Valor on the Move (29 page)

“It was only supposed to be me who died,” Alan insisted, fresh tears staining his face. “It was supposed to be me.”

The nurse marched in. “That’s enough. Sir, you’re leaving.
Now
. Do I need to call security?”

Shane could only shake his head.

Alan reached out. “Please.”

Despite it all, Shane found himself taking Alan’s grasping hand.

“I’ll tell them everything.” He looked to the nurse anxiously. “It was me. It wasn’t Shane. He had no idea.”

Frowning, she pressed a button on the IV. “All right. Time to rest.”

“Tell Valor I’m sorry.” Alan’s eyes were already glassy as the morphine spread through his system, but he clutched Shane’s hand with surprising strength. “And be careful when you’re with him. Or everyone will see.”

Shane lowered Alan’s hand to the mattress, and his eyes drifted to the framed picture. It had been Christmas, with the glowing tree behind them and wrapping paper strewn at their feet. Jules and her bright smile, tucked under Alan’s arm, and a Santa hat on his head. The kids stood in front of them, Jessica in footie pajamas, proudly showing off the gap between her teeth, and little Dylan clapping, his cheeks red from the excitement.

“I’m sorry, but you really have to leave now.” The nurse motioned to the door.

Alan was sleeping already, his chest rising and falling steadily, lips parted. Part of Shane wanted to dig in his heels and wait until Alan woke, because there should have been so much more to say—more hurt and fury to vent. But Shane found he’d said enough after all.

He shuffled down the hallway to where Nguyen and Harris waited. As he neared and opened his mouth, Nguyen spoke first.

“We got it all, Kendrick.” She nodded grimly. “Good work.”

Harris clapped a hand on his shoulder, his face drawn and sorrowful. “It’s a hell of a thing, Shane.”

Shane stood there blinking, utterly drained. He wasn’t sure where they’d hidden the camera, but he should have known. Of course they’d suspected. At least it was done.

Harris squeezed his shoulder. “Go home and get some rest.”

“Are you going to tell Valor before he finds out in the news?”

“Of course,” Harris answered. “And he’s extremely eager to see you again—wants to thank you. Maybe later tomorrow, okay? He’s been like a dog with a bone, telling everyone that you saved him and had nothing to do with the kidnapping.” He chuckled. “Never seen the mouse so forceful. But he sure wants to see you. Nice to have a grateful protectee, huh?”

Not trusting his voice, Shane nodded. As he took the elevator down to meet a waiting G-ride, he leaned back against the wall. Despite it all, he couldn’t stop the glimmer of a smile.
 

Walking back into Castle, Shane felt like it had been weeks instead of what—four days since he and Alan had raced out after Rafa? When he’d woken in the morning, for a moment he hadn’t remembered. Then the sick sensation—dread and grief—had settled in again as what Alan had done returned to him.

Now he walked the same path he’d taken that first day with his friend at his side, past the West Wing, and through the Palm Room into the main residence. He wasn’t on duty, so he wore his suit without his badge, handcuffs, or replacement pistol. Other agents nodded sympathetically, and staff whispered and stared. Harris and Nguyen stood outside the Secret Service office in the residence basement.

Nguyen asked, “How are you doing, Kendrick?”

“Okay, I guess. Still hard to believe any of this is real.”

She nodded. “I hear you. At least Pearce is cooperating. They’ve put him on suicide watch, and the charges will be filed later this week. He’s telling us what he knows about the Chechens. Seems it was a small splinter group that approached him. The FBI is taking over that part of the investigation.” She sighed. “I suppose a dying kid makes for a desperate father. He told us he had a two-week window for the kidnapping. If the pop-up hadn’t happened, there would have been an ambush next week.”

“What will happen to his wife and son?” Shane asked. “The medical bills?”

Her expression regretful, Nguyen shook her head. “I don’t know. Pearce’s employment is obviously terminated, effective immediately. He’s left his family in a bad situation, to say the least.”

Shane had tried calling Jules, but there had been no answer at the house. He’d called a few times and finally left a message simply saying he was sorry and that he wanted to help. She and Dylan didn’t deserve to suffer because of Alan’s desperate choices, but they undoubtedly would, and it didn’t feel like there was anything Shane could do about it.

Harris sighed. “I still can’t wrap my head around it. What the hell he could have been thinking.”

“He wasn’t,” Shane said. “I think he went down a tunnel of grief and rage and smacked right into hopelessness. And he couldn’t see his way out. Couldn’t see right from wrong in that dark place.” He quickly added, “Not that it’s an excuse.”

“No,” Nguyen agreed. “There is no excuse. We’re just glad that shot missed and you were able to recover Valor. Speaking of whom…”

Shane turned to find Rafa approaching down the corridor with his parents and agents in tow. Shane’s belly actually somersaulted like he was a kid picking up his date, all nervous excitement and eager affection.

Act normal. Be normal.

Rafa wore his standard type of preppy outfit, and had combed back his hair as usual. His gaze was on the polished floor, and when he reached Shane and looked up, smiling, his nose wrinkled. Shane nodded, keeping his expression placid.

The president stepped forward with his hand extended. “Mr. Kendrick. I wanted to personally thank you for saving my son’s life.”

Shane shook his hand. “I was only doing my job.”

Castillo chuckled. “Well, Rafael was very intent on making sure we all knew you had nothing to do with that unfortunate business.”

The first lady shook his hand as well. “Yes, Rafa has been extremely insistent that you went above and beyond to ensure his safety. So thank you. You have our eternal gratitude.”

Shane kept his gaze away from Rafa. “You’re welcome. Like I said, I was only doing my job.”

An aide appeared. “Mr. President, the meeting is beginning shortly.”

“Well, duty calls.” Castillo shook Shane’s hand again and gave Rafa’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll see you tonight.”

As the president left for the West Wing with his detail in tow, Rafa spoke up, his voice studiedly casual. “I’ve got to go check the sauce. Shane, want to come up with me? I just wanted to say a couple things. I know you were doing your job, but it still means a lot to me.”

“Sure,” Shane said, his pulse zooming.

“Yes, Rafa’s cooking for us.” Camila smiled tightly. “Thank you again, Mr. Kendrick.” To Rafa she added, “Darling, I’ll see you in a couple hours for dinner. I look forward to it.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Rafa nodded to Harris, Nguyen, and his detail. “See you guys later.” He turned for the stairs, and Shane followed a few steps behind.

As they passed the second floor on the way to the third, Shane looked at his feet and not Rafa’s ass in front of him. They were in the private part of the residence now, but household staff could still be around.

Stay professional. Steady.

They passed the Linen Room and went down the little corridor to the kitchen. Rafa motioned Shane ahead of him, not meeting his gaze. As Shane stepped inside, he heard the
click
of the door closing. When he turned, Rafa was standing close, his lips parted, and chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Shane…”

Their arms snaked around each other like they were meant to, fitting so naturally together. Rafa bent his head, pressing his face against Shane’s neck, and the wet sensation of his breath was warm and sweet and
good
. Shane hugged him closely and never wanted to let go. He knew he would—that he had to—but for a minute, he let himself hold on.

“I was afraid I wouldn’t see you again,” Rafa mumbled. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.”

Lifting his head, Rafa edged back, his hopeful eyes bright. “Really?”

Shane smiled, running his fingers up and down Rafa’s spine. “Really.”

Rafa kissed him, sweet and gentle at first, and then deeper. Shane drank him in, memorizing every sigh and gasp, and the raspy slide of Rafa’s tongue against his. He tasted like tomatoes and oregano, and the air was thick with it.

Shane wanted to stay, but he had to be strong. He gently broke the kiss. “You’re cooking dinner for your parents?”

Rafa beamed. “Chris, Hadley, and Adriana too. I’m nervous. I’m just doing spaghetti, but I want it to be good.”

“Smells great.” Shane couldn’t resist licking into Rafa’s mouth again. “Tastes great.”

Laughing, Rafa murmured, “Wish you could stay for dinner.”

“But we both know I can’t.” Exhaling, Shane stepped back, resting his hands on Rafa’s shoulders, unwilling to break contact just yet.

Rafa’s smile faded. “I know.” His worried gaze searched Shane’s face as he squeezed his waist. “Are you okay? They told me about Alan. I can’t believe it. I never thought even for a second…”

“I didn’t either. I should have. I’ve known him for years. I should have realized something was off.”

“No! Don’t you dare blame yourself. You’re not a mind reader, Shane. It wasn’t your fault.”

He cupped Rafa’s cheek. “You know if I’d suspected anything, I would have stopped him. I’d never have let them take you. Never let you get hurt.”

“I know.” Rafa rubbed his smooth cheek against Shane’s palm, his hands warm on Shane’s back as he inched closer. “I told them it wasn’t you. I was dying not being able to see you. Can we text? Or I could call you from Ash’s phone if you give me your number. That way it won’t be so bad waiting to see you again.”

“Raf…we can’t do that. You know I can’t.” Shane dropped his hands and stepped back, keeping Rafa at bay with a hand on his chest. “It’s not possible.”

“We’ll find a way!” Rafa glanced at the closed door and lowered his voice. “Shane, I can’t…I need to see you. Need to be with you.”

Shane dropped his hand, because the longer he touched him, the harder this was. “You’re young, and—”

“Don’t! Don’t use that bullshit excuse.” His eyes flashed. “I may be younger than you, but I know what I want. I know what I feel. Don’t dismiss me like I’m a dumb kid.”

“You’re right. But you’ll feel it again, Rafa. Right now it’s new and exciting, and forbidden. But that will fade. You’re just starting out. You’re going to Australia, right?” A selfish part of him wanted Rafa to say no, even though it wouldn’t change anything. He could never stay in the service and date a former protectee.

So quit the damn job.

Shane gave his head a mental shake, shocked at the thought. He’d worked almost seventeen years in the service. He’d get his pension after twenty-five. This was his career. His
life.

Wasn’t it?

“But even if I go to Australia, we could still… There’s Skype and phones, and all that stuff.”

“Rafa, you have the whole world to explore. There are so many experiences waiting. Even if we could, you don’t want to be tied down to an old man.”

Rafa’s nostrils flared. “You’re not old. So, you think I should go fuck a bunch of other guys? That I won’t want you anymore? That this is just…what? A crush?”

Shane forced the lie out. “Yes.”

“You’re wrong. You’re so wrong.”

“Even if we were just two people who were free to be together, I’m too old for you. We both know it.”

Rafa shook his head. “Bullshit. I don’t accept that.”

He’d never heard Rafa so forceful, and it sent fire through Shane’s blood. God, he wanted to throw him against the door and rut together. But Shane forced himself to say what needed to be said. “I can’t see you again. It doesn’t matter how much I want to. I was wrong to cross the line. You know that.”

“But…” Rafa’s shoulders sagged.

“I’m putting in for a transfer,” Shane said quietly.

“You’re leaving?” Rafa’s eyes shone.

“It’s for the best. It would only make it harder if I stayed in DC.”

“In January I’ll be out of here. No one will be watching me anymore.”

“If they ever found out what happened while you were my protectee…”

Rafa jammed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. I know. I just wish…” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “But I guess if wishes were horses we’d all have a horse, or whatever.”

Shane smiled softly. “Yeah, something like that.”

Rafa breathed in and out for a few moments. His voice was barely a whisper. “Where will you go?”

“I’m thinking the Santa Ana field office. It’s in Orange County, where I grew up. I…it’s time I went home for a little while. Thanks to you, I’ve been thinking about it more and more. When my parents died—” He inhaled sharply, forcing himself to keep going. “When they died, I didn’t want to ever think about home again. Not surfing, or beaches—none of it. Because then I’d think about them, and that I wasn’t there to save them.”

“You can’t save everyone,” Rafa said quietly. He took Shane’s hand. “I know you think you should because of what you do, but there was nothing you could do.”

Shane gripped his fingers, wanting so much to pull him close again. “Logically, I know you’re right. But I still need to work on accepting it.” He tried to smile. “Need to wade through my bullshit.”