Understudy (6 page)

He still looked like the Adam I knew, but something in his features had changed. His lips curled upward but it looked more like a sneer than the easy smile I was familiar with. And his eyes…those beautiful kind green eyes looked different as well. They were cold…dangerous even. It was as if they belonged to somebody else.

“Who are you?” I heard myself ask.

His smile grew wider and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

"Kat."

My body started to shake.

"Kat!"

The shaking continued, and I realized that someone was shaking me awake. My eyes snapped open, but I immediately closed them as the blinding sunlight coming from my window hurt my eyes.

“Wake up, sweetie," Mom said.

"What?" I asked, slightly disoriented.

"You’re late!” Mom exclaimed.

“Reading classes starts at ten,” I mumbled as I buried myself deeper underneath the covers.

“I’m not talking about your reading class, it’s your first day back to school.”

***

Mom had intentionally chosen the longer route to school to avoid the main road where the accident happened. Little did she know that I passed it every single day as I went to the woods to see Adam. But I wasn’t about to tell her that.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Kat?” she asked, looking at me for the millionth time ever since leaving our driveway. I couldn’t blame her though. Not when I was holding onto the door handle as if my life depended on it. Ever since the accident, riding in vehicles had made me uncomfortable. I couldn't tell anyone about it. I didn't want to give them another reason to worry about me.

“I’m fine, Mom."

"You look pale."

"I'm always pale."

"You're not," Mom said, giving me a sidelong glance. "No one in our family is that pale."

My phone beeped in my jeans pocket and I fished it out to see that I had five text messages from Sara.

Wer  r u?

R u ok?

R u going 2 class?

Do u nid me?

Are u still alive? Miss uuu!

I sighed. I have never been late for school, especially on the first day. I texted back.

I’m on my way, quit worrying

“Were you having some sort of a nightmare when I woke you up this morning?” Mom asked.

“Was I?” I asked, trying to keep my tone even.

“You weren’t screaming or anything,” Mom said. “But you kept on tossing in your sleep so I couldn’t help but be worried.”

Adam’s face suddenly flashed in my mind, the one from the dream. Thinking about it still sent goose-bumps all over my body, and it made me wonder if it was some kind of a sign. What if he was trying to tell me something? Perhaps warn me that I wouldn’t be able to see him again? But the kiss… the way he pressed himself to my body…

“Kat?” Mom’s voice shook me out of my thoughts and I realized that I was touching my lower lip where Adam had bitten me in my dream.

“We’re here,” she said, leaning over me to open my door. “And you’re late, remember?”

I looked at the window. Everybody had gone into class and the parking lot felt empty without people walking around. That’s when it really hit me that I was indeed late for class. Great. I immediately unbuckled my seatbelt and slid out of the car.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said, closing the door. I was about to run up the steps leading to the hallway when Mom called out my name.

“Katharine.”

Complete first name.

I took a deep breath and turned around to face her, expecting tears in her eyes. Mom could get emotional at times. But instead, she smiled, though the worry lines on her forehead never disappeared, and I realized that I was the one who carved them there.

“Have a nice day, and be safe,” she said.

“I will, you too.”

The hall was empty and the only sounds I heard were my heartbeat and my footsteps. I wondered what Adam was doing. I considered running to the woods and ditching school altogether. People would understand. But then again, I was sick and tired of people looking at me like I was a bomb ready to explode.

I braced myself as I walked to my first class, aware of the stares that would greet me. I could already hear their questions, their
I’m sorry’s
and words they thought were the right things to tell someone who suffered a great loss when, in truth, there were none.

I took a deep breath and pushed the door open, freezing in the doorway.

It was quiet, like my appearance had somehow sucked the life out of the room. But there was a palpable shift in the air as everyone's eyes fell on me, and I could almost taste the shock and disbelief radiating from their bodies.

It was more than I expected. I took a step back, ready to run away, but something caught my eye, or rather someone. His green eyes were devoid of any emotion as he met my gaze.

“Adam?” my voice shook as I called out his name. And I thought I heard someone gasp.

His eyes lit up, but it wasn’t upon hearing his name. In fact, he looked amused and his lips broke into a smile. A very familiar one.

“Wow, this is so fucking mental,” he muttered.

Mr. Darby, our homeroom teacher, jumped at the cursing, and it wasn’t until then that I realized he was standing beside Adam, or whoever this guy was.

Mr. Darby cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Kat, I would like you to meet Eric Wharton. He’ll be joining us this school year and…”

My gaze flickered back to Eric’s face and I didn’t hear the rest of what Mr. Darby was saying. Any hope that I may have felt vanished.

Of course. There was only one person in this world who looked exactly like Adam, and it was his twin brother Eric.

“Nice to see you again, Katharine,” he said as he held out his hand for a quick handshake. The same hand that must’ve held the phone that called Adam that afternoon.

I felt my shock draining away and in its place sprouted a seed of pure anger fuelled by hatred. He was the reason Adam had lost control of the wheel.

I ignored his hand and turned toward the empty seat behind Sara, who was watching my every move. I could feel everybody’s eyes on me. And I knew exactly what they were thinking.

Is she going to cry?

Did she know Adam had a twin brother?

I wanted to answer them, to tell them that no, I wasn't going to cry in front of this guy and yes, I did know Adam had a twin brother.

“Adam has a twin brother?” Sara asked in a low whisper.

“I’ve told you that already,” I said, though I wasn’t surprised that she had forgotten it. In fact, I was sure that everybody knew Adam had a brother, though it was easily forgotten since no one had seen Eric, and Adam didn’t talk much about him. It was as if Eric didn’t exist at all…until now.

“Okay, that’s enough for introductions,” Mr. Darby said. Then turning to Eric, “Why don’t you take a seat behind Kat?”

“Sure,” Eric said as he rolled his eyes and made his way to the empty seat behind me.

I clasped my hands together to stop them from shaking. I felt everybody’s attention on me, on us, as Eric passed by my desk. I turned my head away and silently wished that this was yet another dream. I pressed my hand over my mouth. It was all I could do to stop myself from asking the questions that were forcing their way into my throat. Questions I’d been waiting to be answered ever since the accident.

Why did you have to call Adam?

What did you say that made him angry?

Do you even know what you did?

Do you even care?

The room went silent as Eric finally settled in his seat. I let my eyes wander around the room and instantly regretted it as the sea of emotions playing around the people’s faces greeted me; pity, concern, anticipation. I felt my stomach clench.

“Okay,” Mr. Darby breathed out, and half of the class shifted their attention back to him. “So how is everybody?”

I sank down in my seat, wishing I could shrink myself until I disappeared. I thought this was going to be easier since Adam wasn't really gone. But I was wrong. I didn’t expect that I had to deal with other people looking at me as if they were waiting for me to burst. And it surely didn’t help that Eric was here.

As if reading my mind, Sara shot me a worried glance. I flashed her a tired smile. This would be a long year.

***

I wanted to stay out of the cafeteria when lunch break came, but that would’ve given people the impression that I was still grieving. Not that I wasn’t. But it was hard to look the part when I had been seeing Adam during the whole summer. I didn’t want people to see me as a weak person, and I was tired of the sympathetic glances being thrown my way.

The moment we stepped inside the cafeteria, it was like someone had switched on a spotlight above my head.

Mercifully, the room didn’t fall silent, though lingering stares and hushed whispers circulated around the room, and I wondered how long it would last. Weeks? Months? The whole school year? I wished Adam were here. He’d know what to do.

I focused my attention on Sara, who was busy telling me some Texan joke, though I could tell by the way she fumbled her thumb that it was just a lame attempt to make me feel better.

I kept my eyes on my tray as Sara and I approached the counter to buy our food. I was distracting myself by memorizing the overlapping circular patterns of the plastic tray’s surface when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Jeremiah, the editor−in−chief for our school paper, standing behind me.

“I’m sorry about what happened,” he said. “Adam was a good friend.”

Jeremiah was wearing his ever present argyle vest, the one Adam kept teasing him about. They were good friends. In fact, Adam was friends with everybody, and I wondered how many Jeremiahs would come up to me to say that they were sorry about the accident. As if they were sorry that they weren’t there to prevent it from happening. I was there, but it still happened.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to make him feel better, when a voice interrupted.

”Yeah, I’m sure he is.”

I turned around to face the speaker, and was shocked to see Adam, no, Eric, standing just a few feet away from us with his arms folded in front of his chest.

There were some audible gasps, and Jeremiah’s jaw dropped as blood drained away from his face. I realized that he didn’t know Adam had a twin brother, like the majority of the school’s population.

My heart pounded in my ears and I had to remind myself that he wasn’t Adam, which became easy when I remembered how much I hated him.

“Oh, did I spook you? Relax, I’m not a ghost,” Eric said coolly, taking a step forward, and I noticed how his right foot seemed to be falling slightly behind the other. Or maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me.

“Uh…” Jeremiah swallowed, his hands trembling at his side. “I’m sorry about…what happened,” he said.

Eric chuckled, bringing the whole cafeteria to a standstill. “Yeah, I’m sure you are,” he said. “So is everybody else. Which has me thinking−what are you guys actually sorry for?”

His eyes swept the whole cafeteria, daring anyone to stand up and answer his question. No one moved, as if time itself had stopped.

Jeremiah shifted his weight from one foot to the other as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. I had the sudden urge to stand in front of him, to protect him. Someone grab my arm and I glanced over my shoulder to see Sara shaking her head.

“What’s the problem here?”

Mrs. Graham, our art teacher, who also happened to be patrolling the cafeteria, stepped in between Jeremiah and Eric.  The latter ran a hand over his sandy brown hair, the same exact way Adam had done so many times.

“Nothing’s wrong, ma’am,” Eric said, flashing an easy smile that had obviously worked its charm on other people.  “I was just talking to− what’s your name again?”

“Jeremiah.”

“Yeah, Jerry,” Eric said clapping him on the shoulder. “He was just talking about my brother.”

Mrs. Graham’s expression softened. “I’m sorry about Adam," she said.

Eric nodded, though I saw him roll his eyes ever so slightly. It pained me that he didn't seem to care about his brother. Adam would've been distraught if the situation was reversed. He would have felt thankful that someone was sorry for his brother's death. He wouldn't have rolled his eyes at other people's sympathy.

I never thought it was possible to hate someone so much. I yanked my arm away from Sara’s grasp and walked up to him, my hands balled into fists.

“Are you sorry?” I asked, staring straight into his eyes. For a moment, I saw Adam in them, then it vanished.

“Kat−“ Mrs. Graham interjected, but Eric held up his hand, still holding my gaze.

“It’s okay, ma’am. I understand.”

“Do you?” I asked.

Eric stared at me for a moment, his eyes hardening around the edges. I thought about Adam alone in the woods.

“Do you even care that he’s dead?” The words came out in a soft whisper as tears welled up in my eyes.

“Kat, that’s enough,” Sara said as she looped her arm around my waist and steered me away from Eric.

He stood unmoving as Sara pulled me towards the exit. I expected him to turn away, thinking that my question had somehow affected him. But instead, he smiled. The very same one I saw in my dream.

Chapter Seven

"What did he say when he called you?"

Adam lifted his eyes to look at me, his lips pulling down around the edges. "I thought you didn't want to talk about it," he said.

I stared at the beam of sunlight filtering through the clump of trees above us, admiring the patterns that reflected on our skin. Being in the woods with Adam always calmed me. I wasn't sure if it was the quiet and serene surroundings, or maybe it was just Adam's company. But now, as I lay beside him, I was far from being calm. If anything, I felt like a time bomb waiting to explode.

I slowly sat up and hugged my knees to my chest, containing the upcoming explosion, hoping to defuse it. I was still angry about what happened during lunch, and I had had to assure Sara a thousand times that I was okay when I refused to let her walk me home.