Unorthodox Therapy (34 page)

I ended up walking back and forth among the dancing people, clutching a flute of champagne and trying to appear as if I was at the greatest party I'd ever been to. Many of my employees clearly thought so. While I was going through the club, I heard constant calls of, “Great party, boss!”

Thomas hadn't shown up yet. The nerves were already making me physically ill. I’d spent the entire day on pins and needles trying to work out how was I supposed to behave in such a situation. Would he want to dominate me there? Would we sneak out to the bathroom stalls for play... or punishment?

I stopped dead in my tracks and took a healthy gulp of champagne while staring at the people around me. So typical. Everyone was having a blast while I was obsessing over every single little detail.

It was the first time I’d questioned my decision. Why was I doing this?

We wanted each other. It was the first time someone had made me feel so comfortable with my sexuality and myself. He accepted my personality quirks and made me want to be stronger and better for him. Would it really kill me to give Thomas a chance? Didn't I deserve happiness? There were many factors that could lead us to failure, but if we got over them we could have a beautiful relationship. We didn't have to tell the world what we were doing behind closed doors, right?

My mind must have been dizzy from too much champagne. However, right at that moment, I decided to let go of my fears. Even if he ended up hurting me, wouldn't the pain be worth it? Life in my comfortable, secure shell was getting mundane and sad.

The special connection we’d built over the years was worth the effort.

He was probably too hurt and depressed by my juvenile disappearance. Maybe he wouldn't come to the party. Nevertheless, tomorrow I'd be at his door and ask him to accept me. Fear and shame wouldn't stop me from getting what I wanted.

The bubble of temporary happiness burst as soon as Thomas walked into the club and handed his ID to the bouncer, nonchalant and sexy. His black hair was smoothed back and spiked, leaving his face open. He was here... and he wasn’t alone. My heart clenched in pain when I saw the statuesque blonde on his arm. All the thoughts running through my mind earlier had been so pathetic. The truth hit me straight in the face.

My fears had been reasonable all along. I was just too stupid and smitten with him to admit it. Thomas was bored with me. The agreement was running out and I'd fulfilled most of his power fantasies.

It made sense he would look for someone better. Tears of frustration and loss burned my eyes while they walked across the club to the area designated for ChaosTech Solutions. The lump in my throat was getting bigger and I was sure I'd be flabbergasted if they came my way. Why did he have to do this to me?

I stared at his companion and some primal hatred overwhelmed me. She was at least six feet tall, even taller than Thomas, but his proud gait showed no signs of feeling inferior. His eyes exuded the same dominance coming from his perfect blonde. The stranger had nearly ashen hair, in stark contrast with her deep, dark eyes. Their intensity struck me even at such a distance, from my hidden place out of their sight. Her little black dress revealed some tattoos I couldn’t distinguish under the pale light. She was slender but her body curved in a subtle way and made me feel fat in comparison. It was hard to work out her age. In any case, Thomas's companion moved with the confidence of a jaguar in the depth of a jungle. My lover, or maybe already ex-lover, looked so good next to her.

I was clutching the champagne flute so hard it nearly broke in my hand. Even the wounds on my palm wouldn't compare with the raw, shattering pain I felt. It was good he never gave me the chance to humiliate myself. I was ready to give him my submission, to try to make our relationship work. What was he doing meanwhile? Fucking the first blonde bitch he could encounter?

Affairs with younger men led to nothing but loss. I knew that from the start. So why did I feel so heartbroken? Why did my breathing hitch at the sight of this perfect couple? Last night I was melting in his arms and now he was with someone else?

The sickness got to me and I nearly threw up right there. Why did it have to happen when I’d finally figured out what I wanted?

Maybe it was for the best.

Then Thomas looked around and our eyes met. The despair etched on my face could probably be seen from space. I expected he'd get uncomfortable and try to move away from his date to talk to me. Instead, he merely threw me a friendly, non-committal smile and turned to the blonde next to him. She looked at me as well and furrowed her eyebrows for a minute.

Then I realized they were coming my way and panic overwhelmed me. I was terrified that if I talked to Thomas it would show how hurt and humiliated I felt. There was still some dignity left in me and I owed it to myself to walk out of that situation with my head held high. The crowd was large and easy to get lost in and I had many excuses to avoid him and his date.

But it was too late now that they’d already seen me. Thomas made his way through the crowd and the blonde walked with him, on his arm. He exchanged greetings and smiled politely at everyone but his eyes were fixed on my face the whole time.

It would look suspicious and rude if I tried to escape so I stayed where I was. My heart was beating frantically, and for a moment, I felt close to vomiting. Finally, the couple got to me and I had to produce a fake smile and suppress my desire to scream.

“Hey...” Thomas smiled at me and called out in a louder voice to compete with the music. “Fantastic choice on the venue. You really have outdone yourself this time. I want you to meet someone.”

Wait… Did he expect me to have a threesome with her? Or did he intend to show me how much better he could do for himself?

The woman interrupted those thoughts and grabbed my hand in a steady shake. At that moment, I hated her and wanted to claw her eyes out. Still, I couldn’t help but feel respect for her firm handshake. I shivered a little when she stared straight into my eyes with an air of authority. Those black orbs were even more formidable up close.

“I’m Allie. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

I couldn’t say the same but I was grateful that at least Thomas hadn’t replaced me with some bimbo. Not that it made the rejection hurt less.

“We go way back,” Thomas hurried to add with a nervous smile. “She is a developer as well and one of the best specialists in web and software security. I’ve been trying to recruit her to join ChaosTech for ages.”

“I am not easy to seduce.” Allie smirked at him and turned her attention back to me. I was growing more and more uncomfortable with her assessing gaze, as if she was trying to enter my thoughts. “At this point, I am mostly a freelancer and a consultant.” She paused. “Thomas has told me so much about you I feel like we already know each other.”

My imagination could already conjure up all the degrading talk that had poured from Thomas’s lips.

Oh, yeah, I’m fucking this pathetic old slut, my boss? She’s at my beck and call like a good whore. If I asked her to suck me off here, she'd probably do it without hesitation. If you only knew how she begs me to fuck her old ass.

Traitorous asshole!

This was more than I could handle so I nodded politely at Allie and hurried to reply in my best saccharine voice.

“Excuse me but I have to talk to someone. I hope you enjoy the party and if you have any interest in joining my team, just send me a resumé.”

Both Thomas and Allie looked at me in confusion as I walked away. If only the ground could have swallowed me up.

The evening was long and painful. I could barely hold back my tears. Thomas didn't make any attempt to come and greet me. His date just looked around with a bored expression and talked to no one else but him. Jealousy rose in my throat like black goo. It was more than I could handle.

A little after midnight, I stormed out of the club into the warm September evening. Fuck it all! The therapy was a total failure and my need for a cigarette had come back in full force.

He was just like all the other men whose ultimate goal was to degrade me. How had I let him go so far? Who knew how many videos he had of me completely humiliating myself? This whole situation should have never happened.

I cursed out loud and kept digging through my purse. Maybe there were some 24/7 shops around who sold my familiar, sweet vice. I didn’t know if I could wait. The need to calm my shaking hands and think clearly had me paralyzed. The craving for instant gratification overruled any common sense.

“Here.” A sudden male voice interrupted my desperate search. I looked up from the contents of my purse to meet a pair of dark brown eyes. The stranger extended his palm to me and handed me the most delicious looking cigarette I'd ever seen. How had I lasted so long without them? Fuck therapy! Fuck Thomas as well! I was who I was and if anyone had a problem with my habits they could go to hell.

I expected to feel better the moment the smoke penetrated my lungs, but it tasted like ash and when I inhaled, a strong sense of guilt shook me to the core. But why? I didn't owe him a thing. We tried his therapy and it didn't work. It wasn't my fault he was a lying, manipulative manwhore, right? Right.

Going back to the forbidden fruit wasn't a sweet journey home but nevertheless, I didn't stop. I kept filling my lungs with dark determination. Halfway through smoking, I took a better look at the stranger who was still nearby, staring with a light smile. He was probably in his early forties, tall and well-built, with perfectly styled hair and curiosity in his gaze.

The stranger was a very handsome man, the type I could show up with in public and people wouldn't throw judgmental glances at me. So why was I wasting time with my kinky programmer?

“How did you know what I needed?” The attraction wasn't as strong as it was supposed to be but why not flirt a little?

“I noticed you in the club.” He shrugged and loosened his red tie. “You were fidgety and nervous the entire evening.”

“You were watching me?”

“No, no, it's not what you're thinking.” The man raised his hands in comic defense. “I'm not a stalker. You were frequently within my range and I couldn't help seeing you. You're hard to miss.”

The appreciation in his gaze eased my earlier insecurities. Perhaps Thomas deserved a lesson.

“As for your question...” He stuffed the red tie in his pocket. “I’ve got a long history of trying to quit. I can easily recognize the signs.”

“I've been trying a new method the last two months,” I said casually and slid my gaze down his chest. He looked so damned fine. Why didn't he affect my lady parts?

“Oh? It doesn't seem to be working.”

“It was working for a time.”

He smiled at me and lit his own cigarette. I stared at his elegant hands and wondered whether he'd make a good spanker. Damn. Thomas had really ruined me for vanilla sex.

“But in the end, it was a failure.”

“Perhaps there's no point in trying anymore.” The stranger hesitated for a moment and we both stood silent while we smoked casually. “Would you mace me if I said you were the most beautiful woman in the club?”

“I'd just call the Cliché Police. They take cases of overused compliments seriously.” I smirked at him.

“Wow, be still, my heart. I can't resist a beautiful woman with a sense of humor.”

He hadn't finished saying those words when Thomas and his girlfriend left the club themselves. My young lover stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the stranger and me. His eyes narrowed into slits and he clenched his fists at the sight of the cigarette in my hand. The obvious hurt and anger Thomas conveyed sent a thrill down my spine.
Two can play this game, Sir.

I grabbed the delectable man in front of me by the collar of his shirt and kissed him deeply without a second thought. He froze, but quickly came to his senses and opened his mouth to accept my tongue. As much as I tried, though, the only pleasure I found was in revenge.

Was I really so deeply in love?

When we broke our hard, aggressive kiss, I turned my eyes back to Thomas. He was fuming. The dangerous flame in his gaze had nothing to do with lust, nor dominance. He was pissed off as hell and ready to murder. I'd never seen that side of him and my childish triumph quickly turned to fear.

The blonde was as indifferent as she had been the entire evening. She reminded me of a lazy cat who observed games between mice before striking. The bitch rolled her eyes and tugged Thomas by his sleeve. That broke him out of his angry spell and they went on their way. Not before he cast me a dark glare, which clearly stated, “You're in so much trouble.”

The stranger hadn't missed the interaction between us and chuckled at me.

“Just when I thought I found a genuinely impulsive woman. And it turns out I'm just a pawn in her scheme.”

“I'm sorry. I'd better go inside. Thanks for the cigarette, I really needed it.” I quickly stubbed it out and threw it in a nearby trashcan.

“Wait,” the man called after me as I hurried to escape the less than graceful situation. He gave me a reassuring smile and placed a silver business card in my hand. I just stared at him questioningly. Men like him didn't usually like being used in such an obvious way. “Call me if you ever need to share another cigarette.”

I shoved the card in my purse, nodded politely and walked away without turning back.
What have I done?