shirt and slip it off over his head.

Using my hands, I force myself up to get at him. My tongue runs over his chest as my teeth take turns nipping at his skin. I want all of him at once. When my lips leave his I want them back immediately. When my hands can’t touch his skin I fight to get them back there. I want it all and right now.

“Lay back down, baby girl.” Finn straightens up on his knees gently taking my elbows and lying me back down. He stills for a moment as he gazes at my face then down to my breasts. I can feel one hand resting on my belly as the other works over the button on his jeans. My hand immediately tries to help get his cock out, but he takes it and rests my arm back down on the bed.

“Tessa, I need all of you right now. I’ve gone fucking mad without you. You come back carrying my baby. Just give me this one chance to have all of you.”

The words
one chance
slices me open with pain. It’s my clue and it cements the fact that he’ll be marrying Kara. It only proves to me that I need to cherish every moment with him this one last time.

“Stop.” He runs his hands over my face starting at the top of my head down both of my cheeks. “Stop worrying, Tessa and just be with me right now.”

I allow his words to sink in, and I obey him. Finn continues to run his hands down the nape of my neck and to my collarbone. He doesn’t stop there as he begins to massage my breasts with both of his hands, and before I know it, his mouth is covering one with sweet, tender kisses. My back arches up with the sensation his mouth leaves behind. Tilting my head up, I watch as he pays just as much attention to my other breast. A pained whimper escapes as he leaves them moving further down my body stopping at my belly. His hands and mouth cover me in tender gestures. His wet tears fall on my skin as he explores every inch of me.

“I never wanted to leave. I was trying to protect the ones I loved. I didn’t think it all out.” My eyes focus on the ceiling as I speak the words. I can’t bear to look down at the man who is in so much pain right now.

“I know you did, Tess.” Finn’s words are mumbled against my skin. “I love you.”

“I need you now, Finn.”

I watch as Finn rises to his knees once again not taking a moment to soak in my words. His right hand gingerly rolls me up to my side as he cradles in behind me. The man is being gentle and taking his time with me when I just need him to fuck me.

“Finn, stop being so gentle and please just fuck me.”

“I’m scared I’ll hurt the baby.”

And before I realize the harsh meaning behind my words they escape me. “I’m sure you’ve fucked Kara pregnant and everything is just fine.”

Finn’s body goes rigid behind me, and I instantly feel horrible for speaking to him that way.

“I’m sorry, Finn, I shouldn’t have.”

I feel him rise up on one elbow and peer over at me with a seething fire in his eyes.

“You should be sorry, Tessa. I’ve never fucked Kara pregnant. Ever. I fucked her one time when you left and it was the biggest mistake of my life.” Finn’s mouth covers mine from a side angle and he sinks his teeth into the flesh of my bottom lip. Right away blood begins to pool in my mouth from the bite and before I can yelp he slams into me without warning. “Is this what you wanted? A quick fuck before you run again.”

Finn begins to relentlessly fuck me without compassion. His grunts are full of hot need and pleasure as he pounds into me. He’s being cruel to me, but it’s hard to protest when it feels so good.

“No, I didn’t want a quick fuck. I just wanted and needed you.”

“How’s it feel, baby, to be fucked by me again?”

Finn grinds out each word as he slams into me.

“Stop,” I finally cry, scooting away from him.

I feel as he falls from me and the bed shakes as Finn flops back on it.

“I’m sorry, Finn. It’s none of my business. I just want you.”  Finn covers his face with his sweaty forearm. “Did you hear me, I’m sorry?”

He doesn’t move or even try to respond back to me. Crawling over on my hands and knees to him, I mount him this time without warning. Sliding down on him is the best feeling and I can’t help but let a small pleasure of a moan escape from me. My hips automatically know how to move on him while my belly is situated perfectly on Finn’s abdomen. Either I haven’t had pleasure in a very long time or pregnant sex is simply sinful.

I know that I’m being greedy in this moment as I take pleasure from Finn after I just hurt him with my words, but I can’t help nor slow the rhythm of my hips. My hand reaches down and removes his arm from his eyes. He keeps them shut avoiding all eye contact with me.

“I understand I just hurt you with my words. I’m sorry, but I need you right now.” I pause a moment as a shimmer of a building orgasm causes me to moan. “I love you, Finn. My head isn’t on straight. I want you, but I know I fucked up.”

My words must sink in because I feel his hands on my hips as they grip in and begin to guide me up and down. I don’t even care if his eyes are closed. I begin to let go, screaming with pleasure.

“I fucking love you, Tess, you’re my whole life. Why did you have to leave? We had it all.”

I know his question wasn’t posed to answer instead pieces of his emotions rolling around in him. His grunts grow louder as he begins to pound into me from below. I feel him harden as he releases inside me. His low, deep growls mixed with tears and the sensation of his fluid mixing in me causes me to spiral out of control again. My release isn’t as calm and silent as his.

A pounding on my door begins with the shouting of my name.

“Oh fuck,” I mumble. “It’s Tommie.”

“Tessa, are you okay. Unlock your door.”

There’s no way that I’m unlocking my door and letting anyone in here tonight. I plan on keeping Finn with me all night long in my bed.

“I’m fine, sis. Just a nightmare again.”

“Are you sure? You yelled twice.”

I grin down at Finn thinking,
Fuck yes I did because those were the best orgasms ever
.

“It was bad, but I’m fine. Going potty then back to bed. Love you.”

“Love you too, little sissy. You know you can always come sleep with me.”

We keep still and listen to her footsteps pad off into the distance until she closes her bedroom door on the second floor.

Finn carefully rolls me over to my side, and I protest as I feel him leave me. We lay face to face on our sides.

“Nightmares, uh?”

“I just had one today.”

“Tell me about it.”

I gently shake my head from side to side telling him no then nuzzle down into his chest wrapping my one leg around him.

“Tessa.”

“Finn.”

“Tell me. What are you scared of?”

“Fine.” My hand grips onto Finn’s sweaty flesh before I go on. “It was about you. I tried talking to you and grabbing for you but I couldn’t. There was an angry lynch mob surrounding all who hated me for leaving you. Then you vanished and your dad and Kara showed up. He held her as she…”

“As she what?” He demands.

“Shot me in the face.”

“Jesus Christ, Tessa.”

“I think it was just because of all the stress from today. I’m fine really.”

“No one will hurt you. I do promise you that, Tessa.”

The next things I need to say to him I look up into his eyes grabbing his full attention and using my hands to steady his clenching jaw.