Until Forever (13 page)

My dad sighed. “Son, knock it off.”

“Knock it off?” I asked incredulously. “I don’t want to be with Cassandra anymore. You knock it off.”

“But you do,” he said firmly. “It’s so obvious.”

“Did you not see that girl that just walked out?”

“I did. And I could see you didn’t give a damn about her.”

I couldn’t argue with that.

“Even if you aren’t together anymore, Cassandra is a daughter to me. She fits perfectly with you and our family. Everyone is fighting for her but you. So you can ostracize her and hold a hateful grudge, but we still love her. You know how much we all care about you, so if we can pardon her sins you should too.”

“Just get off my back,” I snapped.

“No,” he said simply. “You need to stop pushing her away. Son, I know she hurt you but she seems contrite.”

“It’s not about that anymore. Love doesn’t exist.”

He glared at me. “How dare you say that to me?”

I didn’t take back my words.

“Are you saying I don’t love you? That I wouldn’t take a knife to the chest to spare you? That I wouldn’t do everything in my power to give you the world? I guess I’ve been a terrible father.” The anger was in his voice.

“Not like that, Dad.”

“Love is the same. The love you feel for Cassandra is the same love you feel for your brother. It’s one simple thing. You can’t deny one and believe in the other.”

“Then Cassandra never loved me.”

“Yes, she did.”

“No,” I snapped. “I gave her everything, things I didn’t even know I had, and she still broke me.
I put my entire soul on a plate and she dropped the damn thing on the ground.”

“Your mother did the same to me.”

“And you gave up,” I said triumphantly.

“After trying for many years. Your mother has hurt me in the past many times. We always worked through it. We didn’t just call it quits at the first bump in the road.”

“You think this is just a bump?” I snapped. “We’d been apart for nearly three months. That’s not a damn bump.”

“Then make it one,” he said firmly. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you throw away the greatest thing that ever happened to you.”

‘Throw away? She’s the one who dumped me!”

“Let it go, son. You have a chance to be happy again. Take it.”

“I don’t want it.”

He gave me a firm look. “There’s plenty of action in the world, but there’s only one Cassandra. You’ve been through plenty of women to know that. She made a mistake and she wants to make it right. Are you really that scared of getting hurt again that you’ll cower away, avoiding her?”

“I’m not scared…”

“You’re right. You’re terrified.”

“I’m just not meant to be loved by anyone.”

“Not true,” he said firmly.

“I want my wife to never hurt me. I want her to adore me. I want her to give me everything and put my needs first. I want nothing but joy. No one will ever give me that.”

“No, they won’t. Do you think Sean and
Scarlet are happy all the time? In case you haven’t noticed, they’re constantly weighted down by problems. But they still love each other more than anything. If you think being in a relationship is a piece of cake, that needs to change now.”

“Or I shouldn’t
be in a relationship at all.”

“Even though your mother and I didn’t work out, I wouldn’t
trade what we had for anything. I still love her and she’s still in my life. The past can never be rewritten and I would never want it to be. Even if things end badly, that’s no justification not to do them. Despite how much Cassandra hurt you, I know you wouldn’t take back that relationship. In case you forgot how happy you were, I haven’t. And I will carry that memory for you if I must.”

I turned away and paced across the hard wood floor. Everyone was pushing me to Cassandra and it was making my head dizzy.

“Think about it, son.”

“You’re forcing me to.”

“You’re up against me, Sean, Scarlet, and Cassandra. This problem isn’t just going to go away. I suggest you get your act together.” He opened the door and stepped out. “And just in case you weren’t sure, I love you.” He gave me a hard look before he shut the door.

15

Cortland

It was around three in the morning when I got the phone call.

“Cortland?” Shane’s voice played in my ears.

I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. “Yeah?”

“Sorry to bother you, but I need you to come get Monnique. She’s passed out and none of us know where she lives.”

“Passed out?” I asked. “Is she okay?”

“She’s just partying too hard,” he said with laugh. “You know how she is.”

No, I don’t. “Where are you?”

“
Sizzle
.”

“I’m on my way.” I hung up then quickly got ready. Even though I was still half asleep, I was livid with Monnique. I knew she could get carried away when it came to drinking, but to pass out? And I didn’t know she was partying tonight. It was a Wednesday. And she didn’t tell me anything. I assumed she was home at five like she said.

I patted cold water on my face then walked out. I drove because I didn’t want to carry her into a cab or hold her on the subway. The anger flooded through my body the more I thought about it. Her behavior was unacceptable. It was fine if she wanted to have a good time, but to become incapacitated in a club was dangerous. And why wasn’t I invited? I tried to keep my cool before I saw her boss and her coworkers. I’d rip into her tomorrow. This modeling thing had gone on long enough. It was ripping us apart and she was becoming a person I couldn’t stand. We wouldn’t last at this rate. I’d been avoiding the realization for as long as possible because it hurt too much but I couldn’t put it off anymore. She and I were walking a fine line.

When I arrived at the club, I had to give the bouncer two hundred bucks just to get inside. It was dark and music blared overhead. Strobe lights shined across the room, blinding me at times. It was crowded, so finding Monnique and her crew was difficult.

I finally found a table in the corner. Monnique was laid across the seat, her head on some girl’s thigh. Shane was chatting with someone and a gay couple were talking, both sipping their cosmos. People were dancing around me, and one guy accidently shoved into me. I moved out of the way, but I bumped into one of the guys with a drink.

“I’m sorry,” I said immediately.

“Phew, it didn’t get on my suit,” he said. “You’re good.” I could tell he was gay just by the sound of his voice.

I looked at Monnique and bottled my anger. The short dress she wore was practically giving everyone an inside look to all her goodies. The girl was stroking her cheek.

“I’m here to get her,” I said.

“Who are you?” she snapped.

“Cortland, her boyfriend.”

She stared at me suspiciously. “She didn’t mention she had a boyfriend.”

I wanted to tear someone’s throat out.

“He’s good,” Shane said. “Let him get her.”

She moved away so I could grab her.

“You’re Monnique’s boyfriend?” one of the gay guys asked.

“What’s it to you?” I snapped. I knew I shouldn’t be rude but I was fucking pissed right now.

He stepped back. “Sorry. I just know Janice from work.” He extended his hand to shake mine. “I’m Cal.”

I shook it. “Nice to meet you. Now excuse me while I get my drunk girlfriend home.”

He eyed me for a while. “Yeah. Sure.”

I cradled Monnique in my arms then noticed the sugar on her face. It was around her nose. I wiped it off then carried her out of the club. Her light weight had me worried. She kept losing more and more weight. I didn’t understand why. She was perfect the way she was.

I finally got her into the fro
nt seat of the car and drove home. My knuckles were white because I gripped the steering wheel so tight. What the hell was happening? Monnique was partying every night, drinking so much she was passing out. She was becoming superficial and shallow. She said she would change but it seemed to be getting worse. I was never a guy to throw in the towel, but I didn’t know how much longer I could take this. I deserved better than this. Monnique was the love of my life, but that was starting to mean less and less.

When I got her back to my apartment, I undressed her then tucked her into my bed. For the first time, I didn’t want to sleep with her. The couch sounded pretty nice right now. I sat at the edge of the bed and covered my face with my hands.

How the hell did I get here?

She stirred in the bed. “Jack?”

Who the fuck was Jack?

Monnique said no more.

After that, I didn’t want to lay beside her. But I was worried about her so I put a blanket and a pillow on the ground. I didn’t get any sleep. All I felt was pain and anger. Why was this happening to me? Why did Monnique have to leave me to begin with? Everything would be perfect right now. I’d probably have a house and a wife in the country. I’d be happy. Right now, I was just miserable.

The next day, Monnique slept until noon. I didn’t go to work because I felt compelled to watch her. I worked from my computer and kept an eye on her.

When she stirred, she sat up and gripped her head, moaning loudly. She obviously had a headache and felt like shit.

Good.

She opened her eyes and looked around. When she realized she was in my room, she searched for me. I was sitting at my desk. “Cortland?”

“Did you mean to say Jack?” I said bitterly.

“What?” She squinted then pulled her hair out of her face. “How did I get here?”

“You were passed out at the club so I came and got you. You’re welcome.”

“God, I feel like shit.”

“Am I supposed to care?” I’d never been this mean before. But I couldn’t help it. “I wish you felt worse.”

She stared at me apprehensively. “I guess I drank too much.”

“Did you do anything else?”

“What are you implying?”

“You tell me,” I snapped.

“I just went out with my friends after work and I drank too much. Get off my ass.”

“You passed out on a damn couch! No, I will not get off your ass.”

She sighed the
n rubbed her temples.

That’s it. I snapped. “We’re done, Monnique. I’m not dating some stuck up, superficial slut. I’m not putting up with this shit anymore. Have fun with your modeling career and get the fuck out of my life.”

She stilled at my words. “What?”

“You heard me.” I threw her clutch and her keys at her. “I don’t want to see you again. Now go.”

Her eyes bubbled with tears. “Wait. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Go fuck yourself.” I couldn’t control myself.

“No,” she said immediately. “I’ll change.”

“The damage is done
, Monnique. I never thought someone so classy and smart could turn so dark. You were perfect the way you were. Now you’re a skeleton who’s just…cold. I despise you.”

The tears fell. “No…”

“Get out of my apartment and don’t come back.”

“I’ll quit! I’ll quit!”

That had my attention.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll quit tomorrow. It’s done.”

I clenched my jaw, unsure what to say.

“I’ll go back to nursing.” She left the bed then leaned against me. “I love my job and I’m having so much fun, but I love you more. If this is really tearing us apart, I’ll quit. Please don’t go. Please…” She rested her head against my chest.

I should turn her away. She already hurt me so much. “Who’s Jack?”

“A guy I work with.”

“Was he there last night?”

“In the beginning. Then he left, I think.”

“Monnique, you sleeping around?”

“No.” She stood back and gave me an offended look. “No.”

That convinced me. “You’ll quit tomorrow?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry, okay?’

I sighed. “I’m really fed up with all of this. Honestly, I’m barely holding on. I feel differently, Monnique. If we didn’t have such a strong history and I didn’t love you so much, I would have cut you loose a long time ago. And I’m not even sure we can make this relationship work anymore. You’re going to have to bust your ass to win me over.”

She nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry I let it get this bad…”

I didn’t want to touch her. I was disgusted with her. “You should go.”

“I want to stay here…” The pity in her eyes stung my heart.

I couldn’t just kick her out. “Okay.”

She pulled me back to the bed. “Lay with me.”

I let her cuddle with me in bed. She wrapped her arms around me and snuggled into me. Her breathing was loud and deep. Her legs hooked around mine. I couldn’t help but be depressed. I just wanted to be happy again. Would I ever be?