Unwanted Stars (36 page)

I waited outside for twenty-five minutes. Twenty-five goddamn minutes, pacing back and forth in front of the store, regretting ever making the decision to come here, to allow her to make a fool of me like this, to allow her to reject me all over again, just like she did when I was a helpless baby. I was beyond annoyed that she'd blown me off, and I wanted revenge. Charlotte would not approve of what I did next, that I knew for sure.

I stormed back into the store, brushing elbows with several people as I strode to that makeup counter. Tabitha's mouth opened as she watched me approach.

"Auden, plea—" she began.

"I don't want to hear it. I've spent the last few weeks trying to understand you. To feel what you must have been feeling. To comprehend how hard that decision must have been, but now...I think I just wasted my time."

"Listen, this isn't the best time," she said, avoiding eye contact.

"No, you listen to me. I want nothing to do with you. Don't come near me ever again. Don't call me, don't come by my apartment. Forget I ever existed. Got it?"

"O-okay," she stumbled.

"Okay? Okay? You turn my world upside down and now you just say okay?"

"I-I'm not sure what else to say."

"Take responsibility, for God's sake. And then tell me what the hell you expect from me!"

People stopped walking all around us, and her manager approached. "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to lower your voice."

"I was just leaving," I said, glaring at Tabitha and walking to the door. She didn't chase after me. Didn't beg me to stay. And I had my answer. Nothing. She expected nothing from me. And even though I tried to be tough, even though I tried not to let my emotions show, I sat on the tube and cried as I rode to my nan's house. I was ready to let her in. I needed someone who was willing to fight for me, and clearly Tabitha was not. I wasn't sure why I even bothered trying.

"Oh, darling, thank God. I was hoping you'd come by," Nan said, pulling me into a hug. "Come inside, girl. You'll catch your death out there."

"It's not that bad. It's nothing compared to fall in Chicago. Hardly any wind."

She stood, looking me up and down, taking me in with her eyes. I could see how grateful she was that I even decided to show up.

"What?" I said, breaking the tension looming around us like a fog.

"You're here. I-I'm so happy, that's all."

"I got your email. I was in the area."

"Come in, darling. Tea is on." She walked to the kitchen, whistling as she poured two cups of tea. I felt like Snow White had possessed my nan. Who was this light and airy woman? Was this what happened when you're able to let go of a secret you've kept for almost twenty-four years?

"You're, um...you seem really happy," I said when she entered the room.

"Of course I am. You're here. I've been waiting for months. It feels...I don't know, magical somehow."

"Oh, all right, well—"

"Let me begin. Okay, darling?" she asked, placing the cup and saucer on a coaster in front of me.

"Sure," I said, grateful that I wouldn't have to break the ice by asking questions. I was sorta questioned out at that moment.

"All of this is my doing. I'm the one who suggested Tabitha consider adoption. I'm the one that called your mother and planted the seed. I'm the one who paid for the hospital bills. It was all me."

"What about the secrets? Was that you too?"

"It was my suggestion, yes. Tabby wasn't doing well at all. And to be honest, she was on this terrible spiral. I was worried that one day she'd die one of those horrible choke-on-your-own-vomit deaths that heroin addicts have. The thought of you losing her that way was just...it was too much to take, especially when you weren't even in kindergarten yet. You were so young."

"But this was bound to come to light."

"Your granddad told me that all the time. All. The. Time. But, honestly, I just didn't think it would. For twenty-three years she'd never shown any desire to see you. She never asked about you, never wanted to send you a note or a birthday card. It's like she'd moved on. I really thought she had. But then she sought you out."

"Well, kind of. We met by chance, actually. At Harrods."

"Oh. At the makeup counter?"

"Yes, ma'am." I nodded. "I went there because of you, ironically. Because I was out of Clinique."

"Well, it all comes full circle, doesn't it? I guess that's fitting. Karma came to get us all."

"She saw my name and kinda freaked out. Made up a story about a lipstick shade being out of stock. Got my address and showed up. That's how it all happened."

"Darling, I'm just—I can't begin to apologize enough. Hindsight is certainly twenty-twenty. If any of us had an inkling of this happening, I swear we would have discussed the need to tell you. I know your parents would never have wanted you to find out this way. Charlotte has been torturing herself for months."

"I know."

"No, you don't, sweetheart. After she found you in Spain, she came here until the wedding. She did nothing but sit on that couch and stare out the window...hoping you'd show up. When we packed up to leave for Chicago, she sobbed for hours. She thought she'd lost you forever. And all I could do was watch my baby die inside, knowing I caused it. Knowing it was all because of me and my big ideas."

"I had no idea."

"Listen, it's not your fault. None of it. I just needed you to know just how much your mother loves you. She'd do absolutely anything for you. Believe it or not, she kept that secret for your happiness."

"And her own. She admitted it was selfish."

"The point is, it was a decision made out of love and nothing else. Just her love for you. All of us love you so much, Audey." Nan never used that nickname. Hearing her say it made me fall apart. Tears poured from my eyes and I collapsed into her arms. She held me tight, stroking my back and running her fingers through my hair.

"Shhhh, I'm so sorry, my darling. So, so sorry."

"I know," I managed to say through my sobs. "I know."

"Can you ever forgive me? Forgive us?"

"I already have," I said.

"You have?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize I had until you asked. But now I'm certain. I forgive you. I forgive Mom and Dad,too."

"And Tabitha? What about her?"

"Jury's still out, unfortunately. She, um, seems to regret ever telling me."

"What do you mean?" Nan asked, pulling away and looking into my eyes.

"I tried to see her. Today, in fact. She wanted nothing to do with me. Told me to meet her outside, then left me out there looking like an idiot."

"Ugh," Nan said, exasperated. "She's just...she's one of those people that can't look past themselves. She couldn't do it at fifteen and she can't do it at thirty-nine. She's just...she's a lost soul, I'm afraid."

"That sucks. I was starting to let her in a little."

"How could you not? You'll forever be linked to her. But that doesn't mean you have to allow her in your life."

"Why, though? Why'd she even bother?"

"She's the only one who can answer that, darling."

"I know," I said. "So I may never get my answer."

"I'm afraid that's probably true, but you have a family filled with love. People who love you more than life itself."

"I know. That helps."

"And a pretty hot-looking man by your side."

"Nan," I said, my cheeks turning red.

"What?" she asked. "I speak the truth." She took a sip of her tea, a smug look on her petite face.

"Yes," I said, "yes you do."

I woke up to a whisper in my ear. It was terribly off key, but sweet.

"You say it's your birthday," Campbell sang, getting louder as I stirred beneath him. He was totally butchering the Beatles birthday song, and I loved every single syllable of the private performance. Every single note that he hit just wrong. It was the best wake-up ever.

"Happy Birthday, my love," he said, kissing me on the nose. "How does it feel to be the big two-four?"

"A lot like the big two-three, unfortunately," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Impossible," he said, before sucking on my ear. "You didn't know me a year ago." Goose bumps rose along my arms. It didn't matter how many times a day Campbell touched me, each time made me giddy. I'd never grow tired of the way this man made me feel.

"Good point. Okay, so it feels...peaceful."

"That's a good word," he said, cautiously sarcastic.

"It is! Last year, I was unsettled, looking for an adventure, an escape."

"Did you find it?"

"Of course I did. Just different than the one I expected. I thought traveling the world on a bus would be the adventure of a lifetime. But it's you. You're my adventure."

He leaned up on an elbow and gazed into my eyes. "That has to be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Don't get all mushy. I hate when you're all mushy."

"You love it," he said, tickling my side and growling into my neck.

"You know what that growl does to me. Don't start something you won't finish."

"Who says I won't finish it? Our plans don't start until later, Miss."

"Well then, I'm all yours," I purred, hooking my fingers into his boxer shorts, tugging just enough to release him. He groaned and ripped the camisole from my body.

"I'll never get enough of you," he murmured into my skin as he licked and stroked at my breasts.

"Tell me more," I whispered, feeling a familiar stir within myself. That extraordinary craving that left me wanting, left me stirring, left me completely his. I was craving
him
.

"Being inside you...it's my favorite place to be.”

"Seriously, you're going to bust out the nerd shit in the bedroom?"

"What? I thought that was sexy."

"Not even close. Try again."

He pushed my hair away from my eyes. "You're a piece of work, you know that?"

"That's why you love me."

"True."

"So...you were saying?" I said, caressing his bare shoulders with the tips of my fingernails. He shuddered beneath my touch before locking eyes with me.

"You're the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on. When I see you, when I
feel
you, I'm content. The happiest I've ever been."

"Wow," I said, running my fingers through his dark hair. "You always know just what to say, don't you?"

"I'm just being honest."

"Honesty is good." I pulled him down to me and kissed him, inviting him to deepen the kiss instantly. His mouth took mine as his hands massaged and pressed into my nipples. I felt them tighten beneath his touch, sending shocks of pleasure right down to my center.

"Fuck me, Campbell. Right fucking now," I groaned as his lips moved to my chin, to my neck and back to my ear.

He laughed and reached for a condom, the drawer to the nightstand still ajar from last night's activities. He passed it to me and I ripped it open, easing it onto him as he moaned. His hands stroked my inner thighs as he pushed them apart and placed my ankles over his shoulders, sinking into me deeply. It stung at first, but within seconds, my body responded just as it always did. My arousal built with each thrust, with each twist and turn of his body and mine.