Use Somebody (66 page)

Vance…

How had I ever convinced myself that our arrangement could be strictly physical? That part was great, of course, but I never realized until this moment how much more we really had. Chemistry. Connection. Love…?

Kissing Dirk introduced a whole new level of “meaningless.” Now that I’d had a taste of something greater, I wasn’t willing to settle for less. That extra something special we shared made me wonder if what I felt for Vance had actually been love all along.

My buzz began to fade, and I couldn’t force myself to pretend anymore. I pulled back, looking away from him, racking my brain for something to say to break the moment. Maybe I could distract him, say something funny. If I could just get him talking, he’d forget all about kissing me.

“Dirk, I don’t…” My eyes flickered to the corner of the Jacuzzi that led to Phoenix and Lexi. If that’s what he wanted, he had chosen the wrong girl.

His hand directed my chin until our noses were almost touching. It had me on edge. My eyes sought his, imploring him to see
me,
to sober up and stop this. But his were dark, bloodshot, and unresponsive to my plea.

“Nathan mentioned your little shy routine was all an act,” he said, cracking a wicked grin. “He was right. It’s hella sexy.”

He leaned in for another kiss but I blocked him. The reference of Nathan and those awful rumors was like a bucket of ice to my tolerance. I’d be damned if I let those lies continue to define me. And they sure as hell didn’t give Dirk the green light.

“I never slept with Nathan.”

He chuckled. “That’s not what he said.”

“He was full of shit!”

My patience had run out. I moved away from him, ready to flee this boiling pot of debauchery and regret.

Before I was able to take a single step, his hands snatched up both my wrists and braced them behind me. One tug and I fell and landed in his lap, yelping in surprise. My back crashed against his muscular chest as one arm snaked across my midsection possessively. The other secured both my wrists behind me.

His cheek rested on my right shoulder as he kissed a line down my neck. “Where do you think you’re going?” he murmured in my ear. But it didn’t feel playful at all. Vance had always made me feel safe. With Dirk, those red warning lights were flashing all over the place.
Danger, Scarlett Rossi. Danger.

I tried to yank my arms free, but he gripped me tightly, then wrapped his legs between mine and hooked my ankles, so that when he spread his thighs, mine were forced apart. I struggled in his lap, but the sick-o enjoyed that, too. He let out an amused laugh to have gotten me into this vulnerable position so easily, like it was all some big joke to him. But he had taken it too far.

My stomach coiled as the realization hit me—I was trapped.

I began fighting my buzz the moment he had me incapacitated. I tugged and pulled and kicked and yanked on all my limbs seeking out my freedom. I fought with all my strength, searching for a weak link against his hold, but I was no match for him.

“Dirk… let me go,” I pleaded.

His teeth grazed my neck, leaving little nips behind. “I don’t think you really mean that.” A seductive growl vibrated through his throat as he ground his hips into me. When his body pressed up against mine, I could feel how much this was turning him on.

My breath hitched in fear. Our bodies were only separated by two thin strips of fabric. If things got totally out of hand, I had no way to protect myself against him. This was bad. Very, very bad.

“Dirk… STOP.” I said more forcefully.

He just chuckled as if I were being coy, and shushed me, “Calm down, baby. I know what you need.”

Calm down?
Calm down?
Calm was the furthest thing from what I was feeling at that moment. What I
needed
was to be out of his lap, like, ten minutes ago.

Sure, we had done a little drunken flirting. And kissed. But the fact that I was fighting against him should have made it obvious that I did
not
want this. Either he was too wasted to even comprehend the meaning of the word
stop
, or he just didn’t care. Which meant I was in serious, serious trouble.

Even kickboxing moves would do little good in this position. With our bodies underwater and pressed together, I had no leverage. My eyes searched anxiously as I tried to think of a solution to my predicament. They landed on the corner of the Jacuzzi that I had been avoiding for a while now.

Out of options, I did something crazy.

I asked for help.

“Phoenix!” I tried to yell across the water, but my voice broke. He and Lexi were forehead to forehead, so busy making little waves that he didn’t even look up. I tried again, louder this time. “Phoenix!”

His head snapped up, as if out of sleep, eyes heavy-lidded and unfocused. He found me, and smiled widely, his body not pausing its movements. “What up, Scar?”

“I want to leave.”

He leaned back, resting his head and elbows on the edge of the spa and closed his eyes. Had he even heard me? Had he passed out? Lexi climbed onto his lap and straddled him. Without throwing me a glance, she wrapped her arms around his neck then started bouncing.

Ugh.

“Please,” I added, as Dirk licked my ear from behind. This time, his tongue felt like sandpaper. A cold shiver traveled up my spine, despite the heat of the spa.

Phoenix was totally out of it. He didn’t even open his eyes when he responded, “I can’t give you your keys. I can’t drive neither.”

Dirk’s fingers snuck under my tankini top and slowly traveled up my bare front. Again I tried to extricate myself from his hold. Once his palm latched on, I jumped.

“Let
go!”
I yelled.

“Would you fucking calm down?” he growled in my ear, shaking me and tightening his grip. “I barely touched you.” I gasped at the pain, hardly able to believe that Dirk was actually doing this. I had known him for years, I had never seen him aggressive with women.

For the first time I began to fear that I wouldn’t be able to stop him. Dirk had believed Nathan’s rumors to be true. He wouldn’t even realize when he took me, that he was taking my innocence.

Turned out I had something to lose after all.

A sick, destructive part of my brain whispered that I deserved this, just like I deserved Ricky’s wrath and Vance’s revulsion. I had come to this house willingly, flirted willingly, kissed him willingly. I deserved what I got from all of them for pretending. For trusting the wrong people and being selfish with the good ones, again and again.

And most of all, I deserved this for hurting Vance.

I wasn’t going to blame the universe for this one. I had gotten myself into this mess. I should have been asleep in Vance’s arms right now, calling him my boyfriend and telling him I loved him. Instead, I’d walked in fear and flirted with the devil, and it had finally caught up with me.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But sometimes bad things happen because we make poor effing choices.

Eyes squeezed shut, I conjured up thoughts of Vance to distract me from Dirk’s wandering hands. I pictured Vance laughing. Vance pushing me on the swing at our park. Vance kissing me for the first time, on a blanket under the stars. Vance dancing with me at the Spill Canvas concert. Vance telling me he loved me…

Vance loved me… what had I done? And what the hell was I doing
here?

At that moment, I would’ve given anything for a do-over. I would have confessed everything to Vance and stayed the hell away from this house. Alcohol and hooking up hadn’t fixed anything, it just made my life ten times worse.

My eyes slowly opened to find Phoenix watching us, seeming a bit more coherent. “Hey bro, ease up on her,” he said as Lexi slobbered on his neck.

Dirk’s head left my shoulder and he sat straight back, pulling me along with him. “Hey bro. Just go back to your lay and I’ll get back to mine.”

And then I saw my opening.

One hundred emotions swarmed my senses at once. Fear. Anger. Guilt. Injustice.

But not helplessness.

I almost didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to hurt my friend. But he’d left me no choice.

I braced myself, resolute, brought my head forward, then snapped it back with all my weight, crashing right into his skull.

He let out a painful grunt and released my wrists, rubbing his fingers over his temple where I had hit. I scrambled off his lap and spun to face him, preparing myself for retaliation. For now I was out of his grasp, but I knew I wasn’t necessarily safe yet. His eyes opened slowly and flashed dark. There was no more lust in them, only anger.

He muttered under his breath, something about me being a damn tease, and it pushed me over the edge. After all those years of friendship, one night of drunken flirting and a few kisses meant he had
expected
me to sleep with him? Enough to force me? And he had the nerve to be
mad
that I said stop?

It turned out Ricky was right about one thing—anger far surpassed anything else I felt in that moment.

Rolling thunder filled my ears, growing louder and louder until I could hear nothing over the sound of my own fury. Refusing to flinch, I met his scowl with one of my own, and slapped him open-palm, hard across the face.

“No
means
no,
ASSHOLE!” I shouted, the sound echoing into the silent night.

His head flew to the side upon impact, and there it stayed, his expression now blank.

My shoulders rose and fell quickly, but I didn’t take my eyes off him. I would not let him catch me off guard again. I would not cower. I would not be afraid. I would not feel guilty.

And I was not helpless.

I had waited my entire life for the man who would make love to me. I deserved better than someone who didn’t care about me, didn’t listen to me, and didn’t respect me.

I deserved to be loved.

“Ugh…” Dirk shook his head as if to clear it. “Shit. Shit!”

He jumped out of the Jacuzzi and the splash made for a dramatic exit, as he stumbled into the house.

Well. There went my escape route. No way was I about to join him inside.

Awkwardly, I sat back down in the spa, trying to look everywhere but at Phoenix and Lexi in the corner. Tremors shook my body as the adrenaline seeped out. I rubbed my arms out of habit. I wasn’t cold, of course, but I couldn’t stop shaking. I took a deep breath and tried to tell myself that it was all a stupid misunderstanding. Dirk was drunk. Nothing actually happened. I was fine.

I accidentally caught Phoenix’s eye and looked away, blushing.

“Just… gimmie a minute,” he said, leaning forward and gripping Lexi’s waist. I shut my eyes but could feel the waves getting bigger, and hear her grunts coming quicker. It wasn’t the first time Lexi had sex in front of me, but I didn’t think I could ever get used to it. Geez, I was so uncomfortable. How in the world did I ever think I belonged here?

Maybe I didn’t know who I was anymore. But I knew one thing for sure—one thing I should have learned the first time around—this life wasn’t right for me. This was… empty. Lonely. Miserable. I wanted to be better than this. I wanted to be the girl Vance thought I was capable of being.

I wanted a safe pair of arms, gentle kisses and loving caresses. I wanted a man who needed to know everything about me, and challenged me to grow. I wanted a man who made me laugh and play and dance and feel.

I wanted Vance Holloway. Better yet, I loved him.

The only problem? My realization came about ten thousand mistakes too late.

Finally, the water stilled and Phoenix and Lexi grew quiet. He stepped out of the Jacuzzi and down the wooden stairs, then held his hand out to help me. I took it.

We passed through the family room wrapped in towels. Dirk sat in the recliner, staring up at the ceiling, one hand rubbing his temple. He looked up at me when we entered, and I could already see the remorse in his eyes. But neither one of us said anything. Phoenix just gripped my hand and kept walking, straight up the stairs and down the hall to Dirk’s room.

“Boy, Nate sure screwed up big time,” he muttered. I was about to correct him when he continued. “You take the bed.” He grabbed a few extra blankets from the closet and made a pallet on the floor.

“I’m not staying here,” I asserted.

“You’re not driving home. You’re staying here, and you’re staying behind a locked door. Just sleep it off,” he muttered, then crashed on the floor. He was passed out before his head even hit the pillow.

I huffed. There was no way I would be falling asleep in Dirk’s bedroom. Phoenix was right though, even if I was mostly sober by this point, I was still in no state to drive. I did, however, need to get the hell out of this house.

Coming here was such a stupid idea. I didn’t think it was possible, but I felt even lower than earlier tonight when I walked away from the man I loved.

I pulled out my cell phone then hesitated. I’d been about to dial Vance, but there was no way I could ask him to come save me now. Tonight had been a disaster. How could I say another man’s name, and then hours later, ask to be picked up from another man’s house in this condition? He deserved an explanation, but not like this.