Unstoppable (19 page)

Your peace will come with God’s forgiveness and love. Has someone told you that you are unworthy of His love? My first suggestion is to get a second opinion! Ask your heavenly Father to reveal His kindness and love to you. Draw strength from my story if it helps, but know that if you are patient, you will emerge from your despair and find hope.

You may have difficulty understanding how He can love you. In the Bible, Job had the same problem amid all his trials and pain. He said, “If I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When
he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.”

But Job later realized God’s love for us is always there. After admitting that he could not see Him, Job said, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”

No matter what you’ve done in the past. No matter what hurts you have endured. God will heal you with His love if you accept Him. Jinny finally came to understand this when she stopped viewing God as a fearsome figure. She thanked me for helping her do this after reading my first book,
Life Without Limits
. I am grateful to have been part of her healing, but I was surprised when she said one of the keys I provided was my ability to laugh at my circumstances and myself.

She could feel God’s humor in my stories. “I can come closer to God because He will make me laugh,” she wrote. “I’m back to peace now. Peace is in my mind even though nothing has been changed.”

Trust in God as Jinny did so that even if your hardships remain, your mind and heart will be at peace through that season. Again, take it one day at a time, and you will come through these challenges.

When I was contemplating suicide as a boy, I made the mistake of keeping those dangerous thoughts to myself. I was in despair. I was angry with God. I felt that no one could possibly understand my pain. I kept my negative thoughts to myself because I was not thinking clearly, which is how tragedies like suicide occur.

Of course, I was not alone. I was surrounded by people who loved me, and when it came down to actually trying to take my own life, my love for
them kept me from proceeding. The thought of hurting them and burdening them with guilt was too much for me to bear.

Once my parents learned of my self-destructive thoughts, they immediately stepped in, although they did not learn until five years ago that I had actually attempted to take my life. The night after I held my face underwater in the bathtub and then stopped, I told my brother, Aaron, that I would probably kill myself at the age of twenty-one because I didn’t want to burden my parents any longer. He immediately told my father, who wisely did not overreact. Instead, he told me that I was loved and that my mother and he would never consider me a burden.

Over time the veil of despair lifted. I still had periods of gloom and occasional meltdowns, but suicide never again surfaced as an option. Now I have Kanae, and the thought of losing even a second with her is beyond imagining. But, as in so many things, I am blessed to have so much love in my life. Many of those who have thoughts of suicide or harming themselves don’t have a support network of family and friends nearby or maybe at all.

If you are in that situation, please remember that you are not alone. None of us is. God, your Creator, is foremost among those who love you. I encourage you to pray to Him and to seek support. Talk to your spiritual guide, whether it’s a pastor, minister, priest, rabbi, or any person dedicated to helping others in need spiritually and emotionally. You should not try to handle despair or dangerous thoughts on your own. If you don’t have friends or family with whom you can share your burden, you can find help through your church, your doctor, a local hospital or school, or a mental health department.

There are also many resources for counseling and suicide prevention available online. Hal found me that way, and I’m very glad he did. Like me
and many others in despair and contemplating suicide, Hal isolated himself. He later regretted that. “I didn’t tell anyone, which I now see as my biggest mistake,” he wrote in an e-mail. “Had I trusted someone else with the fact that I was suffering, I may have had the courage to seek help instead of slowly drifting closer and closer to a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

That’s an important point. Your pain and despair will not last. You only have to look at my life to see that circumstances can change dramatically for the better. If you feel you have experienced the worst life has to offer, don’t you want to stick around to enjoy the best? When I was a boy, I certainly never imagined the wonderful experiences and loving people awaiting me. God’s best awaits you too.

Fortunately, Hal had the presence of mind to fight his suicidal thoughts. He turned to the Internet, which can be either a good place to go or a bad place to go, depending on where you look. In this case he came across an e-mail from his mother who had sensed that Hal needed encouragement. (Way to go, Hal’s mum!) The e-mail he sent to me was simply titled “Wow!”

Hal wrote that when he watched my video that day, he broke down in tears. Then he asked himself a series of questions and came to a conclusion that may have saved his life and certainly changed it for the better.

“How could I have been so selfish? How could I have thought that committing suicide was the only answer? I have a loving family, clothes on my back, food and water in abundance; I’m enrolled at a university, getting an education some people only dream of. I have been in love, and I have seen amazing things … and I was about to let myself forget that. That’s what Nick did for me. He reminded me that life is a gift, a privilege, not a right.”

I love the last thing Hal said: “I have never been a very religious man, but I do believe in miracles. I am alive because of them.”

I get choked up whenever I tell this story, even now as I write of it, because Hal’s e-mail contained a link to one of my videos. Think about this: I was once in the same position as Hal. If I had gone through with my suicide attempt, I would never have made the video that helped deliver him from despair!

Now think of the good that Hal can do to help others in the same way. Just reading his story in this book will likely help many people. So his life now has more meaning than he had ever dreamed. The same is true of you! You can’t imagine what God has in store for you. If you ever have urges to commit suicide or hurt yourself, do what Hal and I have done. Put your faith in action and give your life to Him instead. I often draw strength from Psalm 91: “If you make the Most High your dwelling—even the L
ORD
, who is my refuge—then no harm will befall you.”

Hal reminded me once again that if you have not yet received the miracle you’ve been praying for, the best thing to do is become a miracle for someone else! If you have overcome your own self-destructive impulses, I encourage you to reach out to others who may be in need of someone to help them with their own similar challenges.

Maybe you have sensed that someone you know is in despair, perhaps a family member, friend, or coworker? One of the greatest things you could do is reach out so they know someone cares. The most common triggers for self-destructive thoughts are a broken relationship, financial problems, a serious illness, a personal failure such as the loss of a job or a flunked test,
a traumatic experience like a debilitating accident or military combat, and the loss of a loved one or even a pet.

In the Bible, Paul said that he believes our sufferings are not comparable to the goodness or glory that will be revealed through them. My own trials with my disabilities are worth it just to hear another person say, “If Nick can do it, so can I.” We can be gifts and even miracles for one another, living proof that there is always hope.

While you never know what is going on in another person’s heart, there are warning signs to watch for if you sense someone could be on the verge of self-harm. If you notice the following behaviors, I urge you to be there whenever possible for your friend in need.

According to experts, the behaviors that can be indicators of deep despair or depression that might lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts include

There may be other indicators, and these are not absolute proof, but if someone you know has gone through a traumatic experience, be particularly alert if she or he repeatedly makes negative comments such as, “Life stinks,” “The world hates me,” “I’m a loser,” or “I can’t take this anymore.”

Often, individuals in distress don’t want to talk about their issues. Don’t push it, but keep the communication open without offering advice or judgment. Just being there for them, hanging out with them, and letting them know you care can make a difference. You don’t have to solve their problems. In fact, you probably aren’t qualified to solve their problems unless you are a mental health professional.

Kate sent an e-mail to thank me for reaching out to her best friend at a speaking engagement. But what impressed me was the way Kate stood by her friend, always being there for her even when it wasn’t easy. She said her longtime friend “started to go off the tracks” when they entered their high school years. The friend was diagnosed with depression, and she was harming herself. She’d also lost her faith.

“The hardest part was that I didn’t understand any of it,” Kate wrote.

Often the friends and family of people in distress cannot understand why they are hurting so badly. The
why
may not be accessible because the individual who is self-harming may not consciously know why either. Or the trauma may simply be too great to share. I’m particularly impressed that although Kate didn’t understand her friend’s actions and emotions, she remained loyal to her even when her friend pushed her away.

“Through this whole time I was trying my hardest to try to help her through her depression. But since I’m a really happy person who lives life
to the fullest, she didn’t want to hang around me anymore, but I didn’t stop trying,” Kate wrote. “That year she tried to commit suicide twice, and it pained me so much that she thought that there was no reason for her to be on earth.”

A month after the friend’s second suicide attempt, I happened to speak at their school.

“I was sitting next to her, and she did not take her eyes off you the whole time. What you were saying must have clicked for her, because during your talk she smiled a real smile, the first one in so long,” Kate reported in her e-mail. “After we finished, she insisted on seeing you and giving you a hug, which she did. After you left that night, she said that you had started to restore her faith in God.”

Kate added that this marked the beginning of her friend’s return from despair and self-harm. She wrote to thank me for “giving me back my best friend,” but in truth, Kate’s loyalty and devotion to her friend made the restoration of their friendship possible.

Sometimes it won’t be easy to stand by a friend or loved one who is dealing with despair or depression. Your loyalty will be tested. You may feel hurt, slighted, or abandoned. I would never suggest that you allow someone to mistreat you. If that happens, maintain a safe distance, but do whatever you can to help. That may mean simply being there for those who are hurting, listening to them when they are willing to talk about their concerns, and assuring them that they are loved and valued by reminding them that other people care about them.

If you sense that someone is more troubled than you are equipped to handle, you should contact a guidance counselor, a trusted clergy member, or a medical or mental health professional and seek his or her advice on what to do.

Most communities have mental health and suicide hotlines you can call for advice, and there are many resources online, such as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
), the Self-Injury Foundation (
www.selfinjuryfoundation.org
), and S.A.F.E. Alternatives (
www.selfinjury.com
). You can find them by searching online for mental health advice, suicide, self-harm, and psychiatric counseling services.

I strongly advise you to consult professionals and experts in your efforts to help someone in danger of self-harm, but if the person wants to talk with you, please don’t miss the opportunity to reach out. Not long ago, I spoke at a church and afterward I just wanted to go home. I was worn out and hungry, and it was freezing outside. We were heading to the car when I saw a young woman sitting outdoors in the cold. Her head was down and it appeared she’d been crying. I craved food, warmth, and rest, but God touched my heart and told me to go to her.

Natalie had been overwhelmed with thoughts of suicide. Only fourteen years old, she’d run away from home and traveled by hitchhiking. A stranger had dropped her off outside the church. Maybe it was a coincidence that I happened to be speaking there, or maybe once again God revealed His plan for not allowing me to end my life many years before.

Natalie poured out her heart to me. She felt her life had no meaning. She was so distraught she told me she intended to commit suicide that very night. I did not judge her or try to solve her problems. Instead, I shared my own story of feeling frustrations and pain as a boy. I told her that after I had turned my life over to Christ, He had revealed my path and purpose over
time. I told her that I had once felt just as she did, but my life had completely turned around.