Use Somebody (63 page)

“Oh no,” I teased, finally getting to turn the tables. “Eyes open, stud.”

* * *

Both of us collapsed to a duet of heavy breathing. Strong arms wrapped around me and held me against him, flesh on flesh. His fingers ghosted up and down my arms. My cheek lay over his heart as I felt its rapid beating begin to soften and slow.

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

It was the sound of one hand reaching out, and the other finally accepting. It was two souls connecting in an equal exchange of trust. It was best friends, falling in love. And he was right all along; once I stopped fighting it, it felt as natural as breathing.

This was it—the moment of absolute content. Lying there with him, blanketed by a vestige of peace, one hand around me securely, the other softly massaging my scalp. It felt so heavenly, all I could muster was a contented hum. The slow rise and fall of his chest lulled me closer and closer to blissful unconsciousness.

When I was barely cognizant I heard him whisper in my ear, “Please don’t regret this tomorrow.”

“Never,” I said on a heavy exhale.

“I can’t say goodbye to you, Scarlett Rose.” He nuzzled affectionately into my hair. “Please. Stay. Stay with me.”

“I’m scared,” I admitted, uninhibited in my exhaustion.

He pressed his mouth to the top of my hair in a gentle kiss. “I would never, ever hurt you.”

“I know,” I whispered back.

“Then why are you afraid, love?”

What was I afraid of? Losing him. It was always losing him.

I felt myself slipping under, and somewhere between a yawn and total darkness, I said my last words, “Cause I’ll hurt you…” then drifted off to sleep.

* * *

[Past]

I followed Gabriel’s instructions implicitly.

They brought me to a wooden staircase that led straight down into the sand. I was eager to get to him, but I forced myself to stop halfway at the landing, just for a minute. I had to enjoy the beauty of this coastal view before I made the final descent. The fluffy clouds carrying in February’s chill, the ocean sparkling in the winter sun, the white caps rolling in and the waves lapping at the shore… perfection.

When my eyes fell on the blanket of rose petals in the sand, my concept of perfection received a major upgrade. Everything in the world went rose-colored. And there he was, standing right in the center, looking up at me with pure adoration.

The vision of him consumed me. He was impossibly, unbelievably gorgeous.

I didn’t even attempt to hide my joy. Seeing him was the best part of my day, and I was beyond trying to suppress it. I ran down those final steps. The moment my foot hit sand, I was full-out sprinting, leaping, flying towards him.

Always towards him.

He picked me up and swung me around, both of us laughing in jubilation. Good gracious, just the sound of his laugh sent me skyrocketing. It was like music. All I could do was hang on for the ride.

* * *

It’s crazy how one month could completely change my outlook on life. In my eighteen years, I’d only known Gabriel for one month. That’s thirty measly little days amongst nearly seven thousand. Barely a blip. Yet already I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

We strolled along the shoreline hand-in-hand as the bright orange sun dipped lower on the horizon. He taught me how to skip rocks. I wrote our names in the sand. We rolled up our jeans and played in the water, which soon turned into dancing. I loved that he always danced with me, even sans any music.

When a particularly large wave rolled in, he nearly threw me in, until the very last second when he lifted me safely into the air. I pretended to be mad, though neither one of us could stop smiling.

I sighed happily. “Would you look at those colors?”

“Only the best for you, love,” he whispered, holding me as the sun sank lower into the water.

“Thank you for today, Gabriel. This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen.”

“That it is,” he murmured into my hair. “This feels right. Doesn’t it?”

As if he had to ask. “Of course,” I confirmed. I couldn’t disagree with him, but his wording didn’t do it justice. It didn’t cover that little something special I’d been searching my whole life for. In everything, I saw Gabriel. In the sky. In the ocean. In the breeze. In the future. In everything beautiful. He was so far ingrained in me, no matter what I looked at, I saw him.

“It feels surreal, too.” I added.

His radiant smile slowly morphed into something more serious. “Indeed it does.”

It was all too perfect: the magic of the lapping waves, the glow of the setting sun, and the music in my veins compelling me towards the man standing inches away, holding everything I ever wanted in this moment, and for the rest of my moments to come.

That penetrating gaze had me pinned in place, had my blood simmering in my veins. It was the perfect moment… on top of a whole month’s worth of perfect moments gone unused. Every time I thought he was about to kiss me… he didn’t.

Instead he resumed walking. He was nothing if not a gentleman. But with his increasingly sweet words and small touches, I could only hope tonight would be the night.

* * *

Evening took its sweet time in consuming the sky.

The handful of remaining beachgoers retreated as the temperature dropped. We used the last bit of light walking back towards our spot, collecting seashells along the way. Some were whole, some chipped, some brilliantly incandescent. Each one a new memory to treasure.

But as I watched the glow begin to fade from the clouds, I felt an inexplicable melancholy. There was something so sad about the ending of a perfect day. Was it possible to pause a sunset?

Gabriel stopped beside me. Reading my mind, as always. He stared directly into me, until all I saw were warm pools of blue that I longed to immerse myself in.

“Smile,” he said gently, rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. “It’s what keeps me going on rough days.”

I closed my eyes and breathed him in, his words melting me on the spot.

That did it.

How many days had I looked upon his lips and wanted, but not been able to touch?

Too many.

I couldn’t wait any longer. I went for it.

I saw it in his eyes—the burning want that matched my own. The realization caused my heart to soar and propelled me forward.

Before I could reach him, he stopped me with two hands on my shoulders, breaking the spell between us. Gently but firmly he held me back.

“Is it these dashing lips you desire?” His smirk became playful, teasing, but rejection had never been my friend.

I looked at him with barely concealed hurt. “What kind of game are you playing?”

Something changed in his eyes. He was torn. I could feel it in his stiffness, for the life of me I couldn’t comprehend why.

“You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Is it because of what that boy said about me? About celibacy?”

He shook his head, adamant. “That’s anything but the problem.”

“You won’t corrupt me,” I said, matter of fact, “I’ve kissed plenty of boys before.”

His expression tightened at the mention of other boys. Was it so wrong to feel just the slightest bit of pleasure over this tiny display of jealousy?

He gripped me by the back of my neck and pulled, so close to his lips I could almost taste them. “Oh is that what this is? Your game? And what of me, then? Hmm?” he bit out. His eyes bounced between mine, almost wild in their intensity. “Maybe you’re not the one here who stands to face corruption, Scarlett.”

I laughed mirthlessly, though I still wasn’t mollified. “I can’t imagine a kiss from me would have the power to corrupt a guy like you.”

He spoke softly, thoughtfully. Eyes never leaving my face. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

He was quiet after that, but he never stopped studying me. I stared back, willingly letting him see whatever he wanted. I had nothing to hide. I tried to read him too, though I’d never been any good at it. It was always intensity, with Gabriel. I never got much further than that.

His hold loosened and dropped to my shoulders. “About that lad… the one who hassled you…”

I rushed to assure him. “I didn’t mean… Nothing ever happened with him. He doesn’t even come to class anymore. Those boys are harmless.”

“They’re not harmless, Scarlett!” Blue eyes flashed with emotion. “That’s precisely what I’m trying to tell you. You can’t very well trust everyone you come into contact with. Some people out there will destroy you if you let them. They’ve taken too much already. And if anything were to happen to you…”

“I’m safe,” I told him. “Because I have you. And I trust you.”

His eyes closed momentarily. When they opened again, they were blazing.

“You’re blinded, Scarlett, and you don’t even realize it.”

It didn’t make any sense. Why the sudden shift? How much could he dread at the thought of one kiss?

“Forgive me,” he said softly, hanging his head. “I sound like a mad man, I’m sure… I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

What wasn’t he telling me? Or was this about his past? My hand squeezed his. I wished like heck he’d stop holding himself back. Because whatever it was, was holding us back, too.

His eyes drifted towards the water. “I have a confession to make.”

There was more.

A hundred scenarios flashed through my mind—both good and bad. I loved Gabriel for who he was, no matter what secrets he harbored about his history.

That didn’t make it any easier, hearing him struggle to open up.

Then again, if possible, it made me love him a little more.

I remained quiet and strained to hear his whispered words.

“I’m not from your world, Scarlett.”

Holy seraphs… I knew it!

“I’ve watched you get mauled by Neanderthals then turn around and forgive them. Hell, I don’t know how you do it. The world I know is full of cruelty and greed, people screwing over other people just to get ahead. Every man for himself, as it were. And I’m as guilty as the next bloke. Many times I’ve had to fight just to get by. I’ve had to fight to keep me and my brother alive.”

His confession nearly broke me. “Doesn’t that make you want to fight to hold onto this all the more?” I asked.

“Aye. But you said it yourself… it feels… surreal.” He relinquished my hands to cup my face. The ocean breeze was cold but I felt on fire wherever he touched me. “Anything can be taken away,” he explained. “It’s taught me that sometimes, all we have are moments. I know it feels like we’re caught up in a whirlwind right now, but I need you to remember this. Today. Everything about it.”

“Of course I’ll remember.” How could I forget? I hadn’t taken one single second of our time together for granted.

“What will you remember about this moment?” I asked, wondering what part he would tuck away specifically.

His expression softened a bit. “Your eyes.”

I batted said eyes flirtatiously. “These old things?”

“Yes, those, Scarlett,” he said, back to his gentle smile. Evocative words whispered across my lips, leaving me breathless. “Never let anyone take that spark from your eyes. I can see who you are by the way you look at the world. And the way you look at me.”

I steeled myself. Was he hinting at my deepest feelings? Would he say it out loud?

“And what do you see?” I inquired, refusing to look away.

“I see selflessness, resilience,” His deep blue eyes peered into mine, too intense and all-knowing. “I see the fearlessness of an innocent.”

I had no clue what he meant by that. The part about innocence made sense, but fearless? Me? Not exactly the word I’d use to describe an adult-sized Goldilocks. I was timid, meek, and had less confidence now than I did in high school, believe it or not. At least back then I knew who I was.

“And when I look at you?” I asked, bracing myself for his answer.

“Collywobbles.”

“What?” I laughed.

“Don’t you know, love?” he smiled again. “It’s the same way I look at you.”

* * *

After the sky began to grow dark, Gabriel built a fire in the pit. I watched his hands work gracefully with the wood and matches until the flames started to catch. Then he came and sat next to me, tucking me into his side. His large hand rested on the curve of my spine.

We sat there together on the blanket, staring into the flickering flames, searching for comfort among our spoken and unspoken words.

I felt so small in his arms, like I could get lost inside one of his hugs. I didn’t think it could get any better. Then he wrapped his arm all the way around my shoulders so he could gently stroke my cheek, and caused my eyes to fall shut all on their own. A shudder of pleasure ran through my body. I could only imagine what his lips would do.