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'If you want milk help yourself.' He pointed to a bottle on the table, and Anna's smile broke out.

'No jug?' she asked, helping herself to a spoonful of brown sugar and a little of the milk.

He shrugged. 'I'm not much good at looking after myself. At the hospital I generally eat in the canteen. Have my coffee there, too. Saves washing-up.'

Anna was surprised that Beth Sinclair didn't volunteer to char for him but wisely kept quiet. They drank their coffee in silence, then she tried again to explain about Paul Tester. 'He's an old friend of Mother's. She knew him before she met my father. I went there tonight to ask him to visit her again. No, to
beg
him to visit. Last time he came, he cheered Mother up,' she said earnestly, her eyes begging him to understand.

Rick looked unconvinced. 'In between times he cheers daughter up, I suppose.' he snapped, and Anna refused to say any more.

He didn't care! He wanted to believe the worst of her. She hated him! 'I hate you, Rick Alexandre,' she said softly, the very quietness of her tone giving the words power.

'Good. I hate lying, cheating little bitches, too,' he said, equally softly. 'We know where we are now, don't we?'

In silence he drove her home. She was tempted to ask why he'd taken her to his own home but assumed it had been for a passionate interlude. If he genuinely believed she was the consultant's mistress, then he felt he had cause for grievance when she refused his own advances. Anna could see that clearly enough. That was the trouble. She could see Rick's point of view as clearly as her own, and that made it difficult to quarrel with him. He felt aggrieved and quite rightly so, from his viewpoint.

He opened the door for her to alight, and Anna made one final attempt to get this pig-headed man to see sense.

'Won't you come in to see Mother? She could tell you about Paul,' she pleaded.

'I'm sure you could tell me
all
about Paul, so why bother your mother?' He put the car into gear and moved off, leaving a desperately unhappy Anna to watch until the tail-lights disappeared from view.

Somehow, time passed for Anna. Her ward work kept her fully occupied and reasonably happy. Sister Kelmer was middle-aged and motherly, a favourite with staff as well as children. She always took an interest in staff problems and Anna had seen the Sister's sharp blue eyes on her more than once.

Another three weeks and her stint on Summer Ward would be over. Then she would do a month of night-duty on the ward. That might be rather fun, she mused, as she gently washed one of the newer patients, Gail Honeysett. A thin, pale child of six, Gail was in for a routine tonsillectomy. She'd had the operation the previous day but still hadn't rallied around the way children usually did.

Children were resilient, Anna found, quickly bouncing back after illnesses that would floor many adults. It occurred to her that Gail didn't
want
to get better because she didn't want to go home. She was an only child and in hospital she had lots of company. Her mother, an over-fussy woman in her late thirties, had brought her in but hadn't been since, and Anna didn't think Gail particularly missed her.

'Still keeping busy, then?' Sister Kelmer's soft Irish brogue interrupted Anna's thoughts.

'There's never a dull moment on your ward, Sister!' Anna laughed. Then she dropped a kiss on Gail's brow, and, gently disentangling herself from the girl's clinging hands she followed Sister to the office, wondering what she had done.

Probably Sister wanted an informal chat, or to do some teaching. Despite the heavy work-load, she was keen to give her students as much study-time as possible.

'I see Paul Tester keeps hanging around you in the canteen,' Sister said bluntly, after Anna had seated herself as requested.

'Oh? Does he?' He was always speaking to her in the canteen, even sitting at her table instead of with his own colleagues, and it was bound to cause comment. 'He talks about my mother,' Anna went on, and Sister shot her a sharp glance.

'Friends, are they? I thought he fancied you, and I wanted to warn you!' Sister said, with a wry smile.

Anna relaxed. 'Thank you, but I already know Dr Tester's reputation. He and Mother are old friends.' She was reluctant to say more, not even daring to hope that they might become more than friends. Paul still seemed to prefer her, but gradually the old Jennifer Curtis was emerging and Anna felt her mother was captivating Paul Tester all over again. She certainly hoped so. Her nerves wouldn't stand another Jenny Curtis relapse!

That evening Paul was a dinner guest and, as always now, Anna kept very much in the background, trying to merge with the surroundings as much as possible. To keep attention away from herself she wore a navy dress, and merely flicked a brush through her curls. Her mother scintillated in rich emerald green, her happy animated face making her a different woman from the one who, a few short weeks before, had wanted to die.

Nurse Dixon was still employed but now filled the role of companion more than nurse, and Anna was glad for her.

Jennifer and Paul linked hands at the end of the meal and Anna gazed uncertainly from one to the other. 'Paul and I are getting married next month!' her mother burst out excitedly.

'That's wonderful!' Anna rushed to embrace her mother but contented herself with giving her prospective stepfather a warm smile. 'Will you live here? I suppose you won't.' Anna answered her own question, and Jennifer cast her eyes down, while the consultant explained gently that he would be taking Jennifer to live with him.

'Your mother wants to sell Millstones,' he hurried on, avoiding Anna's direct gaze.

'Yes, naturally,' Anna murmured, thinking ruefully that the freedom for which she had so often longed was now within her grasp—and she had no use for it! No man of her own, no one to care for, no one to care about her. She had nothing, and her mother, it seemed, wasn't at all bothered.

'You must have a share of the proceeds, of course,' Jennifer put in quickly. 'Paul and I thought we might set you up in a flat of your own. Then you can visit us. Well, occasionally,' she added, and Anna knew her mother would never really trust her with Paul. Knowing Paul's weaknesses, she considered Mother had some cause for suspicion.

It was arranged that while Jennifer and Paul were on honeymoon—a quiet few days in Devon—Anna would move into the Nurses' Home.

It would solve all her transport problems, Anna reflected, walking to work the next day. She was on late shift and had left the house earlier than necessary to book her next driving lesson. She hadn't had many lessons, having lost interest in the idea of having a car, but if she was to be truly independent, she really ought to have one.

She stopped as she was about to enter the driving school office. A short, muscular figure with dark, crinkly hair was talking to the receptionist. Even as she watched, startled, Mike Forster kissed the girl then waved as he moved to the door.

Mike Forster—here in Middleborough! He was supposed to be working in the Belfast factory, gaining experience so he could be promoted once he returned home. There must be something wrong. Had he been shot?

All sorts of frightening thoughts flooded through Anna's brain as they came face to face outside.

Mike went brick-red. 'H . . . How are you, Anna?' he blurted out, his hand already reaching for a cigarette.

'I'm fine. How was Northern Ireland?' she asked sharply. Mike spent so long trying to light his cigarette that she thought he wasn't going to answer.

'It fell through!' The words didn't ring true, but Anna let it go. 'Then I lost my job, didn't I? Had to get another one. I've been on the dole, Anna. Honest! And I couldn't ask you to support me.' His pale eyes didn't meet hers.

'If you needed help, I wouldn't have turned you away,' she said patiently. 'Is Patty a friend of yours? I thought she was a newly-wed,' she went on curiously, knowing the receptionist, a pert blonde, had recently returned from her honeymoon.

'Er, yes. Friend of my mother's. Look, Anna,' he said, taking her arm and leading her away from the driving school. 'Couldn't we pick up where we left off?' he wheedled. 'You promised to wait for me.'

'You haven't been away,' she pointed out coldly. 'And you appear to be doing all right without any help from me.' She pulled her arm free and hurried along the High Street, her errand forgotten.

Mike didn't need her. Mother and Paul didn't need her. And most certainly Rick Alexandre didn't need her! She was alone again, more so now. Having loved and lost she could never regain her independence. She could never be free of Rick Alexandre even if their paths never crossed again.

As for Mike's duplicity—the receptionist's name was Patty Forster now, and Anna would have taken bets that her new husband's Christian name was Mike! No wonder he hadn't come to her when he needed money. He had a wife to support him.

Northern Ireland indeed! Promotion to assistant area manager. Mike had never intended to go. It was all a ruse to get her into his bed. When it failed he took whoever was willing. Anna smiled grimly. At least Patty had stood out for marriage. Perhaps she would help him grow up, where she herself had failed.

Anna sat, numb and silent, during the short flight to Jersey. She was still numb when the taxi dropped her outside the Alexandres' guest-house.

It was larger than she'd supposed, a big brick building standing back from the road just within sight of the sea. The term guest-house conjured up visions of half a dozen bedrooms and one bathroom, but this looked more like a private hotel.

Even now she couldn't believe her own temerity. Why had she come? What had possessed her to foist herself off on Rick's people? She hadn't even booked. Easter was past so the guest-house would be open—but even this early in the year it might be full.

^ Anna glanced up at the windows, trying to estimate how many bedrooms there might be. Ten? Fifteen? Supposing there was no room? No matter, she could ask.

The receptionist assumed her there was room but only until Saturday. After that it would be house full, she explained.

Glad to have a room at all, Anna followed her upstairs, her overnight bag clutched firmly to her side. Oh, why had she come? Rick wouldn't be there. She'd seen him in the canteen the day before she'd left. Here she was in Jersey while he was across the sea! It didn't make sense.

But Anna knew why she'd come. Here, in his parents' home, she felt close to him. Once his parents knew she was here they would talk to her about Rick, tell her something of his childhood perhaps. She could never have Rick. He simply wasn't interested. But she would have her memories, and collect more knowledge of him to pore over on the long, cold evenings of her life.

It would be the following morning before she could see Mrs Alexandre. The receptionist told her the owners were in St Helier, the capital, on business. In the meantime, Anna strolled along the bay, breathing in the fresh, salty air. There were flowers everywhere, a riot of colour wherever she looked. She felt free, truly at one with the seascape.

Jennifer and Paul were marrying the next week. Millstones was up for sale but there were no buyers in view, and Anna had decided to stay on there until it was sold. She didn't really want to live in one pokey room in the Nurses' Home, not after having a whole house to roam through. Time enough for that after her home was sold. She might take up her mother's suggestion of a flat. There were several old houses divided into flats just off Middleborough High Street.

On her stroll she passed people who were obviously honeymooners. A couple of about her own age, arms entwined, oblivious to anyone else. They stopped to kiss, and Anna nearly bumped into them. With a hollow feeling inside, she apologised, then hurried back to the guest-house. She ought not to have come. She'd forgotten that Jersey was a popular venue with honeymoon couples. There were two such couples staying with the Alexandres and it made her own heartache that much worse.

She had only three days there, having begged Sister Kelmer for three off duty days together. After the shock of her mother's engagement and proof of Mike Forster's two-timing, she felt she simply
had
to escape.

Mrs Alexandre was delighted to see Anna the next day and equally delighted to talk about her only son.

'Rick never said you were coming! Are you comfortable, Anna? Is your room all right?' Rick's mother fussed around her like a real mother, and poor Anna could hold back her grief no longer.

The whole sad story came tumbling out, including Rick's disbelieving her story about her mother and the consultant. Mrs Alexandre stroked Anna's hair, murmuring soft, consoling words, and to her shame she fell asleep on the settee in his mother's private sitting-room, her head resting on the woman's ample bosom. Months of bottling up her troubles had taken their toll. Anna needed deep, refreshing sleep, freedom from worry, and a chance to unburden herself. All these she found in Jersey.

They treated her more like family than a guest. Rick's father even drove her into St Helier, a bustling sea-port, on her last morning so she could buy some souvenirs. It wouldn't do to visit Jersey and not take home her duty-frees!

For her mother she chose a bottle of French perfume. She hesitated over something for Paul. It would be a small wedding gift for him so her mother could hardly object. She'd already chosen their main wedding present, a bone china tea and dinner service. Mother had china of her own and so had Paul, but they were both delighted with the set. Something new for their new life together, as Jennifer had put it.

In the end she didn't buy Paul anything. It was better that way. What they'd shared together was in the past, and there was no point in upsetting Mother unnecessarily.

Whilst in St Helier, Anna took the opportunity of following the tourist route, as far as her time allowed. She strolled across Royal Square, pausing for a while to enjoy the late spring sunshine. It was warmer there than at home. She joined the crowds doing their duty-free shopping, and ate an enormous ice-cream while she watched the tourists stroll. She had no time to visit Fort Regent, or the castle, but was determined to return to the island one day for a much longer visit.