Vice (19 page)

“Oh, Kate.” Lisa’s voice quavered. “I’m sorry.”

Her head bobbed up and down. “I’m sorry, too.”

They hugged and Kate finally gave into her grief and her fear and cried on Lisa’s shoulder. After a couple of minutes, Lisa wrangled herself from their hold and looked at her. “Please tell me Liam Doyle wasn’t the one who hit you. Because I will kill him.”

“No. Not him. Never him.” She gulped back bile. “I love him, Lisa.”

Her friend sighed, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “So I see.” She narrowed her eyes and peered at her neck. “Where are your pearls?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Well, I think it’s time for a catch up session. Come for a coffee, or something stronger, after your shift?”

She managed a grin. “I’d really like that.”

Lisa kissed her on the cheek, and just like that, some of the weight that had been holding Kate down lifted. She felt she could breathe again. They said a few more words before the kids bounded back inside, eager to return home so they could play videogames. Lisa smiled and said goodbye. Kate waved as they left.

She turned back to the packages of coffee and decided they looked just fine as they were.

Lisa handed her what had to be her seventeenth cup of coffee that day, after stirring in cream and two heaping teaspoons of sugar. Kate waited a moment, stared at the mug, and then added another teaspoon of the sweet stuff.

Her friend giggled. “I see we’re back on sugar.”

“Sugar and I were never meant to be apart.” She stirred the hot beverage and licked the spoon, enjoying the tingle on her tongue. “Have you seen Donny?”

Lisa nodded. “When he rushed over to tell me about you and Doyle, he acted pretty excited to be at home. Personally, I think he was just happy seeing someone take the heat for once.”

Kate put her hand on Lisa’s arm. “But then he disappeared again?”

Lisa gave a short laugh, though it lacked in humor. “Actually, no. Even though I was angry at you, I read him the riot act for trying to get someone else in trouble just to try and get me on his side. We talked. For a long time. I mean really talked.”

“You did?”

Lisa nodded. “At first it was the same old song and dance. He was just trying to ‘protect’ me by pointing out what a shitty friend you were. Sorry, his words.”

Kate smiled. “That’s okay.”

“But then he just went on this crazy rant. Talking about how he hated the world for messing up his life. Our lives. He blamed Doyle, he blamed you, he blamed the security guard who threw him out. He blamed me, and the kids, and my mom. He blamed his boss for not giving him a raise, and his co-workers for undermining him. Then he blamed his car for breaking down and the mechanic for ripping him off. And I think it was around that time he realized he was blaming just about everyone he knew. Except himself.”

Kate said nothing, but her eyes widened.

“It just sort of hit him. Like he’d seen himself in a mirror for the first time. I think that’s when he realized
he
was the one who messed up our lives.”

“Wow. That’s sort of huge.”

“I know. He broke down after that. Cried for over an hour. That’s when we really talked, and for the first time ever he seemed to listen. He’s agreed to get help.”

“Oh, Lisa. That’s such a big step. I’m really happy for you.”

“I don’t have illusions. I know it’ll be a long road. But I want to help him, and more importantly, he wants to as well. We’re all seeing a family therapist, and he’s started going to Gam-Anon. I think we’ll get past this, and for once I don’t feel like I’m fooling myself.”

They quietly shared their coffee for a time. Kate was still somewhat skeptical about her friend’s husband, but Lisa didn’t need to hear that right now. She didn’t want to tear down all her hopes. But Donny had accepted responsibility, which was more than her father ever did. Maybe there was hope for them after all.

Tired of the silence, Lisa changed the subject back to Kate. “So about you and Doyle?”

She gave her coffee one more, absentminded stir, watching the little whorls dissipate. “I don’t know. Liam was just…too much for me. Too much money. Too much intensity. Too much sex.”

Lisa looked doubtful. “Um, just for the record, there’s no such thing as too much sex.”

Kate grinned. “There is when it’s all you do. Don’t get me wrong. It was good. Shouting-from-the-rooftops good. But our whole relationship was based on this bizarre attraction. I don’t know if it ever had the potential to get deeper than that. Liam’s been hurting for so long, has lost so much in his life. He said he didn’t want to lose me, but I think he’s just terrified of losing
anything
. It’s as if he built this empire of…stuff.” She wrinkled her nose. “And there’s the whole casino thing. How can I ever get past that?”

“Maybe you don’t need to.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s his work, not his life. Maybe you just come to an agreement that you never talk work.”

“No. I don’t want to censor him. Besides, casinos are his life. He practically lives in one.”

Lisa tugged at her bottom lip. “Right. The fancy suite with the mile-long fireplace. How could I forget?” The look on her face made it clear she’d already imagined the fantasy suite in minute detail. “Look, Kate, I’m hardly one to lecture another person on choosing a partner. Look at the situation I’m in. But you admitted you and Liam love each other, and I’ve never seen you cry over anyone before. You’ve always been the one to help others with their relationships. I think this thing with Liam runs deeper than you know.”

Kate shook her head. Was she ready for something that deep? Was he? Not if that newspaper was any indication.

“He already made strides. Damn, you said he dropped the custody suit. Doesn’t that prove the man is trying to change?”

It seemed like eons ago. Even though she’d been mostly asleep, she remembered feeling such pride, such relief, on his behalf.

But she knew full well people didn’t really change. Look at her father. Look at any number of the other addicts she’d known. She wanted Donny to be the one to prove her wrong, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t reserve her judgment. She’d learned long ago it was easier to change her reactions than to compel others to seek help. And where she couldn’t affect change, she left.

There was something to be said for keeping one’s sanity.

“Kate?”

She gave Lisa half a smile. “I can’t ask Liam to give up his career for me. I won’t. It’s better if I just forget him.”

Even as she said the words, they hung at the back of her throat.

Forget him. Ha. It would be easier to forget her own name.

Chapter
Sixteen

“I’m not sure I can do this,” Kate said on her way into her first New Horizons meeting in weeks.

Lisa rallied behind her. “Of course you can.” She steered her friend to one of the well-worn chairs. “Honesty is the best policy, right?”

“Right.” She took a deep breath and watched as Rod started the meeting, welcoming new members. After the initial icebreakers, he opened the floor to anyone who wanted to share. Audrey spoke first, updating the group on her struggles with her boyfriend, and then a couple of new members shared their stories.

After thirty odd minutes, Rod turned to Kate with a smile. “It’s good to see you back. The floor’s yours if you want it, Kate.”

“I’d like that.” She folded her hands in her lap, looking down. “As some of you know, I recently had a…relationship with Liam Doyle, the owner of the Vice casino. I’m not going to apologize for that. That’s a whole other story. I do have to apologize for something else, though. When I started this group, I told you all that I’d cut my dad out of my life. The truth was, I’d been enabling him for years, sending him money. It killed me to do it, but I couldn’t stop. I was so scared to cut him off. Afraid of what might happen.”

“It’s never easy,” Lisa said.

“No. But I got help from an unlikely source. Believe it or not, it was Liam Doyle who helped me to be strong. And even though I’m not seeing him anymore, I’ll always be grateful to him for that. But that doesn’t change the past. I’m sorry I lied to you all.”

The room grew silent. A couple of the members traded looks.

Kate stood up. “I’d understand if you want me to leave.”

“Hon,” said Rod, grinning. “Don’t be so dramatic. Have a seat. We’d like you to stay. Besides, we recently received a big donation and are planning on setting up a couple of new groups. I’m not just being a sentimental sap when I say we need you.”

Emotion bubbled inside her. Kate hadn’t lost her friends after all and the streak of relief that shot through her made her feel ten years younger.

Unfortunately it did nothing to fill the other gaping hole inside her.

Lisa dropped her off at her apartment that night. Kate waved, turned and sighed. The idea of facing another night alone, without Liam, had her skin bristling. It had been three weeks since she walked away from him and her heart still cried out for him, still wanted him.

Was it right? She wasn’t sure anymore.

She just needed to get over this dreadful hump. She still felt his eyes on her everywhere she went. Every so often at Percolate, she’d see a businessman open the door and her heart would leap, only to realize it wasn’t him. Whenever she spotted a black Escalade, she fought the urge to wave. She swore she smelled his cologne everywhere, as if he haunted her like a ghost. It both unnerved and thrilled her.

She started up the metal staircase leading to her unit when a noise distracted her.

Peering into the darkness of the backyard, she waited for his wraith to float toward her. Seeing nothing, feeling silly, she took another step.

She had to stop imagining Liam everywhere. At some point, she had to stop looking over her shoulder, hoping he’d appear. It did nothing to help the precious sense of sanity she so cherished.

Sanity. Right now she’d give her right arm for a huge helping of insanity and the chance to hear Liam say he loved her again.

She climbed up the remaining steps and shoved her key into the lock, giving it a hard turn. Once inside, she locked the door behind her, turned on the lights and threw her purse on the couch. On a mission, she went straight into the kitchen and yanked open the freezer door.

No freaking ice cream. Not even a tablespoon’s worth clinging to the lid of an old tub.

She wasn’t sure she could make it through the night without some Chunky Monkey.

As she wondered about the hours of the corner store, she resolved to rectify her frozen dairy situation. If she hurried, she might still make it and get back in time for some choice reruns on TV. Sighing, she picked up her purse and keys again and headed to the door. She whipped it open.

Hugo Vaughan stood there, grinning.

Before she could scream or slam the door, he forced his way inside and put a beefy hand over her open mouth, shutting the door behind them.

“Thanks for letting me in, Red. I didn’t want to put a shoulder to the door. You know, with my bursitis and all.” He looked her up and down. “Lookin’ good, Red. You know, I’ve missed you. Your dad’s debt might be settled, but I seem to recall we still have some unfinished business.”

God, he reeked of alcohol. Hopefully he was drunk enough that she could find a way out of this. She clawed at the hand over her mouth, trying to cry out.

“Uh uh, Red. Be a good girl and shut the fuck up.” He backed her up to the couch and forced her down. She could bite down on his hand, but was afraid of how he might retaliate. A cruel hand tugged at her neckline, ripping at her shirt, and he licked at her neck.

He uncovered her mouth so he could plunge his tongue in. It was too much. She couldn’t let this happen. Hadn’t she already lost enough? She would not sacrifice her dignity as well.

She bit down. Hard. Vaughan roared in pain and she gave him a shove. “Get the fuck off me, you filthy bastard,” she screamed. She wriggled under him, desperate to bring her knees in contact with his nuts.

Despite being drunk, Vaughan managed to keep her pinned down, his weight crushing her. Clearly, he had done this before. The alcohol may have impaired his judgment, but it hadn’t affected his reflexes. He evaded her every squirming attempt at a kick.

He rose up over her, blood dripping down his chin and smiled. “Have your bruises healed yet, bitch? I can give you some new ones.” He lifted one hand, poised to strike, and Kate closed her eyes.

At first she thought she heard the sound of his fist cracking against her skull, only she’d felt nothing. Then she opened her eyes and realized the door had been kicked in.

Liam. For real, not the fantasy who’d obsessed her every waking and sleeping thought.

Liam ran forward and pounced on the loan shark dragging him away. He landed three good punches, his furious words punctuating his movements.

“Fuck. You. Asshole.”

By the time he raised his arm for another punch, Detective Baxter and another officer stormed in. They separated Liam and Vaughan. Detective Baxter aimed a furious look at Liam while the other officer pinned Vaughan to the ground and cuffed him.

“What did I tell you about letting us handle this?”

Liam didn’t answer. He just glared at Vaughan, his fists clenched.

The detectives dragged Vaughan outside, reading him his rights, leaving Liam alone with Kate.

For a time neither said a word. He looked so different. He looked like the man who had taken her to Franky’s, wearing worn jeans and a black T-shirt, full of rugged appeal. Only tonight he looked disheveled, the dark circles under his eyes told her he hadn’t been sleeping. His knuckles were covered in Vaughan’s blood.

“How did you…?”

“I put out the word I wanted information on Vaughan. Wade got a tip tonight. Someone at the Golden Nugget recognized him, drunk as a skunk. Bragging about scoring big with a fancy pearl necklace. He made comments about visiting a certain redhead who’d gotten away from him before.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “I called the cops. I just didn’t tell them I was already on my way over.”

He’d been watching out for her this whole time. God, it sounded as if he had an entire network of casino spies looking out for her.

Liam’s blue eyes were marred by red. “Did he hurt you?”

“Not really. Thanks to you.” She paused, her throat thick and painful. She opened her mouth, wanting to ask how he’d been.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I’m…I’m glad you’re okay.” And without another word, he left her apartment.

When she gave her statement to the police, Liam didn’t stick around. He didn’t call the rest of the night and neither did she. How could she? What could she say?

When her head hit her pillow late that night, her eyes remained wide open, glued to the dark ceiling. She knew the haunted look on Liam’s face would keep her up all night long.

A week later at Percolate, Cynthia walked into the break room, huffing mad. “Jesus. If Fred tells me one more time to smile at those goddamn customers, I will shove a bottle of caramel syrup into his mouth. I don’t care if he is the new manager. I know my goddamn job.”

Kate grinned. “Be patient with the newbies.”

“Says the other newbie.” Cynthia grabbed a copy of the local paper and thumbed through it while Kate had her egg salad sandwich on nutritionally-poor white bread.

To hell with gluten-free. Since seeing Liam, her emotions had been all over the place, and she’d eaten whatever the hell she’d goddamn wanted. If someone offered a Twinkie/bacon sandwich, she’d wolf it down and ask for seconds.

“Wow,” Cynthia said, laying the newspaper on the table. “He really did it.”

“Who did what?”

“You know,” she said, snapping her tattooed fingers, searching for a name. “Hot stuff who owns those casinos. Liam Boyle.”

What? “Doyle. It’s Liam Doyle.”

“That’s it!”

“What’s he done, Cynthia?”

She peered at Kate. “Where’ve you been? It’s been all over the local headlines.”

“What. Has. He. Done?”

“He’s sold all his casinos.” Cynthia made a face. “Fuck me, Kate. You’re in a weird mood. Weirder than usual.”

Kate felt all the blood drain from her face. “What?”

“Hadn’t you heard? He’s been talking to some rich Russian who owns those hot new clubs in New York, Champagne and Liberty. I think he’s Russian. I would totally let that dude fuck me, too.”

As Cynthia prattled on about rumors of Markov being connected to the Russian mob, Kate dropped her sandwich and pushed away from the table.

“Shit. You look like you’ve seen Amy Winehouse’s ghost.”

She stood and whipped off her apron, looking around nervously. “Can you tell Fred I can’t finish my shift? There’s something I have to do.”

“Sure thing, spaz lady. I’ll tell him you have
feminine
problems. That’ll give the kid hives.”

Kate raced out of the back room, unsure of what she was going to do, but knowing she had to do it.

Wade stood at the front entrance of Vice as she ran toward the door.

“Kate. Long time, no…whoa. Are you okay? Where’s the fire?”

“Is he here?”

“Liam? Yeah, he’s in his office.”

“Please. I need to see him.” She gulped for air. Even the run from the taxi bay had winded her. Sometimes the only thing worse than going on a health food diet was going off it again.

“Sure. I’ll take you.”

She didn’t bat an eye at the statues of naked goddesses or the flashing lights from the slots on the way to the elevator. Not even the goddamn ceiling of smoke made her blink. She remained focused, needing to see Liam. She just needed to know…

The door opened into his office, and there he was. Facing away from them, Liam stood at the window, looking out over the Strip. No suit today. Just a rumpled grey T-shirt and faded jeans. His hair seemed a bit longer in back, and from her angle, she spied a bit more beard growth on his jaw.

He still took her breath away, even with his face turned.

Wade called out. “Liam, you have a visitor.” He ushered her inside and stepped back into the elevator. As the door closed, he gave her a wink.

Liam turned. His lips parted with a breath. “Kate.”

Her heart hammered in her chest. In those torturous seconds, she wanted to fly into his arms. Her eyes watered. Before she could collect her thoughts, a huge sob wracked her chest.

Liam raced over. He grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her gently. “Baby, please don’t cry.”

“You sold them. Your casinos.”

“Yes. My pal Alex took them off my hands.”

“Why?”

His lips turned up on one side into a grin that made her belly ache. “I did it for you, Kate. I did it all for you.”

Kate pulled away. “But I didn’t want this! I didn’t want you to throw away your life for me, Liam. These casinos, you built them up from the ground. They’re part of you.” She crumpled to the carpet and buried her face in her hands.

He joined her on the carpet, sitting in front of her, and pried her hands from her wet face. “Kate, the casinos aren’t me. They’re bricks and mortar and poker chips. They’re illusion and dream.”

He tipped up her chin to make her look at him. His husky eyes no longer bore any hint of fatigue. He looked good. Refreshed. Sexy as hell.

“Look, I sold the casinos for a couple of reasons. I didn’t want you to worry, but I’ve been having some chest pains for a while.”

She stared at his chest, wishing she could see right through it to his heart, to see if it was pumping properly.

“My doctor says I’m okay, but too stressed. He’s been trying to get me to slow down for a while now, so I am. I let these casinos take over my life. Hell, I have a condo I never see. I’m always here.” He stroked her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. “My dad died of heart problems at a young age. I refuse to go down the same road.”

Okay, she could accept that reason.

“Secondly,” he continued, his deep voice making her feel better already. “Like I told you, I always felt bad about taking Shauna’s money to start my business. Well, I’ve decided I need to forgive her. That’s never been easy for me. So in order to finally let her go, I needed to put her money to better use. I’m very comfortable after the sale of the hotels, so I took the amount Shauna gave me and I donated it to New Horizons.”

“That was you? Rod told me about the donation, but I never dreamed... Liam, that was a lot of money.”

“It’s only the beginning. I want to support your group, Kate. It’s time I gave back. You were right. I ignored the problems under my own nose for too long. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against casinos, but I want to help the people whose lives have been impacted by them.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Liam drew closer and pulled her onto his lap. “Then let me say a few more things.” He slid his arms around her waist and she wrapped her legs around his hips. “Kate, you told me I needed to hit rock bottom with Michelle. You were right, but that wasn’t my true rock bottom. Rock bottom was when I watched you walk away.”