Unstoppable (8 page)

Understand that there are many single people with fulfilling and joyous lives. I know unmarried people whose lives are complete with the love of God. I had a strong desire to be married and one day to have a family, but over time I put it in God’s hands. I left it to His will to decide whether I would remain single or not.

Okay, I admit that I did pray to God to make Kanae love me, but she was praying that I loved her too. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. It’s better to ask the Lord to help you find the one whom He wants you to be with. Pray:
Lord, take my feelings for this person away if it is not Your will
or
If this is the person You want for me, please let us love each other according to Your plan
.

You may have tried and lost before. Maybe you’ve had relationships that did not work out. Consider them preparatory courses for the real thing. I’ve had failed relationships. I’ve put my heart out there only to discover that the other person was more interested in a friendship than romance—or worse, neither one! As painful as those breakups and rejections were, I refused to give up on love and loving. It’s just too important. Without love we are nothing.

The Bible makes this very clear in 1 Corinthians 13: “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

For many years I prayed and prayed and prayed for a woman who would truly love me. Did I ever feel discouraged? Yes! Did I sometimes think of giving up and joining the French Foreign Legion? (Well, I do like the uniforms, but the whole marching and shooting thing might present challenges.)

The important point here is that I did not give up, and I encourage you to never give up on love either. Put your faith in action. Pray for God’s guidance, focus on being the best person you can be, and open your heart to the possibilities and opportunities that will come to you.

I would not wish loneliness, rejection, or a broken heart on anyone. I hope your path to love and marriage is smoother than mine, yet I have come to understand that the trials I endured prepared me to fully appreciate the joy I’ve found. God didn’t want me to discover my true love until I was mature enough to appreciate and nurture it.

Scripture tells us that of the three spiritual gifts—faith, hope, and love—“the greatest of these is love.” This greatest gift is one that we can fully experience with another person when we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually mature. Like most young men, I thought I was prepared for love as a teenager, but I see now that there were experiences God wanted me to have. He sent me across the world several times to speak to millions of people and to see incredible beauty and splendor as well as crippling poverty.

God even allowed me to have relationships that went wrong so that I would fully appreciate the one that would be exactly right. He allowed my heart to be broken so that I would truly appreciate the completeness of love. The end of one particular relationship was painful beyond words, and the breakup confirmed every fear I’d had about rejection. Not to sound too pathetic, but I was a bit of a lost puppy after that experience. I spent several years struggling to rebuild my self-confidence and to build another relationship. I made some good friends with some wonderful women, but I was often lonely and yearned for a deeper, lasting partnership.

You may right now be feeling unloved and lonely, but consider that maybe, just maybe, this time of trial is your preparation for many years of blessings. I know to some that may sound highly optimistic or hopelessly
naive, and there were times in my life when I probably felt the same way. But now my once-empty cup has been filled to a level that I never knew existed, thanks to faith in action.

Kanae and her older sister, Yoshie, came to my speech at the Bell Tower at Adriatica with my friend Tammy, who is also a speaker and author, and her husband, Mark. The sisters were then working sporadically as nannies for the couple, but since they were more like family, Tammy had invited them to meet me. Kanae and Yoshie have exotic looks because their mother is Mexican and their father, who sadly passed away, was Japanese. They are both striking, but while speaking that day I had a clear view of Kanae, and I could not take my eyes off her. I could hardly concentrate on what I was saying.

After my speech, I stuck around to talk with members of the audience. Kanae and Yoshie came with Tammy to say hello, and I was very happy to meet them. In fact, when they tried to walk away to make room for other people wanting to speak with me, I told them to stay close so we could get to know one another.

Whenever I had a break, I’d try to get in a few words with them. The more I chatted with Kanae, the more I wanted to whisk her away and find out all there was to know about this enchanting girl who seemed so self-assured and kindhearted.

Finally, as they were preparing to leave, I made a bold move.

“Let me give you my e-mail address so we can stay in touch,” I said to Kanae.

“Oh, that’s okay, I’ll get it from Tammy,” she replied.

I really wanted to establish a line of communication with her so that I didn’t miss the opportunity to get to know her better. Part of me wanted to beg and plead:
I want to give you my e-mail myself so I’ll be sure you have it!

That’s what I wanted to say, but my father had instilled in me that real men do not beg. I took Dad’s advice and played it as cool as I could, given my instant infatuation with this enthralling young woman.

“Okay, that’s fine. Let’s stay in touch,” said Mr. Cool.

Kanae and Yoshie then left with Tammy and Mark.

My friends and I were just a few miles down the road when Tammy sent me a text message: “What did you think?”

“She is one of the most beautiful women of God I’ve ever met, inside and out,” I texted back. “She literally took my breath away!”

So much for playing it cool.

This all happened on a Sunday. I flew home to California on Monday, hoping I would hear from Kanae the next day, if not sooner. Maybe I did check my e-mail as soon as the plane landed, and perhaps I kept checking it every ten minutes all day long to see if she’d sent me a message. (Have you seen her? Can you blame me?)

Isn’t it crazy how our hearts rule our minds and our actions in these situations? You can be fourteen years old or sixty-four years old—your age doesn’t matter. When sparks fly, the reaction is always the same: you can’t focus on anything other than trying to figure out how to be with the person who lit your fuse.

This love-struck state of mind is captured in the classic Disney movie
Bambi
when a wise old owl explains to Bambi and his woodland friends
that with the arrival of each spring, young males and females of all species can become “twitterpated.”

“Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime,” the owl said. “You’re walking along, minding your own business.… All of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face.… You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head’s in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you’re walking on air. And then you know what? You’re knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head.… And that ain’t all. It can happen to anyone.”

I was
definitely
twitterpated by Kanae. I could not stop thinking about her. The fact that she had not e-mailed me right away was driving me as mad as a cut snake.
Was I wrong? She looked at me like she was feeling the same way. I can’t be wrong. There was something going on between us. Wasn’t there?

Days passed. Then weeks. No e-mails from Kanae. Neither a peep nor a tweet.

She seemed to have moved on and forgotten me. I could not think of anything else. I’ve had crushes on women before, but this was beyond that. Her beauty was undeniable, but she seemed to have so much character, such warmth and faith, and then there was her fearless energy. For Yoshie’s twenty-sixth birthday, she and Kanae went skydiving? Skydiving!

I couldn’t believe that God would place this dynamic woman in my life, strike up such powerful sparks, and then have her disappear. So I asked Him:
Why would You put her in front of me if You didn’t want us to be together? Why would you let me be so distracted from my work for You if there wasn’t something important going on between her and me?

Then, after another week with no word from Kanae, I had a stern talk with myself:
Nick, you did it again. You made up your mind that this girl felt
the same for you as you did for her, but you were just dreaming. When will you ever learn?

I was bummed out that Kanae hadn’t contacted me and disappointed in myself for being such a silly mug. I’d turned into a lovesick twelve-year-old just because a pretty, unsuspecting girl had been nice to me.

Nearly three months went by. I thought of Kanae often, but her lack of communication convinced me that nothing romantic was going to happen with her. My male pride had taken another hit. I had to let it go.

In July I had another speaking engagement in Dallas. As usual I would be staying with Tammy and Mark, who lived nearby, and I can’t deny that I hoped Kanae would be babysitting then. But I also cautioned myself not to get my hopes up. She hadn’t e-mailed me, after all. Obviously, she had not felt the same sparks for me that I’d felt for her. I had to back off and stay in control of my feelings.
Guard your heart! Stay cool, mate!

Our plane had barely touched down before I found myself texting Tammy. “Is everyone there?” I asked, trying not to be obvious.

“Yoshie and I are here cooking lasagna for you,” Tammy texted back.

“Great!” wrote Mr. Cool. “How about Kanae?”

I swear, those words typed themselves on my smartphone, which is sometimes too smart for my own good. Okay, so I’m weak when it comes to matters of the heart. I couldn’t help myself. But the answer was even worse than I’d feared.

“Kanae is here, but she’s out riding bikes with her boyfriend,” Tammy said.

I seriously thought Tammy was joking, so I brushed off that comment.

We arrived at Tammy’s house, and sure enough Yoshie and she were in the kitchen, working on the lasagna. I took a seat and we chatted for a few minutes before ol’ Lovesick Nick kicked in again.

“So, really, where is Kanae?” I asked meekly.

Tammy put down her bowl of freshly made pasta. Both she and Yoshie gave me puzzled looks.

“She
really
is riding bikes with her boyfriend, Nick,” Tammy said.

Blast it, she’s
not
joking!

Then something dawned on me. Tammy was confused that I was asking about Kanae because she thought I was interested in Yoshie! I had never mentioned which sister had caught my eye, and since both sisters are beautiful but only one was not in a relationship, she’d assumed I’d been attracted to Yoshie, who was closer to my age. That’s why Tammy hadn’t told me earlier about Kanae’s boyfriend!

I’ve heard people talk about having a sinking feeling, but I never knew what they meant until that moment. I felt like the bottom had dropped out of the entire world and I was plunging deep into an abyss.

God, please help me handle this with grace
, I prayed.

It’s scary how often our lives suddenly turn into television sitcoms, isn’t it? My parents probably could have written a hit series,
I Love Nicky
, for all the crazy episodes I’ve acted out over the years. This was a classic!

I wasn’t laughing at the time, of course. There is a line in
The Butterfly Circus
, the award-winning short film in which I appeared: “The greater the struggle, the more glorious the triumph.” This seems to be true in many aspects of life and even sometimes in relationships.

If love comes easily for you, be grateful and give thanks. If you have to struggle to find your soul mate, as I certainly did, know that in my case the eventual triumph was indeed glorious. Believe in that, and I will pray that it comes true for you as it did for me. I have so much gratitude and appreciation for the way my life has turned out. I can’t even say anymore that my ridiculously good life has come about
despite
my disabilities and the hardships I’ve faced. Now, I must say that my grand life is
because
of my disabilities and hardships.

Does that make sense to you? Here’s what I mean: the victories in my life have a richness and depth of meaning for me that I can’t imagine would exist if I had been born with arms and legs. I honestly appreciate my life more because I’ve had to struggle to do many things that most people simply take for granted.

Have there been times when I prayed for arms and legs and fewer obstacles in my path? Certainly. I still pray for those blessings from time to time. I’m not any different than most. I’d much rather take the easy road than the rough one. Yet I also thank God every day for all the good that has come of the disabilities and challenges He’s given me.

I encourage you to see your own challenges in relationships and other aspects of your life as potential blessings that one day will come to you, even though their value may not yet be apparent. Sitting there on Tammy’s couch, I certainly did not see the value in the fact that the young woman I’d been obsessing over was not available. When I learned that Kanae had a boyfriend, I thought my heart might burst inside my chest.

She looked at me with such warmth and interest, how could she have a boyfriend? Was I kidding myself? Am I deranged?