Very Bad Things (21 page)

I shook my head. “Don’t talk about him.”

He nodded.

“Do you hate me?” I asked tentatively, not meeting his eyes.
“After all you heard?”

“Never in a million years, Nora,” he said softly.

I exhaled in relief. “I want you to forget about this. Don’t
think of me as a victim because I’m not now. I’ve finally confronted Mother,
and I have hope that someday I’ll be better,” I said.

He nodded. “How old was he when it happened?”

“Eighteen.”

“Have you considered reporting it to the police for real?
I’m not sure what the statute of limitations is in Texas for rape, but Leo knows
some cops who signed up for gym memberships. He could ask around.”

“Please, please, don’t tell Leo,” I begged in a rush. “I
don’t want him to know I’m ruined. If he ever found out . . .”

“You are not ruined,” Sebastian said, interrupting me
gently.

“I’m ashamed. Maybe I caused it all.”

“God, Nora, no. You were a kid, and Finn deserves to rot in
prison.”

“You can’t tell Leo,” I pleaded.

He sighed. “Okay, I won’t, because you should. When you’re
ready.”

“I’ll never be ready because he doesn’t care to know,
Sebastian. He doesn’t want me.”

I sat back down at the table, and he sat next to me.

“Will you go to the police?” he asked, not letting it go.

“I know you just want to help me, but I can’t do that.”

“You can make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else,” he
said gently.

My stomach rolled at the thought. “Don’t think I haven’t
worried about that. I just can’t face telling other people and showing them the
pictures. Not yet.”

“Alright, I get that,” he said. “And about Leo: whatever you
said to him Saturday night, it messed him up.”

I shrugged. “So what. I don’t care.”

Sebastian kept talking, “He’s been a bear to everybody for
the past few days, bitching at the contractors, calling the decorators and
complaining about the color of the walls. Crying about the new equipment. He’s
been drinking at night.” He searched my eyes. “He stares out the front window
all the time. I think he’s looking for you.”

I shrugged. “That ship has sailed, and he named Tiffani the
captain.”

“I
lie awake and dream of her;

I close
my eyes and dream of her.”

–Leo
Tate

FIVE DAYS AFTER she’d seen me with
Tiffani, I woke up needing to see her. Just see her face. Once, that’s all, and
I’d be okay and could get through the rest of the week. But it wasn’t a good
idea, so I shoved the feeling away.

Why did I feel like I had to see her?

When I went for a jog later, I wondered what I wanted in my
life. I’d thought it was work and Sebastian, but now I felt confused and lost.
Why couldn’t I stop myself from thinking about Nora? From wondering what she
was doing and who she was seeing?

Later that day, even though I swore I wasn’t going to, I
found myself parked outside a fucking high school, leaning against my newly
painted Escalade, waiting for a girl. Yeah, that scenario hadn’t happened in
over eight years.

And, just after noon, just like Sebastian had said, she came
out through the stone arches of the main building. My hands got sweaty. She
looked like a ray of sunshine with her boots, yellow skinny jeans and white
shirt. She stared at the ground as she walked, like she was deep in thought,
and I waited for the moment when she saw me.

She finally looked up and glanced around, and I walked
closer, needing her attention. When our eyes met, lust roared through me like a
hurricane. All it took was one flash of her green eyes, and I pictured us in my
car, her straddling me and grinding, her eyes looking at me like she had that
night at the movies, like she needed me.

She halted, and I saw indecision on her face and then
sorrow. But, in just a few seconds the vulnerable look was gone and a tougher
Nora eyed me.
This
was the girl I’d created when I let Tiffani in my
bed.

A well-dressed tall guy came running out the school doors.
“Nora!” he called out, jogging over to her side. He smiled crookedly and handed
her a textbook. “You left that in class,” he said, standing too close to her.

I watched her eyes move from me to him; I saw her body pivot
toward his. I felt my heart crash and burn.

Lanky guy flicked his eyes at me. “You okay out here? Need
me to walk you to your car?”

“No, I’m fine.” She shrugged. “He’s Sebastian’s brother.”

He nodded and lowered his voice. “Hey,” he said hesitantly.
“Can I call you later? I . . . I have a question for you.”

“Having trouble in Cal already?” she said with a smile,
arching her brows. Even though I had no right to her, her smile for him pissed
me off. She should only tease with me. Which was fucking ridiculous.

He blushed. “No, something else.”

She hesitated, cutting her eyes at me. Hell yeah, I was
listening. I was angry and maybe even
hurt
at the way she seemed to
gravitate toward this guy.

“Uh, okay. You still got my number?” she asked him.

He smirked cockily. “Had it for years, sweetheart. I’ve got
it memorized.” He patted where his heart was.

Now, she blushed.
Was she fucking him?

“Alright then, call me later,” she said, waving at him as he
jogged backwards to the school, smiling at her the entire time.

She turned back around and started walking toward her car,
avoiding my eyes.

“Who was that?” I asked, not caring about the tightness in
my voice.

She kept walking.

I swallowed. “Nora, I’m talking to you.”

She stopped and glared at me. “Seriously? Fuck you, Leo. Who
I talk to is none of your business.”

I looked away, deserving every bit of that. “I got my car
back this morning,” I said, patting the hood.

She sighed, her eyes running over the Escalade. “I’m sorry
for all the trouble it must have caused you.” Then she nodded, like she was
done talking and walked over to her driver’s side door.

“Wait, don’t go. I’ve got something for you,” I said,
running back to my vehicle, opening the door, and grabbing what I’d brought for
her off the seat. I felt compelled to give it to her.

“Why?” she snapped once I’d turned back to face her.

I huffed. “I don’t know, okay. I just wanted to see you for
a minute and give you this,” I said, gesturing at the book in my hand.

I walked toward her. “Sebastian said you’re staying with
your aunt. Do you need anything? You know we have an extra room if you want to
stay with us.”

I meant those words. I wanted to protect her. Sebastian
hadn’t said why she’d left home, but I sensed it had something to do with why
she’d made that list.

“I’m fine. I don’t think I’ll need your extra bedroom
again,” she said curtly, still poised to get in her car.

I stood next to her and stuck the book out. She stared at it
but didn’t take it.

She looked back up at me. “What’s that?”

“It’s a fucking book, Nora. For you,” I said, hating the
gulf between us. “Please. Take it. I thought about you when I saw it.” That was
a lie. I’d searched for three hours for the damn thing, so she could have it.

She took it. “A guide to Paris?” she asked, staring at the
Eiffel Tower on the cover. She read the title, “
The Most Beautiful Walk in
the World: A Pedestrian in Paris.
” She got quiet, and I watched her face,
seeing it soften a little.

“Is this for me?” she asked with a quiver in her voice. She
coughed to cover it up.

“Um, yeah. I remembered Paris was your happy story, and I
came across this in some of my mom’s things. Just thought of you, that’s all.
You don’t have to read it or anything. It’s just an old book.” I shrugged.

She opened the cover and gasped. “Leo, your dad gave this to
your mom. Look, he even wrote her a love note,” she said, showing me Dad’s
sprawling handwriting inside the cover. “Are you sure you want to give it to
me?”

“Yes,” I said, swallowing. Most definitely.

“Thank you,” she whispered, giving me an unsure look, like
she didn’t understand me. Yeah, well, I didn’t understand me either.

I watched her flip through the pages, her face relaxed with
pleasure as she peered at the pictures. It felt good, seeing her smile again.

She tucked the book in her backpack and unlocked her car
door, ready to leave me. She liked my gift, but she couldn’t wait to get away
from me. I didn’t blame her.

I had to make her listen to me. “Nora, wait. I want you to
know that I think about you . . . all the time. I tell you shit I’ve never told
anyone. About my parents. You’re not like any girl I’ve ever met. You make me
laugh, you’re smart, you’re beautiful . . .” I stopped, my voice drifting off.
Fuck.
This was all coming out wrong. I never meant to say
any
of that.

I reigned myself back in. “I want you around. I need you as
my friend.”

“But that’s it, right?”

I nodded, reaching out to touch her hand, dying for just
some small contact. The last time we’d touched had been our kiss and that had
been days ago.

She moved her hand away from me. “I got your message loud
and clear this weekend,
friend
. There’s no need to remind me.”

I groaned.
What could I say?
I couldn’t admit my
feelings. If I came clean about everything, it would be disastrous for us. I’d
fuck her, get scared, and then leave her. Or she’d leave me.

It would be best to let it go, to let her go.

“It’s
hard to give up something when it’s everything you want.”

–Nora
Blakely

THE NEXT DAY, I walked over to the
gym for our first band practice. Everyone was there but Leo, and I wondered if
he would show.

As we got ready, Teddy pulled out his camera and snapped
pictures of us setting up the equipment. It made him happy. When he heard I’d
bought the music to “Girl on Fire,” he turned his camera off and insisted on me
playing it. I laid out the music, and we sat down together at the piano.
Sebastian gave Vixen the drum music, grabbed his guitar and turned on the sound
system.

“Are your ears on?” I asked Teddy.

He cocked his head awkwardly and spoke in his high voice,
“Yes, my ears are on the side of my head.”

I grinned even though he wasn’t looking. “That was a joke.
What I meant to say was . . . are you ready to listen to the song?”

He stared at my forehead. “Jokes are hard to get.”

“Yeah?”

“My sister says I annoy people. There was a girl at church I
liked, but she told me I never shut up about music and pictures.”

“You don’t annoy me. You’re just different, Teddy, but I’m
different, too.”

He thought for a moment. “How are you different?”

“I have a high IQ. I fixate on words. I count things.
Lately, I’ve been breaking things. I get obsessed with things like piano,
sewing, or people watching.” I leaned in conspiratorially. “Don’t say anything,
because it makes people uncomfortable, but in my head, I assign everyone an
animal.” I tapped my temple. “I got a whole menagerie of people-animals running
around up here.”

“Oh.”

“Hey, I got a problem.” I laughed.

“What animal am I?” he asked.

“An elephant,” I replied immediately since I’d lain awake
for the past few nights thinking about it, “because you’re strong. And like me,
you’re what I call quietly watchful which means you study people, but they
don’t see it. They focus on the elephant’s large frame, or in your case, they
see your autism.”

Teddy blinked. “You’re good.”

I grinned.

“Vixen?” he asked.

“A female fox, of course.”

“Sebastian?”

I chewed on my lip. “Still working on that one.”

“Leo?”

“Most days he’s a tiger, but sometimes he’s a stubborn rat.”

Teddy nodded, like he could totally see it.

I added seriously, “You know, sometimes I feel sad.”

“My sister makes me a grilled cheese when I’m sad. I like
that. What do you do?” he asked.

“Well, I try to be brave.”

“How?” he said, his eyes studying the piano keys.

“By facing my fears. By admitting that something bad
happened to me. I think that’s bravery.”

Our attention was abruptly taken by Leo as he stalked into
the room and picked up his guitar. “Sorry, I’m late. Interviews went longer
than I thought,” he told us.

Sebastian looked up from his sheet music. “Who’d you hire?”

“An office manager and two more personal trainers.”

Sebastian flicked his eyes at me. “Nora needs a job after
school.”

My mouth opened at Sebastian’s words. I knew he meant well,
but I couldn’t work here and be around Leo all the time. I glared at him with
my eyes, telling him telepathically,
When we are alone, I will kill you
slowly by beating your guitar over your head.

Sebastian’s eyes said,
Oh yeah? Bring it.

Leo flashed his eyes at me. “I asked you if you needed
anything, and you said no. Why didn’t you tell
me
you needed money,
Nora?” Leo said, his hands gripping his guitar. Like he was angry.

“I’m working at the bakery,” I said, giving Sebastian one
more dark look.

Sebastian shrugged. “Her parents aren’t helping her.”

“Hello, right here,” I muttered.

Sebastian ignored me. “She could work the afternoon shift,
and then use the gym to take a shower ’cause she doesn’t have a real bathroom
at Portia’s. And, dude, the room where she sleeps is tiny,” he finished with a
dramatic shake of his head.

I gasped aloud at his blatant lie. Yeah, it was a small
room, but he hadn’t been up there.

“Sebastian—” I started.

“You know you need the money, Nora,” Sebastian said.

I paused, knowing he was right. Who knew what expenses I’d
have this year. What if my car broke down? What if something happened to Aunt
Portia? I had to be more responsible and focus on providing for myself. Plus, I
still hadn’t heard back from my dad about my winnings.

I nodded uncertainly, not sure what I was agreeing to.

“Done,” Leo said. “You can start whenever you’re ready since
we’re already getting membership requests and phone calls. It’d be great if you
could man the front desk.”

He seemed to freeze as he waited for my reply, and I
wondered if he was anxious about me working here. Did he think it was a bad
idea?

It would be hard to be around Leo. How would I react the
next time I saw him with Tiffani?

“Great, I’ll do it,” I said quickly before I thought too
long and changed my mind.

Leo smiled. “If that’s settled, then let’s practice.”

He nodded at me and strummed the first chords of “Girl on
Fire,” and I joined in with the piano, immediately becoming immersed in the
sound as Vixen tapped in with a gentle drum beat. It was a slow song, almost
liquid like, with its smooth music and Sebastian’s gentle vocals. As he sang
about how the girl burns like fire and takes on the world and triumphs, I
wanted to be that girl. I
would
be that girl. When Sebastian got to the
chorus, Leo’s deep voice sang back up, and after a moment, even though my voice
was awful, I did too. You know those people that think they can sing, but
really can’t? Well, that’s not me. I
knew
I couldn’t sing worth crap,
but I played on and sang anyway.

After we’d played it a few more times, the others went to
get drinks. Teddy and I stayed behind and ran through the keys a bit more.
Fifteen minutes later, he had the notes down. When he played it back for me, it
wasn’t perfect or exactly from the music sheet, but it sounded incredible.
Whatever little discrepancies there were, he made up for it by adding his own
style to it.

“Teddy, you’re one amazing dude, you know that?”

He stared at the wall. “So are you. You’re amazing, but not
a dude.”

I laughed out loud. “Was that a joke?”

He smiled shyly. “Yeah, how was it?”

“Awesome.”