Veil of Scars (5 page)

I wasn't left alone long before Sam reached out for me, tugging me up behind Charlie. My bare cock rubbed against her ass, and she hungrily bucked back into me. It felt like nothing I had ever experienced, silky soft and really … good. My length grew under her attention, and a tight knot formed in my gut. I touched my lips to the nape of her neck like I’d seen Sam do so many times. Every time he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her much smaller body, he would dip his head and kiss her neck. I wanted him to do it to me. The interaction between the two of them was so familiar, and she always shivered because her neck was sensitive.

This time, she shivered in response to me, and I was elated. The way she responded to my touch spurred me on, giving me the confidence to drape my arm over her waist and reach out for Sam. He took my hand and guided it to his length, catching me off guard. My fingers closed around his smooth skin, and I stroked. He met my eyes and moaned, long and with abandon, showing me how much he liked my touch. The sound encouraged me even more.

A thick calloused hand closed around my shaft, and my mind checked out as ecstasy took over. He tugged me closer by my sensitive length, and I whimpered, keeping up the rolling of my palm over him.

I would never be the same. I would never look at him the same, and I wasn't going to be able to stand not being with him. As that knowledge built me up, it also shattered me into a million pieces that I had no hope of putting back together.

Could I do this? My eyes flashed up, searching for his. I didn't think I could.

Chapter Seven

As if he knew by the look on my face, Sam leaned over Char to brush his lips over mine.

He tasted like cinnamon toothpaste, and he murmured, "I got you. We both do." He was a heaven I'd never tasted, and he dragged me out of hell, out of my head, turning off my brain if only for a little while.

I nodded and breathed a little easier. The panic started to recede as he parted my mouth with his. My lips burned from his stubble as his tongue played and batted over mine. I moaned throatily when he pulled back with that smirk he liked to wear.

Charlie moved around, kissing and sucking on Sam's neck, causing my tip to brush against her smooth lips.

"God damn," I said before I could swallow the words.

Charlie reached around herself to hold me around the small of my back. "That's it," she coaxed as she pushed back onto me.

Sam guided me until the head of my arousal pushed inside her. Warmth enveloped me. Her tight core squeezed my cock, causing my head to fall back to the pillow. I bucked forward, all instinct, slipping deeper inside. My body shook as pleasure washed over me. When I opened my eyes, I found Sam still leaning over her, a half smile on his handsome face, and he closed the distance between us to kiss me again. Charlie's nails gripped my ass, guiding me forward until I was fully sheathed in her tightness. She clenched, and I nearly lost it. Bliss engulfed me, and I imagined being with Sam, inside him, only I realized it wasn't right. I would rather him be inside me.

We writhed together, all taking and giving pleasure to one another. Sam's hands were on her, one between her thighs, and every movement over her clit made his fingers brush over my dick. I knew it was on purpose. Tendrils of pleasure licked over me with every touch. Soon Charlie was breathing hard and bucking vigorously back onto me as tight spasms gripped my cock. I couldn't hold out any longer, thrusting one more time before exploding into release.

After she came down from her post-orgasm high, she crawled down Sam's body to finish him with her mouth. He scooted closer to me, as I half rolled to face him. It was just us again. We kissed and explored one another's bodies. Every touch was so intimate. I felt like no one else in the world mattered, and I never wanted to stop touching him.

I drank down every moan from his lips, knowing she was causing them, but I had him here, which I preferred. We kissed until his body rocked with his own release.

Charlie passed out soon after we finished, and Sam pulled me into his arms, intertwining our bodies.

"Was that okay?" He placed his mouth right to my ear, speaking low as to not wake him.

I nodded, so sated that I didn't want to move. He pushed a leg between mine, pulling me under the bend of my knee, over his hips, until all the space between us vanished. My body reacted to his, even if my mind was too foggy and close to sleep for another round. If I had thought cuddling him clothed was the best life could get, this was more. It was intimate, in a nonsexual way even though we were bare. Skin to skin, I felt as though nothing could hurt me.

I nuzzled into his neck, and it felt so natural.

"So you're not up for another round of just us?"

My heart stopped in my chest, and my cock betrayed me by letting him know I was ready, hardening in to his thigh.

"But Charlie’s sleeping right there. What if she—” I hid my face in the curve of my shoulder. I was making excuses. I didn't want to hurt her, but I wanted it so bad.

"Then when she's gone next?"

I wanted to say yes, every fiber wanted to tell him I wanted to feel him moving inside me, the joining I now knew only that act could bring, but it just wasn’t right. "We can't. She's your girlfriend and my best friend."

"I know." He wrapped his hand around me anyway, and my eyes fell half closed. "Then let me feel you come. She knew about this time, and it won't wake her."

He took me in hand before I could object and stroked. My quickly growing arousal was still slick from her. I whimpered out a moan, unable to tell him to stop even if I’d wanted to. It started off slow but didn't stay that way. Unlike with Char, he picked up speed and was more aggressive with his touch. I started to thrust into his hand, fucking it needfully as my orgasm built deep in my gut. My body stiffened as I got close.

"God yes," he moaned nipping and sucking at my lips till they were swollen and sore. "Give me what I want." His tone was demanding and unapologetic.

"Sam..." was all I could manage.

The movement of his hand slowed, and he squeezed the base of my shaft. My toes curled, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. I pleaded with him to go faster, anything, I was so close. He gave into my begging, and as soon as his palm picked up speed, my back arched, my hips lifting off the bed as I shot my load all over my abs and his hand.

My eyes hazily fixed on his to gage his reaction as he milked me for every last drop, helping me ride the waves of pleasure. When I was finished, I collapsed back into the mattress, sweaty and spent. Sam brought his fingers up to his lips and licked off my seed.

It was strangely arousing.

"What's it taste like?" I said hoarsely.

"Like you." He smeared some over my lips then bent forward to kiss over it.

The taste was salty but not bad, and my essence was infused with his tongue. He seemed to never tire of touching me. We kissed and touched until sleep took us.

****

The next morning, I woke up sticky and covered in fluid with Sam wrapped around me while his girlfriend lay sprawled out on the other side of the bed. It was like a hot knife to the chest. I slipped out of bed to let them sleep while I showered.

I avoided the apartment for the rest of the day, and by the time I got home they had both gone out. I’d forgotten my phone when I darted out the door in a hurry that morning, and I found I had eleven missed calls and a string of text messages. More than half were from Sam, the others from Charlie. I closed and locked my door, flopping down on my bed. In fucking them, I had fucked myself. I was going to have to avoid them for the rest of the semester. How could I look Charlie in the face again?

I had to figure out what was wrong with me. I opened my laptop to Google and started typing in random words, hoping something would catch a piece of information, a diagnosis for why I wasn't normal. I knew I had a lot of issues to work though with the abuse, but this was something else. I felt like I was born without an essential human feeling. It was void space in my brain. I pulled at my hair, finding absolutely nothing.

I wanted love and to be loved. I knew that much after the last few weeks. I just didn't feel attraction to people. I wasn't driven by sex. The world closed in around me, and I felt utterly alone. I didn't think I was asexual. I didn't find Sam attractive per se, but I felt something for him. God, what I would have done to get out of my head.

Something caught my eye, and I followed a link to a Tumblr page.

Graysexual and Demisexual stood out in bold letters on the page. I kept reading, and things started to click into place. For the first time I felt like I wasn't alone. I felt like there was someone else out there like me.

Demisexual meant to only have an attraction to someone there was a deep mental connection with.

I stared at my screen. I wanted to kiss the person who posted this. There I was, in a nutshell. Maybe I wasn't normal, but I didn't care about that. There wasn't something wrong with me. There were others like me.

My elation was short lived as I realized what all this meant. I wanted to be with Sam. I was possibly in love with both of my best friends, and that was just not how things worked. It wasn't a happily ever after with three people. It was them and me as a toy on the side.

Shit.

****

The rest of the week, I left before they woke and didn't return until I knew they had class or that they’d gone to bed. The times I accidentally walked in on one of them, I would keep my head down and shuffle to my room as quickly as possible, with headphones blaring.

Saturday morning came, and I was glad it was the weekend. Charlie had gone home to visit her parents, and I only had Sam to avoid. I got up at six, knowing he'd been out drinking the night before and would be passed out most of the morning. I wrapped a towel around my waist, slipping out of my room into the darkness of the apartment. I tiptoed towards the bathroom, glancing around. Sam's door was closed, and I breathed easier. My hand closed on the bathroom door, and I twisted the knob soundlessly.

"I'm not going anywhere until we talk." Sam's voice startled me. "I will come in there with you."

"Shit," I jumped and spun around. "You fucking scared me."

“You don’t think the shit you've been pulling all week hasn't been scaring Charlie and I?” He had his arms crossed over his chest, and his hair was standing up from sleep.

I dropped my gaze to the floor. "Sorry."

"What the fuck? You scared the fuck outta me and all you have to say is sorry?" His eyes flashed with anger like I had seen so many times at home.

I looked back up at him, wrapping my arms around my stomach. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say that one night hasn't made me lose my best friend. I want you to tell me that you're not going to disappear out of our lives. I fucking need you, too." His voice grew louder with each word he uttered.

"How do you expect me to do that, Sam? How do you expect me to look Charlie in the eyes when I'm in love with you? That night only sealed it for me. It made me see how much I want to be with you and that it's never going to happen." My voice hitched. "But worse than that, I feel like a horrible, shitty friend because I love her, too. Lower than low.” I clenched my hands into fists. “Charlie has always stood up for me. She’s been amazing for the last four years, and I’m a terrible fucking person." Tears welled up in my eyes.

"Shit, Steve..." He reached out for me, but I shrugged him off and stalked back towards my room. He grabbed me hard, his fingers digging into my arm. I flashed back to late nights and a place far away, another’s hands on me, and I froze. I curled into myself as the pain from his fingers moved through my body. Screaming, broken glass, and the smell of cheap beer spun around me.

"Don't. Please, don’t." I whimpered, pulling further into myself to get away from the touch.

His hand snapped back, and I sprinted for my bedroom, clutching the towel that was starting to loosen at my hips. I tried to slam the door, but Sam caught it, forcing it open.

I had regained myself enough to know it was him and not my father. "Just go." I kept my back turned and hung my head, letting my long hair fall over my face like a shield.

His fingers brushed down my spine. "I won’t go until we talk. You owe me that much."

My grip tightened around the towel until my knuckles were white. "Talk then."

"I love you, too." He wrapped a strong arm around my chest, and I sagged back into him.

My heart swelled, and my stomach dropped at the same time. “That's the best thing I’ve ever heard you say, but now I fucking feel worse."

He kissed the back of my neck, and I melted. It was so fucking wrong. His girlfriend trusted him, us, and here I was turning into mush in his hands while she was away. I couldn't feel any more worthless. I wanted to write “back-stabber” on my chest and burn myself at the stake in the yard.

"I can't, Sam. I cannot do this to her." It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to say.

"I talked to Charlie."

I was hit with overwhelming sadness. I bit down on my lip. "Fuck, don't break up with her. You two are the real thing. I even saw it when we were all together. You may love me, but you worship her." I shook my head, fighting his hold on me. I hated myself, and it just kept getting worse. I should have never said anything.

"I do worship her, but I also love you. I tell her everything. I explained it all to her..."

"Fuck, she must hate me," I cut him off. Hot tears ran down my face, and I struggled for a deep breath. No wonder she'd gone home for the weekend.

"Stop." His voice was harsh. He spun me around and gripped my shoulders tightly, pressing his finger tips into my muscle. "Will you fucking listen to me?"

I silenced the thoughts in my head. "Okay." I forced myself to look him in the eyes.

"Charlie loves you as much as I do."

I stared at him opened mouthed. “I know she loves me but not like that.” Anymore. I knew she’d had a crush on me first, but it had turned into a friend sort of love.

“You’re wrong. We had a long talk. She understands it. You are everything to us, and the sex just made us both realize it. She was scared to tell me how she felt, and she was so relieved when I told her I loved you, too."

“Wait, what?" I was struggling to make sense of his words.

"We both love you. We both want you with us."

"What do you mean?" I searched his expression for some clue as to what the hell he could be going on about.

"I know you may not feel for Charlie what you feel for me, but that's okay. We talked about that, too."

"Of course I love her, but…”