Vision of Destiny (Infinity Book 2) (12 page)

Lately, Jamie’s been spending time with Emma and trying to rebuild their relationship. Things are still rocky, but getting better. We’re slowly building our family life again. But for now, I’m going to stay here at the bar and drink my regret until I can come up with a plan to get my life together. I take the shot and toss it back. The dark liquid burns, but my body is numb, so it’s not that bad. I rest my head on top of the bar, trying not to think about what I don’t have.

“All right; come on. Time to go home.”

“Home? What’s home?” My words slur as Larry pulls me off the stool and outside in the cool air. “How’s Karly?”

“Same as you. Miserable and misses you.”

She misses me? If she misses me, why isn’t she here, winning me back? The questions spin around in my head. I want answers, but I know them already. Karly’s not a bad person. She’s an amazing woman with a big heart. She wouldn’t do anything to hurt Emma. That’s what I love about her. She puts others before her own happiness. Karly and I are the same person. We beat with the same heart and love with the same feelings. She’s my soul mate and I keep praying she’ll come back to me.

Larry helps me into the car as we drive back to my house. My head is resting against the window, watching everything pass me by as if I have no control over anything. Karly and I had been through the worst times and the best times. Our love is strong, yet here I am playing house with my wife and daughter. The wounds run deep and part of me thinks they’re here to stay and there’s no way to heal what’s been done – what I’ve done. 

“She’s trying to get over you. You’re going to find out anyways, but she’s seeing someone.”

“Jensen?” Larry nods. Fuck! I hoped she wouldn’t be with him anymore. Everything in me explodes. Fury and anger take over my body. “Drive to your house, now.”

Without hesitation, Larry turns the car around and heads to his house. When he pulls the car up the driveway, I run out and go straight into the house. As soon as my eyes hit the living room, all I can see is red.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Karly’s head whips towards me. “Why are you here?” The guy sitting next to her, Jensen or Cocksucker, stands up, pushing her behind him.

“Get your hands off her.” I know I shouldn’t be fighting in front of her, but if his hands touch her again, I don’t give a shit who is around.

“Don’t you have to get home to your wife?” Our eyes stay on one another. I’m ready to beat this fucker’s ass and grab Karly.

“Get the fuck away.” Before I can swing at his cock-sucking face, Larry grabs me, pushing me away.

“Calm the fuck down or I’m kicking your ass out!”

“What the hell is going on?” Lexi looks at me and back at Karly and Cocksucker. “Are you serious? Babe, why’d you bring him here?”

“He needs to see it for himself. I’m tired of watching his drunk ass nearly kill himself every night.”

“I fucking saw it already!” Fuming, I push Larry to the side. “I thought you wouldn’t be seeing him again. Why, Karly?”

“Nicholas, leave please.”

About to grab her arm, Jensen steps in, pushing Karly behind him. “You need to leave, Nicholas.”

Is he fucking serious? “Not until I talk to her.”

“She doesn’t wanna talk to you. Get out or I’ll throw you out.”

“Do it, cocksucker.” Our faces are inches apart. My hands are at my sides ready to knock his ass out. Just one fucking punch and he’s down.

Karly keeps her head down. She won’t look at me. I wouldn’t look at me if I were here. I’m standing before her, drunk as shit, yelling and screaming for her to talk to me. This is the only way. I need to talk to her. “I just need to fucking talk to her!”

Karly moves to the side and comes to me. “It’s okay, you guys. I’ll be fine.”

Bringing her outside to the deck, I pull her to my body. Tears leave my eyes, hitting the top of her head.

“Why, Angel?”

“My life needs to move on too, Nicholas. You’re married and I’m dating Jensen. I can’t sit around and wait for you. You made your choice and now we both have to live with it. We already talked about this.”

“No. You don’t get it. I fucking love you. You. Are. Mine.” Crashing my lips on to hers, I hold on tight and refuse to let her go. My hands tightly hold her arms. I need to feel her body close to mine. The warmth and softness against me. Fuck I miss this.

She tries to pull away, but I’m not moving. “Stop, please,” I beg her, talking into her mouth. “Please, I need this. I need this moment with you. You owe me this.”

Knocking me off balance, Karly pushes me away and stares at me. “I don’t owe you anything. Do you understand me? I’ve cried enough since you left me. I’m done crying. I deserve to be treated with respect and love. Jensen’s someone new, and who knows what’s gonna happen, but you and I are done, Nicholas. I can’t forgive you!”

“You belong to me.” Grabbing her arm so her face is close to mine. She needs to see how serious I am. “Do I make myself clear? I know this is a fucked up situation, but you have to believe me. When the time is right, I’ll explain everything. Don’t leave me. Wait for me.”

“I can’t,” she cries, covering her face. “It hurts, Nicholas. It hurts so bad.”

“And it will for a while. I’m sorry, but I need you to be patient.” Looking inside, I see everyone sitting on the couch, looking in our direction. I pull Karly to the other side of the deck, away from their eyes. “Have you fucked him?”

“W-what? Are you serious? Nicholas, we’re just dating! What right do you have to ask me that? It’s none of your business. My life is MY life. Not yours.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, baby.” Wrapping my hand around her neck and pushing her against the railing, I have her closed in. She can’t get away. “You’re mine and no one, no one will touch you. Do I make myself clear? I’m the
only
one.”

I slam my mouth against hers, pressing down and pulling her closer to me. She finally relaxes in my arms and we have this moment.

Together.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

Larry took Nicholas home a few minutes ago and I’m here with Jensen, alone. I can’t look at him. I feel guilty for all of this. I let Nicholas kiss me and I didn’t fight him off. I wanted him to kiss me. Everything in me screams to go back to him and kiss him again, but then reality sinks in. He’s married to Jamie and I’m with Jensen.

“What happened, Karly?”

“I don’t know.” Shaking my head, I bring a pillow to my chest and hold it against me. “One minute, we’re fine and the next, well, you know how it is.” Thinking about our dinner date and tonight makes me so mad. Why does Nicholas think he can do this? He needs to let me go. As much as I don’t want him to, he still needs to. We both have to move on with our lives.

“I know we just met, but I really like you. I want you to give me a chance. I won’t hurt you like he did.” Taking me in his arms, he kisses my forehead and holds my hands. His lips touch my cheek and then my lips. Whoa, we’re kissing! Whoa, his tongue. It swirls in that sexy way in my mouth and I release a soft moan. Hands are in my hair as he pushes me back against my bed. Shit, this is hot. Holy fuck; what am I doing? He’s my boyfriend. He’s my hot boyfriend. I can do this with him and it’ll be okay. Grabbing the back of his neck, I pull him down and feel his weight on top of me. I raise up my hips, feeling his erection. Oh. My. Damn.

“Wow,” he says, kissing me again and again. “Looks like I found my second favorite thing.”

I smile. “What’s that?”

“Kissing you.”

“What’s your first?”

“Being here with you. I like you a lot, Karly. I know you’re still hurting, but let me be the one who heals your broken heart.”

The words hit me. Am I ready to move on and be with someone else? Even though Nicholas and I shared a special few months, it wasn’t long enough for me to put my life on hold and watch as he builds his life with Emma and Jamie. I can’t sit around. The love Nicholas and I had was amazing, but life goes on and so do I. Sitting here waiting for him, wishing he’d come back to me, is too much for me. If he can marry someone else and forget about me, then I can start living again. Promises are meant to be broken and nothing lasts forever. I lost myself in his eyes and look where I am now. Life isn’t that easy. I vow to myself that life is too short. So I’m going to live it up and dance-dance like I’ve never danced before. That’s my promise to myself. A promise
I
won’t break.

“What the fuck?” he hisses. “Did Nicholas hit you?”

“WHAT! No, he’d never hit me.” I look and see dark spots on my arms. Oh no. Nicholas. “Jensen, it’s okay, I promise. I didn’t even realize how hard he was holding me, but it’s okay. I’m fine.” I take his face and steady it on my eyes. “I’m okay. I promise.”

“I hate how close your past is, though. I want to be the one you’re thinking about, not him. I don’t care if we just met. You mean a lot to me. I want to give us a chance if you’ll let it.”

“You’re right.” I touch his arm. “I wanna give us a chance.”

Jensen looks at me, but there’s something about his eyes that are familiar. I’ve seen those eyes before. I study his face and there’s something comforting. Shaking away those thoughts, I lean into him and let out a sigh.

“Thanks for being here for me. I’m sorry my life is full of drama.”

He laughs, pulling me closer. “It’s all right, babe. So does this mean we’re official and I can call you my girlfriend?”

“As long as I can call you my boyfriend?”

“I love that name already.”

When I look up, Jensen’s looking at me. His icy blue eyes makes me feel good, nothing compared to Nicholas, but I have to stop thinking about that. No more Nicholas. I need to focus on Jensen.

I’m letting down my guard and taking a chance on a man who has the potential to hurt me. But when I look at him, his emotions are open and there for me to take in. He’s not hiding behind anything. There’s no baggage when it comes to Jensen. He’s a simple man who is smart, successful and wants to be with me. If Nicholas can move on, so can I. Jensen’s playful and I like being around him. So what if I have no desire to sleep with him or if when I look at him I don’t feel that fire. I’m comfortable with him. There are no barriers or dark shadows looming around us.

“All right, babe, I’m gonna head out. Sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow. Remember, I’ll be here at eight for our morning workout.”

I groan, not wanting him to leave because then it’ll be almost time to get to the gym. “Fiiiiine.” I throw my arms around his neck. “Drive safe. Text me when you get home.”

“I will, babe.”

I walk Jensen to the door and watch him walk to his car. This is a good thing…right?

Turning on the water in the bathroom, I splash the cool water on my face and look at myself in the mirror. The slight bruise on my arm makes me wince. I can’t believe he’d do that. I know he didn’t mean it and, if he saw the marks, he’d apologize and break down. My poor Nicholas. We’re both so lost and broken, but it’s not my job to save him anymore. He has Jamie and I guess I’m official with Jensen.

“You need to be strong and let go of Nicholas. He’s married and you have a great guy who likes you and wants to be there for you. You deserve to be happy, Karly Lynn Erikson.”

I say this to myself over and over again until I start believing it. My hands are shaking, though. Counting to twenty and closing my eyes, I bring myself back to a time without any fears or pain.

Nicholas.

The next morning, Jensen picks me up right at eight. We quickly have a protein shake for breakfast while he drives to the gym.

The workout starts pretty easy, a little cardio, but then he slowly starts killing me with squats and lower body workouts. By the end, I can’t feel my legs and my body is drenched with sweat.

“Damn, babe, you killed it.”

Gasping for breath, I raise my arms on top of my head and turn away. “I…need…a…shower.” Heading for the locker room, I step in the shower and let the water soothe my body. That workout was brutal and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to walk after that session.

Once I’m done and ready, Jensen and I head out to run some errands. Hand in hand, we walk into the store and head to the produce aisle. “I’m gonna grab some veggies. Can you grab the fruit?”

“Sure, babe.”

I head towards the lettuce and peppers when I see Jamie walking towards me.

“Jamie?”

“Oh, hi, Karly. Didn’t expect to see you here.” She stops her cart and grabs a few plastic bags for whatever she needs. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” I respond, grabbing peppers and celery. “How are you doing?”

“Really good. Listen, I know the last time we talked wasn’t great, but I’m hoping we can be friends. You know, life is so short and living with regret sucks.”

Okay, I’m not going to lie, but this is weird. Can I be friends with my ex’s wife? It’s so weird.

“I think we should be civil around Emma, but Jamie, I’m not gonna lie; I can’t see myself being your friend. It hurts.” I let my voice go soft.

“I know what you mean. I mean, how do you think I feel when I find my husband lying on the couch with your picture?”

Bingo. There’s the Jamie everyone knows. Miserable bitch.

“That’s not my fault. Maybe you should tell him to stay away from me. I’m happy with Jensen, all right? It’s not my fault.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” She smiles, glaring at me. “Everything is your fault. You should start believing that. I don’t know why you’re even here in Wilmington. No one wants you.”

“Back away, Jamie, or I swear to…”

“What? You’re gonna hit me, Karly? Please do. Orange does suit you.”

I swear I’m going to kill her.

“Ladies, is everything okay?” Jensen pulls me away, holding my arm. “I’m Jensen, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Jamie. Nice meeting you too. Well, I should get going. Nice talking to you, Karly. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again.”

“Bye,” I simply say.

“All right; I can see it on your face. What’s going on?” I shake my head and go to the cart. I won’t let Jamie get to me.

When we’re done shopping, we head back to the house and relax outside with Lexi and Emma. It’s getting hot out and Emma won’t stop moving.

“Emma, why don’t you change into your suit and I’ll take you in the pool?” Jensen kneels down at eye level to Emma as he holds her hand. It’s a sweet moment and I wish I had my camera.

Since we’ve been back, Jensen hasn’t left Emma’s side. They’re cute together, laughing and eating lunch with each other.

“Mommy? Aunt Lexi? Can I go?”

“Yeah, sweetie; go change.”

We watch Emma run into the house and we both turn to look at Jensen. He’s sitting in the chair, taking off his shirt, not realizing there are four eyes staring at him.

“Ladies?”

“Anyways,” I quickly say, “you’re really good with Emma. She’s smiling so much. It’s nice.”

“She’s a great little girl. You are lucky to have her.” His tone turns soft and sad. I wonder what’s going on with him.

“I’ve never seen Emma warm up to another guy before. I mean, she has Nicholas and Larry, but usually strangers are a danger warning for her,” Lexi states. “It’s so weird. It’s like Emma’s known you forever.”

An uncomfortable laugh escapes Jensen and I can’t help but wonder,
Why’s he so sad all of a sudden?

“Jensen, you okay?”

“Hmmm? Yeah, just thinking, babe.”

Emma rushes out before I can say anything. Lexi and I lean back in our chairs and watch the two of them playing in the water. Something isn’t right and I can’t shake it off.

Later that night, when everyone’s asleep, Jensen and I are outside, drinking a glass of wine. Something’s not sitting right with me. He’s been off since Emma left.

“Jensen, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, babe,” he answers, drinking his wine. “It’s been a long day. Today’s my first day off in weeks and I want to relax with my girl. Is that okay?”

“Of course it is, but you seem weird. I noticed you seemed sad around Emma.”

“Oh. No, it’s nothing.”

I know he’s lying, but should I keep prying for information? His body tenses and the answer is no. I’m sure I’m looking too much into this. He doesn’t have any connection to Emma and maybe it’s in my head. I get protective around her too, so it’s normal.

“Do you wanna spend the night? You’ve had a few glasses of wine. I don’t want you driving.”

“I can sleep on the floor, babe.”

Thinking about this warms my heart. I know we’re adults, but giving myself to another man scares me. I did that before and look where I am. “You can sleep in my bed, but no hanky-panky!” We both laugh and finish our wine before heading to bed.

After Jensen leaves to pull a fourteen-hour shift at the hospital, Lexi and I grab our beach things and decide it’s a great day to relax under the sun.

“Why don’t we do this more?”

“Because you’re always sleeping! How is my future niece or nephew doing?”

Lexi smiles, resting her hand on her stomach. “Good. So good! I love being pregnant. We find out if we’re having a boy or girl in a few weeks. Can you believe it?”

A part of me is slightly jealous for my best friend. I know I shouldn’t be and, believe me, I am happy. Sometimes, I think about me and Nicholas and what we could’ve had. Would we be engaged? When would we have kids? These questions play on and on in my head. No matter what I do, I always turn back to him.

“I’m so happy for you,” I say, trying to sound excited. “You and Larry are gonna make great parents. Are you two gonna get married soon?”

Lexi shrugs. “I’ve never been the traditional kinda girl, but Mom and Dad want us to. I mean, I do too, ya know? I love him and have since we first met. He’s a great person, but he hasn’t asked me, so I don’t know.”

I hear the hurt in her voice. “Be sure to talk to him about it. Don’t let it build inside of you.” She nods her head.

“Enough of this.” Lexi laughs. “You’re doing okay?”

Define “okay” and then let me know if I match the definition. I’m trying, that’s for sure. It’s confusing and I don’t know how to handle all of my emotions. I’m sharing a bed with Jensen, but all I think about is Nicholas. Each kiss. Each touch. I wish it were Nicholas and not Jensen. So yeah, I guess you can say I’m just ducky.