Unwanted Stars (38 page)

"Happy birthday, sweet girl." Tabitha tilted her head to the side. "I was so awful to you. I'm so sorry. For everything."

"I don't really think this is one of those roll-them-all-up-into-one-apology circumstances, do you?"

She laughed. "You're so witty. Who knew I'd give birth to such a clever girl?"

"Yeah, well, I'm a lot like my dad. He's as quick as a whip."

She winced. "Did I do the right thing? Are they good to you?"

"They're perfect."

She nodded to herself as tears fell from her cheeks. "Good."

"Why did you treat me like that...back at Harrods?"

"I don't know. I panicked, I think. I don't know how to be a mother..."

"I'm not asking you to be my mother. I already
have
one."

"I know, I know. But when you walked in and you wanted to talk, I just...I didn't know what to do. I felt like I'd already told you everything, but you still wanted more. More than I could give you."

"I went there that day because I was starting to understand you. Something happened this summer that...gave me some perspective. As to what it must have been like for you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I said, "but then you ruined it by treating me like shit. Like I didn't matter to you at all. And it opened my wound up
all over again
. You were destroying me
all over again
."

"I'm so sorry."

We sat in silence for a moment.

"So, what's this all about?" I gestured to the photos.

"I never got to see you...you grew up and I never saw you."

"My mom brought me to you. Every year. She sent pictures. You had them sent back unopened. You have no one to blame but yourself—"

"I know," she said, pulling at the roots of her hair. "I was a stupid bloody teenager. I didn't know what I was missing for fuck's sake."

"But that doesn't change anything. Not for me. Not for my parents. They were protecting me."

"I know. I was a mess. I still am."

"I can't fix you, Tabitha. I can't. I can barely fix myself," I said with a sarcastic laugh.

"Your birthday is just a painful day for me...every year it's this day I dread like the plague. The day where I add another year in which I've missed your life, and now that I know how fantastic you are...it just hurts all the more. This is the day I brought you into the world...and then lost you forever."

"That must've been really hard. You were in high school, right?"

"Secondary, yes. I still had two years to go."

"I can't even imagine."

"It was hard," she said, shrugging. I hopped up from the table and grabbed a box of tissue sitting on Nan's coffee table in the sitting room.

"Here," I said, sitting back down. "I was angry the last time I saw you. But, you can...you can get to know me."

"I can?" she said, looking up, eyes widening, nose flaring. "Seriously?"

"Yes. But
not
as a mother. I have one already. Not sure I can handle two."

"I can handle that."

"Good. Maybe we can, I don't know, meet for lunch from time to time."

"That would be lovely. Absolutely lovely."

"All right, then," I said, drumming my fingers on the table.

"Would you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, sure...I mean, probably."

"Tell me a story. From when you were young. I want to know about your childhood."

"Hmmm, well...there was this one time that my best friend Hadley and I snuck into my brother's tree house...”

It's funny how the tiniest of things can change your life: an invitation, a simple kiss goodnight, a matchbook...

For me, though, it was a box. A wooden box that changed my life entirely. One I'd forgotten all about.

"Open it," Campbell said as he pulled it from under the kitchen table and placed it in front of me. We'd decided to order in from a local curry place. I thought it was odd when Campbell placed cloth napkins on our simple table and insisted we open a bottle of ice wine from St. Goar, one he'd purchased the night we first met. The night he first gave me a note asking to meet him in a pub. That was over a year ago, and so much had changed since that night.

"You brought your chess ribbons to dinner?" I asked, placing my fork on the table, looking at him with confused eyes.

"Just open it."

"You're acting weird," I said, narrowing my eyes. We'd been living together since my contract with Jordan ended. I'd been waiting tables at a local cafe during the day, enjoying my evenings with the man of my dreams. Life was pretty perfect.

"Auden," he said, turning serious. His voice dropped an octave and I knew he meant business when he reached for the box and said, "Fine,
I'll
open it."

He placed the box in front of himself, the lid opening toward him so I could see inside the box. It was filled with matchbooks. Matchbooks of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Some looked familiar, and some appeared to be brand new.

"What's going on?" I asked, confused. "Where are your ribbons?"

"The ribbons are my past."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"My mum has them. Don't worry, they're well taken care of. As I was saying, they're my past."

"And the matchbooks are..."

"My future. With you."

My heart beat so rapidly in my chest I felt I could explode at any moment.

"I...I want to understand, but I don't." I grimaced, hoping I wasn’t spoiling the moment.

He laughed. "I was getting to that."

"Okay, good. I thought I was messing this whole thing up," I said with a laugh.

"Never," he said before clearing his throat. "I know you're in limbo right now. You stayed in London with me, even when your contract ended. And I'm so happy you did."

"Me too, babe. I promise."

"I know, but...I don't expect you to be the only one compromising in this relationship."

"I'm not," I objected.

"Let me finish," he said with a smile. "Before you, my life was routine. Planned, simple. No matter how many bus tours I took, it was never an adventure. Until I met you."

"Wow," I muttered, my face glowing.

"You've changed everything. This past year—it's been the best of my life. The biggest adventure I could have ever imagined."

That statement was bittersweet. In so many ways, I felt exactly the same. The time I'd spent with Campbell had been the best of my life, too. But it hadn't been an easy year, not by a long shot. And I still didn't know where I belonged.

"And I'll go anywhere with you. Absolutely anywhere."

"Go? You want to take a trip?"

"No, I want to live our lives. Together. Wherever you want to be."

He reached into the box and pulled out a matchbook. "We can live here if you like," he said before placing the matchbook in front of me.
Venice. "
Certainly brings back memories."

"True," I said, remembering our day in Venice. The day I admitted how much I wanted him.

"Speaking of Italy, maybe here," he said, placing a matchbook from Rome on the table. "Who could ever forget Rome?" He wiggled his brows, making me blush.

"That was a special night," I admitted.

"
Or here, perhaps," he said, placing another book on the table.
St. Goar.
The night we first flirted in the bar. The night Hadley pushed me to take a chance and show up. The night he became more than just a pair of eyes that I couldn't get out of my head. That night he became real.

"Or maybe Switzerland would suit us," he said, placing a matchbook from Zurich on the table. He continued on and on until tears were spilling from my eyes, mouth agape as I watched him remove one after another, offering to live all over the world with me,
for
me.

"The point is," he said, when over thirty matchbooks had been placed on the table, "we can't stay in London just because that's where my practice is. I can be a doctor anywhere. My life with you is what's most important. So let's make that decision together."

"Oh," I managed to say. I was in shock.

"Almost forgot the most important one," he said as he removed a matchbook from Jason and Hadley's wedding reception.
Chicago.

"Seriously?" I asked. "You'd do that...for me?"

"I'd do anything for you, Auden. I told you a long time ago that it was only the beginning. I meant it. I want a future with you. Our future."

"I don't know what to say."

He reached into the box one last time, removing a small velvet box and placing it in front of me.

"Say you'll marry me. Say you love me just as much as I love you. Say we'll continue this adventure. Together." He opened the box. Inside was a gorgeous platinum setting with a vintage cut diamond. It was classy and gorgeous with a European feel. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

"Oh my God," I said, gasping.

"Uh oh. I hope that's a good thing. Otherwise, I'm in trouble."

"It’s the best of the best, I promise," I said, taking his hands in my own.

"So...is that a..."

"Yes. It's a yes. It's an are-you-out-of-your-mind-of-course-I'm-saying-yes yes! I love you so much, so much that I barely have the words!"

He stood up, walked around the table, and took me in his arms, holding me close. I could feel his heart beating furiously in his chest. He slid the ring onto my finger, and I was moved by its beauty—how it fit so perfectly on my hand. Like it always belonged there. Which is ridiculous, I know. But that's how it felt. It was pretty surreal.

"You’ve just made me the happiest man on the planet," he said, sighing loudly before pressing his forehead to mine.

"Were you serious about moving? I mean, to the states?"

"Absolutely serious," he said. "I meant what I said."

"What if I wanted to go to Africa?"

"I'd say that's an interesting choice, but we'd go if that's what you really wanted."

"I want to help—you know, with the doctors without borders thing."

"Ahhh. Well, I'm sure that could be arranged," he said as he wrapped his arms around my back. "Where we live, where we go, none of it matters. If we're together, that's all I need. I'm good."

"Me too," I said with a sigh. "Me too."

One Year Later

Chicago

"You look exhausted," Campbell said as we stood on the escalator of O'Hare airport. My feet ached and my head was hazy from our travels.

We'd spent the last eight months in Nairobi, Kenya assisting in the Doctors Without Borders program per my request. After the flooding of the Tana River Delta the previous year, they were in desperate need of volunteers for both medical care and basic water and sanitation duties.

For months, Campbell treated the locals for respiratory infections, parasitic infections, and other ailments that resulted from the flooded delta and water sources. I helped wherever I could. There were days when I was needed on the sanitation crew. I know, can you picture Auden Kelly working on water sanitation? But I did it, and I have to be honest—it was one of my proudest moments, knowing that I was playing a role in bringing fresh water to the incredibly grateful members of the local villages. It was in a word—awesome.