Volpone and Other Plays (21 page)

1ST
AVOCATORE
: Nay, then you do wax insolent.

VOLTORE
is brought in, as impotent
.

20   
VOLTORE
:              Here, here,

The testimony comes that will convince,

And put to utter dumbness their bold tongues.

See here, grave fathers, here's the ravisher,

The rider on men's wives, the great impostor,

The grand voluptuary! Do you not think

These limbs should affect venery? Or these eyes

Covet a concubine? Pray you, mark these hands.

Are they not fit to stroke a lady's breasts?

Perhaps he doth dissemble!

BONARIO
:               So he does.

VOLTORE
: Would you ha' him tortured?

30    
BONARIO
: I Would have him proved.

VOLTORE
:             Best try him, then, with goads, or burning irons;

Put him to the
strappado
. I have heard

The rack hath cured the gout. Faith, give it him

And help him of a malady; be courteous.

I'll undertake, before these honoured fathers,

He shall have yet as many left diseases

As she has known adulterers, or thou strumpets.

O my most equal hearers, if these deeds,

Acts of this bold and most exorbitant strain,

40        May pass with sufferance, what one citizen

But owes the forfeit of his life, yea, fame,

To him that dares traduce him? Which of you

Are safe, my honoured fathers? I would ask,

With leave, of your grave fatherhoods, if their plot

Have any
face or colour like to truth
?

Or if, unto the dullest nostril here,

It smell not rank and most abhorrèd slander?

I crave your care of this good gentleman,

Whose life is much endangered by their fable;

50        And as for them, I will conclude with this:

That vicious persons, when they are hot and
fleshed

In impious acts, their constancy abounds:

Damned deeds are done with greatest confidence.

1ST
AVOCATORE
: Take 'em to custody, and sever them.

[
CELIA
and
BONARIO
are led away
.]

2ND
AVOCATORE
: 'Tis pity two such
prodigies
should live.

1ST
AVOCATORE
: Let the old gentleman be returned with care.

I'm sorry our credulity wronged him.

[volpone
is carried out
.]

4TH
AVOCATORE
: These are two creatures!

3RD
AVOCATORE
:              I have an earthquake in me!

2ND
AVOCATORE
: Their shame, even in their cradles, fled their faces.

60    4TH AVOCATORE [
to
VOLTORE]: You've done a wormy service to the state, sir.

In their discovery.

1ST
AVOCATORE
: You shall hear ere night

What punishment the court decrees upon 'em.

VOLTORE
: We thank your fatherhoods. –

[
Exeunt
AVOCATORI, NOTARIO,
and others
.]

How like you it?

MOSCA
:                    Rare.

I' d ha' your tongue, sir, tipped with gold for this;

I' d ha' you be the heir to the whole city;

The earth I' d have want men, ere you want
living
.

They' re bound to erect your statue in St Mark's.

Signor Corvino, I would have you go

And show yourself, that you have conquered.

CORVINO
:                                                        Yes.

70    
MOSCA
: It was much better than you should profess

Yourself a cuckold, thus, than that
the other

Should have been proved.

CORVINO
:              Nay, I considered that.

Now, it is her fault.

MOSCA
:           Then, it had been yours.

CORVINO
: True. I do
doubt this advocate
still.

MOSCA
:             I' faith,

You need not; I dare ease you of that care.

CORVINO
:               I trust thee, Mosca.

MOSCA
:             As your own soul, sir.

[
Exit
CORVINO.]

CORBACCIO
:             Mosca!

MOSCA
: Now for your business, sir.

CORBACCIO
:                How! Ha' you business?

MOSCA
: Yes, yours, sir.

CORBACCIO
:            O, none else?

MOSCA
:                  None else, not I.

CORBACCIO
: Be careful then.

MOSCA
:             Rest you with both your eyes, sir.

CORBACCIO
: Dispatch it.

MOSCA
:                 Instantly.

80    
CORBACCIO
:              And look that all

Whatever be
put in
: jewels, plate, moneys,

Household-stuff, bedding, curtains.

MOSCA
:               Curtain-rings, sir;

Only the advocate's fee must be deducted.

CORBACCIO
: I'll pay him now; you' ll be too prodigal.

MOSCA
: Sir, I must tender it.

CORBACCIO
:             Two chequins is well?

MOSCA
: No, six, sir.

CORBACCIO
:        'Tis too much.

MOSCA
:               He talked a great while,

You must consider that, sir.

CORBACCIO
:            Well, there's three –

MOSCA
: I'll give it him.

CORBACCIO
:           Do so, and there's for thee.

[
Exit
.]

MOSCA
[
aside
]:
Bountiful bones
! What horrid, strange offence

90        Did he commit ' gainst nature in his youth,

Worthy this age
? [
To
VOLTORE] You see, sir, how I work

Unto your ends; take you no notice.

VOLTORE
:                    No,

I'll leave you.

[
Exit
VOLTORE
.]

MOSCA
:     All is yours – the devil and all,

Good advocate! – [
To
LADY WOULD-BE] Madam, I'll bring you home.

LADY WOULD-BE: No, I'll go see your patron.

MOSCA:                That you shall not.

I'll tell you why: my purpose is to urge

My patron to
reform
his will, and for

The zeal you' ve shown today, whereas before

You were but third or fourth, you shall be now

100      Put in the first; which would appear as begged

If you were present. Therefore –

LADY WOULD-BE:             You shall sway me.

[
Exeunt
.]

[
VOLPONE'S
house
.]

[
Enter
VOLPONE
.]

[
VOLPONE
:] Well, I am here, and all this
brunt
is past.

I ne'er was in dislike with my disguise

Till this fled moment
. Here, 'twas good, in private,

But in your public –
Cavè
, whilst I breathe

' Fore God, my left leg ' gan to have the cramp,

And I apprehended, straight, some power had struck me

With a dead palsy. Well, I must be merry

And shake it off. A many of these fears

Would put me into some villainous disease

10        Should they come thick upon me. I'll prevent 'em.

Give me a bowl of lusty wine to fright

This humour from my heart Hum, hum, hum!

He drinks
.

'Tis almost gone already; I shall conquer.

Any device, now, of rare, ingenious knavery

That would possess me with a violent laughter,

Would
make me up again
. So, so, so, so.

Drinks again
.

This heat is life; 'tis blood by this time! Mosca!

v, ii            [
Enter
MOSCA
.]

V, ii  [
MOSCA
:] How now, sir? Does the day look clear again?

Are we recovered? and wrought out of error

Into our way, to see our paw before us?

Is
our trade
free once more?

VOLPONE
:                                     Exquisite Mosca!

MOSCA
: Was it not carried learnedly?

VOLPONE
:                                              And stoutly.

Good wits are greatest in extremities.

MOSCA
: It were a folly beyond thought to trust

Any grand act unto a cowardly spirit.

You are not taken with it enough, methinks?

10    
VOLPONE
: O, more than if I had enjoyed the wench.

The pleasure of all womankind's not like it.

MOSCA
: Why, now you speak, sir! We must here be fixed;

Here we must rest. This is our masterpiece;

We cannot think to go beyond this.

VOLPONE
:                                             True,

Th' ast played thy prize, my precious Mosca.

MOSCA
:                                                                Nay, sir,

To gull the court –

VOLPONE
:                         And quite divert the torrent

Upon the innocent.

MOSCA
:                                     Yes, and to make

So rare a music out of discords –

VOLPONE
:                                                       Right.

That yet to me 's the strangest; how th' ast borne it!

20        That these, being so divided ' mongst themselves,

Should not scent somewhat, or in me or thee,

Or doubt their own side.

MOSCA
:                                     True, they will not see't.

Too much light blinds 'em, I think. Each of 'em

Is so possessed and stuffed with his own hopes

That anything unto the contrary,

Never so true, or never so apparent,

Never so palpable, they will resist it –

VOLPONE
: Like a temptation of the devil.

MOSCA
:                                                                    Right, sir.

Merchants may talk of trade, and your great signiors

30        Of land that yields well; but if Italy

Have any glebe more fruitful than these fellows,

I am deceived. Did not your advocate
rare
?

VOLPONE
: O – ‘My most honoured fathers, my grave fathers,

Under correction of your fatherhoods,

What face of truth is here? If these strange deeds

May pass, most honoured fathers' – I had much ado

To forbear laughing.

MOSCA
:                                   'T seemed to me you sweat, sir.

VOLPONE
: In troth, I did a little.

MOSCA
:                                             But confess, sir;

Were you not daunted?

VOLPONE
:                           In good faith, I was

40        A little in a mist, but not dejected;

Never but still myself.

MOSCA
:                                    I think it, sir.

Now, so truth help me, I must needs say this, sir,

And out of conscience for your advocate:

He's taken pains, in faith, sir, and deserved,

In my poor judgement, I speak it under favour,

Not to
contrary
you, sir, very richly –

Well – to be cozened.

VOLPONE
:                           Troth, and I think so too,

By that I heard him in the latter end.

MOSCA
: O, but before, sir, had you heard him first

50        
Draw it to certain heads
, then aggravate,

Then use his
vehement figures
– I looked still

When he would
shift a shirt
; and doing this

Out of pure love, no hope of gain –

VOLPONE
:                                                      'Tis right.