Until We Touch (22 page)

She slid toward him and put her hand on his arm. “Jack, it’s okay. We’ll get through this together.”

“I doubt that.”

“You don’t understand. You can’t scare me away. I love you.” She paused as the truth sank in. “I’m not trying to get over you. I don’t think I ever was. I’m in love with you and I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”

* * *

J
ACK
HAD
ENJOYED
his English classes in college. Writing papers had come easy to him, mostly because he knew how to spread about the bullshit with the best of them. He could read a book and then answer essay questions with ease.

He remembered some book about a guy who had no purpose and how that was its own brand of hell. He hadn’t understood it at the time, but he got it now. Because he was that guy. At one time he’d had a goal—to win. And before that, well, no reason to go there. Now, however, there was nothing. He’d already destroyed his relationship with Percy and Taryn, why not go for gold?

He stood up, careful to carry his glass with him. He turned to face Larissa, taking in her blue eyes, the fullness of her mouth. He knew everything about her, so he knew exactly where to slide the knife.

“Don’t love me,” he told her. “I’m not interested in your love. Or you. I can’t save you and if I could, I wouldn’t.”

She stared at him without flinching. “I don’t need saving.”

“Sure you do. Without me, you have no causes. And without your causes, you’re nothing.”

Her shoulders squared and her chin came up. “You’re wrong. I have value. We all do. You’re a whole lot more than just the guy who writes the checks.”

“But I don’t want to be. I’m not interested in the work involved.”

He’d already offered all he had to save his brother and he’d been turned down. He knew what it was like to beg to save the person he loved most in the world. And he knew what it was like to watch him die.

But he’d gotten through Lucas’s funeral and the days that followed. He’d hung on. Until his parents had come to him and explained they were leaving the country. They were going to some village in Africa to help poor children. Jack wasn’t sure what they would do there—he’d stopped listening. Because the real message had mattered more. They were leaving because there was nothing left for them here. Having a son who was living, having him around, wasn’t important enough.

That was the moment that had truly changed him. He’d said all the right things—that he was heading off to college and of course, he would be fine on his own. He had his friends and football. He didn’t need his parents. At that moment, watching them leave, he’d vowed never to give his heart again. He’d vowed never to get involved again, and he’d kept that promise. For a while he’d gotten soft. He’d allowed himself to care about Taryn, about Larissa. But all that was over now. Taryn was gone and he was about to get rid of Larissa.

“Jack, you have to believe in yourself.”

“I do,” he told her, then took a drink. “It’s you I don’t believe in. You’re fired.”

She stared at him. “What?”

“You’re fired. I’m your boss at Score and I’m firing you. Go get your things out of the building, turn in your key and never come back. I want nothing to do with you.”

For a second she didn’t move. In that heartbeat, he found himself hoping she would call him on his asshole behavior. That she would force him to see that he was making a mistake and doing things he would regret. He wanted her to be the one to show him the error of his ways. Because somewhere inside there was still enough humanity to know that one day soon he was going to have regrets.

But he’d placed the knife too perfectly and she didn’t have the strength. He saw the way her hands trembled. He saw the tears fill her eyes. She swallowed, then nodded and stood.

As she walked past him, she paused.

He’d always had the gift of timing in the game and apparently it followed him into life. Now he was able to sigh with the right combination of long suffering and boredom before shaking his head.

“Don’t bother telling me you love me,” he said. “I can’t stand to hear it again.”

A single tear slipped down her cheek. Jack watched it and felt that knife he’d placed so deliberately turn and cut through him. It made its way to the aching part of his own heart—the part that had never healed—and found a home there. The pain made it impossible to move, impossible to breathe. He could only stand there bleeding from the inside out and watch the very essence of who he had always wanted to be walk out without once looking back.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

L
ARISSA
LAY
STRETCHED
on her sofa with Dyna sprawled across her. The fluffy cat purred loudly and stared into Larissa’s eyes, as if offering all the feline support she had.

“Thank you,” Larissa murmured, her voice muffled because her throat hurt. It was all the crying, she thought with a sniff. The horror of what had happened with Jack yesterday hadn’t gotten any better with the passage of a night and most of a morning. Her heart was still as shattered, her spirit crushed. Right now all that kept her going was the purring devotion of her cat.

“I’m glad we’ve bonded,” she told Dyna, tears slipping from the outer corners of her eyes and down her temples to get lost in her hair. “It really helps to know you’re here for me.”

Dyna’s gaze never wavered.

“It’s just I don’t understand,” she continued. “Jack is a lot of things. He can be stubborn and when he’s tired he can be a little snappish. He resists getting involved. But he’s also giving and fair. He’s been there for everyone he cares about. He’s never once been mean.”

But he’d been plenty mean yesterday. He’d broken her heart and left her feeling small. As if the gift of her love was both annoying and a burden.

She’d spent a long night trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Because something had. Something big. Something that had made him lash out.

She cradled Dyna and sat up, then wiped her face. She really had to get moving on her day. For one thing, she had to clear out her stuff from Score. Although just thinking about that was enough to get her crying again.

She set her cat on the warm sofa cushion and walked into her tiny kitchen. Once there she boiled water for tea and then sniffed through waiting for the bag to steep. Once the tea was ready, she carried it back to the living room and set it on the coffee table.

She stared at the pad of paper she’d dug out sometime in the long night. She needed to start making lists. If she didn’t work at Score, what was she going to do with her life? Should she stay in Fool’s Gold or move back to L.A.? The former meant seeing Jack, which added a whole new level of salt in the wound, while leaving was a lot like giving up. More important, she really
liked
living in Fool’s Gold. She liked her friends and the community. She wanted to see it at Christmas and in the spring.

Just as pressing was how she was going to make her living. She’d never been much of a saver. All her extra money had gone to various causes. She looked around the apartment and consoled herself with the fact that the rent was cheap. So she could stay and get a job.

She heard footsteps on the stairs outside her door, followed by a knock. Her heart knew better than to hope, so she figured her visitor had to be one of her friends.

She opened the front door and found both Taryn and Bailey waiting for her. An unusual pairing, she thought, fighting more tears. At some point, wasn’t she going to run out of fluids?

Taryn didn’t say anything. Instead, she reached for Larissa and held her close.

“That man is a total jackass. I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s something. And I’m willing to bet it’s all about him and not us. Even so, I’m sorry he hurt you.”

Larissa accepted the comforting and told herself that having good friends was going to get her through this. Bailey hugged her, as well, then they all went into the apartment.

“How did you find out?” Larissa asked when she’d gotten her guests tea and they’d settled on the sofa and single chair. Dyna remained loyal and curled up on Larissa’s lap.

Taryn groaned. “He called me this morning. He said he wouldn’t be in and you wouldn’t, either. I figured that was good news until he said he’d fired you.” She reached across the couch and took Larissa’s hand. “So what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Larissa admitted. “He was upset and we were talking. I wanted to know what had gone on between him and Percy.” She thought about what Jack had told her and still had trouble believing it.

“Jonny Blaze asked if he was Percy’s father. Jack took the question badly. He said he would be a lousy father, which I don’t think is true. He holds himself back a lot emotionally but I know he cares. If he had a child—”

Taryn squeezed her fingers. “Honey, stay on topic please.”

“What? Oh. Sorry. He said that Percy was a problem that wouldn’t go away.”

Bailey winced. “And Percy heard? No wonder he left. I feel so awful for him. That would have been devastating.”

“Jack’s on a roll,” Taryn muttered. “He blew me off and he was a real jerk about it.”

“He’s overwhelmed by everything that’s happening,” Larissa said quickly. “He was offered the job of rebuilding the university’s football team. I think he wants to take it but he won’t let himself. Because he can’t do it without connecting with the players. And he doesn’t want to risk himself by caring. You know, because of everything that happened to him with his brother.”

Taryn swore. “You are way too nice. Stop defending him. Jack ripped out your heart and did a touchdown dance on the pieces.”

Larissa swallowed against the lump in her throat. “I know what he did.”

Taryn groaned, then leaned toward her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be insensitive. It’s just you’re still taking his side in all this.”

“I can’t help it. I understand what he went through as a kid—always having to be the good one, the quiet one, because Lucas was sick. Then his brother got the transplant and for a little while Jack believed he was going to have a normal life.”

Taryn sighed. “You’re making me crazy. You know that, right?”

“I do.”

Taryn looked at Bailey. “Jack’s brother had a heart condition that required a transplant. Only it didn’t go well and he died. Then Jack’s parents took off, leaving him on his own.” She turned back to Larissa. “Okay, he had it rough. That doesn’t excuse what he’s doing now.”

“No, it doesn’t, but it explains it.” She thought about what it was like to be with Jack and knew that bad with him was better than great with anyone else. “I love him. I don’t want to get over him and find someone else. I want him to love me back. I want us to be together always.” The tears returned and filled her eyes. “He doesn’t want me. What if I love him forever?”

Bailey moved to the sofa and wrapped her arms around Larissa. “Just keep breathing. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you’ll heal in time. Clichés work for a reason.”

Larissa wanted to scream at them both, saying she would never be able to get over Jack. Only she didn’t. Not only because she loved her friends, but because Bailey had lost a husband. If anyone knew about overcoming pain, she did.

So she swallowed the words and let herself breathe in their concern. Right now friends were a good thing to have around.

She wiped her cheeks and drew in a breath. “I’m okay,” she whispered. “Or I will be. One day at a time, right? While we’re riding the cliché wagon?”

Bailey smiled. “Exactly. Keep moving forward.”

Except forward how? Larissa turned to Taryn. “I’m really fired, aren’t I?”

Taryn shrugged her shoulders. “You can’t work for Jack anymore, so you’re not his assistant. But the guys and I want you to stay on.”

“No,” Larissa said, accepting the truth for the first time since Jack had said those painful words. “I can’t. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life.”

“As long as it’s here,” Bailey said, returning to the chair. “You’re staying in Fool’s Gold, aren’t you?”

“You have to,” Taryn told her. “Please don’t go.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m sorry. I’m being selfish. I don’t want you to go, but if it’s what you think is best, then I’ll help you find a place in L.A. and pack up your stuff.”

Larissa managed a wobbly smile. “You’re a good person.”

“Yeah? Don’t tell anyone.”

What to do? Stay or go? Even as she asked the question, she already knew the answer.

“I want to stay,” she said firmly. “I like the town and I want to be near you guys.”

“Good.” Bailey pulled a piece of paper from her bag. “There’s a room for rent at the local day spa.” She handed over the flyer. “I’ve seen the space and I like it, but you’re the actual professional. Just call and say who you are. You can see it anytime.”

“I don’t have my license,” Larissa said. “I have the forms and I’m certainly qualified with the hours of education and practice, but I’ll have to take care of that before I can get any customers.”

Bailey’s green eyes brightened. “Yes, well, it turns out there are advantages to working with California’s longest serving mayor. She knows everyone. In fact, she’s already spoken to the licensing board and your paperwork will be expedited. You can be in business within a couple of weeks.”

Larissa found herself fighting more tears, but for a very different reason.

“I’ve spoken to Kenny and Sam,” Taryn said. “We had a feeling you wouldn’t stay with us after what happened.” She pulled an envelope out of her designer tote and handed it over.

“Six months’ pay as severance. We’ll keep you on the company insurance until your business is up and running.” Taryn gave her a smile. “As you know, I’ve taken on a couple of silent partnerships. I want to do the same with you. I’ll front you the money you need to get your business started and you can buy me out over time.”

Larissa hugged her. “Thank you,” she said. “For everything.” She knew that Taryn had helped Isabel buy Paper Moon and expand the business. There were probably other dealings Taryn kept to herself.

She released Taryn and smiled at her. “And while I appreciate the offer to be my silent partner, I want you as my friend. Money has a way of changing that.” She waved the envelope. “This will go a long way to getting me going. The table will be the biggest expense. If I need more than this, I’ll talk to my mom. She’ll be so happy I’m not working for Jack anymore that she’ll be thrilled to help me.”

Just saying his name was enough to make her feel broken again. She fought against the emotions and struggled to find another smile.

“It’s so annoying that she was right about my feelings for him.”

Taryn touched her hand. “I know it is.”

Bailey looked at her. “Let us know if you want to do a painting party or anything like that. I’m so there.”

“Thank you.” Larissa sipped her tea, then looked at Taryn. “Have you seen him?”

Something flashed in Taryn’s eyes. Hurt maybe. Or betrayal. “No, and right now I don’t want to.”

Larissa nodded, because it was expected. Unfortunately what she was thinking on the inside was that she would do anything to see Jack again. Would give anything to be in his arms. Which only told her how far she had to go.

* * *

A
S
SOON
AS
Taryn and Bailey left, Larissa went to work on the paperwork required for her massage therapist certification. She had most of it filled out, along with transcripts from her massage therapy school and proof of the continuing education classes she’d taken. She included a copy of her driver’s license and the required passport-size photos, then put everything into a large envelope. After calling and talking to the owner of the day spa and setting up an appointment to see the room for rent, Larissa walked over to the express mail center and sent it overnight, addressed to the name on the business card Bailey had given her. Then she walked home.

When she got there, she found Kenny and Sam waiting for her. At the sight of them, she started crying again, which was totally ridiculous. They both pulled her close, then Kenny handed her a grocery bag filled with every flavor of Ben & Jerry’s.

“Because, you know, girls eat ice cream,” he told her sheepishly.

“You’re a very nice man,” she said as she let them both into her apartment.

She put away the ice cream, got them each a beer from her Jack stash, then settled across from them. Dyna looked up from her perch in the south-facing window as if to ask why there were so many humans around today.

“Have you seen Percy?” Larissa asked.

“Today,” Kenny told her. “You know he’s working for Josh Golden.”

She nodded. “He mentioned that.”

“I tried to get him to come back to Score,” Sam said. “He wouldn’t. But he’s showing up for his tutoring sessions.”

“I’ve taken over Jack’s part of his studies,” Kenny added. “We’re not going to let him disappear on us. He’ll get his GED and then he’ll start at Fool’s Gold community college.”

“We’re all chipping in.” Sam raised his beer. “Even Taryn.”

The two men looked at each other, as if searching for something else to say. Larissa finally understood why they were so concerned about keeping the conversation going.

“I’m okay,” she told them. “Still crying, but surviving.”

Sam looked relieved. “Taryn called and said you were staying in town.”

“I’m going to open a massage practice in a day spa.”

“Count me in,” Kenny said quickly. “Three times a week.”

“Me, too,” Sam added.

“It’ll take me a couple of weeks to get my license. Until then, if you want to set up a table in one of your places, I can take care of you there.”

Kenny sighed. “You’re really not coming back to Score, are you?”

“Jack fired me.”

“So be my assistant.”

She managed a smile. “You don’t have any work for me. Besides, I don’t want to see Jack every day. It would be too hard.”

“You really do love him?” Sam asked.

She nodded. “I really do. And he’s not interested.”

She managed to get out the words without crying, although her voice shook a little as she spoke. It was going to be hard for a while, she reminded herself. But then it would get easier.

“I brought my checkbook,” Kenny said. “How much do you need to start your business? Whatever I have, it’s yours.”

“You’re killing me,” she said lightly. “It’s a great offer, but I’m fine. Taryn gave me a severance check that should cover most of what I need.”

“Let me buy the massage table,” Kenny said. “That’ll be the biggest expense.”

“We’ll share the cost,” Sam added. “I want in, too. We’ll get the super-charged one.”

“I want to do this on my own.”