Vision of Destiny (Infinity Book 2) (15 page)

SITTING DOWN ON THE HOSPITAL BED AND STROKING MY PRINCESS’ FACE KILLS ME. Her eyes are red and she looks pale.

“Hi, Princess. Daddy’s here, okay?” I try to keep my voice calm. I don’t want her hearing how scared I am.

“Daddy, it hurts,” she cries. “Please make the pain go away, Daddy.” It breaks me again when I hear her. Her little voice is full of pain.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Karly and Jamie rush over, but both stop before reaching Emma. It’s been an uncomfortable few hours. Neither of them talking and staying on the other sides of the room.

“She’s gonna need a cast, Nicholas,” Lexi chimes in, breaking the tension.

“Shhhh, Princess. It’ll be okay. We’ll all be here for you.”

Each time I close my eyes, I hear her screaming for me. Waking up and rushing to her, finding her on the ground, her body unnaturally twisted. Jamie emerged from her bedroom and I yelled for her to call 911. I didn’t touch Emma, afraid to move her. Instead, I touched her face and told her I wasn’t leaving. I felt her pain and prayed to God to make it stop hurting. I needed her to be okay.

Is this a sign that I need to be home and focus on my family?

The doctor comes in and takes her away for x-rays. I’m right by her side, holding her hand with Jamie close behind. Emma keeps her eyes on me as I talk, telling her how much I love her. Jamie’s quiet, but stays close.

When she calmed down, I asked her what happened, but she doesn’t remember. My daughter isn’t clumsy and she doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night, wandering the house. Something happened and it eats away at me. It’s an unbearable feeling. Nothing could’ve harmed her in the house. Maybe she woke up and lost her balance on the stairs.

While she’s getting x-rays done, I look over to Jamie. “How could this happen? Emma usually sleeps through the night.”

“Maybe if you were home and not with Karly, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Stop it, Jamie.”

She walks over to me, glaring into my eyes. “No, you stop this crap, Nicky. You’re married to me. You promised me you wouldn’t hurt me and you’d focus on just me. Let her go. She doesn’t deserve you. We’re a family now; don’t you get that?”

“I get it, all right!” Moving away from her, I rest my head on the wall, waiting for Emma to come out. I tell myself to stay calm. I don’t want to lose it at the hospital in front of everyone. She’s pushing me, giving me grief and guilt about not coming home. “I am trying to give you what you need, but you know I love Karly. Why can’t you understand that?”

Karly.
I think about her and what I’m doing. I hope she knows how sorry I am and I hate that this is happening between us. We’ll get past this and find our way again. Right now, our love needs to be on pause and when we can, I’ll press play and it’ll be back to how it should be.

“I understand you took vows and told me that you’ll take care of me. I’m getting worse. Can’t you see that?” I don’t respond. “It’s hard for me to sleep and to keep anything down. I have cancer, Nicky. I’m dying. Just give me all of you until I die. Can’t you do that?”

“I’ll try.”

When we get back to the room, Jensen’s over in the corner with Karly, holding her in his arms. We were gone for fucking twenty minutes.

“How’s she doing?”

I look at him questioningly, wondering why his interest in my daughter. “She’ll be okay. Just a soft cast, nothing too bad.”

“Oh thank God.”

Everyone’s around Emma, talking to her and distracting her from the pain. I pull Lexi out in the hall and look at her.

“Can you tell me why Jensen’s here?”

“I was just gonna ask you the same question. Karly didn’t tell him and neither did we.”

How the hell did Cocksucker know to come to the hospital? “So he just fucking magically appeared?” Ever since Jensen came in our lives, there’s been something going on and I can’t seem to figure it out. Shaking my head, Lexi and I walk back in and suddenly stop. He’s next to Jamie; both of their bodies look tense.

“Jamie? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just fine.” She smiles. I look at both of them before looking at Karly. Something’s going on and I’m going to find out before I fucking lose my mind.

Soon, after everything is done, we’re leaving the hospital. I have Emma in my arms and Karly is on one side while Jamie’s on the other. I hate this. I hate that the two of them are near each other. I’m not sure what to do or what to say.

“Jamie, can you give me a few minutes, please?”

“Nicky, we have to get home. You can do this another time. Let’s go.”

“Jamie, I need a few minutes.”

“Our daughter’s hurt and we need to go home. You can talk to your
other woman
later. Let’s go now.”

I slowly put Emma in the car and guide Jamie into the front seat. “Sit there and I’ll be back. You are in no position to tell me what to do.” Closing the door before she can say anything, I take Karly’s arm and walk away from the car.

“Angel, thank you for coming. I know that it’s hard and I’m sorry.”

“I’ll do anything for Emma; you know that.” She looks over at the car before turning back to me. “So she knows, huh?” I nod. “We can’t do this, Nicholas.”

Time stands still and it’s us in the world. She’s in my arms where she belongs. There aren’t any issues or drama. Jamie never came back and Karly’s wearing my ring.

“I love you, Angel. So much. You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment with you. I’m sorry for everything. I wish I could explain everything to you and soon I will be able to. Please be strong and keep me in your heart.”

“Nicholas,” she cries. “Stop, please. I’m so broken and I miss you so much. You can’t do this. I won’t be the other woman. You’re married. I watched you take your vows with Jamie. I watched you promise her forever.” I use my thumbs to wipe the tears from her face. She leans into my hand and I can’t help but kiss her again. This time, it’s slow and gentle.

“I’ll explain everything soon. Please just don’t give up.”

“When you love someone as much as I love you, Nicholas ...” She pauses and looks up at the sky. “... the type of love so fierce and strong, well, sometimes letting go is the hardest, but the best thing to do.” Her body tenses and she continues to look away from me. “I can’t do this. Jamie is your wife. She’ll love you and take care of you, since I can’t be with you. I’m always gonna love you, Nicholas.”

“You say you love me, yet it’s so easy for you to walk away.”

Fire burns in her eyes. “Are you serious? You told me you loved me and I was your forever, but you went and got married!” She slaps me across the face. I deserve it. I deserve her anger and hurt. “You sure as hell walked away first without looking back and you still stand there, telling me you love me?”

I grab her arm and her face meets mine. I hate that this is going on. “I just need to know...” I pause; our eyes are still on one another. “Why can’t you wait for me? For us? Don’t you stand there and think I don’t love you or miss you. I fucking think about you all the time. I know I fucked up and maybe one day you’ll understand. You
never
had faith in me or us. You waited until I fucked up before you walked away.”

“You chose Jamie, Nicholas! What was I supposed to do?”

“Think about it, Karly. We were doing so well and then, suddenly, I had to make a decision.”

She pounds on my chest, gripping my shirt. “Then let me in. Stop shutting me out,” she cries.

“I can’t.” I run my hands over her smooth, soft arms.

“Then I can’t either. This game we’re playing needs to end.” It can’t end. I won’t let it, but I can’t tell her anything, not right now. “I have to walk away and protect my heart from you. There’s a yellow caution tape around me, telling you to stay away. I can’t go on like this.” She rubs her face, holding back her tears. “I have Jensen.” Her voice is low; I am barely able to hear her words. With one last look, she turns away and leaves. And, for the second time, I watch her run away from me. There’s nothing I can do until she knows the truth.

WAKING UP IN A DAZE, I RUN TO THE BATHROOM AND KNEEL IN FRONT OF THE TOILET.
What the hell is wrong with me?

My throat feels scratchy and sore. All I can smell is vomit and smell lasagna from last night. I feel my stomach turning left, right, up and down. Gripping the toilet, I throw up again. When I open my eyes and see my vomit I start throwing up again until there’s nothing left.

After a few minutes, I slowly get up and make my way over to the sink. Running cold water over my face, I rinse my mouth with minty mouthwash and look in the mirror.

“Good lord, Erikson. You look like hell!”

Climbing back in bed, I pull the blanket over me and force myself to sleep. As soon as my eyes close, I see Nicholas. My Nicholas. Since leaving him in the hospital parking lot, we’ve been talking a little more. It’s weird and I hate doing this behind Jensen’s back, but Nicholas says we’re not hurting anyone. We’re friends. And friends talk. Sitting up on my bed, I rest my chin on my knees and close my eyes.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

I repeat this mantra to myself. I’m so tired of crying. There’s nothing that can be done to make things normal again. We’ve both moved on and things are good. We’re both in a good place, I think.

My bedroom door opens and Jensen walks in. He’s wearing workout shorts and a tight black tee. The smile on his face is addicting and I can’t help to smile back, letting him know I’m happy to see him.

“Hey, babe. You okay?” He walks over to me, placing his hand on my forehead. I lean into his touch and let out a breath. “You feel kinda warm. Lie down and I’ll bring you some broth and dry toast.”

“Always the doctor.”

He smirks, kissing my forehead. “Hate seeing you feel bad, babe. I’ll be back.”

Just having him here makes me feel a little better. I still feel like shit for what I’m doing to him. “Argh, this sucks,” I moan.

“What sucks?”

Lexi comes in and plops down next to me, lying on her side, facing me. “Your brother is driving me crazy.”

“It happens.” She looks away, her lips in a hard line.

“Lexi?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s up?”

A soft grunt comes from her as she tries to get up. I place my hands on her back and help her sit up right. She turns and looks at me. “I think Jamie’s up to something. I saw her shopping and, girl, she had
bags
of stuff. I don’t know what she’s up to.”

“They’re married, Lexi. He’s making her happy, I guess.”

Shaking her head, she looks at me again. “No. I know something’s wrong. Even Mom thinks so too. Jamie’s acting weird. She’ll drop Emma off with my parents because she’s sick with a stomachache or can’t stop throwing up. I swear that woman is a walking germ! She’s constantly sick! And when Mom tries to reach her at the house, no one answers. One day, Mom and Dad went to the house and she wasn’t home. Something’s not adding up. Why is she lying about being sick?”

What’s Jamie up to? I feel the need to get my phone and ask Nicholas, but I can’t. It’s none of my business. Emma’s in good hands and Jamie’s…well, Jamie’s her own special person. If I start asking questions I’m going to look crazy and be labeled as the obsessive ex. I don’t want to seem like a paranoid ex or anything. It’s not my business. I can’t interfere with his life or his business. What Nicholas and Jamie are doing is their life, not mine. I won’t do it.

“Have you talked to Nicholas?” She shakes her head, “Hold on and lemme ask him.”

So much for minding my own business.

Me
: Is everything okay with Jamie? Emma says she doesn’t spend a lot of time with her. Is there anything Lexi and I can do?

Nicholas:
She’s been on and off. Everything’s okay, though. How are you?

Me:
I’m okay. Feeling kinda sick too, but I’ll be fine.

Nicholas:
Do you need me to come over after work? Larry wants to check out this new jazz club. I was wondering if you wanted to come along too? Lexi wasn’t sure either, but I’d like you there.

“He asked you to go out tonight, huh?” I nod. “Let’s go and have fun.”

Letting out a sigh, I agree and wonder if I should invite Jensen. He’s been pulling overnights for the past few days. Maybe he’ll be working. I should ask him; I can’t be a bitch.

Me:
I’ll see you tonight.

Nicholas:
I can’t wait to see you, Angel.

Me:
Me too.

Lexi and I talk about tonight for a few more minutes until Jensen comes in with a tray of food. My heart sinks, knowing what I’m doing to him. This is wrong on so many levels, yet, I’m too selfish to let Jensen go. What if it doesn’t work out with Nicholas and he stays with Jamie? I don’t want to be alone and Jensen’s a good man. Even though right now I don’t deserve him. Having him in my life feels safe.

“Thanks again for making this for me,” I tell him, putting away my phone.

“Anytime, babe. I wanna make sure you’re feeling good. Listen; I gotta work a double tonight. The hospital is short, so I’ll be in the ER again.”

“Sleep, then. I’m gonna eat and then probably sleep too.”

A smirk comes across his face. “What if I don’t wanna sleep?”

“Well, you have to and I don’t feel good.” I stick out my tongue and he tries nipping it. Shaking my finger at him, I toss a pillow to his face, “Down, boy! Go to sleep!”

“Fine.” An exasperated sigh comes from him “You’re not playing fair.”

“Nope, never!”

We haven’t done much. He’s definitely trying, though. I like the way things are with Jensen. It isn’t complicated and there are no skeletons in his closet ready to come out and wreck us. I’m pretty lucky to have a boyfriend as caring and patient as he is. Maybe one day I can give him my all; not right now, though. Not for a while.

It’s nine o’clock when we get to the jazz club. I look down at the outfit I’m wearing. Brown wedges with a white strapless dress and a light brown cardigan. My hair is in soft curls and my makeup on the heavier side to cover the under-eye circles plaguing my face.

I loop my arm through Lexi’s as we walk in and find Nicholas sitting at a table, watching someone on stage playing the piano. He looks at peace sitting there, wearing a baby blue shirt and denim jeans. My mouth waters looking at him and it’s just the back of him! I seriously have issues.

The atmosphere is light and soft in the club. Escape is supposed to be the hottest live jazz club in Wilmington. So far, it’s nice and classy.

We walk towards the table as he turns around and our eyes lock. To say that everything changes between us is an understatement. I kick myself for walking away from him. When he’s near me, I find myself falling into his arms and telling him never to let me go. He’ll never know what’s inside my heart and the hurt I feel every day. He’ll never see my eyes and the pain they convey. Deep down, I know he loves me, and he’s in a difficult situation. But I don’t know what that means for us in the future.

Yet, all I can think about is the now. And right now, I want to feel his body near mine.

“Hi,” he whispers, standing in front of me. I didn’t see him coming. I breathe him in. He smells like my Nicholas, minty and clean.

“Hi,” I whisper back. Neither of us move. It’s just us in the room and it feels so right.

“You look beautiful tonight,” he says, inching closer to me, placing his arm around my waist. Feeling his arm on me makes my body relax and the desire soars through my body.

“You do too.” Shit, I can’t breathe. How does he have all this control over me?

“No Jensen?” I shake my head. “So it’s just us?” I nod my head. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Please.”

He nods for me to sit down and I do. Lexi and Larry stare at me, not saying a word. Shit, we did ignore everyone. I can do this. I can sit here next to him and be okay.