Unwanted Stars (18 page)

I'd like to be able to say that I didn't check my watch constantly while roaming the streets of Rome with Campbell. Not that my time with him was, in any way, boring. Not at all. I was savoring every moment and dreading the ticking away of the clock. The minutes and hours were flying by way too quickly, and I found myself dreading the eight o'clock hour. I didn't want to say goodbye. I wasn't ready. I wanted him to stay with me just one more day, one more week, one more tour...

But the harsh reality was that my relationship with Campbell was ultimately forced to be a long distance one. No matter how much I hated it, that was the circumstance that we'd created when we decided to make this into something more than a fling. And it was time for me to make peace with that. To make peace with our reality.

"Where'd you go?" he asked me, our fingers entwined as we walked along the cobblestone streets, avoiding the setting sun right before our eyes. Ignoring the familiar faces of tour members wandering back to our tour bus location.

"Huh?"

"You're walking with me, but you're somewhere else up here," Campbell said, pointing to his head. "Talk to me."

We stood, facing one another on a busy Roman street. My cheeks betrayed me and turned bright red with mortification. I couldn't have my tour members see me like this. Without having to say another word, Campbell did what he does best. He read my mind, my body language, my presence, and dare I say it, my freaking soul.

"Come with me. This cafe looks busy but quiet. We can blend in."

He led me into the dark restaurant. An older gentleman greeted us. "Buona sera," he said.

"Buona sera, Signore," Campbell replied, quickly pulling his wallet from his pants and ordering two bottles of water.

"Always such a gentleman," I said with a sigh.

"It's the right thing to do. He's providing us with much needed solace. The least I can do is buy a couple measly bottles of water."

"True."

The cafe was crowded but serene. We sat at an empty round table with wrought iron feet and a cherry wood top in the back corner of the restaurant. This time, it was Campbell's fingers drumming on the wood.

"You're upset," he observed.

"You're
observant
," I said. God, I'm such a bitch.
Such
a bitch.

"Wow," Campbell said. "Is that how it is, then?"

I didn't have words to respond, so I just nodded my head. Up and down. Up and down, staring off into space and avoiding his captivating eyes. Knowing that if I looked at them, my head would shake from side to side. Campbell wasn't the problem. I was.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come," he said, shocking the hell out of me. I did
not
see that coming. And it pissed me the hell off.

"
What
?
Why
would you
say
that?" I asked, shocked. My eyes searched the restaurant frantically for a clock. I needed something to focus on and I was growing tired of the watch on my wrist.

"Please don't misunderstand. Today was fantastic." His words sounded hollow to me—lacking passion, lacking authenticity. I didn't believe him.
Where is the damn clock in this place?

"Then...what?" I pressed, wanting to understand him.

"I didn't think it through. I didn't realize how difficult it'd be on you when I had to go. Because I do. I have to leave, Auden."

"I'm aware," I said. "It's not like I'm grabbing on to your leg, begging you to stay. Get over yourself."

"Auden, stop."

"What? Am I being too dramatic for you? Join the fucking club."

I'd thought Campbell understood me in a way that my family didn't. I thought he knew how to handle me. But maybe I was wrong.

Found it.
Above the brick ovens sat a tiny little antique clock made of stone and wood...beautiful actually. It had roman numerals instead of digits. The second hand tick-tick-ticked and I continued to stare, hoping it would calm me. It worked, but not as well as usual.
What was this man doing to me?

"I didn't mean to upset you. Can we start over?
Please
?"

This man and his godforsaken manners all the damn time. How does one manage to make impeccable manners sexy? I had no idea how he did it, but he did it, and he did it well. He broke down my wall with that simple word:
please
.

"I'm sorry. I just-I wasn't trying to pout or anything. That's not me. Not at all."

"I know that."

"Do you?" My words were laced with skepticism.

"Yes," he whispered. I could hear the sincerity in his tone. My pulse began to slow as he took the tips of my fingers in his hand. He stroked my knuckles gently, calming me down, helping my breathing to even out.

"What I meant to say," he continued, "is that it
kills me
to leave you. I
don't
want to. If I could, I'd travel the world with you, Auden. But I can't."

"What are you saying? That you can't do this anymore?" My arms crossed my chest in defiance, terrified that he was about to break my heart.

"How on earth did you get
that
from what I just said?" he demanded incredulously, leaning forward in his seat. He was pissed. And confused. And uncertain. And I had done that to him.

"I don't know. I just...I don't know." I shook my head. I was screwing this up with my defensive nature.

"I may have to go home, but that doesn't mean I want this...
any of this
, to be over. I told you this is only the beginning. And I meant it."

"Okay."

"But if
you
don't feel the same way, then please just tell me now. Save me the bloody heartache. Because you're all I
think
about. You're all I fucking
dream
about. You're
all I want
. Just you."

His eyes were hooded, his chest was heaving. I'd successfully turned the tables on him just like I'd done hundreds of times before with countless guys. Only this time, it made me sick. Looking at what I'd done, the confusion I'd caused, the frustration he was feeling because of my dramatics—it made me positively ill.

I had to prove myself. I had to show him we were on the same page. Because we were. I knew that now.

Rising to my feet, I walked slowly until I stood in front of him. He looked up at me, skepticism in his stormy eyes. Before he had a chance to speak, I wrapped an arm around his neck and planted my bottom in his lap.

Reluctant laughter filled the room, his forehead pressed to my chest in relief.

"Everything you feel...absolutely everything. I feel it too. Please don't doubt that."

We sat together in silence. His fingers stroked my spine and mine wove through his hair.

"So...are we okay?" he finally whispered, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.

"Better than okay." I pulled back, looking him in the eye. "Now kiss me."

"I'd like to do a hell of a lot more than that," he whispered, his voice husky. I could feel his arousal through his khakis.

"I don't think Signore would like that so much," I replied with a laugh.

"Probably not. I guess I'll take what I can get."

My lips pressed to his, opening immediately to deepen the kiss. I had a feeling that the shop owner would be cutting this kiss short, so better to get to the good stuff right away. Campbell tongue swept in, caressing mine seductively.

As quickly as the kiss began, it came to an end, both of us trying to respect the gracious shop owner who let us occupy one of his tables during the dinner hour.

We had five minutes until my tour members would return. We said a quick goodbye in front of the cafe. I didn't want any of the vacationers to see the bleak emotions written all over my face.

"When will you be back in London?"

"You tell me, you've studied the itinerary," I said with a grin.

"There's my little minx. Nice to have you back," he said, running his fingers through my hair. His forehead was relaxed, his eyes soft and kind. He had the kindest eyes I'd ever seen.

"Ten days" we said in unison, before breaking into laughter.

Campbell pulled me into his strong arms, holding me tight, stroking my hair with his fingers.

"Until then, my little cell phone." He placed a small peck on my nose.

"Until then, Starsky," I replied, poking him gently on his chest. He grabbed my finger and kissed the knuckle. I almost melted into a big pile of freaking mush. I think I might’ve found the most chivalrous man alive. And I had no choice but to say goodbye to him.

As Campbell walked away, I pulled myself together and sent Emotional Auden with him. Professional, stone-faced Auden was needed and there was no way in hell she was going to let me down.

After the longest ten days of my freaking life, we arrived back in London a few hours ahead of schedule. Excitement built within me, realizing that Campbell wasn't expecting to see me for several hours yet. After thanking my tour members and bidding them farewell, I dropped my luggage at my flat, changed into the sexy lingerie I'd picked up in Paris, grabbed my long trench coat, Audrey Hepburn sunglasses, and sexy red heels. And, of course, I brushed my teeth. Learned my lesson on that one a long time ago.

2:00 pm.

Plenty of time.

One long cab ride later and I was standing in front of Callow & Hutchins Pediatrics. My heart beat rapidly in my chest. Summoning professional Auden, I took a deep breath and pushed on the heavy metal door.

The office was sterile but warm. Cartoons played on a television mounted in the corner of the room. A large shelving unit, painted blue, green, and red was filled with toys for babies and toddlers. A princess themed bookshelf was stacked with hardcover picture books. If I was a kid, this office would not scare me. Not one bit. Knowing Campbell was probably responsible for this brought a smile to my face. Always a gentleman.

"Can I help you?" asked a gray haired woman from behind the large cream colored front desk. Her scowl told me all I needed to know. I was not the typical patient who walked through the door: sunglasses, trench coat, and fuck me heels. Suddenly, I was overly self conscious about my appearance. But I couldn't let her know that.

"Ahem," I said, clearing my throat and removing my sunglasses. I narrowed my eyes at her, letting her know I was all business. "Yes, I'm here to see Dr. Hutchins. I have a 2:30 appointment. I called this morning."

"Name," she said, still scowling, clearly not impressed with my confidence in any way, shape, or form.

"Kelly. Martin Kelly."

"Right, new patient," she said with an awkward laugh as she peered around me. "And, um, where is the little one?"

"Oh, it's um, I just need a consultation. I was hoping to meet with Dr. Hutchins to, um, to see if he's the proper fit for my son. He's a very sensitive boy. Doesn't take well to doctors."

Her lips puckered and her eyes narrowed, inspecting me from head to toe.

"I see. All right then, have a seat. A nurse will call you back."

"Thanks so much."

She handed me a clipboard stacked with papers. "Fill these out."

For several minutes, I filled out countless questions about my nephew, his health history, emergency contact information, et cetera.
I guess I didn't really think this through, did I?