Until Forever (12 page)

My distress decreased when she told me it wasn’t cancerous. “What are you going to do? Remove it?”

“Well, it’s at a very fragile part of the brain. There’s always a possibility surgery will cause more damage than good… Since it hasn’t been bothering me, I’ve decided to leave it alone.”

“Why haven’t you told Dad? He’d take you back in a heartbeat if you knew a
ll of this. It isn’t your fault, Mom. He would understand.”

She lowered her gaze. “I wanted to win him back on my own. Y
our father isn’t in love with me anymore. And, I don’t want him to come back to me out of pity or obligation. No woman wants that.”

I took a moment to process all of this. “How are you going to get him back?”

She shrugged. “I was going to give him some time then try to run into him, strike up a conversation or something. I’ll think of something.”

“Or you could just tell him.”

“I’m not going to tell him. And you better not either, Sean.”

“I…I can’t lie to my dad like that.”

“You will. It’s not your secret to tell. I’ll call Mike and break it to him.”

“No,” I said immediately. “Don’t say anything to him.”

“Why?” she asked.

“He’s just…going through a hard time right now. He’s in pain so he’s dealing with it in an unhealthy way. I don’t want this news to make him worse. Just let me handle him.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No. I got him, Mom.”

She fidgeted in her seat. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Sean. I wanted to win you back first, which I did.”

“It’s okay, Mom. Forget about it. I’m just glad it’s nothing serious.”

She nodded. “Me too.”

I gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.”

I shut the door and watched her drive away, still in shock over what she just told me.

14

Mike

The conversation I had with Cassandra kept playing in my mind. I fantasized about that moment so many times, but never once did I say no. But the venom came out and all I felt was anger. I wanted her to feel as badly as she made me feel. I knew I fell to new levels of depression when I realized just how horrible of a person I was. She used to be the woman I’d do anything to spare from pain. Now I wanted her to feel just as shitty as I did.

I wasn’t sure why she changed her mind. Why did it take her so long to realize she didn’t want to be without me? And when I told her I was sleeping with someone, she didn’t seem to care. There were tears in her eyes but she powered through it.

There was one thing I knew for certain. I wasn’t the man she thought she loved. I was cold and dark now. I preferred to be alone have as minimal human contact as possible. I just wanted to get my kicks and enjoy life with no feeling or emotion. Hollowness was my forte.

Shortly after the morning began, Sean came into my office. And his wife was in tow.

“We want to talk to you,” he said.

“I figured…” I kept looking at my computer like their presence bored me.

“Mike, look at me,” Sean said.

“Why are we acting out a scene in the
Young and the Restless
?” I snapped.

“Cassandra stopped by the other night.” Scarlet’s arms were crossed over her chest.

I was really hoping that my situation with Cassandra would remain a secret. I didn’t want to explain myself to anyone. Actually, I shouldn’t have to. “Did you guys paint your nails and drink wine?”

“Don’t be an asshole right now,” she snapped.

“Then stay out of my business,” I countered.

“When she shows up on our doorstep, crying, then it us our business.” Scarlet had never been so harsh on me. She was practically yelling at me. “Mike, she seemed sincere in her apology. She wants to make it work. It’s exactly what you wanted.”

“She obviously didn’t tell you what she did to me.”

Scarlet approached my desk. “She did.” Her voice was gentle now. “And I’m sorry that happened to you. I know that must have hurt.”

“Then you should have protected your brother and thrown her out on her ass.”

“I did—at first.”

What did that mean?

“But then I realized she made a mistake, just like I’ve done countless
times. And you aren’t exactly a saint, Mike. You’ve hurt more people than any of us.”

“So I deserve trash because I’m trash?” I argued.

“No. You were forgiven so you should forgive her.”

I shook my head. “Not
gonna happen. Sorry.”

“Mike, this is your dream girl. Come on. Pull your head out of your ass.”

“Scarlet, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m not a good guy, alright? I don’t want to be monogamous with anyone. I want to fuck around and do whatever the hell I want. I never want to settle down. Marriage is a joke. So even if I did forgive Cassandra, she and I don’t want the same things anymore. Actually, we’re reversed.”

She slammed her fist on her desk. “I know you’ve been through a lot but this is unacceptable, Mike. Don’t fall like this. You’re better than that.”

“No, I’m not,” I said darkly. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

She glared at me. “I don’t accept that.”

“Too bad.”

“Mike, just let it go and be happy.”

“No. I gave that girl everything and she broke my heart twice. I can’t let it be broken a third time. It’s just a tiny piece of glass right now.”

“She won’t hurt you.”

“Look, I’ve already moved on.”

“What do you mean?” Scarlet asked.

“I’m seeing someone.”

“Who?” Sean asked.

“None of your business.”

They were both quiet for a long time.

“So, you’re in a relationship with this girl? I thought you were done with monogamy?” Scarlet asked.

“We’re just
fuck buddies. I don’t care what she does when I’m not around.”

“Does Cassandra know?” Scarlet asked.

“Yes, I may be an ass but at least I’m honest.”

“Don’t you see how much you mean to her? Despite that, she still wants to work this out with you.” Scarlet gave me a desperate look. “Don’t let your parents
’ divorce and Cassandra’s mistake ruin your entire life.”

“It’s not ruined,” I said without looking at her. “I’ve begun again.”

She finally stepped away and crossed her arms over her chest. I knew she’d given up on me.

My brother stepped forward. “Come on, man. Don’t be like this. We all know you love this girl. We were there, Mike. Don’t let your pride and your anger push her away.”

“You don’t get it,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m over her.”

“Really?” he spat. “Then why did you protect he
r when her ex showed up on her doorstep?” He gave me a triumphant look. “Why would you risk your neck for someone you claim you don’t give a shit about?”

“She’s a girl. I’d protect any woman
who was being harassed.”

“That doesn’t sound like something
an asshole would say. And no, you wouldn’t protect just anyone. You even told Scarlet that. And you met her for dinner. Why did you hear her out if she meant nothing to you? All you had to do was hang up. You do it to me all the time.”

I tapped my pen on the desk, searching for an excuse.

“Admit it,” he snapped. “There’s still something there. This behavior is just a defense mechanism because you were so hurt you have no idea how to protect yourself. You let yourself be vulnerable and you got burned. Now you’re bleeding everywhere and you don’t know how to stop the wound.”

“I’m done with this conversation.” I looked down at my desk.

“I hit a nerve, didn’t I?”

“Just go.” I was getting so angry, I thought I might punch my brother at work.

“Mike, come on. Talk to Cassandra.”

I clenched my fist. “If you don’t want you
r wife to see your ass get handed to you, I suggest you back off.”

Sean stared at me for a several seconds before he moved away. “Let’s give him a break,” he said to Scarlet.

She gave me a sad look before they both walked out of my office. Once they were gone, I took a deep breath and covered my face. My head was pounding and my stomach was in knots. I just wanted this Cassandra thing to go away. All she did was hurt me.

When I finally became calm enough to get back to work, my door opened. I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I looked up but saw someone I didn’t expect.

Cassandra was wearing slacks and a loose top. It hid most of her curves from view. A golden necklace and matching bracelet were on her skin. The heels she wore made her taller than she normally was. Her hair was pulled back in a slick ponytail, thick and silky. I hated myself for noticing all those damn details.

She approached my desk then rested her fingers on the surface. “Can we talk?”

“This is so unprofessional.” I kept my voice low but I was angry. “Get out.”

“I just want to talk.”

“We’ve already talked,” I barked. “I don’t want to see you.”

She held her ground. “I knew if I asked you to meet somewhere, you’d reject me.”

“And that’s my own right,” I snapped. “You don’t like being harassed by your crazy ex, and neither do I. So get the fuck out.”

She took another deep breath but she stilled her nerve. “I’m not going to just let you go, Mike. I will fight for you until I know for sure there’s nothing left.”

I stood up then placed my hands on the desk. I was much taller than her, even when she wore heels. “Cassandra, you know what I see when I look at you?”

She didn’t respond.

“Nothing. I see nothing. Just another face in the crowd, another whore to fuck, another girl I’ll never give a shit about.”

“I’m not buying that,” she said calmly. “Push me away all you want, but I know you love me just as much as you always have. I’ve hurt you and this reaction is understandable. I can be patient with you as long as you need me to. When we were together, you were nothing but respectful and admirable. Believe me, I feel like shit for driving that Mike away. We can work through this, slowly. I’m not expecting us to fall back into the way we were, but
I will work my ass off to build something new.”

I stared at the surface of my desk while her words echoed in my mind. The old Mike heard everything she said and wanted to collapse into her arms. But the new Mike was in control. “My mom begged my father not to sign the divorce papers but he did anyway. She was crying hysterically. And he still picked up the pen and did it anyway. I’ve never seen anyone love someone so much like my dad loved her. But now there’s nothing there. Whatever relationship they had is dead. It’s like it never happened. And you know what, Cassandra? You and I aren’t any different. You were right not to trust me. I’m not a good guy.”

“We aren’t your parents,” she said firmly. “We aren’t Sean and Scarlet. You and I are special. We completed each other like no one else ever did.”

“But you still walked away.” My words dripped with venom. “I cried while I watched you walk out and you still left. You left me. You. Left. Me.”

Her eyes locked to mine and emotion welled deep inside.

“This is what we’re going to do.” I stood up straight and stared her down. “You are going to get the hell out of my office and not come back. If you do, I’ll fire you. Don’t call my bluff. Secondly, you are going to keep that big mouth closed and stop telling my family my business. There’s nothing here and there never will be. Stay away. I mean it.”

If my words frightened her, she didn’t show it. “I don’t care what you do, Mike. I’m not giving up. Fire me, take back the apartment you bought me, threaten me, I really don’t care. I’m not going to stop until I get you back. And I know if I called you for anything, you’d be on my doorstep in a second. Why? Because you can try your hardest to forget about me but you never will. Every time you fuck that girl I know you think about me.” She left my office and didn’t look back. When I was alone, her words echoed in my mind. And as much as I hated to admit it, I stared at her ass while she walked away.

Laura came over later that night. We started fooling around in my bedroom doing the usual stuff the other one liked, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Cassandra’s words kept haunting me. I thought about her smooth skin and the feel of her curves. She was ingrained in my mind and she wouldn’t go away. It was like she cursed me.

“What’s wrong?” Laura asked.

“I’m just not feeling it.”

“Why?” She was wearing a slutty outfit from the strip club. She still hadn’t quit, much to my annoyance.

I moved away from her and sat at the edge of the bed. I couldn’t even get hard. “I don’t know.”

She didn’t seem wounded by my softness. “Something happen today?”

I shrugged. “Cassandra came by…”

She came behind me then started rubbing my shoulders. “What did she say?”
              “Stuff,” I said vaguely. “She wants me back.”

Her hands froze. “That’s great, Mike. Isn’t that what you want?”

“No,” I said bitterly. “But I can’t stop thinking about her. She told me she’d be on my mind when I fucked someone…and she was right.”

She massaged the muscles of my shoulders. “Well, it looks like she was right.”

“I just want her to leave me alone.”

“She wouldn’t be bothering you so much if you didn’t care, Mike.”

I knew what she was implying. “I’m done with her. Period.”

“Why?” she asked. “This was the girl you wanted to marry.”

“Things change,” I said bitterly.

She fell silent and massaged my back. A knock on the door made us both flinch.

“Expecting company?” she asked.

“Get dressed and leave.” I pulled on my clothes then approached the front door. I suspected Scarlet to be on the other side. I knew that woman wouldn’t quit. But when I looked through the peephole, it was my dad.

I opened the door. “What are you doing here, old man?”

“Came to see you.”

“I figured that much,” I said sarcastically.

He stood with his hands in his pockets. “Can I come in?”

“I guess.” I stepped aside.

My dad glanced around before he returned to me. “Your apartment is surprisingly clean.”

“The maid comes twice a week.”

“It’d probably look better if Cassandra was around…”

Now I knew the purpose of his visit.

Laura came down the hallway with her purse over her shoulder. “See you later.” She squeezed my arm then walked out. I acted like she wasn’t there.

My dad raised an eyebrow.

“Like I said, I’ve moved on.”

“Then why do you look so miserable?”

“I can say the same about you,” I snapped.