Until Forever (8 page)

“About what?” I snapped. “There’s nothing to say. If you want to hook up again, forget it. I don’t want you.”

Her eyes betrayed the pain she felt at those words. But it disappeared quickly. “Mike, I’m so sorry for hurting you. I—”

I held up my hand. “I’m over it. Don’t feel bad for me.”

“But I’m still—”

“Honestly, I don’t give a shit.” I gave her a look of hatred. I’d always despise her for what she did to me.

She looked down at the table for a moment then found her courage again. “I made a mistake…”

“A mistake?”

“I miss you. I…I hate being apart from you. I think about you all the time, wondering what you’re doing. I think about the way you get toothpaste all over your face when you brush your teeth. I remember the sounds of your breathing when we sleep together. In the darkness of my bedroom, I still hear it. I know I said I didn’t want to get married, but I’ve changed my mind. I want to be with you forever…” She gave me a look full of emotion. “I know I hurt you and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to you.”

I processed her words, replaying them in my mind. “You want me back?”

“Not just that,” she whispered. “I want to marry you, have kids with you…get that house in Connecticut. I want it all.”

After she burned me, I never expected her to say this. “Where the hell is this coming from? You just woke up one morning and changed your mind?”

“Being without you every day changed my mind.”

“When we slept together three weeks ago, you seemed pretty damn determined to live your life without me. You watched me walk out, tears in my eyes. And you change
d your mind?” The anger roared through my body. “Fuck you.”

She flinched at my hostility. “I’m sorry…”

“And you think I’m just going to take you back like nothing happened?” I laughed despite the seriousness of the situation. “Not gonna happen. You think I’m going to fall for that bullshit? We’ll get back together, and a few months down the road, you’ll change your mind and say you aren’t ready for that. I’m not interested in playing games.”

“I won’t change my mind,” she said firmly. “I know what I want now.”

“How convenient…”

“Mike, I’m sorry. I really am…”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me. You’ve shattered both my heart and my soul. There’s nothing left but my flesh and bone. I’m empty inside. Mike isn’t here anymore.”

“Yes, he is…”

“I begged you to change your mind but you still walked out on me. I gave you everything but you still wanted to leave. You never trusted me. Not once.”

“I do trust you.”

I shook my head “We’re never getting back together. End of story.”

Her eyes coated with moisture. “What…?”

“I don’t want to get married—ever. It’s not for me. You were right when you said marriage was a bad decision. People don’t love each other. They just use each other so they aren’t lonely. My parents were married for twenty-five years and they walked away from each other. All people do is hurt each other. Love isn’t real. People just confuse it with lust and infatuation. All people are selfish and evil. How can love exist among such a collective group of soulless and selfish people? It doesn’t.”

“Mike, that isn’t true. We love each other so much…”

“No. You never loved me.”

“Yes, I did,” she argued.

“If you did, you wouldn’t have taken me back to your apartment and used me.” I felt the anger seep out of my pores. “You fucking used me. I was an emotional wreck, but you preyed on my vulnerability. If you wanted to get laid that bad, you should have picked up some other guy. At least you wouldn’t have hurt me like that.”

“I didn’t use you. I just missed you like crazy.”

“Whatever,” I snapped. “It doesn’t matter. We’re done.”

“Mike, please.”

“I’m sleeping with someone.” I said it with no emotion.

Her breathing changed and the tears started to bubble.

“I’ve been fucking her for a while. I’m over you.”

“You still love me.”

“I fucked her just before I came here. Fuck no, I don’t love you.”

“Stop.” She covered her face. “Stop…”

“If you didn’t want me to move on you shouldn’t have dumped me.”

A few tears escaped. I saw them drip from her chin. The sympathy washed over me for a moment in time. I actually felt bad for being an asshole. “I’m sorry…”

She took a deep breath then wiped her tears away. “Mike, I want to make this work. I know you love me even if you say you don’t. The man I used to know is still in there. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make this up to you.”

I leaned over the table, giving her a direct look. “Cassandra, I don’t know what to
say to make this any more clear. I never want to get married. I never want to be in a relationship again. And I definitely, certainly, never want to be with you again. You hurt me. And I can’t be with someone that would do that to me. I’ve lost my faith in humanity, but that only means I’ve lost my ignorance. This is how the world really is. We’re all liars, cheaters, and only care about ourselves. And I’m okay with that.”

She started to cry again. “What have I done…?”

“You made me see the light, Cassandra. Now don’t call me again.” I left the booth, hearing her loud sniffs. I left the restaurant without looking back. She didn’t get to break my heart and expect to get back together with me. I moved on. I was over her.

Forever.

10

Hazel

When I arrived at the theatre, I unpacked my gear at my station then headed into the dressing room to change. I usually wore spandex shorts and a loose top. It was the only way I didn’t feel totally disgusting when I was covered in sweat during rehearsal.

Once I left the dressing room, I saw Veronica walk by, an annoying smirk on her face. She looked right at me, pure gloating on her face. Her two friends looked equally pleased.

I had a bad feeling about this.

When I returned to my bag, it didn’t look the same. It was turn differently and the zipper was undone. I quickly looked inside and realized what happened. My phone was melted. The screen was cracked and the buttons were smeared. When I tried to turn it on it wouldn’t budge. Then I looked inside my wallet and saw all my credit cards had been affected the same way. Anger rose inside me but I held it back. This stuff could be replaced…even though I didn’t have the money to get a new phone. Then I found my dance shoes. The soles on the bottom had been melted. They were cut and torn, completely destroyed. These shoes weren’t cheap. Even when I got them on sale, they were still
two-hundred bucks. Without them, I couldn’t practice. And if I didn’t practice, I wasn’t paid. And I desperately needed money.

I felt the adrenaline kick in as I realized what happened. All my belongings were vandalized. The things I cared most about were ripped apart. I tried to stay calm but I couldn’t. I was pissed.

When I looked at Veronica, she was leaning against the wall, a lit lighter in her hand. She gave me a sinister smile. That was an omission in itself.

“Now look who’s a cunt,” she said with a laugh. She turned away then walked down the hallway.

Before I knew what was happening, I was following her. I wasn’t running, but I was walking faster than I ever had. All the girls watched me as I approached Veronica, waiting to see what would happen. I was never a confrontational person, but I was about to kick some ass.

I grabbed her by the back of the
hair and slammed her into the ground.

“Oh shit,” one of the girls beside me said.

Veronica’s eyes widened in fear when she looked up at me.

“You should be scared.” I punched her right in the face, knowing I left a mark.

She threw her arms and fought back. Soon, we were rolling around on the stage, landing hits on each other. I pulled her hair and she pulled mine. I gave her several kicks to the ribs, making her whimper in pain.

“Break it up!” The director ran to us. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me off. “What the hell is going on?”

Veronica looked far worse of the two of us. Her nose was bleeding, and her eye was already starting to turn purple. “She attacked me for no reason! She’s crazy.”

“She vandalized all my stuff,” I argued. “She destroyed my shoes, my credit card, and my phone!”

“No, I didn’t,” Veronica argued. “I was just walking and she attacked me from behind. I didn’t do anything.” She started crying, and it looked damn convincing. I hated actresses.

Dan looked at the other girls. “What happened?”

Veronica’s friends jumped in. “Hazel attacked her for no reason. We didn’t even see it coming.”

Fucking bitches.

“She’s crazy,” one of them said. “She’s always been threatening us.”

“That’s not true!” I yelled.

Flynn came around the corner when he heard the commotion. His eyes immediately darted to me and the bruises on my face. He came to me then grabbed my face, getting a good luck. He was always professional when we were at work, but now he forgot about his ethics. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said immediately. “Veronica destroyed all my stuff and we got into a fight.”

“No, she attacked me,” Veronica argued.

Dan looked torn, like he had no idea what to do. “They say Hazel attacked her.”

“Because she ruined all my stuff,” I argued.

“Stop talking,” Flynn whispered.

I shut my mouth.

Dan looked at Veronica’s face. “We aren’t going to be able to cover this with make up before the show.”

“No…” Veronica’s eyes welled up with tears.

“She can’t perform.”

“No.” Veronica covered her face and sobbed.

Dan looked at me. “Hazel looks fine, but that wouldn’t be fair to let her on stage when she attacked another dancer.”

No…

“Hazel, you’re suspended until further notice.”

“What?” I flinched at the announcement. “That’s not fair! I—,”

Flynn gripped me. “Let it go. You’ll make it worse.”

I closed my mouth even though it was almost impossible.

Dan helped Veronica to her feet. “Let’s take you to an urgent care to get checked out.”

“Okay,” she said with a whimper.

Now she was just faking it.

He led her away until they were gone. The other dancers eyed me apprehensively until they dispersed.

Flynn was the only one who stayed beside me. “What the hell happened?”

“She destroyed all my stuff,” I said loudly.

“
Shh,” he said. “Keep your voice down.” He pulled me toward the corner where my stuff lay.

I opened my bag and showed him everything. “All my stuff is ruined…”

He examined everything and sighed. “You should have come to me first, Hazel. I could easily replace this for you then we could discuss what to do about Veronica.”

“I was so mad—”

“I could get her fired with just a few words. But now…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do anything because you couldn’t control your anger. You attacked her, which is totally unacceptable in the work place.” He gave me a hard look.

I felt like he was scolding me like a child. “Stop yelling at me…”

He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to control his anger. “Hazel, everyone here knows we’re sleeping together. All your actions directly affect me. Keep that in mind before you do something like this.”

“All you care about is yourself?” I snapped.

“No. I’m just upset that you didn’t use that big brain of yours to think first. Violence solves nothing. If anything, it gets us further into trouble. Now you’re going to have a bad reputation. It will follow you everywhere you go. Directors and producers will assume you are hot-headed and difficult to work with. And you’re easily replaced.” He gave me a firm look. “I can’t just make this go away. But if you came to me first, I could have done something about it. Now…now we’re screwed.”

I sat down and leaned my back aga
inst the wall. I was hurt, angry, upset…I was a million things. My gear was destroyed and now I wouldn’t get paid for a week or so. Shit, I may not even have a job.

Flynn stayed on his feet and stared at me.

I didn’t want to cry but I felt the tears start to emerge.

Flynn came to my side and wrapped his arm around me. “Hazel, it’ll be alright.”

“I’m so stupid…”

“It’s okay. We all make mistakes.”

“Not stupid ones like this.”

He ran his hand through my hair. “Just learn from it.”

“I have to replace my expensive shoes, my phone that doesn’t have insurance, and now I don’t have an income for who knows how long.”

“Hey,” he said firmly. “Don’t worry about money. I got you covered.”

“I don’t want your money,” I snapped. “I want to take care of myself. Why is that so hard for me to do? God, my parents were right. This was all a mistake.”

“Don’t say that,” he said gently. “That’s not true. You’re chasing your dream. It’s extremely hard, but that makes it admirable. You don’t do things the easy way. You challenge yourself and work your ass off. So it’s okay to fail sometimes. What’s meaningful in life if you didn’t risk a lot to get it?”

I covered my face. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sick of living from paycheck to paycheck. And I’m not even good. I’m in the back and people don’t even notice me. The only time people recognize me is when I do something bad, so that’s all I’m known for.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he whispered.

“And to top it off, I’m stupid.”

“Knock it off.” The venom was in his voice. “We all make mistakes, but having a pity party for yourself isn’t going to change anything. Accept the consequences of your actions, learn from them, and then move on. Don’t tear yourself down.”

“Easy for you to say,” I snapped. “You’ve never had to work for anything in your life. You were born into money and your dad got you every job you wanted. You beat out all other applicants without even trying. It doesn’t even matter if you’re good. Doors just open for you. You have no idea what it’s like to actually work from the bottom and stand on your own two feet. So don’t give me that shit.” I didn’t look at him because I was so mad.

Flynn didn’t say anything. He took his arm back and didn’t touch me.
The tension settled between us, heavy like a thick fog. His hands moved to his knees. “My dad cut me off the day I graduated high school. I went to college and paid for my own education. After I graduated, I got my own jobs. My dad refused to help me because he said he wouldn’t put his name on crap. I had to do everything on my own, and if I sucked, I wouldn’t have won three tony awards.” The silence drifted in the air after he finished. He got up and walked away. “Call me if you decide to grow up a little.”

I was suspended from work so I stayed home for a few days. I didn’t call Flynn because I was mad, and he didn’t call me because he was mad too. I know I shouldn’t have snapped at him like that. He’d been nothing but a wonderful guy to me. I guess I was just frustrated beyond words. I shouldn’t have been picked on by Veronica to begin with. And she should have insulted me with words, not vandalized my stuff. I lost my temper and blew my cool, but I was still pissed it happened. I had to order new credit cards but I had to pay a fee to replace the damaged ones. I needed a phone, but the money in my bank account was reserved for food. I couldn’t sustain by body off a cell phone.

When the guilt started to weigh me down, I knew I needed to apologize to Flynn. I knew I embarrassed him as well as myself when I
slammed my fist into Veronica’s face. I was lucky he still stuck around at all.

I didn’t have a phone to call him so I headed to his apartment. I hoped he was home. A part of me feared he ditched me and found someone new to spend time with. But I had to remember that I trusted him and he wouldn’t do that. This was just a fight. Couples fought even though they still loved each other.

I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer.

Almost a full minute later, he did. He was shirtless and his hair was slightly damp. The sweatpants that hung on his hips and the drops of water on his chest implied he just got out of the shower. My
arousal became stronger than my guilt for a moment. I wanted to pull him on top of me inside his dark bedroom. But I kept it back.

He stared at me, not speaking.

I knew I had to go first. “I wanted to apologize for what I said and how I acted. I was just angry with the whole situation and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t. I take back what I said and I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of your colleagues. You’re a star in my black sky, and the only treasure I have. I should appreciate you more instead of tossing you in the dirt.”

Flynn’s eyes brightened slightly. “I accept your apology.”

That didn’t feel right. “That was too easy…”

He smirked. “You apologized and you seem
ed sincere. Why drag it out?”

“Because I was a bitch.”

He laughed lightly. “No. You’re never a bitch.”

“So…can I come in?”

“You don’t have to ask.” He opened the door wider so I stepped inside.

When the door was closed, I turned to him. “You…just showered.”

“Yep. You should quit dancing and be a detective,” he said sarcastically.

I narrowed my eyes at him then wrapped my arms around his waist. I didn’t care that he was still wet. The familiar scent immediately made me feel better. His arm hooked around my waist and he rested his chin on my head.

“You still love me?” I whispered.

He squeezed my bac
k. “A few mean words and a simple fight couldn’t change that. Nothing could.”

I kissed his chest and pulled away. “I’m not sure what I did to deserve you, but I’m so glad you’re mine.”
I felt my heart convulse at the words. He was my whole world. There were no words for me to ever explain how much he meant to me.

He rubbed his nose against mine. “You did a lot of things, things that you don’t even realize.”

“I feel like I keep messing this up, but you’re the one who makes it right.”

He shook his head slightly. “I didn’t ask you to come over here and apologize. You did that on your own.”

“But I was also the one who fucked up.”

He cupped my face. “Like I said, we all make mistakes. Just learn from them. That’s all you can do. And believe me, you’re going to make a lot of them in this relationship. So will I. We’ll work through them.”