Until We Touch (21 page)

She went down the stairs of her apartment building and decided to head for the park. She would take the trail there. It was a beautiful late-summer morning. There was the slightest hint of crispness to the air. Fall wasn’t that far away.

Larissa started with a fast walk as her warm-up. She crossed the street and wondered what all the trees would look like as they changed colors. She imagined children playing in piles of leaves.

This would be her first year with the full change of seasons, she thought happily. In Los Angeles, the passing months were marked by different clothing in the stores, but the actual temperatures didn’t vary that much. It was in the sixties in winter and near a hundred in the summer. But it wasn’t as if they ever got super cold or had snow. Some years it barely rained.

She picked up her pace to a slow jog. She was looking forward to snow and all the fall and winter festivals. Christmas was going to be great, she thought happily. Beautiful and fun. She’d heard rumors of a giving tree, where you could pick a tag from a child and get them a gift. That would be fun.

She reached the park and started along the jogging path. Her pace increased, as did her breathing. Would she be spending Christmas with Jack this year? Of course, they were frequently together around the holidays, but things were different now. They were together. She spent a few nights a week at his place.

A week or so ago, she would have said yes, of course they would be together for the holidays, but now she wasn’t so sure. While she was supposed to be getting over Jack, she was actually falling for him more each day. He, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have the same problem. He’d been unable to plan for six or seven months in the future.

Obviously her “get over Jack” plan had flaws. Like the fact that spending time with him only made her want to be with him more. And the thought of being with anyone else was horrifying. Which didn’t bode well for her future. She wanted...

She wanted what Dellina had, she admitted to herself. A happy relationship with a future. She wanted what Taryn had. A gleam in her eye when she talked about the man she loved. She wanted to be the most important person in someone’s life. She wanted to matter.

She wanted to be more than her causes.

Larissa came to a stop in the middle of the path and blinked against unexpected tears. That was it, she realized. She wanted to be more than the woman who rescued owls and snakes and chiweenies. She wanted to be a part of something that lasted longer than a temporary rescue. She wanted a family of her own. She wanted love and happiness and forever.

Maybe it was her fault that her parents had had to get married and maybe it wasn’t. The guilt had been with her so long, she couldn’t imagine what it would feel like not to have it. But however she’d come to exist in the world, she deserved more than the half life she was living. Her happiness or lack thereof didn’t change the past. It only affected her future.

* * *

“Y
OU
SURE
ABOUT
THIS
?”
Percy asked, sounding doubtful.

Jack laughed. “Kid, it’s no big deal. I mean come on. It’s golf.”

Percy didn’t look convinced. Jack guessed that from his perspective, the scene was a little chaotic. The charity event had begun with a breakfast with the pros and the celebrities were introduced. Percy had gone a little wide-eyed when he’d realized that a couple of basketball greats were part of the lineup, along with baseball players, a few guys from the car-racing world and several actors.

Adding to the noise were the paparazzi and the spectators milling around.

“I don’t know anything about golf,” Percy admitted. “Larissa gave me a couple of articles to read last week. I got through them okay, and I understand the basics. But you have to pick clubs and stuff. I can’t help with that.”

Jack put his hand on the teen’s shoulder. “You want to be my caddy?”

“Yes, but—”

“No buts. You’ll have a great time.” He paused. “Melissa will be impressed.”

That had Percy grinning. “Anything I can do to impress her works for me.”

“Yeah? Why did I think you were going to say that?”

They were by the clubhouse at the Fool’s Gold golf course. The Pro-am was being played on a public course, which added to the logistics involved. Raoul Moreno was one of the key sponsors and a large portion of the proceeds would go to his organization, End Zone for Kids.

Jack thought it was interesting that he’d agreed to the event long before Percy had shown up. And that Percy had been brought to town by End Zone. Life was nothing if not coincidental.

He’d already met the other men in his foursome. There were two professional golfers, Jack and an action movie star named Jonny Blaze.

Jack watched as Jonny stood in a crowd of women. He signed autographs on paper, pictures of himself and—Jack cringed—one young woman’s cleavage.

Kenny walked up and saw the crowd.

“Don’t judge,” his friend told him. “He’s still in his twenties. It’ll get better as he gets older.”

“Not everyone matures,” Jack said.

“True enough. Sam and I are wagering on the game. We wondered if you wanted in on the bet.”

“Sure. A hundred bucks a stroke?”

“Done.” Kenny offered a fist for Jack to bump.

Jack knew that regardless of who won, the money would go to charity. Still, he wanted to be the one to walk away with the bragging rights.

Larissa hurried toward them. She had a large tote over one shoulder. She pointed at Kenny. “I’ve already seen you,” she said.

“You have and it was memorable.”

Larissa laughed, then turned to Jack and Percy. She set her tote on the grass and started pulling out the contents.

“Event hats,” she said, handing them each one. “Very stylish.”

“Nice,” Percy said, trying his on, then adjusting the sizing band for the baseball cap.

She straightened again and held out a tube of sunscreen. “Both of you,” she said firmly. “It’s a warm sunny day.”

Percy frowned. “You do know I’m black, right?”

“You can still get burned and sun damage. Don’t you want to still look hot when you’re forty?”

He grinned. “I’ll always look hot.”

“There’s the attitude. Now put on the sunscreen, young man.”

Jack was already applying his. He knew better than to argue.

“Stay hydrated,” Larissa added. “When the drink cart comes around, take water.” She pointed at Percy. “You can have soda when you’ve had two waters. Promise?”

The teen signed heavily. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” She looked at Jack. “You, on the other hand, know the importance of hydration. Have you met the other guys in your foursome?”

“We have,” Percy told her. “We have Jonny Blaze.”

Larissa wrinkled her nose. “He was signing breasts earlier. Women were actually pulling down their shirts and having him sign their cleavage. Don’t you think that’s a little skanky?”

“I don’t know,” Kenny began, then stopped talking when Larissa glared at him. The former receiver cleared his throat. “Yes, it’s very skanky. They should be ashamed.”

Jack nodded. “Appalling.”

“I don’t care that you’re humoring me,” Larissa told them both. “I appreciate it.”

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed Jack, then hugged Percy and Kenny.

“All right. Everyone do good. I’ll be cheering from the sidelines.”

With that, she waved and hurried off. No doubt to hunt down Sam, Jack thought, watching her go.

Her ponytail bounced with each step. She moved with purpose and grace. She was quite a woman, he thought happily. And later that night, he would have her naked in his bed. Life, he decided, was very, very good.

* * *

L
IFE
WENT
TO
HELL
later that afternoon, Jack thought as he faced President Newham at the end of his first round. His team had done pretty well, considering Jonny Blaze was more interested in posing for pictures than playing golf. But when the action star focused, he had a decent swing and could get the ball on the green. But the women constantly lifting up their shirts and flashing their boobs was making it difficult for them all to keep their heads in the game.

With the eighteen holes finished, all he wanted was to have a beer, grab Larissa, eat dinner, then go to bed. He would take things in the opposite order, except he had Percy along with him.

But all that was put on hold when the university president asked if she could have a word.

“Now?” he asked.

“Yes.” She sounded very certain. “This will only take a minute.”

Percy didn’t know who President Newham was, but obviously recognized her innate authority. The teen took possession of Jack’s clubs and announced, “I’ll wait for you here.”

Jack’s sense of foreboding only got worse when he followed President Newham into a small meeting room in the clubhouse and found Mayor Marsha waiting for them. No good ever came from an unscheduled meeting with her.

“You played well today, Jack,” the mayor said by way of greeting.

He nodded cautiously. The small windowless conference room only had one exit. And right now, it looked very far away.

He tried to distract himself from his sense of dread by paying attention to details. The mayor, for example, wore a suit, like she always did. With pearls. They were at a golf course. Couldn’t she lighten up? Put on some jeans and maybe a T-shirt?

Trying to generate the image required more imagination than he had, but the effort was enough to allow him to relax a little.

“Jonny Blaze seems nice enough,” the mayor added. “Although he needs a little maturing.”

Jack held up both hands. “If you’re asking me to take him—”

“Not why we’re here,” President Newham said. “Jack, we wanted you to be the first to know that we’re moving ahead with reactivating the football program at Cal U Fool’s Gold. The regents have approved preliminary funding.”

He stared at her. “That’s great. I’m surprised they came through. It’s going to take a lot of work, but in the end, you’ll add to the prestige of the school and the bottom line.” He started to add it would be a win-win, but something about the way both women were looking at him made his mouth go dry.

“What?” he asked, his voice a little higher than he would like.

“There’s a condition,” Mayor Marsha said. “For the funding.” She and the university president exchanged a look.

“They’re very specific about who they want running the program,” President Newham added. “And that person, Jack, is you.”

* * *

T
HE
NEXT
MORNING
, Jack was still randomly telling people no. He’d said it to the mayor, the university president and neither of them had listened. Percy had thought the news was cool and Larissa had stared at him as if he’d just solved every animal welfare problem on the planet. Even Taryn had nodded sagely and said she could see him taking on something like that.

What no one seemed to remember was that he didn’t get involved. Ever. He wasn’t that guy. He was the one who wrote the check. Other people did the work. Other people got involved. Other people cared. He was heartless Jack and he liked it that way.

He joined the other players on the course. Jonny Blaze looked as if he’d been at it all night. Jack knew he’d slept just as little, but for far less fun reasons. He’d tried, but he’d been unable to relax. Him start a football team? He wasn’t a coach. He didn’t know the first thing about coaching. He wasn’t the guy the university should depend on to get the program up and running.

He had to explain that. Yesterday he’d said no. They’d pressed him. Unfortunately he’d been too shocked to do more than promise to think about it. But now...

The guys and their caddies headed toward the tee. The two pros went first. Jack carried his iron in his hands. Jonny Blaze stepped close to him.

“You’re doing good,” the action star said. “Only five strokes behind the pros. My last two holes yesterday really blew.” He yawned. “I’m feeling more on my game today.”

Jack wondered how that was possible. “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks.” Jonny nodded toward Percy. “You must have been about twelve when you had him. You have the same eyes. His mother must have been hot as hell.”

It took a second for the meaning of the words to sink in.

Jonny thought Percy was his? Jack felt the noose of responsibility tightening around his throat. He didn’t need one more thing right now. He was already getting in too deep with Larissa and now the college coming after him to be the coach?

“He’s not mine,” he said quickly. “He’s a responsibility that won’t go away.”

As soon as the words were out, Jack regretted them. None of this was Percy’s fault. Besides, he liked the teen a lot. Sometimes helping Percy was the best part of his day.

But before he could say any of that, he heard a crash. He turned and saw the teen had dropped his bag of clubs onto the grass and was running in the opposite direction.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

L
ARISSA
STOOD
ON
the porch of the large house and waited for someone to answer the door. Taryn had found the address for her, although it had taken nearly a day and a half. Apparently halfway house locations weren’t heavily advertised.

The front door opened and a woman in her mid-thirties stepped out. She was pretty, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Percy,” Larissa said. “I heard he was here.”

The woman hesitated for a second, then nodded. “Sure. What’s your name?”

“Larissa.”

“I’ll tell him you’re here.”

With that she stepped back into the house and closed the door. Larissa didn’t check, but she was pretty sure the door had locked automatically. She had a feeling that was a lot more about keeping people out than keeping the residents in.

She paced the width of the porch while she waited. The last day had been awful. Percy had disappeared during the tournament and she couldn’t figure out why. Jack had said it was his fault, but he wouldn’t tell her what had happened. No one had seen or heard anything. She thought Percy was happy in his new life. She thought he was excited about his future. So what had gone wrong?

The door opened and Percy stepped out onto the porch. Until that second, she hadn’t realized that she’d half expected him to refuse to see her.

She rushed toward him and wrapped her arms around him. He was still for a second, before hugging her back.

“I’ve missed you,” she told him, moving back so she could see his face. “Are you okay?”

One corner of his mouth turned up. “Larissa, it’s been a
day
. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Fine people don’t leave. You just left.”

His gaze shifted from her to something over her shoulder. “I had to go. I can’t mooch off you forever.”

“Who said anything about mooching? You’re a part of the Score family.” She stared into his dark eyes. “Why did you leave? What happened?”

Percy raised one shoulder and looked past her again. “Nothing. It was time. Look, I have to live my own life. It’s time for me to be a man.”

“You’re already a man. Percy, come on. What about finishing your GED and going to college?”

“I’m still going to do that. I’m going to be a teacher and help kids like me.” His gaze returned to hers. “This is better. Jack doesn’t need me crowding him. I’m looking for a job. I’ll be fine. The people here are decent. Don’t worry about me.”

There was so much information in that short speech, she thought. She didn’t know where to start.

“Why would you think you crowd Jack? He likes you. He likes having you around. You’re like family.”

Percy’s expression tightened. “I’m not family, Larissa. I’m a project. You think I don’t know that?”

“No,” she said stubbornly. “It’s not like that. It’s never been like that.”

He looked at her then and for a moment, he seemed much older than his years. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not going to change my mind about college or being a teacher. I’m going to get it done. I’ve talked to the people here and they’re going to help me get a job.”

“You already have a job at Score.”

His mouth twisted. “I have a made-up position. I want a job I got because of who I am, not who I know.”

“It’s not like that,” she said again. “Percy, this is all wrong. Come home. If you don’t want to stay with Jack, stay with me.”

The smile returned. “I’ve seen your apartment. You don’t have room for Dyna, let alone me. It’s better this way.”

“It’s not.” She felt her eyes fill with tears. “What happened? Just tell me that. Something happened to make everything different.”

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. The action was so much like what Jack would have done.

“I was trying to rescue you,” she admitted. “And now you’ve gone and grown up.”

He chuckled. “I had to eventually.”

“We could have put it off a while longer.”

He released her. “I’m okay, Larissa. Thank you for all your help. You really did save me. I’m staying in town, so we’ll still see each other. But I gotta make my own way. I hope you understand that.”

She nodded, even though she didn’t. She didn’t understand at all.

* * *

T
ARYN
WALKED
INTO
Jack’s office without knocking. Unfortunately he wasn’t on the phone, so he couldn’t pretend to be busy. Because when Taryn had fire in her eyes, it was always best to be somewhere she was not.

Still, he wasn’t going to let her know she had him worried, so he gave her a smile and then leaned back in his chair.

“What’s up?” he asked, even though he already had a good idea of the problem.

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You hurt that kid and that means you hurt Larissa, too.”

The smile faded and he brought himself into an upright position. An unfamiliar crawling sensation coiled in his belly and it took him a second to realize it was shame. Not that he would admit to it.

“We all took Percy in,” she continued. “We were there for him. You’ve got Sam and Kenny tutoring him so he can get his GED. We all care and now he’s gone. Worse, he won’t say what happened.”

“Then how do you know it was me?”

She rolled her eyes. “Seriously? That’s your defense? Dammit, Jack, you can’t act like this.”

“Why not?” He rose and glared at her, fighting an anger that surprised him with its intensity. “You care. Kenny cares. Sam cares. Great. I don’t. Percy was one more problem Larissa dumped at my feet. I did what I could and now he’s gone.”

“I don’t accept that,” she snapped. “You can tell the rest of the world you don’t give a shit, but I know differently.”

“You don’t know as much as you think you know. Too many people want too much. You’re all dragging me down. Percy was dead weight.”

He had no idea where the words were coming from, but he couldn’t stop them. He narrowed his gaze.

“You may not like the truth,” he continued, “but that doesn’t change it. I’m the guy who writes a check.”

“There’s more to you than that,” she said firmly.

“You think? I can prove it. I don’t care that Percy’s gone. As for you, I’m not interested in being in your wedding. You have enough people helping you play princess.”

Taryn’s face went white. She sucked in a breath, but didn’t speak. Just as well, because he was already walking out the door.

* * *

L
ARISSA
PAUSED
IN
the center of town. The decorations were up for the Fall Festival the following weekend. Normally she loved seeing the process of “dressing” the storefronts and streetlights. But today seeing it all didn’t seem to be helping. Everything was wrong and she didn’t know how to make it right. In a matter of a couple of days, her whole world was upside down.

Percy was still gone. He’d gotten a job working for Josh Golden at the cycling school. He was learning how to repair the bikes and keep them ready for the rental side of the business. He said the halfway house was a good place to be and Kenny and Sam swore he was still coming in for his tutoring sessions.

But it wasn’t the same, she thought sadly. Percy wasn’t a part of her day-to-day life. She didn’t see him as much. Which, she realized, made it all about her. What was far more important was what had happened between Percy and Jack. Because that had been the beginning of the trouble.

She hadn’t seen Jack since Tuesday. He hadn’t been in the office and Taryn wasn’t talking and from what she could tell, Kenny and Sam were genuinely clueless.

The two remaining chiweenies with Jack were still being walked by volunteers and none of them claimed to have seen him. What really had her worried was he wasn’t taking her calls. Jack always took her calls. Two years ago, he’d answered her call while having sex with one of his bimbos. But now he wouldn’t talk to her? What was going on?

Her cell phone rang. She grabbed it and pushed the button.

“Hello? Jack?”

“Uh, no. This is Martin Guley. I got your name from a mutual friend. I work for an animal shelter in Sacramento and we have an unusual situation. A family took in a mountain lion as a cub. Now she’s grown to the point where they can’t keep her and I was told you might be able to help. We only need a home for her until we can figure out what to do. So a few weeks at best. She’s friendly, but she can be a little rough on the furniture.”

Larissa’s first instinct was to say of course she could help with the mountain lion. Jack’s place was plenty big. Only she’d been forced to admit that maybe she was guilty of hiding behind her causes. She couldn’t rescue the world. Her time would be far better spent trying to make her little piece of it better.

“Martin, I’m afraid I can’t take in a mountain lion right now. However, I do have the names of several large-cat rescue facilities. They’ll have the space and the resources to help. I’m on my way home right now. I’ll email you the contact info within the hour.”

“Thanks so much,” Martin said gratefully. “I’m new to the shelter and I didn’t know what to do.”

“Not a problem.”

She hung up and started walking toward her apartment. She would get Martin the information he needed, then get a couple of cat cuddles from Dyna to heal her restless heart. But after that, she didn’t have a plan...except maybe to confront Jack and get to the bottom of what on earth was going on.

* * *

L
ARISSA
LET
HERSELF
into Jack’s house around four that afternoon. “It’s me,” she called as she closed the front door behind her.

The last two chiweenies came running to greet her. She petted them both, then walked into the large living room.

“Jack?”

“I’m here.”

He was sitting on the sofa. His hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, which made her wonder if he’d showered. He wore a worn T-shirt over jeans. His feet were bare. One of his dress shirts lay in tatters on the carpet by the coffee table. It had obviously been sacrificed to the chiweenies. More troubling was the bottle of Scotch in front of him and the half-empty glass next to it.

She bit her lower lip. Jack wasn’t one to drink alone and certainly not in the middle of the day. Something was very, very wrong.

She crossed to the sofa and sat angled toward him. He didn’t bother looking at her. Instead, he stared straight ahead, but with purpose. As if there was something going on that only he could see.

“Jack,” she said softly. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me. You just disappeared the other day. You’re not taking my calls. Taryn’s upset so I know something happened with her. Plus, Percy’s gone.”

He picked up the glass and swallowed the contents. “Damn fool kid.”

He turned to look at her. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. She wanted to pull him close and let her love heal him. Instead, she stayed where she was and let him tell her whatever it was he had to say.

“Where is he?” Jack asked.

“A halfway house. He got a job with Josh Golden, at the cycling school, and he’s still studying with Kenny and Sam.”

“They’re good men. They won’t screw up.”

“You didn’t screw up.”

One eyebrow rose. “You can’t defend me because you don’t know what happened.” He poured another drink. “Because it’s all my fault, Larissa. I destroyed it all.” He picked up the glass. “You know what? I turned down the job.”

Was he drunk? He sure wasn’t making any sense.

“What job?”

“For the football program. Like I know anything about how to do it.”

She clasped her hands together. “Jack, you would have been so good with the players.”

“Would I?” His dark gaze settled on her face. “Yeah, I don’t think so. Because I’m the reason Percy left. At the tournament Jonny Blaze asked if he was my kid. He said we had the same eyes.”

“You’re pretty young to be his father,” she said.

“That’s not the point.” Jack’s voice was angry. “I don’t want that kid. Any kid. I would be a lousy father.”

“No, you wouldn’t. You would do a great job.”

“You’re blind. I told him that Percy wasn’t mine. That he was a problem that wouldn’t go away.”

Larissa felt her eyes widen. “Jack,” she began.

He cut her off with a shake of his head. “I didn’t mean it, or maybe I did. Hell if I know anything anymore. Percy heard. That’s why he left. Nobody wants to be charity, Larissa. People don’t want to be saved, they want to believe they can save themselves.”

She considered what he’d just said. “Have you talked to him? If you explain it was an accident and you’re sorry, then he’ll come back.”

“He’s not coming back,” Jack told her. “And I don’t want him to. He needed too much. I’m not getting involved. I write the checks, you do the rest of it.”

“Jack, no.”

“Face it. I’m the sales guy. I’m into flash. I tell the customers what they want and Taryn takes care of the rest. It’s better that way. That’s what I told President Newham and the mayor. Thanks but no thanks. I’m not your guy.”

This was a side of Jack she hadn’t seen before. Coldly cynical and almost mean.

“No,” she said firmly. “You’re wrong. You’re more than a sales guy. You love what you do. As for coaching, you should really think about it. It would fill your soul.”

He laughed and took a drink. “My soul is plenty full.”

“You have to give back,” she persisted. “It’s the law of the jungle. You have more so you have to give more.”

He gave her a withering look. “That’s not the law of the jungle. I believe what you’re searching for is kill or be killed. I’m taking the easy way out, Larissa. I always have. Why can’t you see that?”

What she saw was how much he hated himself right now. He felt pressured by the job offer and he’d reacted badly. She knew all the reasons why. She understood him, she always had. He—

She looked at him and got it. He was pushing them all away because it made it easier for him to deal with what was happening. After years of not getting involved, he was being sucked in. By her, by the town, by Percy and the university. The need to connect overwhelmed him. The lashing out was simply a symptom.