Until We Touch (23 page)

“And we want to help someone we care about,” Kenny told her. “Hey, we learned from the best. When it comes to what we care about, we have to be all in. We’re all in with you, Larissa.”

She nodded because she couldn’t speak. They were so sweet. She sighed, wishing she could have fallen for one of them instead of Jack. That would have made things a whole lot easier. “I’ll send you a link,” she said. “It’ll be after I make arrangements to rent the room.”

“What else?” Sam asked. “We’re going to hunt down Jack next and beat the shit out of him. Want to watch?”

“No. But could you get the last two chiweenies? I have homes for them. I was going to go by later and get them, but it would be easier if I didn’t have to.”

“Sure thing, kid.”

Sam rose and pulled Larissa to her feet, then dragged her against him. He was tall and strong and warm as he held her. She closed her eyes and let the comfort wash over her. Maybe it wasn’t romantic love, but she had love all the same. From so many sources. And maybe, just maybe, that would eventually be enough.

* * *

J
ACK
SAT
ALONE
in his living room. He’d thought that he would have a steady stream of people stopping by to tell him off, but so far there hadn’t even been one. He’d taken the last two damned chiweenies for a walk earlier that morning, hoping someone somewhere would yell at him, but they hadn’t. He’d marched through the center of town with dogs happily trotting along with him and hadn’t heard a word.

What was wrong with this place? Why weren’t they outside his house with torches and pitchforks?

His front door opened. He sat up straighter wondering if Larissa had...

Sam and Kenny walked into the living room. Jack told himself it was for the better. He couldn’t be around Larissa anymore. Not only had he hurt her—and that was in itself inexcusable—but he didn’t deserve her. She was light and good and he was nothing but a useless shell. She gave and he took up space.

He stood and waited for his friends to approach. They both looked determined. With luck, they would beat him into unconsciousness. Right now not being able to think was worth any price.

“You look like shit,” Kenny said conversationally.

“I haven’t been sleeping.”

“Good,” Sam told him. “Dammit, Jack, what the hell? Is there anyone you haven’t tried to hurt in the past couple of days? Percy is just a kid and Taryn is your best friend. I won’t even mention Larissa whose biggest crime is caring about your sorry ass. You’re a piss-poor excuse for a man.”

The words fell like rain on parched soil. They were a balm. At last, he thought with relief. Someone was going to call him on all his crap. Someone was going to tell him to his face what a useless piece of shit he was. Someone was going to speak the truth.

No one had in such a long time. Not since his brother had died.

“Sam’s right,” Kenny said. “Hasn’t Percy been through enough already? He’s homeless, Jack. He’s got nothing and you’re making him feel worse. Taryn’s looking at the happiest day of her life and you’re trying to ruin it.” The larger man approached, stopping only when he was directly in front of Jack. “You made Larissa cry. She loves you. She cares about you and you hurt her.”

He never saw the fist coming. Kenny had speed and power on his side. One second there was nothing and the next a world of pain exploded in Jack’s face. He heard the crunch of cartilage, but not the snap of bone. He staggered, and then went down on one knee. Probably because he hadn’t eaten or slept in several days, he thought woozily. He struggled to stand, then faced his friend.

“Thanks,” he said hoarsely. “Hit me again.”

Kenny shook his head. “You’re not trying to defend yourself. I’m not going to hit you when you’re down.”

“I’m not down. I’m standing.”

“You’re messed up. You need help.”

Sam walked toward the kitchen. “You’re really stupid, Jack. You know that, right?”

Jack nodded. “You’re not going to hit me again?”

“No,” Kenny said. “You’re not worth it.”

The final blow. He hadn’t seen that one coming. Jack sank back onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. A big mistake when he pressed against where Kenny had hit him. His jaw was already swelling and it hurt like hell.

Good, he told himself. He would focus on the pain.

Sam returned with an ice pack, three glasses and an unopened bottle of Scotch. One of the last ones, Jack thought eyeing the bottle. He’d told himself he needed to stop drinking, but then figured it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if he was driving anywhere. Staying drunk for the rest of his life might solve all his problems.

Sam poured the amber liquid into three glasses, then handed them out. He passed the ice pack to Jack.

Jack took a couple of sips. He eased the ice pack into place and hissed when it touched his bruised skin.

“You see Taryn?” he asked.

There was a moment of silence. He would guess Sam and Kenny were exchanging glances, each urging the other to speak. Not that Jack was looking—he had his eyes closed.

“She’s pissed and hurt,” Kenny said at last. “She won’t say why. We’re assuming you were a dick.”

“I was.” The things he’d said to her. He’d been so cruel. And for what? He loved Taryn. They’d been there for each other for over a decade. He’d married her and they’d nearly had a child together.

He drew in a breath. That was the worst of it. He didn’t know why he’d lashed out. But he had. He’d hurt her and Percy and...

He couldn’t even think her name, let alone say it. Even though the sun was out, the sky was darker now, the world colder. Without Larissa, there was nothing. And yet he’d pushed her away, too. Had forced her to go in a way that made sure she would never come back.

She loved him and he’d destroyed her.

He put down his glass and looked at his friends. “Get out.”

They stared at him, looked at each other, then put down their glasses.

“Sure thing,” Sam said, scooping up one of the chiweenies.

Kenny grabbed the other. “Don’t come back to Score,” he said before heading for the door. “You’re no longer welcome.”

They closed the door behind them. They didn’t slam it. That would say too much. Give him too much. Instead, they closed it quietly and Jack found himself exactly where he’d said he wanted to be. Completely and totally alone.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

“T
HIS
ISN
’
T
WORKING
for me,” Kenny said.

Larissa tried to steady her breathing. She had to get a little more control before she could speak. “Sorry,” she managed, as she dug in deeper, trying to get to the scar tissue.

Kenny raised himself up on his elbows and looked at her. “You’re not hurting me,” he told her. “You’re crying. I can feel your tears on my back.”

She’d hoped he wouldn’t notice. She didn’t
want
to spend all her time sobbing over Jack, it was just... “This is the first massage I’ve given since we broke up,” she admitted. “I was thinking about how much I miss him. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kenny glanced around, as if looking for something to distract her. “It’s okay. Really. I’m fine. Go back to what you were doing.”

She nodded, but didn’t move. “I can’t stop thinking about him. About us and how good we were together. I guess it’s because I’ve never been in love before. This is my first real broken heart. I keep telling myself it will get better, but it doesn’t feel like it will.”

Kenny swore, then sat up and drew her against him. She went into his embrace, letting his strong arms comfort her. Once again, there wasn’t the slightest hint of a tingle. Because Kenny was like her big brother.

“It will get better,” he promised. “You’ll see. Just give it time.”

“I have time.”

“And me. You have me.”

She looked up at him and managed a smile. “Then I have all I need.”

“Sure. Pile on the pressure. I can take it.” He cupped her face. “You gonna be okay?”

She nodded. While she wasn’t sure, she had to have faith. She had to believe, and until it was real, she had to fake it.

* * *

“T
HESE
ARE
PERFECT
,” Larissa said, looking at the furniture that had just been delivered. There were two stylized bookcases or storage units. She wasn’t sure what to call them. They were open and deep, but instead of regular shelves, the openings were more square. The sizes were perfect for inexpensive baskets to hold all her supplies.

“It’s all about knowing where to shop,” Bailey told her. “Isabel went to the estate-sale preview and told me about these. She knows I’m looking for furniture for my new house. I want a cute bedroom set for Chloe. I can refinish it myself. If I find something before I find a house, Ford and Isabel said I can store it at their place. When I saw these, I knew they’d be right for you.”

“They’re perfect,” Larissa said. Even better than how functional they were going to be was the price. Together the shelving units had cost her thirty dollars. They were in great shape and didn’t need much more than cleaning.

Larissa measured the openings, then checked against the list of basket sizes she’d gotten from the big craft shop outside of town.

“They’ll fit perfectly,” she said, showing Bailey the dimensions. “And the baskets have that cotton lining. I can wash it, so everything stays clean.”

Her massage table was already on order and she had a lease on the room for the next year. Talk about taking a big step. But it felt right.

The space was perfect for her. Large, with a couple of windows. Bailey was already talking Roman shades as coverings. There was a single sink in a narrow cabinet that gave her enough counter space to heat wet packs along with river rocks if she wanted to do hot stone massage. Even with the huge massage table Kenny and Sam had picked out, she would still have room for a desk, a bench and a corner storage unit.

Bailey pulled the paint chips out of her bag. “Okay, then, onto the next thing. What color do you want? I think we should narrow it down to your favorite three or four. Then we’ll go get samples and paint squares on the wall.”

“You can do that?”

“Sure. The hardware store will make up little cans of paint to try at home. It’s great. They’re, like, three dollars each. A chip is one thing, but seeing the paint in place changes everything.”

“How do you know so much about home improvement?”

Bailey shrugged. “I was raised by my grandmother. Money was tight, but that didn’t stop her from being creative. She was a big believer in turning trash into treasure. I know how to make a nickel cry for mercy.”

“Then you’re my decorating guru.” Larissa took the paint chips and flipped through them. “I need a neutral color that is calming and appealing to both men and women.”

“So not pink or lavender?”

“Probably not.”

They went through dozens of choices before settling on a couple of sage greens, two blues and a warm ivory.

“Perfect,” Bailey said. “The next step is to get the samples. Why don’t we grab some lunch and then go to the hardware store?”

Larissa wrinkled her nose. “You must have better things to do than babysit me today. What about Chloe?”

“She’s with a couple of her friends. It’s an all-day birthday party. She’s going to be exhausted when she gets home.” Bailey smiled. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me.”

“Not stuck. I love the company.”

“Good. Let’s go to Jo’s. I’m dying for nachos.”

Larissa couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like eating. It would have been before things had ended with Jack. Since then she’d only picked at food. Nothing interested her and she was never hungry. But now she felt a little rumbling in her stomach.

“Nachos do sound good,” she admitted. “Okay, let’s go.”

They left the day spa and walked along Fifth. There were plenty of tourists in town for the End of Summer festival, but they mostly kept to the main streets, leaving the rest of town for the locals. It was a good system, Larissa thought. One that allowed the dollars to flow in while keeping things livable.

“I talked to my mom a few days ago,” Larissa said as they crossed the street.

“Did she try to talk you into moving back to L.A.?”

“Yes, but not very hard. I told her I liked it here, that I’d made a lot of friends and had a good life. She was sorry Jack hurt me but relieved it was over. She was very supportive.” There’d been an offer of money, but with Taryn, Kenny and Sam buying her the massage table, she could swing the rest of it herself.

“I promised to go home for Thanksgiving,” she continued. “So everyone can see I’m okay. By then I’m hoping to tell them my business is a success.”

“It will be,” Bailey said confidently. “You’re good at what you do and you’re going to have steady customers.”

Larissa nodded. Kenny and Sam were promising to want regular massages. For a second she wondered where Jack was getting his massages. Probably in Sacramento, she thought, trying not to let the knowledge hurt her. Or maybe there was someone else in town. Not that he or she would understand how to work the scar tissue so it didn’t—

Not her problem anymore, she reminded herself firmly. Jack had chosen to walk away from her. From what they could have been together. There were consequences to every action. He was going to have to deal with his.

“I should really be going on a diet,” Bailey said, “and all I can think about is what kind of nachos Jo is going to have on special today. Maybe I need food counseling.”

Larissa stared at her. “What are you talking about? You look great. You have curves. No one is going to think you look like a boy.”

“No one thinks that about you, either,” Bailey pointed out. She patted her hips. “I could lose ten pounds. Or twenty. I probably should. Maybe if I started walking or something. It’s just I’ve never been a fan of exercise. And when I see Taryn’s bony butt, I just want to eat a brownie.”

“She is intimidating.”

“Yeah, right. You’re the same size.”

Normally Larissa was a few pounds heavier, but she knew that right now she could easily fit into any of Taryn’s tightest dresses. Not eating had a way of doing that to a person.

“Not all exercise requires sweat,” she told her friend. “Have you tried yoga?”

“I’m not super bendy,” Bailey admitted. “Or coordinated.”

“Neither is necessary. All the moves can be modified to your level of flexibility and fitness. The nice part is it forces you to focus on your breathing and your body for an hour. There’s no escaping that. With running or weight training, you can get lost in what you’re doing. But with the emphasis on breath with movement, yoga brings you back to the present.”

“That does sound nice,” Bailey admitted, although she still sounded a little doubtful. “I’ll see if there’s a class somewhere I can try.”

They walked into Jo’s.

It took Larissa’s eyes a second to adjust to the dimmer lighting after being out in the bright afternoon sun. When she’d blinked a couple of times she saw the familiar bar, the specials on the chalkboard—pulled pork nachos today—and the tables and booths.

Speaking of which, several of the tables had been pushed together for a large party and several of the guests were already there. She blinked again as she recognized Taryn and Isabel, along with Felicia, Patience, Dellina, Fayrene and Ana Raquel.

“You’re late,” Taryn said as she approached them. “We’ve all been drinking and it’s not even one in the afternoon.” She hugged Larissa. “Hey, you. How are you feeling?”

Jo carried over pitchers of margaritas. “Nachos are coming up, along with chips, salsa and guacamole.” She gave Larissa a sympathetic smile. “Some men are jerks. The next one won’t be.”

Patience gave her a hug. “She’s right. I’m so sorry about Jack. Taryn says I can’t ask my husband to shoot him, but if that changes, let me know. Justice is an excellent shot.”

One by one Larissa’s friends welcomed her and offered words of support, threats to Jack or both. She was seated in the center of the group with everyone around her. Margaritas were poured.

She turned to Bailey. “You did this?”

“I put out the word that we’d be coming here for lunch,” the redhead told her. “The rest of it just sort of happened.”

Taryn grabbed her hand. “We love you. Where else would we be?”

Larissa felt a slight easing of the pain in her heart. Healing, she thought with relief. Finally there was going to be a little healing.

* * *

J
ACK
WALKED
INTO
Taryn’s office and put the envelope on her desk. She barely glanced at him as she typed on her computer.

“What?” she asked.

He pointed to the letter. “That’s for you.”

She kept her attention on her screen. “I’ll deal with it later.”

She was ignoring him. He got that. He even liked it. But this was different.

“That’s my letter of resignation. I’m leaving the firm.”

He waited for her to react. Because they’d been together a long time. He couldn’t just go off on his own.

She glanced at the paper, then back to her screen. “Okay. Like I said, I’ll deal with it later.”

“That’s it? That’s all I get? I tell you I’m quitting and you’ll deal with it later.”

She sighed, then turned to face him. “What do you want, Jack? Should I cry? Should I beg you not to go? You’re a grown man. You can make your own decisions. If you want out of Score, fine. We have plenty of clients. Bringing in new ones isn’t that important. Kenny can handle that himself. So go.”

He genuinely didn’t understand. “Just like that? I deserve a hell of a lot more.”

She rose and faced him, her desk between them. “Do you? I guess I don’t agree. The Jack I used to know, the great guy who saved me from sleeping in my car when we first met, he deserves more. The man I married all those years ago, yes, I would ask him to stay. But you’re not that guy anymore. You haven’t been for a while. So no, I don’t feel a whole lot of obligation.”

Her violet eyes snapped with anger. “You’re a self-indulgent bastard who’s trying to ruin himself. I have no problem with that. What I object to is your attempt to take the rest of us with you. You were my friend, Jack. My best friend in the world. I trusted you more than I trusted anyone except Angel, and you betrayed me. You were deliberately cruel. But I can deal with that because there’s nothing you can do to me that can compare with what I’ve been through before. But not Larissa.”

He held himself steady as her words attacked. Each one was a cut or a body blow. Each made him a little smaller and if he stayed here long enough he would cease to exist. But he couldn’t move. He deserved this. All of it.

“Her only crime is loving you,” Taryn continued. “Loving all of us. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. And you wanted that. You wanted her to be your front, so you could look like a nice guy. You wanted her causes because watching her take care of everyone around you made you feel alive. But you’re not. You haven’t been since Lucas died. You’ve been going through the motions.”

She leaned toward him. “You know why Lucas got sick and died? Because he still had a heart. You never did. You fooled us all. Well, not anymore, Jack.” She picked up the envelope. “You want to quit? Great. Because we want you gone.”

She lowered herself to her chair and returned her attention to her computer. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”